Chapter 78
SEVENTY-EIGHT
Gracie was just finishing up putting chairs into a circle in the event hut when Kate turned up. She was glowing and now had a visible baby bump.
‘This looks very organised.’ Kate went to the kitchen and put the kettle on.
‘Yes, I’m doing an open forum today. Thought I’d let people tell their individual stories. Hopefully women will learn from sharing each other’s experiences. If they don’t want to talk, they can just listen.’
‘That’s a great idea, Gracie.’
‘How are you feeling now? You were a bit ropey last time I saw you.’
‘Fantastic now I’ve stopped throwing up. The twenty-week scan was all fine. I’m having a boy.’
‘How lovely, one of each.’ Gracie said, and meant it.
Kate did a little dance on the spot. ‘Yes, I’m getting excited now.’
The first of the Miscarriage Matters ladies started filing in and Gracie chatted to her to see if she was happy with the day’s planned activity.
Within half an hour all the seats bar one were full and Gracie cleared her throat to introduce the session.
‘It has been a pleasure to meet you all this year and I love to see new faces coming through the door every week. It has also been my privilege to impart my little bit of knowledge after what I have been through personally. I now have a true insight, not only into the strength of sisterhood, but it has also made me realise exactly what motherhood really means. Motherhood is not just a title; it is a force, a calling, a bond that goes beyond biology and beyond boundaries. So tonight, we celebrate every woman who has ever mothered, whether by blood, by adoption, by circumstance, or simply by the power of their presence.’
A ripple of applause went around the room. Gracie flushed.
Renee was the first to speak. ‘Hi, I’m Renee. I’ve just been through my final unsuccessful bout of IVF.’ There was a sad murmur from the group. ‘Final – because after numerous attempts, I’ve made the decision that I can’t put myself through any more heartache. And I wanted to say that thanks to having a very candid chat with this wonderful woman’ – she nodded and smiled towards Gracie – ‘the decision was made much easier for me. I am now looking to go through the process of adoption.’
Gracie stood up. ‘Renee, what a brave lady you are and thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you have come to a decision. It takes a while to make one, but when you’ve done it – you must feel so much better.’ Renee nodded as Gracie continued.
‘So, it’s Briony, isn’t it? How about you?’
The pretty twentysomething blonde nodded, then spoke quietly. ‘I feel almost guilty being here as I want to share the news that after five miscarriages, I am now three months pregnant.’
Everybody clapped, allowing a tall figure quietly to enter the hut and sit at the back of the room unnoticed.
Briony went on. ‘I wanted to come today, not to tell everyone that I’m pregnant but to share that without the support of everyone here, I couldn’t have got through the dark times. Gracie, you’re an inspiration. For someone to have suffered so much loss yourself and be able to impart the care and compassion that you do, well… well… I think you’re amazing.’
Renee shouted out, ‘Hear, hear!’
Gracie bit her lip. ‘Just to know I’ve helped you means so much to me. It also helps me, that by understanding your pain first hand, I did not lose my baby angels in vain.’ There was barely a dry eye in the hut.
The tall figure then walked forward and took a place in the circle. Gracie’s heart jumped into her mouth. She was fearful of opening it in case it jumped right out again and did a dance of joy.
‘Excuse me for being late. I guess it’s OK for a man to join in?’
Guessing who it was from the look on Gracie’s face, Kate took control. ‘Of course. Have you got something you want to share with the group?’
The handsome man nodded, stood up and stared right at Gracie.
‘Hi.’
The group acknowledged him with a united, ‘Hi.’
‘I just wanted to say that I can only imagine how hard it is for all of you here and I commend you for sharing your stories. I also wanted to say that although men play a lesser part in this whole baby business, we feel loss, too. Me and my partner lost twins, you see.’
Kate went to Gracie’s side and held her hand as Lewis continued.
‘We lost them at five months in. It was almost the worst day of my whole life, so far. I loved my partner with all my heart, but when it happened, she withdrew from the world.’ His voice went quiet. ‘But mainly she withdrew from me. We didn’t really talk – we didn’t even make love anymore. We effectively fell apart.’ Everyone was listening intently. ‘And then I did something unthinkable. I slept with someone else.’ The group gasped. ‘Not just someone else, actually, someone who worked with my partner. It was an unthinkable act of deceit which I have regretted ever since. I say that losing the twins was almost the worst day of my life. Almost, because actually the worst day of my life was when my partner walked out of my life.’ Gracie shut her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. ‘I love her, you see. I love her so much that still, months later, every day without her feels like an eternity. Some days I still feel like my heart is literally breaking in two.’ The man’s voice cracked.
‘Can’t you try and make it up with her?’ Briony put in from the circle.
‘Oh, I have tried. I’ve even proposed, but she just won’t forgive me.’
Gracie could not stay quiet any longer.
‘Maybe if he tried again – maybe after a few months apart and not having any contact with him – she might be thinking differently, might realise that she is still so in love with him that she can’t ignore it either.’
‘Really?’ Lewis looked at Gracie. She could see tears in her eyes.
Gracie whispered. ‘Yes. Really.’
‘Even though his behaviour was despicable?’
Gracie nodded. ‘I believe that grief is a monster that makes us react and do things that are completely out of character.’
Lewis smiled. ‘Love can be a little bit like that, too.’
He stood up and walked towards her, took her hand and led her to the middle of the circle. Everyone wondered what on earth was going on. He got down on one knee.
‘ How do I love thee, Gracie Davies ? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight … My true love, my soul mate, the intended magnificent mother of a huge adopted family, please will you marry me? Because I’m not going to bloody ask you again.’
Gracie felt a complete loss of emotional control.
‘Yes, yes, of course I will.’
He leapt up and pulled her to him.
Everybody clapped and cheered, while Hetti ran around in circles barking.
Kate took the helm as Gracie walked outside with Lewis. Although by now, everyone was so emotional about the whole situation that there seemed no point in carrying on with the group.
‘I think for those who can partake, champagne is due, everyone.’ Another group ‘hurrah’ ensued. ‘There’s still some left from our open day. And plenty of softies for those of us lucky enough to be with child.’
Gracie overheard Kate and smiled. What a year it had been! Full of loss, new starts, new loves, new dogs and even a Hollywood actor to boot.
As soon as they were out of sight of everyone, Lewis hugged Gracie tightly. He thought she had never looked more beautiful.
‘Oh, Gracie, I’m so happy. I promise I will never let you down again. I never realised what it was to be heartbroken until now. I cannot believe that you said yes.’
‘I missed you, Lewis. When I realised you weren’t at the end of the phone, it suddenly hit me. It hit me that I couldn’t bear never to see you again, I couldn’t imagine growing old with anyone else.’
‘It’s all going to be all right, you know, Gracie.’ He kissed her on the forehead.
At that moment Hetti came running out of the event hut barking wildly.
Lewis laughed. ‘Yours, I take it?’
She lifted Hetti to Lewis’s face.
‘Meet your new daddy, Hetti. He’s all right, as men go.’ The Yorkshire terrier jumped out of her arms and proceeded to have a poo.
Lewis laughed. ‘Uncontrollable, just like his mother! But you’d better get used to it as I guess there’s going to be a lot more of that to clean up when we start adopting babies.’
‘Let’s get ourselves back on track, eh, Lewis? I mean, we have a wedding to arrange first. And a honeymoon.’
‘Where do you fancy going?’
Gracie grinned. ‘I know a fabulous villa we can rent in St Lucia. We’ll have staff and everything…’