Chapter 13
JAY
“Don’t hate me,” I beg Braxton, getting on my knees and lacing my fingers together like I’m about to pray for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry I pretended to be a virgin, but I was desperate—and also, you were my first, in one way.
And you lied too! You and Xan and Hex, telling me one joining could make me a hybrid. ”
Braxton peers incredulously at me through comically big eyes. He is so stunned they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. “Who told you it takes two?”
“Hex.”
“And then you and he…?”
“No, my first was with Xan. Right before you sent for me.”
“But you felt…untouched.”
“I used instant-healing ointment.”
He scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. “Clever, Jaxus.”
“Thanks.” I beam up at him, but then I see his aura darken.
Why is he so unhappy? I know part of him wanted this as much as I did. I’ve seen how golden his aura would get glowing as it circled him sometimes, when I would bring up me changing into a hybrid.
Maybe it’s my hair, which went from chin-length brown to black and flowing down my back. Or the two teeth in my mouth that are sharper like fangs. Or it could be my eyes. Are my eyes too dark for him now? “Do you not want me anymore, Commander? Is your aura dark because you don’t like my new form?”
“Don’t be foolish!” he barks. “That is not the issue.”
“Don’t worry about the humans or the Council,” I tell him as I take his hands in mine, which still look rather dainty, compared to his.
“Your auras can prove to the Council you knew nothing about this, and NVs have had enough rough negotiations with human diplomats for them to know your auras work as you claim—and will only show your true emotions. You can let them see your feelings of betrayal, and they will not be able to blame you for this.”
“But at least half of the human race doesn’t trust a word we’ve said about our auras or anything,” he argues. “That’s why we’ve been so careful, all these years, and you’ve just thrown all of that hard work away.”
I frown as a dark maroon mist appears in the air, rising up toward Braxton’s chest. Oh no. A new color.
Searching my mind for every intense emotion he has expressed in my presence, I can’t recall any of them making his aura a color like this. Is this his hatred showing? Maybe he hates me for what I’ve done.
I hang my head as I fight back tears—and see my aura. The mist isn’t coming from him! It’s coming from me. Finally being in an NV form (with an aura of my own) should make me so happy, but his total lack of excitement has completely killed mine.
“I refuse to believe all of your hard work going to waste is a certainty,” I argue.
“There has to be some other way to handle this that won’t ruin everything.
How did you handle the hybrid cases that were never made public?
Hex said you know it takes two joinings to change because there are other hybrids. ”
He opens his mouth to speak, but then quickly snaps it shut, looking conflicted. “That’s classified, Jaxus.”
“Oh, God, you didn’t kill them, did you?” I recoil in horror and hug myself.
“Keep saying foolish things, and I’ll put you in the escape pod and kick you out of this ship,” he warns, then picks up his coveralls.
“We need to get dressed and get moving. I have to report this to the captain—after I take you somewhere…remote. We can’t let you be seen by anyone who might report this to the humans or the Council. ”
“I don’t think my clothes will fit.”
“Well, look for something Hex left behind or use the least filthy bedsheet if you have to—but cover yourself up.”
His eyes linger on my newly enlarged junk before he turns his back to me.
I’m a little disappointed it looks so human, and I still don’t have two dicks to work with like the commander, but he didn’t look disappointed.
I wonder if he’s entertaining ideas of me fucking him again, and taking my innocence again, in a way, since this new form of mine has never been fucked by anyone.
There is nothing more honest in this universe than auras and lust, and the color of Braxton’s aura, before it disappears, tells me it really was foolish to think he wouldn’t want me anymore.
But how will Hex and Xan feel when they see me?
There’s a hollowed-out feeling in my chest as I follow the captain’s scent to a travel bag, stuffed in a narrow storage compartment.
I’m still fighting back tears as I unzip it and dig out a pair of sleep shorts that can be tied at the front. With my wider, elongated tapered waist, and lankier legs, I have grown just enough for them to be wearable, sagging at my hips.
Human Jay couldn’t wait for these moments, when he would see just how different he was as a hybrid, daydreaming about them often, but Human Jay never thought about how his change might ruin the daydreams of the Givers he loved.
I fell for them as NVs, but they did not fall for me as a hybrid.
What if they don’t all love me the same?
If they’re not attracted to me anymore, and they’re angry about what I’ve done, I’m not sure how we could move past that.
It would spell the end to a four-way bond that I don’t know how to live without—which is exactly why I wanted to be a hybrid.
Did my plan to save our bond just doom it?
I thought I was doing what was best for us, but now I’m not so sure. I don’t even want to be a hybrid if I can’t be a hybrid with every one of them.