Chapter 50 Chelsea
Chelsea
Ithink about Eryx every hour. It’s painful. It feels like my heart keeps breaking.
Since I’ve given up the possibility of having any real say in my life, when Dallas asks if I can cover her shift, I say yes, obviously.
Stepping into the bookshop and inhaling the ink-and-leather scent used to be something that made my chest expand with happiness.
Now it doesn’t even make me bat an eyelash.
When Mama asks if I can shelve books, I say yes. When Emory asks if I can man the cash register, I say yes.
I say yes to everything because what’s the point in arguing?
I’m numb. There’s no other way to explain it. My body is on autopilot.
I hear the familiar swoosh that means someone’s just finished their session in a book. A sound that usually makes me smile doesn’t even have me lifting an eyebrow.
Days melt together. Eryx doesn’t call. I don’t call him either. But part of me hopes that every time the bookshop’s door opens, Eryx will be standing there, telling me he made a horrible mistake, that he will bind us back together.
Then I can look him in the eyes and say, I refuse to be bound to you, not after what happened.
But even that just makes me feel worse.
It’s when I’m leaving for the day that Mama says, “Chelsea, can you take this blueberry bread to Ovie’s house? Your nana made it and she’s insisting.”
I glance down at the foil-wrapped loaf. “Nana made it? Nana who’s a ghost?”
A small smile flicks on my mother’s mouth. “She can do things like that when she wants to.”
Huh. Who would’ve thunk it? “Sure.”
I take the loaf and head out.
The sun shines brightly, and late spring flowers bloom bright pink and red petals.
But I miss the darkness of the Nightmare District, the mist that clings to your skin. The globes of swirling purple power.
I miss Nancy's grumbling. Darla's kindness. Stave's quiet loyalty.
I miss training with Eryx. The way our magic used to dance together.
I miss him.
In the distance I see the barrier, and it makes my stomach drop.
Don’t look at it, Chelsea. Don’t bother. It won’t bring you happiness. There is no happiness left.
It takes all of five minutes to reach Ovie’s house. I ring the bell and she answers.
She pulls me into a hug that smells of cloves and honey. “Look at you, Chelsea. Your mama said you were back. Come inside. Have some blueberry bread with me.”
Before I can protest, she drags me into the house. The whole place smells like cloves and honey.
Ovie tells me to sit at the kitchen counter as she unwraps the bread and starts to cut it. The last time I was in this house, Charlie was leaving and Ovie was canceling my ball.
I rub my forehead as Ovie chats. “You look good. A little thin, but good. Don’t worry, I’ll heat this up with butter and you can have some.”
Why bother explaining I’m not hungry? She won’t listen anyway.
After she heats the bread and gently pushes a plate in front of me, she pours each of us a cup of coffee and sits.
Ovie sighs. “Your mama told me a little about what happened. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Chelsea. I know what it is to be married to someone and things don’t work out.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I stare at my aunt and blink. Words flood my chest, and before I can stop myself, I say, “Eryx didn’t cheat on me. He would never have done that. He isn’t Charlie.”
As soon as they’re out of my mouth, I gasp. Oh God. I have truly stopped giving a single fuck.
A month ago I never would’ve said this to my aunt, and I watch in horror as her entire face crumples. She lets that happen for a beat, and then my aunt lifts her shoulders and her chin.
“Ovie, I’m so—”
Sorry, I was going to say, but my aunt cuts me off. “No, I deserve that. Charlie deserves that because it’s the truth.”
“I saw him,” I mumble. “In the Nightmare District with a woman.”
She stiffens and then takes a small bite of bread. “It’s delicious. You might want to try it.”
I shake my head.
“You know what’s funny?”
I lift my eyebrows like, What?
“You never wanted the balls. Addison didn’t either, but I understand why she didn’t. She’d just been dumped by her boyfriend. But you never really had a boyfriend—you dated, but not anyone for very long, which is funny because you’re maybe the most beautiful of all you girls.
“Not that beauty has anything to do with it, of course,” she adds quickly.
My aunt takes another bite of bread and moans.
“Mm. You should really try some. But anyway, what’s funny is that guys asked you out—great guys.
Funny, charming, good people. You might go out a few times, but you’d never stay long. Right?”
I shrug. “I guess not.”
“And for a long time I wondered why. But I think you just told me, didn’t you? It was because of me. Your parents’ relationship? Pretty amazing. But mine? Terrible. Pitiful. The worst ever. Am I right?”
Does she really want me to answer that?
She looks at me like, Well?
I clear my throat. “It’s not the worst relationship ever.”
“Maybe not in the world. But it has been to you, hasn’t it?”
She studies me closely. Normally I’d deflect, lie. But like I said, I have no more flips to give.
“Yeah. Your entire relationship is why I never wanted to get married.”
“Why not?”
She’s really pushing, isn’t she? “Because I’ve watched him walk all over you, for years.
For years, Ovie.” My voice gets louder. “And I’m expected to get married to save this family’s magic?
I’m expected to give all my choice away to some man who might be as bad as Charlie?
Cheat on me? Let the world see it, and I’m supposed to what?
Just be a good little wife? Screw that.”
Ovie leans back like I’ve punched her. But her face doesn’t betray a single emotion. It’s like she’s simply absorbing everything I have to say.
“What else?” she whispers.
My mind races—what else? There’s so much more inside me.
“And when I met Eryx, when he proposed, I thought, finally, someone’s giving me a choice.
Sort of. He didn’t force me. He simply asked.
And I did my part for this family, and I fell for him.
Hard. And then he did the worst thing he could have—”
“What was that?”
“He took my choice away. All at once. Just like this family has done. Just like your choice was stripped away.”
Ovie’s eyes narrow. “What makes you think my choice was taken away?”
I scoff. “Because you never left Charlie.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“You tell me.”
She exhales slowly. “My choice wasn’t taken, Chelsea. I stopped fighting for it. That’s different. Did Eryx take your choice, or did he make a terrible one because he was afraid of losing you?”
“He—” But I stop pushing back and let her words sink in—really sink in, all the way to the hollow place inside my chest, the place our magic used to live.
Ovie doesn’t rush to fill the silence. She sits in it. Watching me, waiting for me to respond.
“He was saving me,” I whisper.
The words taste different. Not sharp or defensive. Just tired.
“And were you saved?”
I swallow. “No.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Then the question isn’t whether he was afraid, because he clearly was.
The question is whether he’s strong enough to stand beside you without trying to protect you from yourself.
” She pauses, then adds quietly, “And whether you're strong enough to let him stand beside you. Even when he makes mistakes. Tell me, have you once put yourself in his shoes?”
The kitchen goes very still. A clock ticks. Outside, a bird lands on a railing and takes off just as quickly.
“What if I lose myself?”
“Don’t. Just don’t mistake someone else’s fear for your own cage.”
My fingers curl around the coffee mug. Heat seeps into my skin. So does something else, something deeper.
“I thought leaving proved I was strong,” I admit quietly.
She reaches over the counter and squeezes my hand. “Make sure whatever you choose, you’re choosing it.”
I don’t answer.
For the first time since I crossed the barrier, the numbness cracks. Not all the way. But enough. And in the quiet that follows, I realize something terrible and terrifying all at once.
I don’t want a life without Eryx.
I just don’t want one where I disappear.