Chapter 45
45
brIAR
T he last couple days have gone by in a blur of sex, suntan lotion, laughs, and the most fun we could possibly have with our little chosen family.
There’s no other way I’d have it.
Every time I look at Leo all I can think about is the way he went the extra mile to make sure I didn’t even have to think about him putting me in a bad position, but part of me wonders if it would be so bad.
The other part of me punches that part of me in the face, because that’s exactly what gets me in trouble. I don’t need another kid right now, and especially not under the circumstances.
The water crashes onto the beach in the distance as I watch my brother and Isla flirt across the table, the torches around us casting them in a golden glow.
When I had found out that they were together a year ago, my first thought was how Leo was going to take it. I had heard rumors, just like anyone within three degrees of Leo Warner had.
A little crazed. A lot possessive. Protective as all hell .
I knew that he cared about his family, and as the eldest sibling, I know how strong the need to protect your sibling is.
I had been doing it for Owen throughout our childhood.
For some reason I had expected Owen to be punched. I had supported the relationship, of course. Isla is one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met and has embraced me with open arms. But I also knew how long Owen had been hiding it after asking him if he could watch Elara one day. He had been in the middle of something, with someone, and it was the very first time he didn’t openly tell me what was going on with him. He seemed nervous.
He took Elara out anyways while I dealt with life.
I love them together, and part of me has hoped and prayed that I would find the same thing.
Now, I wasn’t exactly thinking that same thing would mean Leo Warner, that’s for sure.
I nearly jump as fingers grab my knee under the table, and I look up to find Leo’s eyes on me, the green twinkling in the firelight.
“You okay?” he murmurs.
I nod, a grateful smile slipping onto my lips. Licking them, I look ahead once more, finding Owen looking at me, his eyes on Leo’s arm.
When he finally meets my gaze, his eyes soften and he nods once.
To anyone else it wouldn’t have looked like much. But I feel it like a punch to my gut. I trust you, it says. I accept it.
And it’s all I could ever ask for.
Needing to look anywhere but forward, I cast a glance down the table to where Leo is chatting with Emmett. Across from him sits Heidi, her gorgeous red hair piled high on her head. Sitting between Isla and Elara, with Juniper next to Emmett, she’s had a busy night of conversation.
What do you get when you mix purple and brown? Juniper had asked her at one point. Why in the world would I eat a whole squid? Aren’t their eyes in there? Elara had asked when the chef brought calamari out.
I feel kind of bad bringing her along to watch the kids, but she’s told me countless times that she appreciates it, and that she’s having the time of her life.
“An all-expenses paid trip to Turks and Caicos? A stay in this giant, beautiful house? All paid for by my rich ass friends’ boyfriends, and all I have to do is watch two kids I adore? Don’t you dare apologize one more time,” she had told me pointedly.
I haven’t apologized since.
“Do you think something’s going on there?” Leo asks, his breath tickling my ear.
“What?”
“Over there. Heidi keeps looking at Emmett. I mean sure, he’s looking extra pretty tonight but I don’t know. I wouldn’t be sneaking a peek at him that many times.”
I watch Heidi as she takes a bite of her salad before quickly looking at Emmett. She looks away, placing her fork on the table and smooths out her shirt.
“I would say no, but the fact that you noticed it makes me wary,” I whisper back, continuing my watch.
Leo jerks back just a touch. “What does that mean?”
Rolling my eyes, I shoot him my best are you serious look. “You’re one of the densest men on the planet, Leo. It takes a lot for you to notice something.”
His eyes narrow. “Oh yeah? I noticed you waxed your upper lip the other day.”
I gasp. “How dare you.”
He shrugs. “I notice things, Sunny. Like how your,” he looks around, “pussy,” he says even quieter, “has been shaved ever since the first time we slept together.”
My jaw drops. “Do you just have a thing for body hair?”
He shrugs. “I notice other things too.”
I brush him off with an eyeroll .
“Anyways. I think there may be something. Why? Do you think it would be a good fit?”
Leo leans back. “I plead the fifth.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t know, Briar.”
I make a mental note to ask him about it later.
“What do you think the guys are doing right now?” Isla asks, wiggling her ties.
“Getting into trouble for sure,” Heidi giggles, leaning back in her chair.
The boys surprised us with a spa day. They were going to take the girls on an adventure while the three of us got our nails done, had the best massages, a delicious lunch, and relaxed in their spa room.
“The only thing I’m personally sure about is that Elara is up to no good,” I tell them, thankful I left my phone in the changing rooms. I’d be on it in an instant asking Leo how my daughter is. It’s not that I don’t trust him with her. I do. I just know she can be, well, a little evil sometimes.
“How’s everything going, by the way?” Isla asks me, and when I arch a questioning brow, she clarifies. “With that man.”
I sigh.
“Things are, uh, not going, I guess,” I tell her with a shrug. “I haven’t heard back from him since the last time. I’m not sure if he actually did anything, if I’m honest.”
“Is this the ex?” Heidi asks quietly.
I nod, smiling at her. She doesn’t have to be nervous bringing it up.
“Well, my brother was livid,” Isla states matter-of-factly .
“Really?” Heidi asks, shocked for some reason. “So are you guys, you know,” she ducks her head.
“I think so?” I admit out loud for the first time, and the realization hits me. “I mean, yeah, I think we are. I like him.”
Isla nods. “He’s a good guy under there. Dense as fuck, annoying as all hell, but a good guy.”
“You guys have had sex though, right?” Heidi asks, curious.
“I don’t want to hear this!” Isla yells, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head.
I nod at Heidi, giggling.
“I fucking knew it,” she whispers, clapping.
Isla leans back on her elbows, watching me. “I think you’re good for him. I don’t know how the hell he convinced you to do any of what you’ve done for him, but I’m thankful for it.”
I smile at her, looking down at my hands. “Things have been rough,” I tell her. “Your brother gave me an out. I know I told you a little bit, and please, like usual, don’t tell my brother. It’s my thing I need to confess at some point. But I had to put Elara first.”
Isla nods in understanding. “I can’t even imagine going through a fraction of what you’ve dealt with, Bri. You don’t have to worry about me tattling to Owen. You talk about it on your own time.”
My heart flutters with something I can’t quite place. For years I’ve really only had one friend—Zara. When I was with Tony there was a circle of housewives I was friends with, sure. But after the divorce? None of them wanted anything to do with me. I was mostly alone.
I needed this.
“He’s always been a control freak though. I’m surprised he let you in,” Heidi says, examining her fingernails.
“Some of my most favorite things have happened in moments where I’ve been completely out of control of my own life,” I say. “And so have some of the worst things. But it’s what you make of it. I think Leo just didn’t know how to process not being able to make every single thing in his life go the way he wanted.”
“I think that’s exactly it,” Isla nods.
Heidi sighs, her nose wrinkling.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. Just, well, how did you realize that you were done being pushed around?”
Isla’s eyes whip to her friend, concern on her face.
Heidi puts her hands up. “Everything is fine. I just, I don’t know. I’ve had my fair share of controlling people in my life. Part of the reason I wanted this nanny gig was because my last job ended so terribly. I just feel like a punching bag half the time, and it’s a constant cycle. A cycle that I let happen, of course, but a cycle nonetheless.” She bends over, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her fists. “I’m just tired of being screwed over all the time, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” I say quietly.
“I mean, I know that it’s a lot different than what you went through. Being stuck in an abusive relationship is so much harder than what I’ve experienced. But I’m just wondering how you, I don’t know, broke the cycle?”
I take a deep breath, thinking. “First of all, I want you to know that abuse is abuse, Heidi. Call it like it is. I’m not quite sure what you’ve been through, but even though the scale may be different, it doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of help.”
She looks down at her hands shyly as Isla watches me steadily.
“Second, I think there really comes a day when you wake up after being fucked over one or two or even three too many times, and you change your life. Right then and there. You wake up and realize that everything you’ve been put through is in the past, starting from that moment. The healing is hard. It’s an uphill battle every day. Hell, it’s been years and I still get sad about it all. But then a couple of months later you wake up and realize that that day was the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“I think a lot of people need to hear that,” Isla says, grabbing both my hand and Heidi’s in hers and squeezing.
“I think so too.”