Chapter 29
EMILIA
“How much butter is too much butter?” Nora called out to me from her kitchen.
“The limit does not exist,” I yelled back from my spot on the couch. “Drench it.”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to stomach the popcorn she was cooking up on her stovetop no matter how much butter was involved.
We were getting ready to watch the Carter and Kristen wedding special and my gut was already twisting just from the teasers coming on.
No surprise, it appeared that Drew and I had become a full subplot.
“Should I leave some plain for Winston?” Nora asked. “A little treat for our viewing party?”
“Nope, that’s not on the approved foods list. But he says thank you anyway.”
Winston and I had done our best to settle in without totally upending Nora’s home.
Since she was in an apartment there was no outdoor zone for him, which meant he was confined to a tank when we weren’t around.
When we were home he had full apartment access, though we had to be careful to close all of the doors since he liked disappearing.
We’d had a few frantic search and rescue moments as he got acclimated to the place.
Nora walked into the sitting area carrying two giant plastic bowls of popcorn. “Voila. Dinner.”
I chuckled. Nora’s unusual dietary habits were rubbing off on me, which meant that I now also considered BLTs breakfast food thanks to the bacon.
She dropped down on the couch beside me. “You okay?”
I nodded quickly. “Totally fine. Maybe a little nervous about watching myself on the show, but other than that, all good.”
She squinted at me, dubious. “You know you can be real with me, right?”
In the weeks since everything had blown up I’d worked hard to put my feelings behind me. I’d gone into the ridiculous fake engagement thing with my eyes wide open. I’d known what I was signing up for, which meant the inevitable end of our relationship shouldn’t have come as a surprise.
But then … well, then Drew happened, and I fell for him, hard. And I thought it was mutual—more fool me. Now I just needed to get over the end of a relationship that I never should have believed was real in the first place.
“I swear, I’m fine,” I said with as much conviction as I could manage.
Could she tell I was lying? Of course she could. Even Winston knew that I wasn’t myself, which was why any time he was out of the tank and I was on the couch he opted to park himself next to my foot rather than exploring.
“How’s the popcorn?” Nora asked. She knew better than to push me, especially during this stressful night. “I put some parmesan truffle spice on it.”
If I actually had an appetite I’d be shoving it in my face by the fistful. I ate a few kernels as she watched. “Mmm, delicious!”
“See? So much better than that microwave crap,” she replied triumphantly.
The music swelled to signal the beginning of the show and I nearly choked on a single piece of popcorn.
“Oh my god, it’s called Kristen and Carter; Reel Love?” Nora laughed. “That sounds like porn.”
“Well, they met on the set of her last movie, when Carter was brought in as the personal trainer for her costar.”
The show began with teasers of what was to come and I found myself smiling as I watched the quick cuts of everything I’d experienced firsthand. Despite all of the drama the production had brought to my life, I’d had the best time.
And that realization hurt like hell.
Nora karate-chopped my gut. “There’s you! Oh my god, you’re famous!”
My mouth went totally dry at the split-second footage of me locked in an embrace with Drew.
It was filmed from a distance. While I remembered the moment, I’d had no idea that we’d had an audience during it.
Drew was saying something to me and I was looking up at him wearing an expression so dreamy and trusting that I wanted to leap into the TV to slap myself out of it.
How could I have been so blind?
And why was I tearing up? I’d worked hard to get past my sadness. Drew wasn’t worthy of a prolonged depression, or at least that’s what I kept telling myself.
I’d done a great job convincing the rest of the world that I wasn’t impacted by the breakup but my heart wasn’t getting the message.
“Hey,” Nora reached out to squeeze my hand. “Are you sure this is a good idea? You look upset.”
Clearly my acting wasn’t as strong as I thought.
“It’s just weird, you know?” I said. “The layers I’m now seeing.
It was all fake, but it was also real. For a lot of it, we specifically played to the cameras, but then there was stuff I don’t think either of us realized was filmed.
It was staged, but the feelings were genuine.
Or I thought they were? For me, they were. ”
“I don’t know,” Nora said, eyeballing the TV. “Either he’s a fucking amazing actor, or he was having real feelings as well, because the vibes between you two look off-the-charts.”
“Stop. It was two seconds of footage. Maybe he was just horny.”
She stared at me, smirking her disbelief. “Yeah, okay. Go ahead and tell yourself that.”
“Why are you so pro-Drew? Whose side are you on anyway?”
Nora’s eyes went wide. “I’m not on his side, I swear! I’m totally Team Emilia, but I’m just saying that while you two were together you seemed really happy. In a way I’ve never seen. That has to count for something.”
“Yeah, it was me being a dumbass,” I replied. “Live and learn. Never again.”
“Shhh!” Nora hissed at me and jabbed her finger towards the TV. “There you are! Oh my god, you look stunning!”
It was footage from one of the early one-on-one interviews, which Dorian had told me was my chance to ‘establish my character.’ It was TV-speak to describe how the show was going to frame my arc.
I’d gone into the interview with the intent of showing myself as nothing more or less than an incredibly competent wedding planner.
The edit had other ideas. As I talked about how I love making my clients’ dreams come true, the footage showed me in various shots with Drew, as if we were going over the details of the wedding as a team. I still looked competent, but the footage was selling our relationship more than my hard work.
“Why are all of the cut-aways showing me with him?” I complained. “In the beginning of the taping we barely spent any time together. This is revisionist history.”
“Hey, you signed the consent form,” Nora reminded me. “You know they control your likeness now, good or bad.”
The footage wasn’t a complete lie. Drew and I had worked side-by-side for much of the wedding as the planning progressed, but the way each shot was framed highlighted the brewing attraction between us.
To the viewers, this probably wasn’t surprising since the show immediately mentioned that Drew and I were already engaged, but I could see the new sparks and curiosity about each other unfolding in real time.
And I could also pick up on the cracks in the facade. The split-second shot of us having the escargot fight was a reminder about how condescending he’d been to me. The sappy, lovesick footage hurt, but each reminder of the real problems Drew and I had had was an arrow in my quiver.
The show moved on to the b-roll of how Kristen and Carter met.
“Damn,” Nora said. “That’s quite the meet-cute.” She turned to face me. “Do we like him, or am I crazy?”
“We do,” I agreed. “He can come off as a tool but deep down he’s a decent guy, and I honestly think he’ll be a good husband. He’s demanding, shallow, and a total pretty-boy but he just happens to adore his new wife.”
“Kind of a dicey combination but okay.”
The show cut to one of my sit-down interviews with Drew. I squealed and covered my eyes when it went to a close-up of me.
“Stop,” Nora scolded. “You look gorgeous!”
I peeked through my hands and watched the two of us laugh and flirt our way through our answers. Damn it, my worst fears were being confirmed. We were adorable.
“I don’t know,” Nora shook her head. “That looks like real sexual tension to me.”
“Well duh, he’s hot as fuck, of course you can pick up on me wanting to jump his bones.”
She frowned and kept watching. “No, it’s more than that. The way he looks at you …”
Nora trailed off. The footage was of me answering a question, which seemed innocent enough.
“Watch him,” she instructed. “Not you. Look at the way he’s listening to you. He’s totally focused. Actually, I’d say he’s closer to obsessed!”
I’d been so consumed with making sure I looked and sounded like I knew what I was doing that I hardly noticed the way that Drew was hanging on my every word.
Like, his body was swiveled so he could see my face yet his arm was pressed up against mine.
And when I said something goofy he broke out in what sounded like genuine laughter.
Hearing it made my heart ache.
“I don’t know, my dude,” Nora sighed as the show pivoted back to the couple of the hour. “You two need to figure out your shit.”
“What are you talking about? It’s all sorted. He’s an asshole and whatever we had is over.”
That should have been case closed. But it was like the fates were listening in and wanted to remind me exactly why I’d fallen for him in the first place.
The show moved on to the scene where I was on the phone with the vet office getting Winston’s surgery estimate, shot from a distance.
Even though you couldn’t hear what I was saying my expression made it obvious that the call was tense.
Dorian had wisely spliced in footage of Drew looking on from a short distance behind me, looking equally stressed.
Like, full on worried. Seeing how my concern was echoed in his expression chipped away at the protective coating on my heart.
We hadn’t even entered into our faux-mance at that point but for some reason Drew looked like he wanted to take a bullet for me.
As much as I didn’t like Dorian, the man was a masterful storyteller.
I knew that there was a car crash awaiting that girl on the screen a few weeks down the line yet I was just as invested in our romance as a first-time viewer.
I slumped back against the couch as the show rolled on, hating every second of blissed out smiles between us.
The game of Never Have I Ever was funnier and raunchier than it had seemed in the moment with the quick cuts and background music, and Dorian added on-screen graphics as if my ‘nevers’ were a to-do list for Drew.
Funny. Cute.
Heartbreaking.
The prickle in my nose was an unwelcome reminder of the feelings I thought I’d gotten past. I guess seeing it all play out from a different perspective did change things.
Yeah, Drew had thrown up plenty of red flags, but I kept seeing unmistakable green flag sweetness from Drew that contrasted with the negatives.
No. I couldn’t allow myself to fall for the fiction on screen. Drew had made it clear where we stood. We were done.
“You don’t like my popcorn,” Nora said glumly.
I glanced down at the full bowl in my lap. “No, it’s delicious. I just don’t really have an appetite.”
The show had moved on to a new secondary storyline about the band getting their first dance wrong. I’d been so in my head at the wedding that much of the night was a blur.
“Was watching a bad idea?” Nora asked.
I shrugged a shoulder. “How could I not watch? I had to see firsthand how they’d frame us, and the resort.”
“Oh shit, that’s right!” Nora exclaimed. “I totally forgot this was Drew’s Hail Mary play at redemption. I think they nailed it. I’m ready to book my imaginary wedding there.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Dorian was a gigantic pain in the ass but he did all of us a solid. He could’ve included negative stuff like the green screen debacle but he didn’t.
And the establishing shots of the resort are stunning.
I think they’re going to be booked out for years thanks to the show and my phone has been ringing too.
I’ve got a half dozen new clients and my DMs are flooded with requests from suppliers to try their products. ”
The show was winding down and I had to wonder if the viewers noticed the lack of airtime given to me and Drew in the final moments.
Obviously the focus was on Kristen and Carter, but after following us as a secondary plotline it would’ve made sense to close the show with at least one double interview with the two of us.
The problem was we’d both pretended to be too busy to make it happen, so they’d wound up doing brief solo interviews with each of us. I’d found my inner actress and grinned my way through my parting wishes for the happy couple.
“You’re so good,” Nora muttered.
It cut to Drew and I gasped at how shellshocked he looked. At least, he looked that way to me. I’m sure to the rest of the world he appeared just as polished as ever. Nora reached over to grab my hand.
He was talking about how much fun he had working with Kristen and Carter, and how he could always tell which couples would make it. He said he knew that ‘Carten’ was a winning combination from the first time he met with them.
Total liar, but whatever.
Dorian’s voice asked him about our chances of lasting as a couple and I gasped.
“Turn it off,” I commanded, jumping to my feet. “No need to watch him bullshit the world. I lived through enough of it.”
Nora turned it up instead.
“Our chances?” Drew mused. He was smiling but I could see the storm clouds in his eyes.
“Oh, I have no doubt that I’ve found my person.
She’s everything I want in a woman. She keeps me sane and makes me crazy at the same time.
There’s no one in the world like Emilia Marino, and I’m so proud to call her mine.
” A beat while Drew stared directly into the camera.
At me.
“She’s my forever.”
The tears came out of nowhere, and Nora jumped up and wrapped her arms around me. I dropped my head onto her shoulder and leaned into my bleakness.
“He’s so fucking stupid,” I sobbed.
“Shh, I know. Just let it out. You’ve been bottled up for too long. Have a good cry and then you’ll feel better.”
I cried for what could’ve been, and what we’d lost. My tears were tinged with my anger at Drew, but were mainly just filled with a bone-deep sadness that wasn’t going to dissipate after this cry session.
Or the next.
No, the Drew-scars were going to remain for a while. I could only hope that eventually they’d fade and allow me to trust my heart again.