Chapter 30
DREW
Iknew better than to assume Harrison’s surprise invitation to go surfing was just a fun hang. I could smell ulterior motives in the air, but I played dumb and agreed to it anyway because I needed the distraction. Anything to get out of my own head after last night.
I’d made the mistake of watching Reel Love when I couldn’t sleep.
I’d fully expected Dorian to throw me or the resort under the bus and I’d had legal ready to go on speed dial.
Well, not really, since I didn’t know how.
I’d have to ask Shelby to create that list for me, but then I’d have to figure out how to use it.
Instead, I just sat and watched Reel Love again.
Not to look for anything wrong, but to rewatch everything that was right, which meant watching all the scenes with Emilia in them.
All the times she laughed, I tried to remember what it was I said or did to cause it.
That wistful smile. The way her eyes lit up when something amused her.
The expressions on her face when I hugged, touched, and kissed her.
How beautiful she looked. The way everything just seemed easier with her help.
The way everything was easier when she was there.
Fuck, I missed her.
Harrison’s McLaren was waiting in the empty parking lot when I arrived at the beach and he’d managed to take up two spaces, which only reminded me of my conversation with Emilia outside her grandfather’s assisted living place.
“Hey,” I said as I got out of my car. “No Logan?”
Harrison shook his head. “He’s got Noah stuff today. You’re stuck with me solo.”
We unpacked our gear and headed out towards the bluffs on the hot sand, boards tucked beneath our arms just like the old days.
“How’s Gwen?”
Harrison glanced back at me and grimaced. “Miserable. Everything is swollen and painful. She’s over being pregnant.”
“Any day now, huh?”
“Can’t come soon enough,” he agreed. “Poor thing. I wish there was something I could do to help. I’ve got massages scheduled every other day, and we’re eating whatever she wants, no matter how weird it is. Last night was fried avocado, which I didn’t even know was a thing.”
“Are you nervous?” I asked pointedly. If we were going to be dissecting my life it was only fair that I get my chance with his first.
“Hell yeah,” he laughed. “First baby? And a girl? I’m terrified, man.”
I chuckled.
“But you know what? I’m okay because I know Gwen and I can face whatever life throws at us. There’s nothing we can’t do together. So yeah, I’m nervous but I know we’ve got each other’s backs. It’s a good place to be. We’re teammates in the game of life.”
I choked out a laugh at him. “Who are you?”
“Me? I’m a grown-ass man who’s not afraid to commit,” he shot back at me.
It was a right hook to the chin and he knew it. I’d assumed that we’d eventually get to my ‘issues’ even though they weren’t issues at all. But it seemed Harrison wanted to go at it right away.
We dropped our stuff in a semi-hidden area and I peeled off my t-shirt.
“I’m going out,” I said. “No sense waiting.”
I had a feeling that he probably wanted to have a deep conversation first but there was no way I was going to get caught up in a therapy session before having a chance to find my Zen out on the waves.
I could tell Harrison was a little peeved that I was so quick to get into the water, but if he really wanted us to do nothing but talk, he should’ve suggested we meet at a restaurant.
If he was going to lure me out of my cave to surf, then I was going to surf, damn it.
The water hit my ankles like an artic freeze, but within a few minutes it felt like bathwater. I could see Harrison in my periphery.
The waves that had been rolling in while we were on the shore seemed to have disappeared the moment we were wet. We bobbed on our boards side-by-side, facing the flat, endless blue horizon.
I glanced over at Harrison. “Just say what you want to say. I know you had an ulterior motive for dragging me out here.”
He chuckled. “Okay, yeah, busted. I’ll admit it. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “Just busy.”
“Well, as Logan and I said at the deli, that’s your level-set. Whatever is wrong is deeper.”
I shrugged and squinted at the horizon, willing a wave to roll in and give me an excuse to stop the conversation.
“Just hear me out for a minute, okay?” Harrison said.
“I’ve been exactly where you are. I know your mindset, probably better than anyone else.
The drive to be the best, to prove yourself through your work.
It doesn’t leave much time for anything outside the office, but that’s the way you’ve always liked it.
Hell, that lifestyle was modeled for us by our fearless leader since birth.
But even Dad sees the error of his ways now.
It’s why he’s on a speed run towards retirement; making up for lost time and righting old wrongs. ”
“Yeah, but none of that applies to me. I’m nowhere near retirement,” I insisted. “And I’m happy. I like my life.’
Even I didn’t believe the words I was saying.
“Do you? Because I saw what you were like when Emilia was around. You were actually smiling and laughing. Now you’re downright fucking miserable, and the only reason I can point to for it is the break-up.”
As much as I was hoping to surf my unhappiness away, it was like the ocean was conspiring to keep me trapped in the conversation with my brother. There was barely a ripple for miles and I didn’t have a long board.
“I’m fine,” I repeated.
Harrison made a frustrated noise. “We are all so goddamned similar it’s a crime. Trying to power through the hard times solo is pointless, especially when you have a support system right here.”
“Oh yeah?” I couldn’t help pushing back. “Let’s not forget all those years when we’d go months at a time without speaking. I still need to get used to this new happy Ashford family shit, so forgive me if you’re not the first person I think to call when I’m going through shit.”
The brother I knew would have told me to go fuck myself and I deserved it.
“The problem is that you don’t call anyone,” Harrison pointed out.
“And I get it—I do. We’re all like that, in our own ways.
I shut down when things get more emotional than I can handle, Logan micromanages to make himself feel better, and Dad pulls away and then tells himself he’s helping by not ‘burdening’ anyone, which leads us to shitshows like him keeping us all in the dark with that cancer scare. ”
“God, that was such a shitshow,” I groaned.
“I know, right? But he learned his lesson from that, and these days, he’s trying. He sees where he fell short and he’s doing his best to make up for it.”
I glanced over my shoulder at the growing swell traveling our way. “Heads up.”
“Nope, it’s going to mush out. We’re not moving.”
As predicted, what looked like a rideable wave fell flat and barely even shifted us.
“Anyway, as I was saying, Dad finally recognized that he’d made mistakes, and now he’s not only trying to make up for them, he wants to make sure we don’t make the same ones.”
“Yeah, because of Candace,” I said, uncomfortably aware that I sounded like a grumpy teenager.
“I’m not totally comfortable with the idea of her either, but he and I have been talking more lately, and it’s given me a lot of new insight.
I hadn’t realized how long he’d been living with regrets.
I’m not sure I agree with all the choices he’s making, but I do think that facing your mistakes head on is the right choice.
More than that, it’s brave. There aren’t many people out there willing to admit when they’ve landed on the wrong path. ” A beat. “I know that firsthand.”
“What do you mean?”
Harrison was staring at the shoreline, like he didn’t want to face me as he grappled with his own demons.
“I came close to making the biggest mistake of my life because of my fucked up view on relationships. I almost let Gwen slip away.”
“Harrison,” I sighed. “I know what you’re trying to do. Let’s not.”
He swiveled the board so that he was facing me. I swore the guy must’ve scheduled our session for the absolute worst time for surfing, because the water was glass. There was no escaping the brotherly beatdown to come.
“No, we’re going there, because there are only a few people in this world who can talk sense into you, and I like to think that I’m one of them.
You keep telling yourself that it’s easier to be alone.
I felt the same way, until Gwen came into my life and showed me how wrong I was.
Do we have our tough times? Hell yeah, we bump heads plenty, because have you met her? ”
I laughed despite my frustration with him.
There was no denying Gwen was a spitfire.
It was one of my favorite things about her.
She also didn’t take any shit from Harrison.
The only other woman to behave like that was Emilia.
From the very moment we met, she called me on my shit.
Well, more like she accused me of hating dogs, which I don’t.
Not really. But as it turns out, I liked turtles better.
Well, tortoises... and one tortoise in particular.
“But Drew, none of those spats matter. She’s my world.
Gwen makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.
And now with a baby on the way?” His mouth went tight and he shook his head in disbelief, like he was trying to contain his emotions.
“And we’ve got the world’s best dog, too. How did I get so fucking lucky?”
“Well, I guess you’ve got it all figured out. Lucky you,” I said, hoping my envy didn’t come through.
I glanced over my shoulder towards the flat open water again. Mother Nature sure wasn’t on my side.
“Drew, come on. It’s not like it was an easy journey for us. I lived through what you’re facing right now. We split up, remember? I’ve been there, and I know firsthand that it sucks.”