Chapter 29 Harrison
HARRISON
“Aneutral color, huh?” I asked Kevin, pointing at the dot of sage paint on top of the can. “You’re not going the pink or blue route for the nursery walls?”
He grinned at me. “No way, bro. We’re not finding out what that little bean is until the day he or she decides to show up.”
I glanced around the empty nursery. “Well, let’s get to it then. Shouldn’t take too long.”
“Which is exactly why I didn’t want you to hire some fancy-shmancy painting company to do it. I can knock this out in a couple of hours.”
“We can,” I corrected him.
He shook his head at me. “The great Harrison Ashford is going to end the evening with paint on his $700 pants. I can’t wait to see it.”
“Hey, is that any way to talk to the guy doing you a favor? And I’ll have you know that I made a special trip to Costco to buy these cargo pants. They only cost $24.99. I’m glad you think they look more expensive. Maybe I’ll wear them to the office and start a new trend?”
“That’ll be the day,” he snorted.
“Guys, you’re probably going to need this,” Syndey said from the doorway, holding out two rolls of painter’s tape. “When you finally finish bullshitting.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Kevin walked over to grab them and ducked down to kiss her barely rounded belly. “Now get the hell outta here. Once we open the cans, it’ll be Fume City, and there’s no way I’m exposing my little pomegranate to that.”
“Quite a nickname,” I mused.
Sydney laughed. “No, that’s the size of the baby right now. A pomegranate.”
It was all a mystery to me, and an inexplicable sadness washed over me seeing how tender Kevin was with Sydney as he escorted her out the door.
They were happy. Blissfully so, which meant that it was possible, just not for me. I wasn’t built that way.
Kevin held onto the doorframe as he leaned after Sydney. “And stay out!”
Sydney’s laughter echoed around us as he shut the door.
We got to work taping off the ceiling and baseboards.
“So I have to ask,” Kevin said. “What’s going on with you? Because you seem quiet.”
“That’s my level-set,” I replied. “You should know that by now.”
“Not buying it.”
I thought about trying to duck the question again, but Kevin was far too patient and persistent to back down, so I figured I might as well give in.
“Gwen and I aren’t, uh, we’re not seeing each other anymore,” I finally said.
He paused to fully turn to me. “Aw, man. I’m sorry to hear it. Like, no-contact, or do you still talk at work?”
I shook my head and stared down at the blue tape in my hands. “Her contract with Ashford ended, and she’s moved on to start her own boutique agency.”
“Damn.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I lied.
He went back to taping. “I don’t know. She was different. I wasn’t around you guys too much, but during that flight it seemed like you two were really in sync with each other. She could handle you. And she didn’t take any of your bullshit.”
I let out a laugh despite myself. “True.”
“Do you miss her?”
It was a question I hadn’t allowed myself to consider. I preferred to focus on the facts: Gwen had been a part of my life and now she wasn’t, and the best course of action was to move on.
“I’m going to take that silence as a yes,” Kevin said.
I focused on peeling a jagged edge of tape. “Yeah. I do.”
“Okay, dummy, unless you did something stupid like sleeping with a supermodel, get her back.”
“It’s not that simple,” I insisted. “We’re very different people. She needs things I’m not capable of giving her.”
Kevin turned to gawk at me. “Like what? Because you’ve got the world at your fingertips.”
“Kev…” I said in a tone that made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it.
But Kevin’s never been the type to leave things unresolved. “All I’m saying is you were good together. And that’s rare. So my guess is that it’s less a matter of you not being able to give her what she needs, and more a case of you being scared to.”
He was throwing down the gauntlet, and he knew it. I became incredibly focused on taping the corner of the room.
“Ignore me all you want,” Kevin continued. “I just think it’s important for you to know that love doesn’t have to be scary. When you find the right person, it all snaps into place. And that feels damn good. Like a homecoming to a place you’ve never been.”
Yeah, I knew exactly what he was talking about, because I’d experienced it with Gwen. Being with her was so easy. And sexy as hell. It was a balance of passion and comfort that I’d never experienced before.
I could feel Kevin glancing at me as I taped, but I was in no mood to continue talking about Gwen. It felt like pressing on a bruise.
“How’s the job?” I finally asked him. “Your passenger feedback has been exceptional. People are requesting you now.”
Kevin laughed at me. “That’s the absolute worst pivot I’ve ever heard, but okay, we can move on. The job is…fine.”
“That’s it? Fine?”
“It’s doing what it’s supposed to. Paying the bills and helping us get ready for our new addition. The benefits are amazing. I’m going to do my best to hold out until he or she is ready for braces and college tuition.”
Sydney walked in with two beers. “Or you can quit and go back to the job you truly love.”
“I thought I told you to stay out, woman!” Kevin teased as he took one.
“The paint cans are still sealed, so shut your mouth,” she bantered back.
She held a bottle out to me, and I shook my head. “I’m good, thanks.”
“Doesn’t seem like it,” she said under her breath.
“Anyway,” Kevin said as he reached up to stick another piece of tape along the ceiling. “My job is to provide for my family, and Ashford Jets is allowing me to do that in a big way. So I’ll suck it up and deal with the spoiled brats and a-holes.”
Sydney walked over to him and threaded her arms around his waist from behind.
“I just want you to be happy, babe. I can tell how much stress you’re shoving down.
We can make things work no matter what, so if this job gets to be too much, just go back to teaching.
I’d rather be happy and poor than miserable and rich. ”
“Yeah, and I’d rather not go into medical debt when you give birth to the first of our seven children-to-be.”
Sydney jumped away from him and smacked his back. “Seven? Says who?”
I laughed at them. “Damn, you’re going to be busy.”
“Not happening,” she scolded Kevin. “Maybe there’s a way to vet his passengers so it’s not the nonstop party people? He comes home from flying you in the best mood, so I know it’s possible for him to enjoy his work.”
“Well, we’ve been trying to only give him our Platinum Business guests…”
Kevin pulled a face. “Yeah, those platinum finance bros are nearly as bad as the influencers.”
“We need to figure it out. I hate seeing you stressed,” Sydney said. “And it won’t be good for the baby either. This is supposed to be a magical time, but you come home with your shoulders up by your ears.”
“And here I thought I was doing a good job hiding it from you,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, babe.”
She put her hands on Kevin’s shoulders and stared into his eyes. Suddenly, they were the only two people in the room—or possibly in the world. “I know you. I see you. And I want you to be happy.”
He palmed her cheek and smiled at her. “I love you so fucking much. Do you know that?”
“Yeah, I do.”
I turned my back to them as they hugged, trying to make sense of the warring emotions inside of me. I was so happy for the relationship my best friend had grown with Sydney, but witnessing their connection set off an ache inside of me.
I’d come damn close to knowing what that kind of love felt like, and I’d let it slip away.
“Okay, back to work,” Sydney chirped. “Can I bring you guys anything?”
“I’m all set,” I replied quickly.
“Same. We’re just about done taping, and you know what that means?”
Sydney threw her hands up in front of her. “Okay, okay, I’m leaving.”
The door clicked shut, and I found myself speaking before I’d even had a chance to weigh the pros and cons of what I was about to offer Kevin.
“Be my personal pilot,” I said.
“Huh?”
“It’s the perfect solution: I hate flying with anyone but you, and you hate flying everyone but me. So if I make you my chief pilot, it solves both of our problems. You’ll still be eligible for benefits—”
“How?” Kevin interrupted. “You barely travel these days. It would be less than part-time.”
“Did you forget whose name is on your paycheck? I’d make it happen, don’t worry about it. And I plan to dedicate some time to overseas expansion, so I’ll need you more than you think.”
“The last thing you need to do is work more,” Kevin shook his head at me.
I shot him a look. “We’re not talking about me right now, okay? So with you flying a scheduled, part-time calendar, you’d be able to plan out a teaching calendar, which means you can go back to the work you love.”
Kevin looked like he couldn’t take it all in, staring off into space with the tape unrolled between his hands.
“This sounds too good to be true.”
“Nope, not at all. It makes perfect sense.”
Kevin sat down on the stepstool next to him slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. It does. I’m in shock. This is basically a dream come true. It is possible to have it all.”
I bit my tongue to keep from spoiling the moment, because I knew the truth: something always went sideways.
Maybe right now, in this moment, everything in his life felt right, but the bitch-slap of reality would catch up to him soon enough.
He’d have to make sacrifices eventually.
All I was doing by shifting his position at Ashford was pushing back the inevitable.
“So, yes?” I asked him.
“Fuck yes!” Kevin laughed. “Thank you! I can’t believe how perfect my life is right now.”
“Do you ever get worried?” I asked before I could stop myself. “About what could go wrong?”
This time he laughed at me. “You’re Mr. Doom and Gloom, every time. No, my friend, I don’t worry about that, because I choose to live in the moment, and right now the moment is giving me everything I ever wanted. I’m happy! Why would I go searching for things to be upset about?”
I had to admit that he had a point. I didn’t think I was capable of his carefree, living-in-the-moment approach to life, but it was sure working for him.
I tried it on for a split second in my mind, to imagine what his sort of contentment could feel like. On paper, my life was pretty damn amazing. I was running a business I loved, my relationship with my father was on the mend, and I had good friends by my side.
But there was an unmistakable void that overshadowed everything else.
And deep down I knew she was the missing piece.