Chapter 29
Of Angels and Unicorn Farts
What felt like days later, but was in actuality only two hours, Malachi heard a tap at the door.
It was hesitant and so light, he almost thought he’d imagined it.
Listening hard, it came again, faintly. He could hear her breathing, now.
Ignoring it, he flopped to his other side and ground his jaw.
His eyes burned, gritty and rough from his stupid emotions.
He couldn’t even pretend it was a lack of sleep; it was just raw gut-wrenching feelings that he didn’t ask for and couldn’t get rid of.
The worst part was that no matter how bad this felt, he wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Malachi,” came a soft, tearful plea. “Please, talk to me.”
Gritting his teeth, he strengthened his resolve to stay silent. He crossed his arms over his chest and hugged himself tightly.
“Please,” she sobbed. “Mal, don’t ice me out like this.”
Groaning, he sat up and slid off the bed. Making his way towards the door, he slowly unlocked it and immediately shifted back to canine form, nudging the door wider. He stared at her, tilting his head to the side.
Dropping to her knees, Chuck took his head in her hands, ruffling his ears with her fingers. “Malachi, please don’t do this. You don’t need to be a dog around me. I like your human form. Even your demon form. I’m sorry, I’m not sure what I said. But please, let’s talk this out.”
Hanging his head low, he studied the grain in the hardwood, debating how to respond. Chuck, I think it’s better this way. We need distance. I’m going to die soon, and it will be awkward for you. My human form is too complicated. This is easier.
“Fuck easy,” she shouted. “Malachi, I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to live without you. What did I say? What did I do? Please… tell me so I can fix this.” Her eyes drowned in sorrow, and her aura was the solid black of mourning.
The color was the final straw. He knew then he needed to make this break.
No, Chuck. There’s nothing else to discuss; I’ll be dead in a few days.
There’s no ‘fixing’ this. He brushed past her and headed to the back door.
Slinking through the dog flap, he crept into the backyard.
Taking a deep breath of the close air, he whimpered slightly at the thought of what he left behind in that room.
The image of Chuck on her knees, her eyes swollen, desolate, burning pits of despair flashed helpfully through his mind.
Staring at the sky, desperate for relief of this torment, Malachi sent out: I don’t know if anyone is listening, or if you even care to hear from someone like me, but if you are, help Chuck.
Keep her safe. Protect her when I can’t.
And… please don’t let her hurt too long after I die.
If she even cares. Maybe she doesn’t, but if she does…
Dropping his head and shaking it, he huffed. No one’s listening to me.
Gathering himself, Malachi turned towards the gate, intending to roam the neighborhood for a while.
Maybe run and clear his head. A sharp burning sensation coated his skin like he was caught inside an oven.
Nothing had touched him, but he was encased in a tingling wash of pain so strong, even his fur hurt.
Dropping to the ground, Malachi panted hard and whined low in his throat.
Whatever was attacking him was rendering him helpless.
He couldn’t remember anything ever hurting this much.
“I’m listening,” came a ringing voice, the force of it shoving Malachi further into the grass as it rolled over him like a peal of thunder.
Thanks, but can you dial down the grace there, wing boy? You’re melting me, Malachi panted as he blinked blearily at the angel towering over him. This was the source of his agony.
“Oh, my apologies,” the angel offered as he bowed with a slight grin, not looking the least bit sorry.
He did, however, turn down the wattage of his glow, granting Malachi a slight reprieve.
“It’s not every day a demon prays to Heaven—at least not authentically, especially on someone else’s behalf.
So, I was sent personally to check this out.
Tell me.” The angel smiled serenely now as he settled himself cross-legged on the grass, adjusting his wings behind him to get more comfortable. “Why on Earth is a demon praying?”
Huffing a sigh, Malachi shook his head as he dragged himself to his feet, unsure how he ended up in these kinds of situations.
I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.
I thought I was just asking for help for Chuck.
He glanced up at the angel again, and seeing only quiet contemplation, he forged ahead.
Look, this is awkward, so I’m just going to put it out there.
Chuck, well, Kelly Charles, is half-angel.
Her father was a full angel. He died and never told her.
Demons are after her now, and I was sent here undercover to corrupt her for Hell.
I didn’t know it at first, but my former commander came and told me to do it, or I would be killed.
I was on board with it, I mean… demon, you know?
He snuck a peek and saw the angel nodding along, indicating he understood.
Anyway, thing is, I got to know her, Chuck.
And well, I can’t do it. I care about her too much.
I didn’t know it was possible, but… dammit, I developed feelings for her, and I think I…
l-love her. Never knew I could feel that way, much less for someone on your side, but here we are.
I do. I love her. I won’t hurt her, and I’m going to die because of it.
I don’t want her to suffer because of it either.
She needs protection. And maybe, can you like…
erase her memories of me? Make it so she doesn’t remember any of it? She deserves better.
Sighing heavily, the angel dropped his head and steepled his fingers against his lips. “It’s a very noble thing you ask, demon Malachi.” He glanced up and winked as Malachi jumped at his name. “Yes, I know who you are. I’m very interested in what’s going on with Kelly Charles. She’s my niece.”
Sitting back, Malachi huffed. Well, I’ll be damned even more than I already am. Any other feathery family lurking out there?
“Quite a few of us, actually. But here’s the thing. I won’t do it. Grief and pain are part of the human experience. She has to go through this to grow.”
Fuck that! Malachi shouted. Human experience my furry ass, she doesn’t deserve that. She didn’t ask for this. She’s an innocent pawn in this sick fucking game. You have the ability, do it! Help her, she’s your family. You know it’s not fair.
Shaking his head, his expression sorrowful now, the angel gave a sad smile.
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he studied Malachi.
“I know, it sucks. What’s the cliché? Life isn’t fair?
Well, it’s true. Life isn’t fair. She has free will, and we will not manipulate her mind or her life just because of a setback. Maybe you—”
Malachi was vibrating with fury and transitioned to his full demon form, hulking over the annoying angel seated before him.
“I AM NOT A SETBACK!” he roared, heedless of who could hear him now.
“She doesn’t deserve to be a pawn while you monitor some stupid little game.
I thought you were family, you winged freak! Don’t you care?”
Rising to his own considerable but in comparison still shorter height, the angel tilted his face up to meet his flaming gaze. “Nick. My name is Nick. And yes, I care. The real question, Malachi, is do you?”
Taking a startled step back, Malachi stared uneasily at the angel, then recovered his demonic bravado. “Nick?” he repeated incredulously. “Seriously? Whoever heard of an angel named Nick? Is that short for Nicholai? Nicaroni?” He grinned cheekily and wafted his much larger wings.
Sighing, as his hair fluttered back, the angel rolled his eyes heavenward. “Puppy’s got jokes. Look, milk-bone breath, I asked you a simple question. Do you care about Kelly?”
Holding back surprised laughter at the angel’s witty comeback, Malachi studied the glowing jerk. Slowly, his grin fell, and his eyes heated with the seriousness of the answer. “I do, Nicky. I love her.”
“There you go!” Nick applauded. The clapping was obnoxiously loud and seemed a bit sarcastic if Malachi was allowed to judge. It stopped as abruptly as it started. “Well, if you love her, you take care of her. Don’t break her heart.”
Now, Malachi was shocked, taken aback that Nick apparently wanted him to stay with Chuck.
“I don’t get it.” He shook his head as confusion filled him, making his skin tingle.
“Why are you encouraging me—a demon—to stay with her? With Chuck? She’s half-angel, shouldn’t you be smiting me? Warning me away from her?”
Nick waved a palm negligently, blowing a rude noise through his lips.
“But don’t you see, Malachi, that’s exactly why!
Because you aren’t just any demon, are you?
You’ve developed feelings. You care. You prayed to us to watch over her.
Which means you’re coming to the light side.
We believe everyone can be redeemed if they just ask forgiveness, even demons.
You were born into this life, but you have the capacity to change.
So, who better to protect her than someone who will sense supernatural dangers and act on her behalf?
Added bonus, if you continue to help her with upholding their human laws, you’re doing the work of Heaven as well!
” Nick beamed from ear to ear in a way that faintly reminded Malachi of paintings he’d defaced in a museum once.
“So…” Malachi furrowed his eyebrows and shrank back to human form.
“You want me to stay with Chuck because you want me to protect her and keep being her K-9 partner. And you think it’s a win for Hea…
Hea…” He rolled his eyes as he grunted and pointed up.
“Your people, because I—a demon—would be doing good deeds, is that what I heard, Nicholas?”
“In a nutshell,” agreed Nick happily. His icy blue eyes were twinkling, and Malachi was certain his hair was now glittering as a silver halo formed around his head.
“Cut that shit out,” Malachi grumbled in disgust, narrowing his eyes. “You look like a cross between Twilight and a Hallmark movie.”
Chuckling, Nick waved a hand in front of his face, and his visage returned to normal. “You’re no fun,” he snorted. Then he straightened and clasped his hands. “So, do we have an accord? You’ll protect Chuck, take care of her, and I won’t smite you?”
Grunting in disbelief, Malachi propped his hands on his hips. “One little problem there, Nicodemus.”
“It’s not… never mind,” Nick groaned and shook his head, accepting defeat. “What?”
“Hyacinth, my commander. He’s going to kill me sometime between now and probably Friday. Gonna make Operation Chuck Watch a tiny bit harder.” Malachi held his thumb and pointer about half an inch apart, squinting at the angel through the scant space between his fingers.
“Not a problem.”
A growl slipped out in exasperation. “I find it to be a problem. A big fucking problem, Nicco. So, what do you know that I don’t?” Malachi demanded, then held up a hand. “About this specific problem, smart ass.”
Grumbling under his breath, Nick finally narrowed his eyes and repeated, “No fun!” Then he heaved a sigh and waved his hands, chanting muffled words that sounded like a cross between a Gregorian chant and something from a Monty Python skit.
A sparkling, hazy purple cloud flew from his fingers and wrapped around Malachi like a shroud, encasing him in suffocating lilac smoke.
“Ow!” Malachi snapped as the shimmering cloak closed in on him, squeezing firmly until it popped and sank into his skin. “What the actual fuck, Nicorette?” he shouted, dancing around, shaking his limbs, trying to get the heavenly unicorn fart out of his body.
“Nick!” the angel snapped. “It’s Nick!” Then he stopped and leaned back, a chagrined smile over his lips as he realized Malachi had finally succeeded in getting to him. “But you knew that.”
Malachi winked conspiratorially, then sobered. “Seriously, though, what was that?”
The ground under their feet shook and trembled, bubbling like a tar pit, and smelling like the lower depths of a peat bog on fire. From the ground rose the bulbous and wrinkled form of Hyacinth the Destroyer. His arms were crossed, his claws clenched, and he looked downright pissed.