3. Aerin
3
AERIN
I stare at the wall, once again, unable to sleep.
It’s the middle of the night and the only thing that has stopped me from tossing and turning has been not wanting to wake Mack. I’d have gone downstairs to find a boring TV show to put on that might send me to sleep, but the thought of tackling stairs has become less and less appealing the further along I get in my pregnancy.
Behind me, Mack stirs. He wraps his arm around me and kisses the back of my shoulder as I inhale his warm caramel and sandalwood scent. “Thumper busy thumping?”
Mack came up with the nickname when the baby started kicking. And the more my baby kicks, like a rabbit from one of our favorite movies, the more the name seems to stick, and the more we’re in danger of using it instead of giving our baby an actual name.
I smile despite my tiredness. “That nickname is becoming a habit, and I’m not sure I want to stick with it for the long-term, Mack.”
His jaw cracks as he yawns. “Are you sure? Thumper Winters has a ring to it.”
As ridiculous as it seems, he’s right. It actually doesn’t sound so bad. I swallow my smile before he can see it.
I’m not lying awake in the middle of the night because my baby has decided to use my bladder as a punchbag. Something else is making sleep impossible.
Moving slowly, I roll over. Mack helps me so we’re face to face, lying in our dark, quiet home in Winter Lake, a remote retirement town on the east coast.
Mack drew the curtains before we climbed into bed hours before, so it’s too dark to see his deep brown eyes. “Are you sure you still want to go ahead with this?”
His lip quirks into a smile. “I’d say it’s a bit late for me to change my mind with three months to go.”
I don’t return his smile.
“Is this because I asked if you were happy in this house?” He grins. “Because I promise you that I wasn’t thinking about kicking you out of our home.”
I had briefly wondered that earlier. Mack had met me outside the diner after I’d inhaled a burger, fries, and two chocolate milkshakes with Penny. She had to help me up from the booth, which is how we usually end our lunch dates.
Mack had asked, as he drove us home, if I could see myself always living in this house and it had taken me several seconds to respond.
I love the house. It’s cozy, warm, and it’s always felt like a safe place because after I ran away from Shane, it was my safe place. A haven where I rested and recuperated after I escaped a hated life with my fated mate. It’s also where I fell in love with Mack. I will always love this house because of those things.
Eventually, I told him I was happy here, and I could see myself living here for a while, but forever felt too far away to say if it was somewhere I’d always want to live. As long as I’m with Mack, that’s what matters. He’d seemed pleased by my response, but refused to tell me why he was asking me, just said he had some things he was thinking about and wasn’t ready to talk about yet.
I know—or, at least, I was certain on the drive home from lunch—that Mack would want me and the baby. That he loves us both. He’s never made me think otherwise.
But in the middle of the night, old doubts have resurfaced, the way they sometimes like to when there is nothing around to distract you from them. It’s like when no one is around to reassure you, is when fears cling to you like barbs you can’t shake off.
My biggest fear is that Mack will change his mind.
I can read his soul and heal old hurts, like any omega can, because we are soul-healers. But what if the baby comes, and he doesn’t want this child to be his after all? What if with all the diaper changing, the crying, the being woken up every hour all night, being thrown up on three times a day, and me being too tired to spend any time with him because I’m giving my all to the baby, that he thinks, this is too much work?
That’s why I can’t sleep. Not because Thumper has made kicking my bladder a sport.
My abusive former mate is this child’s biological father, and even though Mack has embraced me—and this child—as his, what if the baby comes and Mack decides he doesn’t want this life at all?
“Aerin?” Mack’s smile falls away as he rests his hand at the base of my spine. “There is nothing you can’t share with me, love.”
I briefly smile. “Sometimes I’m convinced you’re an omega.”
“I’m not,” he says, still not smiling. “But when you’re hurting, I feel it. Tell me, and I will do everything I can to fix it.”
The sound of my swallow is painfully loud in the quiet dark. “Shane?—”
He drags his thumb over my lip. The caress is soft, but his expression is fierce. “Was an ass who didn’t deserve you or Thumper. Please tell me he’s not making you hurt because I’m starting to think I should have killed him when I had the chance.”
“You’re getting really attached to that name, huh?” His words draw a watery smile. Almost all my smiles are watery these days.
My emotions bounce between two extremes: excitement about getting ready for the baby or bursting into tears because I dropped a spoon. Sometimes I don’t even have to drop a spoon. I watched a commercial with a dog running across a field, tongue hanging out of its mouth in a happy grin, and something about it made me burst into tears.
There’s a tissue box in every room.
Mack said nothing, but I know he put them there, and he never complains when I cry for no reason. I must be exhausting to be around, but Mack is as patient and sweet as he always is.
“I will always want you and Thumper, Aerin. You never have to worry about that. You’re both mine forever, and that will never change. Okay?”
“You’re taking on a lot.”
He saved me from Shane, and gave me a safe haven when my mate made my life a misery, and now he’s taken the child Shane did not want as his.
Not all men would do that.
Mack took us both in, accepted us, and loved us without hesitation.
“You mean embrace a happy future with the woman I love and who is going to help me build a football team?” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as his lips tilt up in a smile. "I must be crazy to want something like that, huh?”
“Football team?” I arch my eyebrow, but wince when Thumper proves true to her name. I haven’t told Mack yet, but when my powers decide they want to work, her soul feels female. The further along I get in my pregnancy, the rarer those occasions are. That has been another anxiety keeping me up at night.
He kisses me. “Football team,” he confirms. “Turn around. Let me see if I can do something to stop Thumper from kicking you so you can get back to sleep.”
I roll over with Mack’s help.
He wraps his arms around me, drawing my body back to his as he lovingly strokes my belly. My powers have been in a flux for a while, but when he touches me like this, I swear I can feel his love pouring from him to me and to the baby he’s claimed as his.
Thumper must feel that love too, because as I relax, she does as well, and her kicks become less violent.
Smothering another yawn, I consider telling Mack about my powers being out of whack and how each new training lesson with Adela ends with me more frustrated than the last.
But I worry.
My aunt Ivy was supposed to come to my baby shower and missed it. She said the Lonergan Pack was dealing with unexpected trouble, and it wasn’t a big deal. But Ivy had been so excited to come that I know she wouldn’t have stayed away unless something serious was going on in Virginia.
Now more than ever, I’m conscious that Mack is careful to ensure I’m not left alone. He stopped Bennett and Helena from going to Jersey City with Colton and Penny to pack up his apartment.
Trouble is brewing, even if no one wants to talk to me about it. The last thing I want is to complain about not being able to do something that has always come easily to me. I can heal a person of ten years' worth of their pain and trauma without meaning to. Whenever I reached for my power and it has always been there, like an eager puppy.
Except now.
Now my power is like a spluttering candle that goes out more often than it stays lit.
“Aerin?” Mack’s voice is soothing and calm in my ear.
“Yeah?”
He kisses my throat. “Everything will be fine.”
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
He’s smiling. I feel it when he kisses me again. “Maybe because I’m the all-seeing, all-knowing Alpha.”
I snort a laugh.
“I’ll bet Thumper is making your powers go haywire. They’ll return to fully operational soon, love,” he says.
My smile fades and I circle Mack’s wrist, squeezing. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He resumes stroking my belly. “What for?”
“Always knowing when something is wrong.”