31. Wolf
Alength of ribbon fluttered from one of the low woven walls. It had been Raven’s, I thought. Now its lonely wave captured my own feelings. The enclave was abandoned. Everyone but me had gone, eager to move on with their lives beyond this place and the limitations of these woods. But I wasn’t ready.
The combination of losing Emi and sending my family off without me had carved out a hole inside me that I didn’t think would ever be whole again. I wandered aimlessly, picking up bits of this and that, tidying camp sites as if the residents would be back any time now to use them again. In short, I was being morose and stupid, but my ragged heart didn’t care.
The towering enclave walls had erupted with green leaves since the end of the curse, now resplendent with life and spotted with orange blossoms. It was more beautiful than ever, but the battered pot laying on the ground by Fawn’s fire filled me with a bone-deep longing.
Sending Emi home where she belonged was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Worry ate at me, and I could only hope her sister and father would finally realize how wonderful she was and give her the love she deserved. I wished I could have given her the world, because I certainly had the love for her. Being without her felt like missing a limb or an organ, some critical piece of me had been torn away.
I had nothing. I wasn’t the wolf of the woods any longer, I was just a man with nothing to offer the woman he loved. A man without memory, without means, without purpose…was he even a man? I couldn’t ask Emi to settle for that when she was worth so much more. She may have forgiven me, but I couldn’t ask her to stay with the person responsible for upending her life and taking her family from her. Even imperfect, they were still hers, and I’d taken enough.
Clinging to my heart’s desire would have made me as selfish as the Ruby Witch, and Emi had already had more than her share of people taking advantage of her kind nature. So I’d put on a brave face and said goodbye, and it broke me.
Each goodbye had been as hard as the next, bitter and sweet at the same time. I was happy they were all starting new lives free from the curse, but as for me, I almost missed the pull of the Mist because it felt like a connection to something. I’d been here too long.
I missed Emi with everything I was. The only pull I felt anymore was toward her, but she was gone.
Letting Emi and the others go was right, but I couldn’t quite tear myself away from the enclave. It was like I was waiting for some indefinable sign to tell me where to go next, or maybe that was just the broken heart talking.
Before leaving, Robin had looked at my carefully expressionless face and begged me to come with them. She had grabbed me by both arms and made me look her in the eye. “You don’t have to protect anyone anymore, Wolf. You were our rock for so long, but you can relax now. You did it.”
“You make it sound like some noble or selfless sacrifice, but I was just scared. The whole time, I was just scared of losing more and this was the only way I could hang on.”
She had given me a long-suffering look. “The reasons don’t matter, halfwit. Of course you were scared. We all were. You still held us all together, and now you’ve set us all free. Being scared is a good thing. It means what you’re scared about matters. You’re only scared when something is important enough to you that you fear losing it.”
“Thanks, oh wise one. Maybe you should have been an owl.”
“Funny. But maybe you should think about why you sent Emi away. Were you just scared to lose her, too? Because you know what that means.”
I knew.
All too well, I knew, but I also knew it had been the right thing for her. She had a life, and I had nothing to my name. Actually, I didn’t even have my name, just the one the curse had given me. I needed to figure out how to pick up the pieces of me left scattered around this forest and decide where to go from here.
The dipping sunshine didn’t reach me in the enclave. I stuck to the shadows near the back wall waiting for dark. An abandoned blanket reminded me I should pack some things to take with me wherever I went. I was falling into the familiar spiral of where to go, what to do next, when a thump echoed across the enclave.
A crash…followed by heartfelt cursing.
I was hearing things. I had to be. Because that voice was impossible.
Dropping the blanket, I stepped out from behind Raven’s privacy wall and blinked in the falling dusk. I was seeing things too. She had no reason to be here.
Tall and feisty, the figure punched her scarlet cloak back from her hip and kicked at the pot on the ground that had so offended her. She cursed again and hopped on one foot when the pot ricocheted off the stone fire pit and hit her toe again.
“Stupid, clouded pot.”
My heart tripped. She wouldn’t come back for me, would she?
No, you halfwit, she probably forgot something. Or you’ve gone completely clouded and this is a hallucination.That was probably it. The curse had claimed too much of my sanity.
“Witchling?” I called out anyway. If this was a dream, I didn’t mind losing myself to it.
Vision-Emi snapped upright.
“Wolf!” She flew into motion.
Red mane flying behind her, my vision dashed across the space, hurdling obstacles as she came. She looked solid. She looked warm and wild and achingly real.
She tripped over a lonely shoe, caught herself, and kept coming. Would a vision stumble or be so imperfectly perfect? My knees nearly buckled.
“Wolf,” she called again.
My heart threw itself against my ribs. It was too real, too familiar. Robin had only been halfway right. Scared didn’t begin to cover it.
Then my arms were full of her, and her sun-warmed hair was fragrant against my face, filling my nose with sweet honey and vanilla, her body warm and so, so alive against mine. She was really here. Our hearts thundered together. I couldn”t hold her close enough.
“You came back,” I finally managed. I didn’t dare to hope. My brain was too overwhelmed. I didn’t care what she forgot, only that she was here. I would live in this heartbeat and cherish it until the next one brought it crashing down.
“Of course I came back.” Her breath was a ghost at my throat. “Shimmering sunbeams, I can’t breathe. I thought you were gone. I thought I’d missed you.”
If I could have nothing more than this, no matter how impossible, I’d be the luckiest man in the world. In all the worlds of this cursed globe.
I loved her. I was so in love with this woman, this witch, I never wanted to let her go.
My eyes closed to hold in the beautiful dream, like I could memorize these heartbeats to sustain me through long, lonely days ahead if she only wanted to say goodbye one more time. I had no idea how I was supposed to open my arms and let her fly away again if that’s what she wanted.
Sensing my turmoil, she tried to shift, but I couldn”t release her. Not again.
Not yet.
I whispered my plea with my lips against her soft cheek. “Lie to me, witchling. Tell me you love me.”
It was too much to ask, but I craved the words more than my next breath. Even if she didn’t mean them, I just wanted to hold those words forever.
“Wolf?”
“I know, Emi, but please. Grant me this one wish. Lie to me this one time.”
“Wolf…I can’t.”
“I know I have no right to ask. But please, give me this one thing before you go.”
This time she pushed more insistently against my chest. Despite how badly I wanted to cling to her and never let her go, I did. I could barely meet her gaze, but then her hand was warm on my cheek and she forced my eyes to find hers. They were brilliant green in the low sun, speckled with gold and full of more life and hope than I ever imagined one person could contain. Skies, but she was breathtaking. I wanted to look nowhere else for the rest of my days.
“One lie, sweetheart, and I’ll never ask for anything again. Tell me you love me.”
“I can’t, Wolf…”
My eyes burned and my heart throbbed. Of course she couldn’t. Turning away would have been the dignified thing to do. Instead, a hot tear overflowed to spill down my cheek, and Emi wiped it away with her thumb and held me tighter so I couldn’t look away. Then, she smiled at me, and my heart stuttered.
“No, Wolf. I can’t do both. I can’t lie and tell you I love you at the same time, because it’s no lie.” Her eyes shone and her lips tilted with inconceivable hope. “I know why you thought I’d go home, but that place isn’t home anymore. Maybe it never was. As soon as I got there, I knew it was wrong. I knew I had to come back. Had to find you.”
She kissed me, hard and fierce, just as determined as she did anything worth her attention. I wouldn”t have her any other way.
“Why?” I whispered against her neck, unable to help myself from kissing the soft spot where her pulse raced over and over, all while salty tracks traced my cheeks.
“The only place I want to be is wherever you are, Wolf. My family may be blood, but that”s the only thing we have in common. They never saw me the way you do. No one sees me like you. You looked at me and you didn”t just see a witch or a girl to be ignored or a person whose only value is in the things she can do for you. You saw me. You saw all of me, and I never knew how much I was missing that until you.”
”You mean that, don”t you?”
She responded by kissing me again, thoroughly. I loved it.
I was laughing as we broke apart. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“It”s a Clouds, Yes. It”s a yes to whatever comes next, as long as we”re together. So, would you still like me to lie, or would you like me to tell you I love you with all the honesty of my heart?“
My smile was so big it hurt. Somehow, Emi was here, offering everything I didn’t deserve. And I knew I was a greedy man because I was grabbing it with both hands.
Whatever it took, I would to live up to what this magical creature deserved. I wanted to give her this whole bright, sunny world we found ourselves in. And I’d start by giving her all of me. I was hers, for as long as she’d have me. I had been for a long time already.
“Then, witchling, I guess it”s a good time to tell you that I love you, too. I’ve wanted to tell you every day since you returned. I’ve loved you since you first held a knife to my throat. I loved you already even when I thought I hated you, and now, even though I know I could never deserve you, I love you selfishly, and scared, and with everything that I am.”
She blushed in my arms. Smiled. Healed me. “Thank the starry skies. That would have been terribly awkward if I’d misjudged how you really felt.”
We laughed, and I traced her jaw with my knuckles, still hardly daring to believe this was real.
“I love you, Wolf. As a man, as a wolf, it doesn”t matter to me. If I had my one wish to do all over again, I would wish for you. Only you.”
I shook my head in amazement at her. “Then it”s a good thing you wished for something far more useful, because you already have me. Always will.”
Her kiss was everything I needed.
When the kiss turned hot and needy, want surged through me, vivid and hard. It had been forever since I’d had her—a lifetime ago it seemed—but my body remembered every curve and every tender aching pleasure. The little moan she let out slotted into the last crack in my heart and made me whole again.
“I’ve missed you, kitten.”
She looked up at me with sparks of heat lighting her eyes that set us both on fire. “I was only gone a day.”
“Too long,” I whispered.
Her hands found the back of my neck, and mine skimmed up her ribs to cup the swell of her breasts. It was all I could do to break away from our kisses for air. My hands traced her body like I might wake any moment to find this was nothing short of the best dream I’d ever had.
The kiss deepened, lengthening like a glimmering sunbeam I didn’t want to let fade. I could kiss her all night, our hands moving restlessly over each other’s bodies. It would be more than enough, but I was ravenous for her.
Everything was new again. Every kiss a revelation. Every touch a discovery. Being able to do this with her—being allowed to breathe in her space, let alone kiss and hold her—unveiled the intimacy I craved. She was a sun-sent avowal, an indulgence, my perfect serenity.
I wanted to hold every piece of her with every part of me, closer than this. Skin to skin. Heart to heart. I wanted to be one with her in every way that counted. I’d never known need like I felt for this woman, and I couldn’t imagine it ever lessening.
“Should we go back to the cottage?” I asked, breathless. I wasn”t sure I could make it to the cottage because my knees were locked just to stop them from shaking in anticipation of having Emi again. My love. My heart. The thought that we could have this together forever was too much, so I focused on now.
Thankfully, she glanced around and pulled me to the blanket with her. “We”re alone here.”
It was all the invitation I needed.
Blankets on the ground under a canopy of pink and purple streaked sky made the perfect bed to lay Emi down. One piece of clothing at a time, I undressed her, slowing to kiss her when my hands shook too much to continue.
Even including the first time she’d taken me to bed, which was beyond incredible, I’d never been so turned on as I was knowing she loved me the same way I loved her. My body ached with want, straining free as she stripped me quickly.
We were both more than ready, and with Emi’s body open to me, it was nothing at all to guide us together in that perfect union. My eyes fell to half-mast as I slid deep into her heat, and her head fell back on a beautiful cry. How had I thought I could live without this? She was perfect for me in every way, like she was made for me. And she was mine.
I kissed her everywhere. Her hair, her temples, her chin, her neck, her collarbone, her breasts. I kissed down to the soft crease at her elbow and slid my tongue over the strong, fast pulse at her wrist. Emi whimpered.
She never had to beg. I would make love to this woman any time she asked for it, so I moved faster when she rocked her hips into mine.
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes, Wolf! Please.”
“You make this so hard, sweetheart.”
Her lips curled into a lascivious smile. “Isn’t that the idea?”
I kissed away her naughty grin. “Not what I meant, little menace. I wanted to go slow, make this last all night. But I don’t think I can control myself with you looking so sweet and sounding like pure sin. You make me want to act like the beast I still am.”
“Do it. Take what you need, Wolf, because I need you just the same. And who says I’ll be done with you after once? We have all night. All the time in the world to go slow the second time, or third.” She tightened her heels behind my thighs and canted her hips, driving me deeper inside her. She was perfect.
On a slow glide back I searched her face. What I found was pure trust and desire, untethered lust and unfettered love. Knowing I had her faith was the last trigger, and I unleashed with long hard drives that took us both to another plane.
Emi’s eyes fluttered, her lip caught between her teeth, and my name fell out on each of her frantic exhales. Her hands scrabbled over my shoulders, nails digging into my back. It was the hottest thing I’d ever felt, knowing she was as wild for me as I was for her. I wanted her marks on my skin.
“I love you, I love you.” It was a chant from my lips to her ear.
My thighs burned but I didn’t let up, and Emi met me on every plunging thrust, my perfect match in all ways. I was so far inside her, the force of it split the fabric of my heart and hers, fusing us together until we shared one pulsing, pounding, driving beat.
She was pure love—generous and strong, consuming and giving, forcefully surrendering and taking in equal measure. Emi’s hair splayed like a breathtaking cloud, near burgundy in the sunset and so arrestingly stunning I had to remember how to breathe. How could she be mine? How could she have chosen me after everything?
I slowed and her eyes flew open to meet mine before I captured her mouth in a hot, desperate kiss.
“You feel so good,” she told me. “You fill me in all the ways I didn’t know I needed. Don’t stop.”
Emi would probably always have her insecurities, but I’d never stop telling her how much she meant to me, filling her well of confidence. I would earn her trust each day, proving her faith in me was deserved. I would never let her think there was even a possibility of me walking away from her again, not when she was my everything, my whole world.
I already knew I’d never get enough of her. It didn’t matter if I had her in my bed every night from now on. Didn’t matter how many times I had her pinned beneath me, wrapped around me, moaning my name. I would always want more. I would never stop wanting Emi every way I could have her.
Making love with Emi was as incredible as she was. Fierce. Determined. Powerful. It had claws, pulling me deeper, demanding more, not letting me go. Yet it was precious and tender at the same time, unbearably generous and unstoppably passionate. How could I feel so many things at the same time? The answer I found in the wild and gorgeous eyes staring back at me was that it was us, somehow, because we were equally lost in this together.
Seeing her right there with me was enough to send me spinning over the edge.
My whole world drew up tight and sweet, each thread pulling inward to this single beautiful ache, and I was reduced to one heartbeat at a time—the feel of warm flesh, the smell of vanilla, and these sensations consuming me as the stars realigned, until Emi came apart around me.
“You might need to beat my soul back into my body with a stick after that,” I said when she rolled off me after round two.
Emi only huffed and snuggled closer, sliding her hand up my chest. “No more beatings,” she murmured. “Unless you don’t do the dishes, then I reserve the right.”
I chuckled. “Fair.” We settled into steady breaths until our hearts slowed.
“Where do we go from here?” Emi asked once we came down from the bliss.
“Wherever we are, as long as we’re together, I’ll be happy.”
“Don”t you want to try to find your old life?”
I”d been weighing that question for days.
“I don”t think so.” I stopped to consider how to explain the conclusions I”d reached. “If I had family, they”d have mourned me long ago, and I have no desire to open old wounds. Either for me or for anyone else.”
I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips to hers. “Besides, I have everything I need right here. I want to build a new life, anywhere you want, as long as I’m yours and you’re mine.”
“Promise me something?” Emi whispered.
“Anything.”
“At least once every day, kiss me that same way. Like you love me more than you imagined you could and like it surprises you every day. And tell me you want me even when it’s hard.”
Loving this beautiful spirit beside me would never be hard, but I knew, even on her bad days when the doubts crept back in, that was a promise I would gladly keep.
“Always will, witchling. Always will.”