Twenty-One
When she sent me to the end of the fucking world to take a seat so that she could tutor HU’s number one swimmer and national team prospect, I downloaded Duolingo and Google Translate to my phone.
Then I opened up my Notes app and started making a list of the shit she says, along with the shit I want to learn to say back to her.
This little brat calls me all sorts of names. Cabrón, pendejo, idiota. We're gonna work on getting her to call me mi amor next. “Hey Siri, how do you say, 'I’m cooked,' in Spanish?
And novio . I looked it up, and it means boyfriend. I’ve never been a boyfriend to someone, but I want to be that for her. Just her. Her boyfriend. Ed’s novio. Her man.
Whenever having a girlfriend or being with someone romantically was brought up, I always felt like I was having a fucking heart attack. My body would literally reject the word relationship, let alone the idea of me being in one.
But when I think about Ed, I can feel my heart beating. I felt it double and triple in size today, making room for her. That’s how I know this shit is real.
And speaking of real, the last time she and I were in this library together, I did one of the most impulsive things that I’ve ever done.
I kissed her like I needed her air to breathe.
And then she slapped me so hard that I jizzed in my pants a little.
I knew it then, just like I know it now. I was seriously into her.
I’ve thought about that kiss a lot, and being back in the library with her felt like the perfect opportunity for a redo. But this time, I asked her for a kiss instead of just taking it. I’m never gonna take anything from her ever again. I’m gonna ask and earn it.
I tested out my new game plan when I leaned into her personal space while staring into her eyes. These two black holes sucked me in with their crazy gravitational pull. I was completely absorbed in her beauty.
I stood there and silently prayed to this demon to let me in. I wanted her permission. Permission to pour gasoline all over the sparks that flickered between us. I wanted to set us on fire. I wanted to see how bright we could burn together.
My mouth was a breath away from hers when she closed her eyes. She gave me the consent I needed to burn down the bad in her world. I’d go to hell for her if it meant she got to live her best life. And I was ready to give it all to her.
I pressed our lips together, and it started to storm again. Lightning struck me in the same place as it did this morning when she kissed me, sending a bolt of electricity straight to my heart. The thunder was so loud in my head that it cracked the shell that hides my soul.
I tried to be as gentle as I could as I eased her sweet little mouth open before I tasted her tongue. She was sweet and salty - my all-time favorite combo. It was so, Ed.
She’s equal parts selfless and stubborn, and a hundred percent everything I didn’t know I wanted.
I tried like hell to convince myself that the feelings she was uncovering would be better off buried under a pile of resentment and hatred. So I forced myself to stay away. I blew her off and ended up blowing shit up anyway. And now all I wanna do is pick up the shattered pieces and rebuild.
She used to scare the shit outta me, and I did what I needed to do to make the fear go away. I tried to ignore her. I tried to hide how I felt. I tried not to care. And I failed miserably.
I almost lost her for good, along with my one chance to make it right, for both of us. And now here I was, feeling everything that I never thought I would feel for a girl that I didn’t deserve, but wanted to be a better man for. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not angry about it. I’m all in.
I twisted my tongue around hers, the intensity ramping up as she kissed me back.
Fuck, I was bricked up. Every red blood cell pumping through my veins had her name on it.
I’d never felt like this from a kiss alone, or from one girl.
It’s why I always pick two. I don’t usually get this “excited.” But then again, I’ve never wanted someone in all the ways that I want her.
And fucking hell, do I want her. I was white knuckling the shelf above her head as I kissed her, painfully aware that I might spook her if I put my hands on her.
It only made me hungrier. For the first time in my life, I was starving.
Ravenous. Fucking rabid. And not just for her pretty little body, but for her closed-off heart.
I wanted it. I wanted her to feel for me what I felt for her.
All I wanted to do was make her mine in every way that I could.
Here I was, with no relationship experience, no dating history, and a no-commitment policy, ready to take on the fucking big bad world to make her my girl.
Everything had unexpectedly changed, and I wanted nothing to stay the same.
I wanted this more than anything I’ve ever wanted before.
Surrounded by books full of human history and discovery, I kissed her in the stacks and reinvented myself right then and there.
I time-stamped our beginning, and together, it felt like we started to write our own story the longer our kiss went on.
She had me deep in my feelings, and I was starting to think this crazy girl could maybe be my happy ending.
When she pulled away from me, her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink, and her lips were stained red. I smiled down at her and ignored the footsteps that approached. It could have been the NHL Commissioner, and I wouldn’t have looked away from her. But she did.
She looked away, and at first, I thought I had just lost her attention to the noise that was getting closer and closer. But it was so much more than that.
This girl, who I’d seen around campus but didn’t know, wandered through the top of our aisle, gasped like the floor had turned to lava, and dropped the book she was carrying when she was five feet away from us.
But to Ed, this girl might as well have dropped a nuclear bomb. And it exploded in her face when she deadass looked at Edison Santos and called her Valentine Garcia.