CHAPTER 17
FRANKIE
∞
I can’t stop thinking about the meeting today as I try and focus on all the files in front of me. Breakfast was really good, and I’m kicking myself for being such an asshole about it. He really didn’t deserve what I said to him. He really has been trying to make his presence less intimidating and I threw it in his face.
I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I have no idea what to do with myself for the next few hours. A nap would be nice…since I had to wake up so early this morning, but I also want to take a bath. I should try and find some food for the fridge, but I don’t know how much I can buy with the forty bucks I have sitting in my account right now.
I still need gas for the shit box too.
Fuck. I’m regretting rejecting his advance more and more now, but I really don’t want him knowing how bad it really is. I don’t get paid until next week, so it’s not like I really have a choice on things right now. I spent more than I should have this week since I had to buy some new shoes. My old ones had holes in them, and they were starting to cause me problems on assignments.
I pull myself up in bed and Nyx lets out a cute little meow before curling herself further into her own body. I walk to my small closet and grab the only dress I have. It’s simple but cute, and a really pretty deep purple colour. I grab the only set of heels I have as well from the floor. They’re still practical, thankfully. A nice thick wedge with straps, still allows me to move easily if I need to. I move to the drawer and grab a thigh holster so I can keep my blade on me as well.
I wonder if he would think this looks cute on me.
I shake my head at the thought and toss everything onto the bed. I don’t understand myself for thinking this way. I don’t give a shit what he thinks, and I need to just stay as far away from him as this assignment will allow. I’m glad he’s not going. “Fucking asshole,”
I grumble. No…I need to stop calling him an asshole for no fucking reason. He was an asshole when I first met him, but he’s allowing me to do my job, and he’s been taking me seriously since.
Alex is so different from Wren. I can’t believe he’s a pureblood as well. It was a shock to hear that Wren hasn’t turned anyone but him though. I wonder why that is. He makes no sense to me. He doesn’t feed without permission, he doesn’t turn people on a regular basis, and it doesn’t seem like he shares his blood with his blood whores either.
He’s tame in comparison to all the ones I’ve experienced in the past. I shudder at the memories. I’ve done well to lock that part of me away. It was never my choice, and I was weak and broken…I couldn’t do anything to save myself and ended up having to rely on a vampire in the end to save me. It still came at a price. My undying fealty and more than half my wages. Adrian, thankfully, hasn’t tried to take anything more from me, but to him, I’m tainted. My job is to do as he says, when he says it.
No one could ever treat me like a normal person. They’ll never love me…they can’t. I won’t let anyone close enough to even try at this point. I know how broken I am. I can’t stand anyone touching me without feeling nausea and pain as my memories overlap into present thoughts.
I haven’t been with anyone since I started working as an enforcer. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, knowing what this body has endured. The scars are a harsh reminder of my past…and then there’s the brand. Adrian branded me the moment he transferred the money to Jullian. A mark that will never fade, no matter how much time passes. I’m his property and nothing more…like fucking cattle. Easily bought, and just as easily destroyed if needed.
I lift my shirt and brush my fingers against the brand on my ribs. He picked one of the most painful places to put it, but I’m thankful I can at least hide it. He could have gone for my neck or face, but he allowed me at least a shred of dignity in being able to hide that I’m his.
“I need a bath,”
I groan as I rip off my shirt, tossing it on the small pile of clothes I also need to wash.
I make my way into the small bathroom and put the water running. I wait forever for the water to heat up, but it doesn’t come. “Fuck, not again.”
This really is a shit hole. I wanted a warm bath to try and take some of this anxiety from me, but I can’t even do that. I shiver as I drop myself into the cold water and slowly start scrubbing at my body. I brush my fingers against my thighs…at all the white scars from the fangers that fed from me against my will.
I’m surprised none of them tried to turn me…they had every opportunity. Plenty of them fed on me until I was on the brink of death, but they never showed me enough mercy to just end it. I don’t want that life for myself. I would never want to be one of them. The thought of having to feed on blood and becoming the one thing I hate the most in this world, makes me want to throw up. I rather die than ever becoming a monster.