Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Danika
My hand rests on the door to my bedroom, and I spin, keeping my back pressed against the wood.
He’s so close yet he doesn’t try to move away.
“It’s nothing impressive. Just the basics.
You know, bed, dresser, closet, books. Nothing really.
I don’t have a lot.” I know Liem’s seen my room before, but this is different.
We’re not rushing out of here like it was set on fire.
He peers down at me, with his eyes so engaging. “Material things don’t matter. They don’t make you, you.”
He always has a way of making me feel less ugly. I nod then let out a breath. “Here we go.”
The door creaks open, and I move to the side, letting him go first.
He doesn’t scan around, nor does he act like he’s fishing for anything. Not even a curiosity. He does sit on my bed and the dark lavender comforter forms for him. “It suits you.”
“It’s dull and boring.”
“It’s not. It’s you. And you are never dull or boring,” he presses the words into me with a sternness, so I’ll really hear him.
“You seem to know me so well.”
“I do.” No hesitation, only confidence. “Come here.” He nods, crooking his finger.
My heart flutters as I obey his request, stepping closer. His hands find my waist as he gently finishes the remaining space, pulling me in between his large thighs.
My breathing is erratic. “Liem—”
“You said you want to know everything there is to know about me.”
With my mouth parted, I simply nod.
His hand runs down my body and then he pats the bed beside him for me to join. “You’re going to look at me differently.”
“Impossible.”
He tucks a strand behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful. Everything about you is light. Everything about me is the dark.”
“I’m not scared of the dark,” I tell him. “Not with you, not when you’re with me.”
His throat bobs in a swallow and he lays on his back, me following. He starts by telling me about his early childhood and how sometimes kids bullied him for his cultural background.
He didn’t know his father but saw how hard his mother had to work to keep food on the table.
And that she battled depression his entire up bringing.
My heart shatters when he tells me how she finally lost the battle.
It was his last day of senior year, and he found her lying on the kitchen floor, a pill bottle in her opened hand.
Even though some claim it’s selfish, Liem talks about his mother like she was the most selfless human being on the planet.
But I can’t help but hold ill feelings toward her.
For leaving him alone and never wanting to see her son again.
I rub circles on his hand as we lay there, our fingers interlocked.
“I loved her. And she did the best she could for us.”
“I’m sure. I don’t know how anyone could not love you. She’d be so proud of who you are today.”
He scoffs, shaking his head in disgust. “Would she? If she knew all the bad things I’ve done. If she knew I was a cold-blooded killer.”
I shrug, turning toward the ceiling. “You’re a justice server. Someone has to do it. And your club keeps us safe.”
“I couldn’t keep you safe.”
I flick my gaze to his, both our heads turn to one another. “You saved me that night. If it weren’t for you, I’d be in hell.”
“I’m sick, butterfly.”
My stomach drops to the floor. “What?”
“The voices are so loud sometimes, and I just want to shut them off. I want them to stop.”
My brows crease with heartbreak. “Oh, Liem—”
“I’m afraid that because of my mom…” He stills.
“You’re afraid her illness is genetic.”
He breathes in, letting out a heavy sigh. “Yes.”
“What can I do to help? Let me help you.”
“Don’t you see… when I’m with you, the voices are silent. They aren’t there. You turn them off and I can finally fucking breathe.” There’s an extreme torment to his voice, so much pain, yet so much healing.
I let out a strangled breath, my heart growing five times its size. “I’m never going anywhere. You need me, and I’ll be here. Always.” I stroke his cheek. “Will you tell me about her? The one you love. How she died.”
She was and still is a part of both of us and for that I am grateful he has her. Even if he doesn’t know she has some of me too.
He turns toward the ceiling as before, but pulls my hand over his chest, right above his heart. “She was my everything.”
Hush
I held Gracie’s hand. Her skin soft as it always was, but her hand felt colder.
It wasn’t warm to the touch anymore. Another side effect of chemotherapy.
Besides her fatigue and weight loss, her skin just felt…
cold. Her gentleness was still there along with her happy spirits.
And I thanked whoever would listen for that.
The night was bitter, and the wind and rain hit the outside of our SUV like rocks. I just wanted to get her home—safe in our bed.
She glanced over at me with her smile that I loved. But it didn’t reach her eyes. She was tired of fighting, and it killed me. Ate away at me like a… disease. Like a fucking cancer.
“Liem. Will you roll down the windows?” She laid her head back against the headrest, still peering at me.
“Baby. It’s pouring,” I said with a half chuckle.
“I know, but I… I want to feel it. The rain on my hands.”
I looked over, her eyes now closed like she was waiting for it.
The droplets on her skin.
Whatever she wanted, it was hers. I’d give her anything. So, I did what any other man who was losing the love of his life did.
I rolled down the windows.
The wind violently tugged the rain toward us, and it hit my skin like tiny pebbles. Sure, this was crazy but as I glanced over at Gracie, my heart ached a brutal ache. God, if I could watch her laugh every day, I’d give anything.
The tears formed but I swallowed them back giving her this moment. Because this right now, was for her.
With her hand still in mine, I brought it to my lips and kissed her knuckles. She moved her head to me, which still rested on the seat, and she smiled.
“Thank you,” she softly said.
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth fighting back every emotion I had. “You’re welcome.”
Another gust of wind came swirling around us and my Gracie laughed the deepest laugh and that’s when I lost it… the tears let go and they flowed like a goddamned river.
I wanted to be strong for her. But I’m so weak right now.
Headlights shown in my rear-view mirror, and they were approaching fast. We’re on the back roads with minimal light and just heavy rain clouding our vision. The car continued to gain on us, but I had nowhere to go. We’re trapped between the car in front and the guardrails on the side.
I kept glancing in the mirror and back to Gracie whose eyes are now shut, small breathes leaving her. I knew she was exhausted.
The car came closer, riding my bumper like a jackass but I kept my cool, even though my blood started boiling.
What was this asshole doing?
I watched as he swerved from left to right going over the middle lane and grass almost hitting the rail.
What the fuck?
I couldn’t get away from him and just as I decided it’s best to pull over, they sped up and maneuvered around us, but the driver couldn’t see over my truck and that’s when it happened.
An approaching car came in the opposite direction around the bend, their horn blaring. They tried to avoid the head on collision by swerving into our lane, but side-swept the car in front of us. Like slow motion, the car went flying up and rolled, only stopping when the guardrail caught them.
Fuck!
“Liem look out!” Gracie’s plead echoed throughout the night as I slammed on my breaks.
It happened so fast I don’t remember anything until we were lying there with the blood rushing to my head jolting me back to consciousness.
“Gracie!” I coughed, tugging at my seatbelt.
“Liem?” she struggled saying my name and my stomach dropped. Her leg was pinned between the smashed glove compartment and her seat.
Shit! Shit!
I reached for her and tugged at her seatbelt, the same time my ribs cried out. But fuck me. All I cared about was getting Gracie out. I went for her leg, and she let out a painful scream.
“Okay, babe. I’m going to get myself out first so that I can free you. Okay?”
Her big, beautiful eyes stared back at me and she nodded.
Slowly, I crawled out of the driver’s side window ignoring the agonizing pain that strummed on me. I went as fast as I could sliding on my stomach to her side of the window. “Gracie. Can you hear me?”
She nodded, but her breathing was heavy and there was panic in her voice. “Yes.”
I tried the seatbelt again, but it wouldn’t fucking budge. Why won’t it fucking move?! I then pulled her leg, and she screamed out again.
And that’s when I smelled it.
I followed where the trickling sound came from. A wet trail poured from the pierced gas tank that ran into the ditch.
Fuck.
“Gracie. Look at me,” I pleaded to her as she stared at the gas. Defeat marred her face.
No. Fuck no.
Her eyes darted at me again and I cupped her face. “I’m going to get you out of here. You hear me?”
She didn’t nod this time, and a small spark ignited. My breathing picked up, but I ignored the panic because she was my only priority right now.
I struggled with the seatbelt again, using every bit of strength I had in me. But she wasn’t budging.
Then we heard them.
The terrified screams of frightened children. It broke my concentration only for a second until I went back to getting Gracie the hell out of this fucking truck.
“If I just pull on this piece of metal maybe I can—”
“Liem.”
“I only need to—”
“Liem!” Gracie yelled my name, using every bit of strength she had left.
I paused, catching a glimpse of the fire growing and then I looked back at her.
“Liem. I don’t think I’m going to be able to—”
“No. No. I can do this. I can—”
“Liem. They’re children.”
My eyes darted between both of hers and every memory of us came swirling back. Every happy one. The day we met. The day I told her I was madly, insanely in love with her. The mornings on the porch swing. I wasn’t losing her. Not like this.
The flames grew bigger, and they towered over the other car with the children who still yelled for help. Crying for someone to get to them. Save them. But all I could do was stare at my Gracie.
“I can’t.” My voice quivered as I shook my head in panic. I couldn’t do it. There was no way.
“I love you, Liem. I love you so much. But they are kids. Children. And they aren’t going to make it if you don’t help them.”
The tears. I didn’t think a man could cry like this. I was supposed to be her rock. Her hero. And I cried like a goddamned baby. Sobbed.
I reached for her, tugged desperately again to try to free her and that’s when she grabbed my arm.
“You were the best thing to happen to me, and I am so grateful for the time we had together, but I’m already gone, Liem. The cancer is already killing me. I’m dying. Help them.” She wiped tears from my face. From my face, not hers. “Help them, Liem. They have their whole lives. Help them!”
My sobs drowned everything around us, but I kissed her. Kissed her like I’ve never kissed her before and then I let her go. I let her go and she smiled. How could she smile… how could she smile at me when I was about to betray her.
“I love you, Gracie. I’ll always love you. I promise I’ll come back for you.” My body shook as my cries grew stronger, and louder but I shimmied away and staggered to a stand.
My ribs were broken, but I didn’t feel any of it. My heart was in my throat. Every piece of feeling in me vanished and I lost all sensation. But I backed up, slowly leaving Gracie to die.
To fucking die.
When another scream came from the other vehicle something inside me changed and I ran to them. To the children. They were going to survive. They had to or it would be for nothing.
I went down on my stomach and found the first one.
A little girl who was crying with her eyes clamped shut.
“I’m going to help you.” I fought my words through my paused tears and pulled her out of her booster seat.
I dragged her out of there and carried her away to safety as she clung her little arms around my neck.
“I’ll be right back, okay?”
The tiny girl nods while sobbing and I ran back to the car. The second child was a boy who looked older by only a few years.
“Hey, buddy. You okay?”
“Y-yeah, I think so but… my mom. She isn’t moving.”
“Let’s get you out of here first. Then I’ll help your mom, yeah?”
He nods as I unbuckled his seatbelt. Luckily, there was nothing keeping them trapped.
After I set him down next to the little girl, I ran back for their mom.
I thought about it, I thought about going back for Gracie, but she’d never forgive me. I needed her but the kids needed their mother.
When I made it back over to the woman, I gave her a small shake. Her muttered groans told me she was alive.
I checked her over and made sure she was able to be moved and then I tugged her free, dragging her away from the car before I lifted her into my arms and carried her over to her two children.
My heart leaped a tiny fraction in hopes I still had time.
But before we made it, the explosion happened and I threw my body over hers.
Both vehicles went up in flames, and the smoke was so heavy I couldn’t see. I just laid there, sheltering the woman. Once the smoke cleared, I noticed the kids were safe but cried while they clung to each other.
The kids ran over to her and threw their small bodies into their mother as she held them and cried sobs of relief.
“Thank you! Thank you for saving my babies!” She cried into her children while the sound of sirens filled the night.
But there was nothing left of me.
Empty.
Shattered.
I fell to my knees. A yell of pain echoed throughout the night, drowned out by the closing sirens and fire.
I cried. Screamed. It hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. Until there was nothing left.
And that was the night I died along side of Gracie.