Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
HUSH
I shudder from my tears, not being able to control it. I cover my face, sobbing into them like it’s all I have left. Soft hands enclose over top of mine before peeling them away ever so slowly.
Danika slips onto my lap, straddling me with her delicately beautiful body.
She leans over me tenderly kissing away each tear and catching them like a bucket in the rain.
With each kiss I close my eyes, paralyzed from the feel of her lips on my skin.
It’s as if with each kiss she’s healing the wounds, patching every memory inside me until I’m glued back together.
“You did the right thing by saving those children, Liem. You did the right thing,” she whispers, but nothing but guilt floors me.
With only her uniform skirt and those thin panty hose underneath, I can feel her on top of me. Feel her warmth seeping through my jeans and that’s when for the first time, the numbness I’ve been carrying vanishes and I’m left with a dick twitching response.
I let out a soft, longing hiss shutting my eyes, trying to push down this feeling I’ve lost so many years ago. But it’s nearly impossible because the more Danika grazes my cheeks with her full lips, I grow even harder. Yearning for more.
Her pussy brushes along my hard dick sending me through a spiral.
“Liem.” Her feather-like voice sends me over the edge, and my cock is fully ready for her.
She gasps, then shudders with a moan as she throws her head back, her breasts pushing forward and her hair falling over her shoulders, cascading down her back. She moves ever so slightly trying to cause that friction between us, but my hands move to stop her.
It happened so fast, I couldn’t stop it. It’s like I lost control, and they have a mind of their own.
Stupid fucking hands.
She pauses, catching me off guard. “Shit. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“Shhh. It’s okay.” Pain vibrates in my chest.
It’s not her.
It’s me.
It’s always me.
“This isn’t what it looks like, and I would never take advantage of you hurting, Liem. Ever. I’m so sorry.” She scrambles to leave but I snake a hand around her wrist.
“I just. I don’t know if I can… not yet.”
Pathetic. I’m so fucking pathetic.
Her gaze moves downward until it lands on my still protruding dick. “Can I make you feel good? Even if it’s just for a little while. Can I make you forget?”
I swallow the hard lump that forms, and suck in my lip, hissing through the connection as her hand slides down my stomach.
She rubs me under my jeans before unbuttoning them. My breathing picks up and my heart thumps like fucking wild. What I wouldn’t give to have Danika touch me. Come to her hand. Come inside her perfect mouth. But…
She kisses the top of me, and I fist her hair. I want to stop her, and I need to stop her from going any further.
“Butterfly…”
She shoots her head up, our eyes locking, a look of shame flashing over her and it kills me. Absolutely guts me. “I want to—”
“When it’s the right time, I want it to be with you. Inside you.” Idiot. I cast a glance down between her thighs, underneath those thin tights of hers, desperately wanting to feel her. “But like you, I too want to make you feel good.”
She relaxes, nodding. “When we’re ready then.”
Even though my dick twitches with readiness, I don’t want it to be like this.
Not here. Not now. Not after I gave her the most vulnerable part of myself.
I can’t let her think something happening between us is because I’m weak.
If it’s going to happen, it needs to be because I’m fully present.
Fully here. With her. If that time will ever come.
“Come here.” I pull her down over top of me, my arms encasing around her back and the scent of her lavender filling my insides.
We stay this way for minutes until she lifts her head up. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
I hesitate, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with Danika. I lay a kiss to her head. “Get some sleep.”
She flops down beside me, nuzzling into my side and lays her head on my chest.
My eyes grow heavy, and my mind feels free—quiet as I lay with her on me. My arm closes around her and for the first time since Gracie, I drift off to sleep at peace.
“What are you doing in here?”
I flipped my mask up, closing the space between me and Gracie. “You shouldn’t be in here with the fumes.”
“Like it really matters?” she quipped, and the knife slid right through my chest. “Sorry. That was insensitive.”
I couldn’t imagine what she’s going through, but when she talked like that, it hurt. I took the side of her face in my embrace, rubbing her delicate skin. “Don’t say shit like that to me.”
“Why? I’m not getting any better. Don’t pretend like I am.” Her voice raised, a hint of anger behind it.
I hated seeing her this way. So weak. So fragile on the outside. She’s been so strong, but she’s exhausted and frustration had taken over. Who the hell could blame her? If only I could trade places with her, be the one who is dying instead. She deserved to live—to be in this world.
People needed her.
People don’t need me.
She deserved to be a mother and save lives. What did I have to offer?
“Shouldn’t you be working on the new home?” She wrapped the blanket around her bony shoulders as she rubbed her sunken in eyes.
“I quit the construction. Sold my share.” I busied myself to avoid the furious look I knew she was throwing me.
“You what?” She coughed, worsened by her quick words. “You can’t quit. That’s your livelihood. Your job, Liem.”
“You’re all that matters to me right now. I want to be home with you.”
“And what will you do for income? When I’m gone, you’re not gonna have a job to go back to.”
“Think I give a damn about that?” I tossed my mask to the ground. “I want my time with you.” My voice cracked and she tilted her head in empathy.
“Oh, Liem.” She paused seconds before quickly changing the subject and then glanced behind my shoulder.
“That’s beautiful.” She neared the black gas tank motorcycle part on the table and at once honed in on the lone butterfly.
“I didn’t know you could paint.” Her big once full of life eyes peered into mine.
“I didn’t either, to be honest.”
“Are you planning on building a motorcycle?” She smirked, tugging the blanket back to her.
I shrugged. “Maybe one day.”
Her smile reached her eyes this time. “I like that. Just promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“You’ll do right in this world. Even if it’s only temporary. You’ll make a difference. Protect the weak. Bring down the evil.”
I didn’t quite understand but I nodded and kissed her forehead. “Sure, my Gracie. I’ll do that.”
She stood a little straighter. “Good. Now what’s the butterfly for?”
I studied the blue and purple colors not finished yet then looked at her. “I was reading that butterflies mean rebirth and hope. So… here’s my hope.” I waved a hand, and a sudden flash of sorrow flooded over me.
“I love it,” she whispered with unleashed tears streaming down her face. I swiped them away fighting like hell to submerge mine from rolling. “Will you take me for a drive, Liem?”
I studied her pleading expression. “It’s supposed to storm, and you should rest.”
“I’ll rest later. I can’t explain it, but something tells me we should go for a drive. A gut instinct I suppose.”
With a heavy sigh, I threw her the best smile I could muster up. “Then let’s go for a drive.”
My eyes whip open.
My skin damp with sweat, and my breathing fast. But for the first time in so long I’m not panicking. I’m not crying out in screams and sobs. The ache is still there but it’s different somehow.
I peer down at Danika who is fast asleep in my arms.
With minutes passing, I drift back to sleep, and this time… I don’t dream of Gracie again.