Chapter 9
Logan
The gym was my space to zone out. To let my head open up and not think of anything. I could let it all go as I pumped the weights or ran on the treadmill, pushing myself to the limit. The music blasted in my ears and melted all the thoughts muddled in my head.
I asked Ty to join me today. We hadn’t seen much of each other since the semester started, which I was afraid of. Since we don’t live together, it was more of a challenge. He sure had time for Becca. I got it, they had a rough semester in the fall. I think they were making up for lost time.
But I missed the guy.
“Christ, man, your bench went up a shit ton since last spring,” he said as he helped me with the bar.
As I reached for my towel to wipe my brow, Ty took his turn on the bench.
“So, how are things…going…with you and…”
“Ty, stop trying to talk while you’re benching.”
What I really wanted was for him to not finish his question. I knew where it was headed, and I had no interest in talking about her. But knowing him and his girlfriend, I was sure she put him up to getting some dirt out of me about Ava.
Once he was done with his set, we put the weights back and started for the locker room. It had been a two-hour workout, and we needed to get going. We had plans to go out tonight. His frat was having a party, and I was going to give it a shot.
“As I was saying before, how are things going with Ava? Any changes with you two?” Ty asked. We pulled our bags from the lockers.
Things with Ava were shitty. For reasons I was not about to tell Ty.
I hated seeing her with another guy the other day.
Hated the thought of her fucking him in our house.
Hated pretending to be OK with it.
But fucking loved seeing her in her black lingerie.
“She’s still being a bitch most of the time, still acting like Tink,” I told him. And that was true. There was a moment when I thought there might be a chance for us to get along, but she ruined it with her mouthy comments.
“Alright, enough about her. What I really want to talk about is tonight,” he said.
He stopped packing up his bag, giving me his full attention.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Logan? I mean, this is a full-on rager tonight. It’s the first house party of the semester.
It’s gonna be exactly what you would imagine a frat party to be, and I’m not sure you’re ready for it. ”
I wasn’t sure I was ready for it either, but there was only one way to find out.
My therapist and I discussed it during my session yesterday at length.
She suggested that I always have a bottle of water in my hand.
Plus, to make sure my support system was in place and aware if I needed them. And if I needed to leave, just leave.
“Yeah, I know. I have a plan. And I appreciate it, man, I do. But I can’t stop living either. There are plenty of sober people in this world.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think many of them go to frat parties.”
He wasn’t wrong. But I knew when to get out, and I was doing too well to screw up now.
“I already decided not to drink tonight,” Ty said. He was packing up his bag when he said it, avoiding eye contact.
My gut reaction was to tell him not to do that, but I knew he wouldn’t change his mind. And to be honest, I appreciated it and was thankful I’d have him to rely on. As he threw his bag over his shoulder, I gave him a shove.
“Thanks, man.”
My ass was planted on the couch as I waited. It was already after ten and we had a fifteen-minute drive to the party. All I heard coming from upstairs was girls screaming back and forth asking where this makeup palette was, or where that brush was. I was very happy to be a guy.
The front door burst open, and Ty walked in.
“Still not ready?” he asked.
“Nope.”
He joined me on the couch, and I put on the TV.
We may as well enjoy ourselves during this torment.
As soon as I did, I heard footsteps on the stairs.
Long brown hair with red highlights came bounding round the corner into the living room.
She made a beeline for Ty, landing on his lap, straddling him.
“Hey, babe,” she said, then attacked his mouth with hers.
“I’m right here, ya know,” I reminded them.
It did nothing to stop their reunion. They started making loud smacking noises with their exaggerated kisses, and I removed myself from the couch as they both started laughing.
“Jealous much?” Becca asked as she got up from Ty’s legs. “And by the way, don’t think I’ve given up on you and Ava making amends.” She stalked toward me as if on a mission. “Thought tonight might help, ya know, hanging out, socializing.”
“We live together already, Bec. If that’s not going to help, going to a party where she’s gonna get drunk and look for a hookup isn’t going to help the situation.”
Right on cue, that was exactly when Macie and Ava decided to show up. Macie bounced into the room, obviously excited about the party. But Ava remained where she stood, staring at me.
“Didn’t Becca tell you?” Macie asked.
I looked at her, confused.
“We all decided not to drink tonight,” Macie continued. “To help you.”
My eyes snapped directly to Ava to gauge her reaction to Macie’s words. She continued standing in the same spot, her face neutral as she countered my gaze.
“Why?” I asked. It didn’t completely surprise me that Becca and Ty were doing this for me. But Macie and Ava were almost strangers to me. They owed me nothing. Especially Ava.
“Well, silly, that’s what friends do for each other,” Macie said as she came and sat on a stool next to me. “We didn’t want you to feel alone tonight. So, we will be your support system.”
She had her hand on my leg, a gentle touch, as if the topic made her uncomfortable.
“Thank you,” I said. Then I looked toward Ava to determine if she could handle me thanking her as well. “Thanks.”
She gave a curt nod but said nothing.
“OK, let’s get going. After tonight, you’ll still be our designated driver, right, Logan?” Becca asked. Her laugh as she headed toward the door lightened the mood.
“Yes, Becca, I’ll be your Uber driver, for all of you, so your drunk asses can make it home safely.”
We piled into my truck, and while I waited for everyone to get seated and buckled, I stole a glance at my frog friend ahead of me. He was like my little guardian. Every time I pulled into this spot, he was smiling back as if to tell me You’ve got this.
“What is it with you and that stupid frog statue?”
Looking in the rearview mirror, I glared at the owner of those words. Even though she was doing a nice thing for me tonight, it appeared she wasn’t going to be nice to me while doing it.
“I think he’s cute, that’s all,” I told her as I started backing out of the spot.
“He is cute,” Macie agreed. “Look at his adorable smile. I never noticed him before, has he always been there?”
“Yeah, he was there last semester,” Becca said. “I remember tripping over him when I was trying to climb onto the balcony when I locked myself out. He helped me get the height I needed to get up there.”
That hurt my heart to hear she’d used him as a steppingstone. But at least he helped in a time of need. I knew he had a purpose.
“Oh my god, do you remember that day? You scared the shit out of me, getting stuck up there,” Macie said. “And then Gage came to help.”
I didn’t need to be here last semester to know the mention of that name in this company was going to make it uncomfortable.
Looking to my right, he seemed unscathed by it.
Macie stopped talking, realizing she shouldn’t have brought up that name.
Gage was the third party of a love triangle between the three of them last semester.
A quick check on Becca and she looked nervously at Ty, as well, but was relieved to see he was fine.
“Alrighty, folks, let’s get this night on the right track,” I announced. “Thanks for deciding to not drink with me. If you change your mind, I get it. And I won’t be mad. This is my life, not yours.”
As I drove through downtown, Main Street was busy with students roaming the streets looking for a place to eat or a bar they could get into on a Friday night.
“But I want you to know how much I appreciate the gesture of you choosing to support me, especially my first night out.”
OK, got that out of the way. It needed to be said, even to Tink.
“Like I already said,” Becca said. “It’s going to be amazing having a built in Uber living with us. Your sobriety will be the best thing that happened to our house, dude.”
The girls in the back row laughed together at her comment, but Ty was quiet up front with me. He was thoughtful as he looked out his window. Eventually he turned toward me.
“Ya just gotta say the word, and we’ll leave. OK?” he said.
I nodded.
He seemed nervous. More nervous than me. It wasn’t like I’d never been to a party here at brU. Last year, Ty and I decided to rush the frat together and were hanging out with the brothers all the time. Before I decided to leave school. The point was, I wasn’t na?ve. I knew what I was getting into.
And I could handle it.
At least I thought I could.
Turns out, being surrounded by beer wasn’t my biggest problem at the party. My biggest issue was being subjected to watching Ava flirt with every guy there. It was as if flirting was her profession. And it was her mission to do it right in front of me.
What made it worse was that she looked amazing.
In the month since school started, she’d been letting her short hair grow out.
It was down below her ears now, and she wore it all spiky on top of her head.
She surrounded her eyes with dark makeup, but somehow, it made her green eyes almost pop from her head.
And then there was her outfit.
On a regular day she stuck to jeans, flannels, and those big clunky black boots.