Chapter 16 #2
I should have pivoted, but I couldn’t stop.
“Why did you kiss me, then? What was your goal? Was it because of what had just happened, the adrenaline? Or was it because?—”
“Dammit, it was because I wanted to!” His hands flew up, and I jerked back.
“I’ve wanted to be with you for so long.
Even before I left for college, I wanted to make a move on you.
But I was a douchey kid with a fucked-up family, who had to fight every day to feel like I was worth something, and you were so…
so fucking high above me. I valued you so much that I couldn’t taint you with who I was.
I was scared of hurting you. And scared of you. ”
Intensity swirled from every word he spat, but all those words only fed my frustration.
“Scared of me? A chubby orphaned girl who was so insecure she had to hide behind books and be terrified of making a wrong move, so that no one would leave her. Yeah, that sounds like someone soooo high above you. I was a big, goody-two-shoes girl in love with a handsome, popular star football player. Who was the bigger fool?”
I rolled my eyes but continued forward, the truth scathing yet freeing, “For fifteen years, you didn’t call me.
Not once. You never came to visit. And never checked on me after you broke my heart.
You completely abandoned me. What was I supposed to think?
I wanted you to change your mind, but you never came.
I left town. And it bothered me that you didn’t try to find me.
But I mended because I didn’t have any other choice but to go on, or die.
Trying to forget you was the hardest thing I did after losing Grams. I had so much to grieve. ”
His face fell.
“I was alone!” I screamed, weeping and clenching my fists. I could not stem the feelings I’d held back for so long, no matter how foolish I sounded, letting the words tumble from my lips. “I was alone, and you didn’t care.”
Silence fell between us. I wiped my eyes with my hand, looked up at him, and saw that he had closed his eyes.
“I am such a jackass,” he whispered. “I might not be exactly like Vince Winchester, but fate made sure the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
I took a deep breath to gain control of myself. “Don’t say that,” I snapped. “You’re not him. You never were. Grams was determined you wouldn’t be, and you aren’t.”
“Whit says I am,” he said, his words small and unsure.
“Whit only thinks of himself,” I spat angrily. “And someday, I’ll find the courage to tell him that, too.”
We glanced at the picture of all of us with Grams on his dresser. I was trembling. I put my hands on my hips, mirroring him.
“You’ve seen me through rose-colored glasses since we met,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t blame Whit for feeling like he does. He doesn’t even know I am the one who wrecked the truck, and he still sees me as a guy who screws around, a man who will just hurt you.”
“Is that who you want to be?” He was quiet for a moment, but I pressed on with a firm voice. “Is that your goal? To hurt me?”
His jaw ticked as he stared at a point on the opposite wall.
“I have my own list. First, what makes you or my brother think I would let you hurt me? I’m not some damsel in distress who needs protection. I’ve taken care of myself for quite a while now.” He absolutely could break me, but he didn’t have to know that.
I took a couple of steps nearer to him, and even though he still wouldn’t look me in the eye, I didn’t look away, determined to see this through. “Second, we’re adults. There’s no shame in what we want.”
I took two more steps, and his breath hitched. “And we’re married.” Two more steps. “Even if it’s just right here, right now, for this one time—I’ll let go of my fear, if you’ll let go of yours.”
He let out a long exhale, closing and re-opening his beautiful, dark eyes before they collided with my own. My resolve to resist him ended before it began. I moved toward Bram, not stopping until we were toe to toe.
“So, do you want me, Bram Winchester?”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I studied the curve of his dark, stubbled square jaw and let my eyes wander up his face until they met his own.
“Yes,” he whispered. The heat pulsing off his body beckoned me.
“Then take me.” My fingers came up to lightly touch his delicious chest, which was dusted with dark hair. “Make me your?—”
He grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. His lips crashed into mine, a punishing kiss that I felt all the way into my fingertips and toes. Lips and teeth collided, the desire to devour one another unable to be contained. Hard and heavy, our tongues danced, and I savored every stroke.
His grip on me tightened as our mouths fused.
He wrapped me in an embrace that pulled me almost impossibly closer to him.
Yet he was slowing his movements and kisses, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.
I liked the passion and his displays of strength.
So, I did what any inexperienced girl, with no idea what to do with herself, would do.
I put my hand flush against his crotch, finding the evidence of his desire for me hard against my palm.
“That’s right, sweets.” He put his forehead to mine. “Do you see what you do to me?”
Goosebumps broke out all over my skin.
“Is this real?” I whispered, my words filled with wonder and delight.
He smiled. “I can assure you, what you’re feeling right now is completely, one hundred percent real.”
As I laughed, his lips caught mine again. I dropped my hand, but he ground his pelvis into my own, his hands roving along my sides. My head tipped back to allow him greater access to lick and kiss across my neck and down farther…farther…
“I need this off,” he growled, grabbing the ends of my shirt and pulling it up. I put my hands up to let him drag the shirt off, which he promptly threw across the room.
My breasts were encased in a full-coverage black bra.
I wasn’t planning on this, so it wasn’t fancy, but from the look on his face, he didn’t mind.
But I became increasingly nervous as he stared at me.
Even my stomach, nowhere near flat or hard, was on full display.
Yet, I saw nothing in his eyes except desire.
He bent and kissed the tops of my breasts where they spilled slightly over my bra. I languished in his touch as his hands roved up and peeled the material down, his mouth pressing open, wet kisses down my chest, until he took my breast into his mouth and sucked hard.
My mind separated from my body as an ungodly moan poured from my lips.
“So damn responsive,” he muttered with a smile as he used his tongue to tease my nipple—first one, then the other. Nothing had ever felt so good.
I’d experienced quick fondling and kisses on my breasts before, but I’d never had a man spend so much time savoring them.
“Lie down,” he commanded, and a thrill ran through me straight from my brain down to my crotch.
“Yes, sir,” I replied submissively, my words serious, and I watched his eyes light up with new interest. I scooted back on the bed, never losing eye contact with him while gently lying down.
I was adept at adjusting my mindset to work around discomfort in my back, and this situation was no different. Wild horses couldn’t have stopped me.
The quiet was comfortable, our eyes and movements talking more than our words ever could. He pulled at my leggings, working them down my legs until I was able to gently kick them off and onto the floor.
He stood and looked down at me, lying only in my black cotton underwear. I felt vulnerable and imperfect, but so very alive.
“Look at you,” he said, his deep voice gravely, creating a path of want from my ears to my core. Usually, I would have felt fear or embarrassment at that type of praise, but I felt safe and free with him.
Not thinking twice, I lifted a little and reached up to unspool my hair from its messy bun.
My dark tresses, one of my favorite assets, spilled onto the bed and around my shoulders.
He ran his hand over his hair, that nervous gesture, like what I had just done was too much.
But the bulge in his sweatpants seemed to get even harder, tenting them.
“You’re gonna kill me,” he muttered, and he took one of my legs and lifted it like it was nothing as he stepped up to the bed. He kissed down my leg, and I tried to push all thoughts of insecurity away from my brain.
“Quit thinking,” he commanded, looking at me from where his lips pressed against my knee .
“I can’t help it,” I whispered, but I let my arms fall open on the bed, allowing myself to be completely open to his gaze.
“Enjoy what I’m doing to you,” he whispered back, between the hot, wet kisses. “This means everything to me.” More kisses pressed against my leg, moving up and up. “If you knew the number of times I’ve wanted to do this…”
“Do what?” I asked, my voice sounding slightly embarrassed and strained.
“This.” He dropped to his knees, grabbed my hips, and pulled me down the bed, my legs on his broad shoulders. I was unable to gather any wits before his hot breath was between my legs, right up against the damp fabric of my underwear.
He stayed there, so close to my center, yet far enough away that there was no skin-to-skin contact. “Tell me what you want, Julianna.” It took a moment for me to register that he’d spoken as his exhales drifted over my sensitive areas.
“W-what do you mean?”
“Tell me what you want me to do to you right now.”
I dared to look down my body, and there he was, between my legs, dealing me a predatory, audacious look.
“Lick me?” My voice was so soft and hesitant.
“You can do better than that,” he replied in a soft cajole. “You’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met. Use your words.”
I took a deep breath and smiled.
“I want you to devour my pussy, Dracula.”
Bram laughed, and so did I. I watched as he then pulled aside the crotch of my underwear.
His soft lips met those between my legs.
It was perfect and decadent, the gentle suck of his mouth, the sounds that echoed in the small bedroom as he licked and savored me.
He flicked his tongue around my clit so gently and expertly that I was already building up and falling apart at record speed.
“I don’t think I can come this way,” I squeaked between moans. “It’s not personal. I just never have before, and I… ”
He disengaged a little, and his rough hands reached up. He backed up slightly and began to peel down my underwear, but not without gently swatting my butt to indicate I needed to move so he could slide them all the way off.
“I don’t care if I have to stay here in this heaven all fucking night. You will come for me. Let me know if you need a rest.”
And he went back to work.
It took a few minutes for my mind to accept that he enjoyed what he was doing. He wasn’t bothered at all, and the little varied things he was doing were to see what I liked. This made me think about how many others he’d done this very thing to.
Suddenly, I was insanely jealous and supremely insecure.
“You’re in your head again,” he muttered against my pussy, and the vibrations made me moan.
“Don’t act like you know me,” I chided, my hand going up to caress his head and gently holding him down against me.
“I can feel it from here,” he said, his voice muffled. “You’re pulling away.”
I bit my lip. Now was not the time for an internal crisis.
“I’m trying to make sure this is still real,” I murmured. He moved, and it pulled a stronger moan from me.
He looked up at me then, fully, his chin and mouth glistening with my wetness, a feral grin across his face.
“Nothing, and no one, has ever tasted as good as you do.”
“I bet you say that to everyone.” I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t talk during sex,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Ever.” My heart stopped.
“Oh, so it’s like I’m your…first?” I gulped. I still hadn’t told him about my technically virgin status.
“You could say that.” He was pleased with what I’d said, and without further preamble, he dropped between my knees again. But this time, he slowly inserted a finger into my very wet entrance .
“Yes,” I hissed, and as he massaged inside my walls. I died a little in the best, torturous way.
It was mere minutes before I felt the familiar tug of something building deep inside my belly. It grew as he worked, inserting another finger, and I began to lose control as he kept hitting one spot repeatedly.
“That’s it,” I hissed, grabbing for anything I could, finally settling on a pillow. “Oh God, I’m almost there. Bram, it’s too much.”
Yet he kept going, not acknowledging my pleas for mercy.
When the dam broke and I tumbled into ecstasy, he grabbed my hips and rode the breaking waves with me until I settled on the bed, barely hanging on.
He removed his finger and licked my sex one final time with vigor, from center to front, and then withdrew. I watched with wonder and shock as he put his finger into his mouth and licked it clean.
“So fucking delicious,” he mumbled.
Completely spent, I removed my legs from his shoulders, letting them fall gently to the floor on either side of him. He got to his feet and reached out his hand to help me up, where I hung precariously on the edge of the bed.
And that’s when I felt it.
My back gave way.