Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
“ B ram, for the last time, I don’t need a wheelchair.” My breath came out in large white puffs all around me. The frigid early morning air cut through my layers of clothing and into my bones as I stood outside the parked Jeep in the hospital parking lot.
Bram grabbed my floral overnight bag from the back seat. “I didn’t ask. Stay right here.” Bram’s commanding voice sent shivers of something warm down my spine as he pivoted toward the entry.
I pulled him back to me. His arms went around me, and I sank my face into his shoulder.
He dropped my bag on the damp pavement and gently but firmly pulled me into his embrace.
I was still nervous about touching him, yet being in his arms felt so right.
“Hey,” he whispered, and his hand smoothed my hair. “Everything is going to be okay.”
I took a deep breath and released it.
“Do you remember the last time we were in this hospital together?” I asked.
His eyebrows shot up, his skin turned pale, and understanding dawned. I was calling him out.
“I do remember it, every single day of my life,” he replied, searching my gaze, his hand touching my face gently. “It’s the worst memory I have. And I have so many that I want to forget.”
“Did you really think kissing me after the wreck was a mistake?” I was embarrassed when tears sprang to my eyes as I repeated his words from long ago.
“No. Never.” He breathed heavily, the white air billowing outward around his mouth. “I lied. Pursuing you then would have been selfish. I was scared of hurting you further. I wasn’t good enough for you. I’m not good enough for you now?—”
“Stop,” I said firmly. “You keep saying that, but you’re wrong. And you don’t have to explain. I just wanted to hear you say you wanted me then as badly as you act like you want me now.”
“None of this is an act.” He took my hand and planted it palm down on his chest, over his heart.
My heartbeat stuttered with nerves that had nothing to do with the surgery awaiting me.
“You’re all I ever wanted. I never forgot about you.
Nothing has felt right since that day I walked away from you. ”
My mouth parted in surprise. “That’s so sweet.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I could tell him I had carried a torch for him all my life, too, but that wasn’t true.
Yes, I’d wanted him badly during my teen years.
Yes, I had continued my adult life, wishing for things that hadn’t happened.
But I’d compartmentalized his existence.
I didn’t honestly think he’d ever be a part of my life again .
Now, we were married, if only by name. He was caring for me. I was relying on him. We were making our hometown better. I loved his dog. I loved his smile. I loved…him.
What would he do if I told him?
“I’m not trying to be sweet,” he replied. “I’m trying to be real.”
There wasn’t anything left for me to do but press my lip to his, and he welcomed my kiss, eagerly returning the sentiments. I pulled back before we got carried away in the hospital parking lot.
“I don’t need a wheelchair, husband,” I said. I put my hand in his. “Let’s go get this over with.”
Mission Hospital was a bleak place for me, filled with terrible memories.
Yet everyone inside was friendly and helpful as they checked me in and prepared me for surgery.
Bram followed me everywhere. He left me alone to change into my surgical gown, but that was the only moment he left my side.
He put the socks on my feet. He even placed the surgical cap on my head, carefully tucking my hair into it.
A little while later, Hunter’s familiar face appeared in the doorway of the curtained waiting area. I was stunned to see him.
“Hello there, Julianna,” he said, holding the curtain. He was dressed in non-descript blue scrubs, his hair neatly tied in the back. He looked as attractive as he ever had. “I heard today was the day, so I wanted to stop by and see you beforehand.”
“You shouldn’t have come if you didn’t have to be here,” Bram said from his seat beside my hospital bed.
I looked over at Bram, mouth agape at his rudeness. He sat back against the small chair, his muscular arms across his chest, his expression flat .
“Hi, Hunter,” I replied amiably. Hunter had paled slightly at Bram’s comment. “It’s so nice of you to come by. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s not a big deal. I’m sure Doctor Kaveh will be here in a little bit. I think your surgery is scheduled for ten?”
“Yes,” I confirmed, smiling at him.
Bram, however, had not warmed. He put an arm over the bed and picked up my hand. Hunter tracked his movement, and I could see he got the hint. My cheeks were on fire.
Hunter flashed his award-winning smile. “You’re Julianna’s friend, right? From the community dinner?” he asked Bram. Hunter took several long steps forward and held his hand out for a shake. Bram hesitated, but I let go of his hand and prodded him to return the gesture, which he did.
“Yes. Bram Winchester. Except now I’m her husband, not just her friend.”
Hunter’s eyes clouded with confusion. “Hunter Kearsley. I’m the physician’s assistant for Dr. Kaveh.” He looked once, then twice, at the name on the whiteboard beside my hospital bed: Julianna East Winchester.
“It was a spur-of-the-moment thing,” I blurted. Bram’s brow furrowed as he watched between my response and Hunter’s surprise.
“Well then,” Hunter replied. “Seems congratulations are in order. That was…super fast.”
Bram reached back over and retook my hand. “Couldn’t for everyone to know she’s mine.”
Did his voice get lower?
“I don’t think she’ll be calling you again, if that’s what you’ve been waiting on,” Bram finished.
“Oh my God,” I muttered, hand flying to cover my face, wanting to crawl under my hospital bed.
Hunter chuckled. “It’s okay, Julianna. You’re good with this one. He’s nervous for you. ”
“That’s why he’s acting like an ass,” I snapped. I was addressing Hunter, but giving Bram a dark look. He completely ignored me, his eyes not leaving Hunter.
This was too much.
Hunter was handsome, but Bram was devastatingly so.
Hunter was kind, but Bram was selfless.
Hunter would have been a catch, but he wasn’t Bram.
“But I think I’ll keep him, anyway,” I tacked on.
Hunter looked at me and winked. “You’re in the best hands.”
“Thank you again for stopping by.”
When Hunter left the little room, I peered over at Bram.
“Was that necessary?”
Bram shrugged and pointed to where Hunter had been. “Was that necessary?”
I rolled my eyes. “He was just saying hi, Dracula. Don’t get your cape in a wad.”
“I’d love to take a fucking bite out of him.”
“Stop.” I laughed.
After a brief meeting with a very confident Dr. Kaveh, they were ready to wheel me back to the operating room.
“I’ll give you a moment,” the young nurse said as she closed the curtain and stepped out.
Bram stood and reached for my hand. He tenderly kissed the thin gold band on my ring finger, his lips warm on my cold skin.
“It’s a pretty routine surgery,” I reminded him.
Based on the look on his face, he was more upside down than I was.
That is love. I heard the words in Grams’ voice, and my eyes misted.
“I know. I’ll be here when you get out, sweets,” he whispered as he reached down and hugged me and pressed his lips to my own, just for a moment. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”
“You said she’d be awake thirty minutes ago. Are you sure she’s okay?” Bram’s deep voice sounded like he was attempting to whisper, but he failed. As my eyes peeled open, I saw him facing a white coat-clad intern.
“S-she’s fine, Mr. Winchester,” the poor young woman stammered. “Her vitals are good. It’s just a matter of time?—”
“But you said?—”
“Bram,” I croaked. His eyes snapped to me instantly.
“Julianna,” he whispered as if I were returning from a long journey, and he hadn’t seen me in years. He hurried to my bedside. “Thank God. Are you okay?” His hand went to my head, smoothing back my hair. Comforted, I smiled.
“I’m as well as I can be,” I said, my voice scratchy.
“Mrs. Winchester, how are you feeling? Any pain?” The junior physician walked over to the side of the bed, checking my IV line and bags carefully.
“No pain, I don’t think. I’m just groggy and weak,” I whispered. “And thirsty.”
“Here.” Bram all but threw a small cup of ice water at my mouth. I sipped it, reaching up and using my hand to steady his shaky grip.
“Thank you,” I croaked, looking up and meeting his eyes, letting him know as much as I could with a gaze that I appreciated him.
“Groggy and weak is to be expected,” the woman continued. “We will keep you on the morphine pump overnight, and we’ll get you moved into a regular patient room within the hour. The doctor will come in and let you know what was accomplished. I can tell you that everything went exactly as planned.”
“That’s great,” I replied. I heard her clearly, but the information was not sinking in, and my eyes were closing slowly.
“I’m going to be staying with her tonight,” Bram said, holding my hand in his. He spoke to the intern, but he looked at me.
“Mr. Winchester, we do recommend you go home overnight,” she said, looking hesitant as she spoke. Bram’s brow was furrowed, and his eyes narrowed on her slightly. “She’ll have two nurses in the hall, and?—”
“Thank you, but I’ll stay the night with my wife.” Shivers ran down my arms and legs at his possessiveness. At least I knew I wasn’t numb.
“I think he’s staying with me.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood even in my weakened state. “And I want him to stay, please.” It at least made the young woman smile, and she continued to look at me while she spoke, ignoring Bram’s pointed glance at her.
“Don’t try to get up on your own. Please let your husband,”—she glanced over at Bram, then back to me—“or a nurse help you. We’ll keep your catheter in overnight. I’ll let you know when your room is ready, and then we’ll transfer you. Then Dr. Kaveh will be by later.”
“Thank you so much,” I said. I watched Bram’s eyes track her retreat through the curtain.
“Will you ease up?” I muttered, suddenly feeling a little nauseous. Bram took a seat beside my hospital bed. His hand hadn’t left mine, holding it firmly but not too hard, like I was the most precious piece of crystal.
“I just want to know you’re okay. Are you okay? You still feel all your parts?”
I wiggled my toes enough that he could see them under the blanket. “All good. ”
He smiled and squeezed my hand gently. I noticed large, dark circles under his eyes and the wrinkles in his clothing. Had he grown more stubble within the few hours I was out?
“You look worse than I do,” I commented.
His million-dollar smile spread across his handsome features. “You have to be fine, leading with insults like that.”
I nodded. “For the millionth time, I am okay. I pulled through.”
He leaned over the bed. “Yeah, well, if you go, I go. I need you to know that.”
I scoffed. “That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, and not how it works.”
“It is, sweets. If you jump, I jump.” He brought my hand to his mouth, moving his pillow-soft lips across the back of my hand.
It was a sensual moment, one meant to be comforting, but instead sent my scrambled mind reeling.
All he had to do was touch me, and I was listless without a life raft.
I wanted to find purchase and stability. What was this? What were we?
He’d made it clear he wanted me. I’d made it clear I wanted him. But under the haze of morphine and post-anesthetic, nothing seemed confident.
“I’m exhausted,” I whispered. He reached for the light-blue hospital blanket and stood, spreading it over the sheet that already covered me.
“Get some sleep, my love. Who knows when they’ll be back to move you.”
My love. Another nickname I could get used to.
“I will,” I relented and snuggled into the blanket. “One more thing. I think you should go home.”
He shook his head emphatically. “Not up for a debate.”
“Lakey?”
“Mel is watching her tonight.”
“But it’s Friday and the MCA supper is tonight. You have things to do. I’m well looked after here. ”
“Gladys has it all handled at the dinner. There are plenty of boys to help her with the supplies.”
I pursed my lips. “You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you?”
He shook his head. “No. If I had, I would have brought your fuzzy plaid house slippers.”
My cheeks heated. “How did you know my feet are icicles?”
“I notice things. And your feet are always cold if they touch me while we’re on the couch together.” He laughed.
“So, you knew when you brought me here that you were staying?” The medicine was making me emotional.
“Why is it so shocking that I want to watch out for you?”
“Because you…you forgot about me for so long.”
His eyes glazed over with unshed tears, and my heart swelled. He kissed my forehead, my cheek, and then my lips gently. “I never forgot you. In some form or fashion, I thought of you every day. My life has been full of the memory of you, and I wanted it that way.”
“That’s so sweet,” I said weakly, holding his hand, feeling my eyes closing. He kissed my forehead again before I slipped into blissful slumber, thinking of what he said and how much I wanted to believe it.