Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
T ime moved quickly after Kallie arrived in Mill Creek.
I didn’t feel like doing too much, and we spent lots of time indoors.
Whit texted often, and even though I desperately wanted to, I wasn’t sure whether to mention what had happened the day Vince showed up.
Whit never mentioned it to me, so I assume Bram didn’t talk to him about it.
It was Friday morning when I realized I couldn’t take it anymore.
Me: I need to talk to you soon.
I texted my brother’s number and bit my lip, waiting for him to respond. While it usually took quite a while, this time it was immediate.
Whit: What did Bram do?
Me: Bram did nothing. Why do you always assume it’s him?
Whit: Because it seems like his goal in life is to hurt you.
Me: We got in a little tift. I’m with Kallie at Grams’ house.
Whit: I figured it was something like that. You can always tell me, even if it has to do with Bram. I can’t guarantee I won’t smash his face in, though.
I smiled. Was this what it was like to have a big brother as an adult? It’s how I remembered it from when I was a teen. He would have burned down the world for me. And now?
Some hope flared within me.
Me: I don’t want you to, but it’s sweet of you to offer.
Whit: I know I’ve been a shitty brother to you, but I want to be better.
I sighed aloud. I had wanted to have this conversation with him in person. I hadn’t seen my brother in so long. But Whit was in season with football, and there was no such thing as time that belonged to him.
Me: Call me when you have time.
Much to my surprise, my phone rang immediately.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, sis,” he replied, his voice tired. “How are you feeling? ”
I could lie. I was so good at it. But I chose not to. If I were to clean my slate and let the past be the past, I would have to take the necessary steps.
“Physically? I’m great. Everything is healing nicely with minimal pain if I take my meds.” I took a deep breath and exhaled audibly. “Emotionally? I’m not so great.”
“What’s wrong?” Concern filled his voice. “Is it about Bram?”
“Mostly. But I do need to apologize to you.” I wasn’t about to tell the wreck secret to him, but it was past time for us to discuss our relationship.
“Okay…that sounds cryptic and unnecessary. For what?”
“For avoiding you over the years,” I said, my voice shaky.
“Stop,” he commanded. “Stop it right there. Us drifting apart was not your fault. I’m not sure you know how messed up I was after Grams died. There’s no excuse, but there’s so much I never told you.”
“I think you hated taking care of me.”
He sighed loudly. “You’re right, I did. But it was only that I was young and frustrated.
I was failing in school because I couldn’t grasp anything online.
I tried to dull the pain of losing Grams with any substance I could get by with.
Amazing that I didn’t get caught. Bram and I only stayed friends because he wouldn’t give up on me.
“I wanted to run right after Grams’ funeral, but I couldn’t because I knew you were counting on me.
But then I couldn’t look you in the face, so I stayed gone from the house all the time.
I felt pressure because of my scholarship.
I felt pressure because of the responsibility I had for you and the regret of leaving you alone the night you wrecked the truck.
I was depressed. I wanted to lie down and die, get rid of the pain. It was horrible.”
I continued to listen, unable to hold back tears.
“And when you stopped talking to me, and Bram got hurt and left college, it all became so much worse. Football was my only saving grace.” I heard him swallow hard.
“We changed head coaches the year before I went into the NFL draft. That man changed my life. He got me back where I needed to be. I still carry a lot of it around with me, though. I know I hurt you, and I’m so fucking sorry. ”
“We’ve all made mistakes, Whit,” I soothed, hearing the panic in his voice. “I should have told you how I felt long ago. I miss you. I’ve always missed being close to you.”
I heard him sniffle. “I’ve missed you, too,” he said, and then chuckled a little. “I can’t remember the last time I cried. I’ve got to get it together before someone walks in here and catches me. Not a good look.”
“I wish I could hug you right now,” I replied, a smile on my face.
“Me too. But I’m kinda glad we talked like this, so it won’t be so awkward when I get into town to see you in a couple of weeks. I’ve got to leave for a charity auction in a few minutes, but I’ll be free after that. Can I text you?”
“Anytime,” I said. “I’ll reply.”
“And I don’t know what happened with you and Bram, but if you want to talk later, we can. He’s in love with you, you know.”
My heart flipped in my chest. “How do you know that?”
“He’s been carrying a torch for you for a long time, Jules. That’s why I said it was dangerous for him. No offense, but it’s been ridiculous. The number of times I’ve had to drag his drunken ass home with him mumbling your name…I’d be embarrassed if I were him.”
So what Bram had been saying was true? He missed me for years? Some small flame of hope lit inside of me.
“So he didn’t forget me? I mean, he never got in touch with me. And he still dated around all these years. ”
“Yeah. On and off. Nothing became serious, though. There was always an issue.”
“What’s that?” My heart hammered in my chest.
“None of them were you.”
My face lit up as tears sprang to my eyes.
Whit was oblivious to my roller coaster of emotions as he continued, “You guys will get it straightened out, I’m sure.
Do you still not like Grams’ house? If you’re uncomfortable there, I can put you and your friend up somewhere else.
It won’t be an issue. I can arrange for someone to move your things for you. Someone who isn’t Bram.”
I looked around. Inside the house was different from our childhood, but I noticed a few things that were the same as in the past: the arch of the doorways, the beam across the ceiling above me, and the picture window where Grams’ enormous Christmas tree was set up every year.
Things were different, but the bones of the home remained. This was still our house. Just because it had been upgraded and rearranged didn’t mean it wasn’t still her at the core.
I smiled. “No, I like it here,” I said quietly. “I was wrong before, Whit. She’s still here.”
Kallie forced me to wear acceptable clothes and wash my hair.
She had never been to Mill Creek, and so she pushed me into the car with her and made me show her around town, including all the places from my childhood.
As we passed the high school, I pointed out all the little spaces and small memories I had of my teenage years.
We drove around the corner of the school, and the new stadium-like football field came into view.
“Whoa,” she breathed out. “Are they professional here?”
“You would think. It was built with funds from many wealthy donors a few years ago. Football is a big deal at this school. It always has been.”
“Does Bram coach or anything?”
I debated for half a second whether or not to tell details of Bram’s life, but I knew my best friend was a steel trap.
“No. He’s been asked to take over for the retiring head coach. I don’t know if he will take on that responsibility since he already has a pretty important day job. But who knows? I think he wants to. But don’t tell anyone that.”
She smiled. “Who would I tell? But why doesn’t he coach if he wants to? Does he have bad feelings about football since the injury and the stuff with his Dad?”
“A little. I think it’s complicated.”
I didn’t want to talk about it. Not because of Kallie, but because that subject was one of the leading confessions up to our first fight that day in the woods. Which led to how we made up.
I squirmed in my seat uncomfortably.
“Are you feeling okay?” Kallie asked, referring to my back.
“Yeah, I’m fine. But I’d love to head back soon. Maybe we could pick up?—”
I was interrupted by my phone buzzing in my hand. I looked down and saw an unknown number with the Roanoke area code.
“Answer it. What if it’s the doctor?” Kallie urged, sensing my hesitancy. I put the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Hi! Is this Julianna?” The woman’s voice was bright and warm.
“Yes, it is. Who is this?”
“It’s Melanie. Bram’s sister.”
Panic invaded my system.
“Is Bram okay?” I asked, my gaze meeting Kallie’s wide eyes .
“Oh! Oh, yes. Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just wanted to chat a moment.”
“Okay…” I pressed the speaker button. Kallie silently mimed, clapping like a seal that I’d let her into the conversation.
“First, Bram has no idea I’m calling you.
I was able to steal your number from his phone because he leaves it lying everywhere.
Men are so weird. Anyway, second, you must come home and fix him.
He’s pathetic. And by pathetic, I mean he’s a nightmare.
None of us can handle him at work. I even tried to sister him, and he cried.
Cried , Julianna. My brother. Bram Winchester cried. I’d never seen him like that before.”
“Oh.” It was the only thing I could say.
“I had to move in with him temporarily because of some housing issues, and he’s so, so sad.”
“I’m sorry, I really am. But what does this have to do with me?” I asked innocently.
“Please don’t act like you don’t know. I don’t have time,” she begged, her little moment of laughter letting me know she was half-teasing.
“He’s crazy about you. Do you not know that?
He’s been happier since you came into town.
Not the superficial happy he shows everyone, like at the MCA things. But truly happy. I can tell.”
I bit my lip. “I…I’m spending time with my friend this week while she’s in town. She’s waiting on me hand and foot, and I?—”