Chapter 15 #2
‘I don’t use this word lightly, but what she’s doing is tantamount to stalking.
’ He pauses to clear his throat. ‘Even though she’s the one that broke it off, Alicia’s been bombarding me with messages.
Begging me to give our relationship another chance.
I never reply. I’m not fanning the flames.
And then, at work, she always seems to be there, wherever I am.
We’re in completely different departments, and before we got together, our paths rarely crossed.
’ He gives a heavy sigh. ‘It’s all a bit much, to be honest. She even sent me naked photos.
Poor woman. It’s all very humiliating for her.
I deleted them straight away, of course. ’
I stare at Xander, trying to make sense of his words, trying to reconcile them with the strong, determined and very much in control woman I met in the library earlier today.
Has Alicia pulled me into some sick game so she can get closer to Xander?
I think of how she found my sketch – what was she doing on the Thursley Facebook group anyway?
Nausea bubbles in my stomach, but I push the thought away.
Whatever Alicia’s motives, my instinct tells me she was right about Kimmy.
I drink some more wine, only now it tastes bitter, despite its hefty price tag.
‘Sorry,’ Xander says. ‘You don’t need to be dragged into my mess. I’ll deal with it.’
Fighting the urge to leave, I reason that I still need to see this through. I know I saw that woman – most likely his ex-wife – out there, so I’m doing this for Kimmy. It doesn’t matter what messages Alicia is sending to Xander. Besides, I’m only hearing his side of the story.
‘When we had dinner in that restaurant the other night, Alicia was talking about your ex-wife,’ I say.
His face drains of colour. ‘Was she now?’
‘Is her name Kimmy?’
His shoulders sag. ‘That’s right.’
‘Do you mind if I ask what happened?’
He nods, taking his time to answer. ‘We were married for nearly ten years. I loved Kimmy. Met her when I was in California. I was living out there for six months to oversee a new branch of our company that had just opened.’ He smiles.
‘On a rare afternoon off, I headed to the beach, and there she was, sunbathing by herself, reading a book. She took my breath away. Not just her looks, but her . . . aura. I was drawn to her. Kimmy was intoxicating.’ He looks down.
‘Like a drug. And that’s not a good thing.
I should have known our relationship wouldn’t go smoothly.
’ He takes a long gulp from his glass and reaches again for the bottle.
‘She was troubled. She told me she’d run away from an abusive relationship, and I believed her.
’ He fills his glass and offers the bottle to me, but I shake my head.
‘I found out what she was really running from was her family. Kimmy didn’t want her parents or siblings to know where she was.
I never did find out why – she was very much a closed book when it came to her past – but I think there was something there.
I don’t know – I don’t want to believe it was any kind of abuse, but it’s possible.
’ He eyes my glass. ‘Are you sure you won’t have another? ’
Despite my reservations, I say yes. I’ve started this now, so there’s no going back. A floodgate has opened, and now that words are tumbling from his mouth, I don’t want anything to stop him.
‘I quickly learned not to ask too many questions,’ Xander continues, filling my glass.
‘Kimmy would just shut down. And shut me out.’ He looks up at the ceiling.
‘I wanted to help her. To save her from whatever it was that was crippling her, but how could I, when she wouldn’t talk about it?
’ He shakes his head. ‘How stupid to think I could rescue her, like I’m some kind of superhero.
’ He wipes beads of sweat from his brow.
‘I never talk about this stuff. Not even to Giles. No one had any idea about the demons that haunted Kimmy. To the outside world, she was the life and soul. Always smiling. Helping people. But when we were alone together, she was free to be herself, and it wasn’t pretty.
‘I can understand why she was like that at home,’ Xander continues. ‘I was her safe space. The person she could take everything out on. I can’t even hate her for leaving me. I don’t think it was me she was running from, I think she was trying to escape from herself.’
I’m engrossed in Xander’s story, and a vivid picture of Kimmy Gould forms in my mind. It only makes me more determined to get justice for her. Because I don’t believe for a second that she left Xander. ‘Did she like living in Silverleaf Heights?’ I ask.
He frowns. ‘What’s not to like?’
I shrug. ‘It just might not be everyone’s cup of tea.’
He chuckles. ‘I’d like to meet anyone who wouldn’t want to live here.’
Once again I hold back what I truly want to say; it’s as though they’ve all been brainwashed. ‘I’m sorry she left you. Did she at least tell you she was going?’
His eyes narrow; I need to tread carefully.
‘Nope,’ he says. ‘Ghosted. All I got was one text to say she was going back to America and didn’t want me to contact her.
She only took one suitcase, too. Left most of her clothes.
I, um, haven’t done anything with them – they’re still in her wardrobe.
’ He hangs his head. ‘I know that’s strange. ’
I’m shocked to hear this when apparently it was around a year ago that Kimmy left. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
Silence falls for a moment, and Xander takes another large sip of his wine.
‘I think Alicia couldn’t stand the thought that I loved my wife so much,’ he says, ‘even though Kimmy left me. And Alicia knew I’d dated a lot of women afterwards, ending things as soon as they’d begun.
’ He pauses and looks at me. ‘I think she thought she would be the one to . . . I don’t know – take Kimmy’s place?
Sorry, I know that makes me sound like a prize arsehole. ’
‘It makes you human,’ I say. ‘And I understand.’
He tilts his head. ‘So you’re agreeing that I’m an arsehole?’
‘No, not at all, I—’
‘I’m just kidding. Sorry. I sometimes have an inappropriate sense of humour.’ He stands and heads to the wine rack, pulling out another bottle. ‘Ah, this is another great one,’ he says. ‘Like a work of art, but not quite as expensive.’
‘No more for me, thanks. I really need to get going. I’ve got lots of apologising to do, and it’s getting late.’
‘Oh, stay for a bit,’ he says. ‘Keep me company. Leo’s away, isn’t he? And this wine needs to be shared.’
Xander is slurring his words, something I could use to my advantage. ‘Okay. Just one more glass, then.’
An hour later, as dusk sets in, I’m still at Xander’s.
We’re now sitting on his sofa, and I’m hanging on every word he says in case he lets something important slip.
Something that will prove he’s lying about Kimmy disappearing.
I saw her a week ago, which means she clearly didn’t go as far as the States – or at least not for good.
‘Can I use your bathroom?’ I ask, easing myself off the sofa. ‘I think I’ve had too much to drink.’
‘I don’t need to tell you where it is,’ he says, laughing. His phone rings, and he pulls it from his pocket. ‘Oops, sorry. Need to take this, it’s a work thing.’
I slip out of the living room and close the door behind me, hesitating at the stairs. If Xander catches me, I’ll tell him I’m so tipsy I went to the upstairs bathroom instead of the cloakroom by the front door.
Taking the opportunity, I head upstairs and peer into the bedrooms, but nothing seems unusual.
I find the bathroom and lock the door, searching through the mirrored cabinet above the sink.
I’ve seen this scene a thousand times in movies, and I half expect to find something sinister in there, but there’s nothing other than shaving foam and disposable razors.
Xander’s deodorant. Nothing that could belong to Kimmy.
I make my way downstairs, and I can hear Xander still talking on the phone. It’s the perfect opportunity for me to thank him and leave. But before I reach the bottom of the stairs, dizziness overcomes me and I grab the bannister to stop myself falling.
And then everything fades to nothing.