Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
One Year Ago
For the next few days, Kimmy barely leaves the house.
She needs time to sort out where she’ll go, how she’ll live.
Even though she’s wanted to leave before, she couldn’t wrap her head around a plan until now.
Xander doesn’t speak to her, or acknowledge her in any way, and this is far worse than if he just forced her to leave.
From the moment they moved in, this has never felt like her house.
Kimmy had been made redundant from her job as an HR manager, and Xander had encouraged her to take a break, to spend some time searching for a role she’d really love.
He’d told her to save her money, that she’d need it until she found another job.
It never sat right with Kimmy; she’s used to paying her own way in life, being independent.
Just another thing she lost when she gave in to marriage and a normal life.
Now she sees it was a huge mistake, Xander’s way of keeping her trapped.
So here she is, still in the house that she needs to leave, living in a warped and silent world with a man whose love has quickly turned to loathing.
Giles has taken to sitting outside on the bench Kimmy always chooses when she wants to be out on the green.
And even though his laptop is on his knees, it’s clear that he’s watching her house.
Next time he does it, she will go out there and confront him, tell him he won’t drive her away.
No, even though she’s had reservations about this place since they came to view the house, Kimmy won’t give in.
She’ll leave when she’s got everything in order.
It’s Friday afternoon when Eleanor rings her doorbell. Kimmy’s happy to see her, and opens the door with a smile until she notices the absence of one on Eleanor’s face.
‘Can I come in?’ she asks, folding her arms.
‘’Course, are you okay?’
‘No,’ she says. ‘I’m not.’
With a heavy sense of foreboding, Kimmy lets her in. ‘What’s going on?’ This can only be about Declan; she’s done nothing else that could offend anyone.
Eleanor doesn’t speak until she has marched through to the kitchen, and then she hovers by the island, her arms still folded.
‘Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?’ Kimmy sits on a bar stool, hoping Eleanor will do the same and defuse some of the tension in the room.
‘Giles told me,’ she says. ‘He told me you’ve been seeing someone. Is it one of the neighbours?’ She shakes her head. ‘Is it Rufus?’
Kimmy is stunned, even though she’d expected Giles wouldn’t keep his mouth shut. ‘What do you mean?’ she asks.
Eleanor stares at her. ‘I mean, is it Rufus you’ve been sleeping with?’
‘No! Of course not. I’d never—’
‘He’s been acting weird lately. Distant. I thought it was because of the IVF. It takes its toll on a marriage.’
‘I know,’ Kimmy says, feeling Eleanor’s pain as if it’s her own.
‘No, you can’t know!’ Eleanor shrieks. ‘You just swan around as if you haven’t got a single thing to worry about. Rich husband. You don’t even have to work! You don’t even want kids!’
Eleanor’s words sting, but Kimmy understands they’re coming from a place of pain. She already forgives her. ‘I was made redundant. I didn’t choose not to work. I loved my job. And I’ve been struggling to find another one, so my life is far from perfect.’
‘Is that why you’re sleeping with someone’s husband? Who is it? Mine? Georgia’s? Ria’s?’
Nobody’s husband, just somebody’s son. ‘Please stop,’ Kimmy says. ‘Giles isn’t telling you the full story. You can’t trust him, Eleanor. He’s playing weird mind games. I think he’s done something. Moira—’
‘Don’t start this about Giles again!’ Eleanor says. ‘I trust him. He’s been nothing but good to me.’ Her cheeks flush. ‘And he hasn’t been lying.’
‘He’s manipulating us all!’ Kimmy says. ‘Twisting things. Hiding things.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Eleanor screams. ‘Why are you doing all this . . . hurting people? Having an affair when we’re all . . . all supposed to be friends. Part of each other’s lives. It’s sick!’ She clutches her stomach as she says this, doubling over. ‘Oh God!’
‘Eleanor!’ Kimmy rushes over to her, tries to reach out to her, but Eleanor pushes her away.
‘Get off me!’ she hisses.
‘I’m not sleeping with Rufus!’ Kimmy protests. And then she sees the blood staining Eleanor’s light-blue skirt. ‘Eleanor!’
Eleanor looks down at her skirt, takes in the blood that’s now dripping on to the floor. ‘My baby!’ she shrieks.
Kimmy is stunned. ‘You’re pregnant! The IVF worked!’ As soon as she’s said it, she realises the mistake she’s made. She’s no expert, but from the amount of blood it doesn’t look good.
Eleanor doesn’t answer. ‘You did this!’ she yells. ‘It’s your fault!’
It’s late evening by the time Kimmy finds out how Eleanor is. The bell rings and she opens the door to find Georgia hovering on her doorstep, arms folded.
‘Will you come in?’ Kimmy says, preparing herself to be confronted about Declan.
Georgia silently steps inside, making her way to the kitchen.
‘Is Eleanor okay?’ Kimmy asks, catching up with her.
‘’Course she’s not okay. She lost the baby.’
Kimmy’s body sags. ‘That’s just—’
‘What the hell were you thinking?’ Georgia says, perching on a kitchen stool. ‘Arguing with her and stressing her out. You know how many years she and Rufus have been trying to have a baby.’ She shakes her head.
Kimmy has never imagined an angry word could come out of Georgia’s mouth; she’s never even heard her raise her voice. ‘I . . . I didn’t know she was pregnant.’
‘You knew she’d just had another round of IVF. She was telling us all about it not long ago.’
‘I know. I . . . I forgot.’ This isn’t strictly true.
After hearing nothing from Eleanor, Kimmy had made the awful assumption that she’d had another failed cycle, no different to all the others.
If only she’d known, she would have handled it differently.
She would have assured Eleanor again and again that it wasn’t Rufus, that it was nobody’s husband she’d become entangled with.
Georgia shakes her head. ‘I don’t know what to say. You’re both my friends, but . . . Eleanor will never get over this. Nothing will be the same around here. There’s suddenly such a horrible atmosphere in Silverleaf.’
Screw Silverleaf. This place is ruining all their lives and everything is falling apart. That’s what happens when you construct a dream on lies. Kimmy suspects it’s probably what they’ve all done. ‘I’ll go to see her. Tell her how sorry I am.’ She stands up, ready to face Eleanor now.
‘She won’t listen,’ Georgia says, pulling her arm so Kimmy sits back down. ‘So now, not only have you alienated Giles, but Eleanor, too.’
Kimmy lets out a breath. ‘I don’t care about Giles.’
Georgia doesn’t say anything, but looks down and pulls at a loose thread on her jeans. She bites her lip then looks Kimmy directly in the eye. ‘I know what you’ve been doing,’ she says. ‘We all do.’
Kimmy’s breath snags in her throat. She can’t respond.
‘And I know it wasn’t Patrick,’ Georgia continues. ‘He’s too busy at work, and too moody. He’d never have charmed a woman like you.’
Kimmy finds her voice. ‘Of course it isn’t Patrick,’ she says, fully aware of the trajectory this conversation will take. ‘Of course it isn’t.’ She repeats this phrase to buy herself time before the truth comes out and everything changes once more.
‘I know that. Because it’s Declan.’
Kimmy’s body burns. She needs air, so she rushes to the bifold door and throws it open. She can’t look at Georgia. She doesn’t want to see the hatred in her eyes.
‘I knew,’ Georgia says. ‘My son’s a wreck, and I knew it was a girl, but I didn’t think for one second it was you. A woman. He’s twenty, for Christ’s sake.’
Despite the shame she feels, in a quiet voice Kimmy points out that Declan is an adult.
‘You’re still much older than him! And married.
You knew it couldn’t last, but you led him on, and now he .
. . he won’t even go to his lectures. He barely leaves his room.
You’re ruining his life. He needs to get his degree!
’ Georgia’s face is flushed red. ‘He told me how you ended it. Used him just to have some fun with, even though you knew how he felt about you.’
Kimmy doesn’t reply. It’s not quite as Georgia has put it, but nor is it far off.
‘He even got into a fight the other night when one of his friends forced him to go out. My son – brawling in a bar. That’s what you did to him. Do you see that, Kimmy? What you’ve done to him?’ Tears roll down Georgia’s cheeks.
Hearing this, and seeing the state Georgia is in, a blanket of sadness threatens to smother Kimmy. She wishes she could go back and change it all, delete the moment it began and take a different path.
‘So how did it happen?’ Georgia asks. ‘I need to know.’
‘Didn’t Declan tell you?’ An inner voice screams that it’s none of Georgia’s business. She’s Declan’s mother, not his wife. Plus, Kimmy doesn’t want to relive it all.
‘I want you to tell me,’ Georgia says, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose.
Kimmy takes a deep breath and begins. ‘It was my birthday. You sent him over here with a cake for me.’
Georgia screws up her face. ‘I remember. Go on.’
Ignoring the look of disgust, Kimmy continues.
‘Xander had to work late and couldn’t get home so I was on my own.
You were ill, remember? Declan came in and .
. . we’d always got on. Since I moved here, we .
. . you won’t want to hear this, but we had a connection.
’ A connection that was all too easy to sever.
‘You just wanted to have sex with him,’ Georgia says. ‘He’s an attractive boy.’
‘Man,’ Kimmy corrects.
Georgia shakes her head and blows loudly into her tissue. ‘And what does Xander think of all this? Don’t you care that you’ve cheated on your husband?’
‘Well, if it makes you feel better, Xander hates me now. Just like everyone else.’
‘Do you know what I think?’ Georgia says. ‘You’re the one who hates you the most. And I feel sorry for you, Kimmy.’
She stands and storms out of the kitchen, slamming the front door behind her.
Kimmy’s soaking in the bath when the message comes through. Seeing Georgia’s name, she immediately reads it, hoping her neighbour has found a way to forgive her.
And immediately she wishes she hadn’t looked and that she could buy herself more time before seeing words no one wants to see.
Declan is in hospital. He’s taken an overdose because of what you did to him.
She stares at Georgia’s message, willing it to be a sick joke, something that Declan has arranged to get back at her.
He can’t have meant to harm himself – it’s not in his nature to be defeated.
But still, Kimmy needs to find out. Her heart races as she climbs out of the bath and grabs her towel, rubbing her skin vigorously to speed things up.
And just when she’s dry, she hears the key in the front door, then footsteps thundering up the stairs.
Xander doesn’t bother knocking. He opens the bathroom door and barks something at her. She can barely make out his words; she can only pick out Declan’s name.
‘And I thought it couldn’t get any worse,’ Xander says, lowering his voice, as if the anger has been sucked out of him like air from a balloon.
‘I need to go to the hospital,’ Kimmy says, feeling helpless. She has no idea what she’ll say when she gets there, but knows she needs to see Declan. She wraps the towel tightly around her, feeling vulnerable in front of her husband, who has seen her naked a thousand times.
‘What? That’s inappropriate on every level,’ Xander says. ‘You can’t go there!’
‘I have to!’ She tries to brush past him, but Xander grabs her arms. ‘Have you lost your mind?’ The anger is back in his tone now.
‘It’s my fault,’ Kimmy says. ‘I need to see him.’
‘No!’ Xander lets go of her but stands in the bathroom doorway to block her way.
She pushes him, but he barely moves. ‘Let me go, Xander!’
‘No. Not until things calm down around here. You’re not leaving this house.’
Kimmy almost laughs; she can’t believe he’s for real. ‘And how are you going to stop me?’ she asks.
Grabbing her phone from the sink, he rushes out of the en suite, through the bedroom and out into the hall, slamming the door shut behind him. Then she hears a key turn in the lock.
Kimmy races out of the bathroom, banging on the bedroom door. ‘What the fuck, Xander? Let me out!’ She pounds her fists again. ‘You can’t do this. Let me out! Give my phone back!’
‘This is for your own good,’ Xander says. ‘And don’t scream to the neighbours for help – none of them will want to help you. Especially not after this.’
‘Please, Xander. Just let me go to the hospital and then I’ll come back and we can talk about everything.’ Kimmy trembles in just the towel, and she sinks to the carpet, pressing her face against the door.
‘There’s nothing to talk about, is there?’ Xander says from the other side. ‘You made it clear you want to leave.’
‘Maybe we can work it out?’ she says in desperation.
She hears his sigh. ‘It’s too late for that. How would it look if I forgave you? I won’t be pitied by people, Kimmy.’
‘Then just let me go, Xander. You can tell people you threw me out. I don’t care!’ She pounds on the door again.
‘I don’t know, Kimmy. I just don’t know.’ His voice is quiet now, tinged with sadness. Then there is silence.
She hears his footsteps fade on the stairs, until there’s no sound but the throbbing in her head.
With tears pooling in her eyes, Kimmy pulls her knees up to her chin, letting her head flop against the door.
None of this feels real, but she knows only too well that it is.
And for the first time since she’s known him, Xander terrifies her.