Kameron
Chapter thirty-four
Between prepping for Christmas and dealing with the disaster of a meeting for the Festival, I was convinced nothing could bring my stress level higher.
Nalini’s stupid Christmas movies had inspired me to try something big — and Mary-Marigold loved the idea, despite my stupidly agreeing to be the one in charge of organizing it.
While I knew I could handle it, I was leaving the room multiple times a day to avoid Nalini finding out.
And it was clear she was starting to get suspicious.
I’d been expecting a phone call, and hadn’t been surprised when my phone started ringing — only for my heart to race as I realized with panic it was from a hospital.
“Hello?” I asked, afraid they were calling about Cassidy. I knew it was ridiculous because she was still at school, and they would’ve called me if there was an emergency.
“Kam, hey!” Jack’s voice greeted me, and a loud sigh of relief erupted from my lungs. “You okay?”
“You’re calling from a hospital, Jack,” I pointed out after taking a few deep breaths, “Not exactly something I’ve got good memories of. I thought something might've happened to Cassidy.”
“Right. Sorry,” my twin said, his grimace obvious even though I couldn’t see him, “I didn’t think of that. How’s Cassidy doing?”
“She’s excited for Christmas,” I explained, “and still pretty mad at you. Not sure she’s going to let it go any time soon.”
“I figured,” Jack sighed, guilt dripping from his words, “Christmas was actually why I was calling. My therapist thought it might help if I had plans for the holiday instead of being here alone.”
“I can’t say yes without asking Cassidy,” I said, refusing to make this decision without her input. “And if you decide to come over, you can’t spend the night; I’m officially out of beds. Noah’s coming down, and Nalini’s in the guest room, and…”
“Why is Nalini in your guest room?” Jack interrupted. I knew when he inevitably found out, he wasn’t going to be thrilled, but he sounded angrier than I’d expected.
“Her apartment burned down, and she has to stay somewhere,” I explained. “You know how small Briar Hill is; it’s nearly impossible for her to find anywhere else to stay.”
“Oh,” my brother said, surprise and sympathy layering his words, “That’s actually a good reason.”
“Not that it really matters what you think a good reason is,” I pointed out, “I know she’s not your favorite person, Jack, but…”
“You’re falling for her, right?” Jack interrupted, “I saw it with how you defended her during the Thanksgiving incident. And I saw how guilty she felt when I brought it up when I ran into her.” Nalini hadn’t mentioned that part of their conversation, but it made sense she wouldn’t if Jack was acting like this.
Though I had to admit, it made a lot of her worries make sense.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he continued, “And I bet she’s making you feel like the most special person in the world, and one day Nalini’s going to turn around and break your heart.
Like, she’s so anxious she has control issues, and she’ll freak out the moment things don’t go to plan.
You’ve already dealt with enough stress, and what happened with Julia shattered your heart. You don’t need to go through it again.”
“None of us are seventeen anymore, Jack,” I quietly said, “I’m aware Nalini’s anxiety has a habit of spiraling, and we’ve actually talked about it quite a bit. And she’s getting help for it. What I want to know is how you figured out something’s going on?”
“Noah told me,” Jack grumbled, and I wished I was surprised the call was actually a setup and not him casually asking to be a part of Christmas, “But Nalini practically admitted it the day we ran into each other.
“Are you planning on Christmas being some sort of sabotage mission?” I asked, “Because if it is, you’d be better off spending it with your therapist.”
“No,” Jack groaned, “The only reason Noah told me was he didn’t want me to try and pull something. He said you were happy, and you’re both tired of me ruining everything. Which… do you think I do that? Ruin everything?”
“Not intentionally,” I replied, after thinking for a few moments, “But yes. I don’t think you ever actually learned any coping mechanisms for negative emotions.
So, you sabotage everyone to try and keep us from experiencing your pain.
Only, you’re so spontaneous you end up causing even more issues in the process. ”
“Now you sound exactly like my therapist,” Jack scoffed, “And that’s not a compliment. I’m tired of people telling me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear.”
“Jack,” I warned, only to find myself interrupted again.
“Ew. Dad voice. Sorry, I’m working on it, I promise,” he admitted, “I’ll be on my best behavior at Christmas. If Cassidy gives her permission.”
“And how do I tell you if she does?” I asked. “Nobody knows how to get ahold of you, and it’s causing problems.”
“Oh, you can write. Or come visit,” Jack said, “Just keep me posted.”
“I will,” I promised, “I know you hate being uncomfortable, but I’m proud of you. For getting help, for working towards getting better.”
“Thanks,” he said after a long awkward moment, “Okay, I’m about to get kicked off the phone, I’ll talk to you later.” The line went dead before I could tell him goodbye, which was on brand for my brother. And I was certain Cassidy would hate it.
“Uncle Jack wants to come… here?” Cassidy asked, a layer of judgement filling her voice with a venom I’d never heard from her, “Why?”
“Because he’s family, and he’s been in the hospital since Thanksgiving,” I explained, “but I told him he needed your permission to come, and if you said no, he won’t.”
“Well, he’s mean and rude, and he’s going to ruin Christmas talking about you and Nalini and Mom,” she insisted, “So no.”
“What if he apologizes?” I asked, but Cassidy’s lips pinched together.
“You said apologies don’t always fix things,” she pointed out, which was true — and honestly I was glad the lesson had been learned when it was one I still struggled with myself, “and he can’t apologize to Mom. And I don’t want to forgive him.”
“You don’t have to forgive him,” I told her, though she was clearly suspicious of the words. “Uncle Jack is sick, and he makes a lot of bad decisions, like what happened at Thanksgiving. He’s trying to get better, and that doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you. You’re allowed to be hurt.”
“Did you forgive him?” Cassidy asked, and I paused before realizing I had the moment he’d admitted he needed help.
“Yeah,” I replied, “And it’s not the first time I’ve had to.
I tried really hard so you wouldn’t see him like that, because I know you love him a lot.
Thanksgiving was not the worst thing he said to me.
Remember how before Mom got sick, I didn’t talk to him at all?
” Cassidy paused for a moment before slowly nodding, “A lot of that came from me being hurt from his bad decisions. Me, Uncle Jack, and Uncle Noah had a giant fight, and it’s taken me a long time to forgive both of them.
And it took them a long time to forgive me.
But in the end, I missed them both a lot. ”
“Is Uncle Jack going to be super rude all of Christmas?” Cassidy finally asked.
“I don’t know,” I said, deciding the truth was the best option, “but I don’t think he will.
He knows what he did was wrong, and he feels terrible about it.
I’m not going to make you give him all the chances I have, and I know it’s not fair you have to make this big decision.
But I want you to be comfortable with him here, and if you think he deserves a chance, then he can come. But if you say no, I’m saying no.”
I watched my daughter think through it, and honestly I was proud at the way she was asking questions instead of reacting. It showed how she was slowly turning into the human I’d hoped she’d be when she grew up, even if I hated how so much of her maturity had come from trauma.
“Fine, he can come,” Cassidy finally said, “but only if he promises never to do it again.”
“I think that’s very fair of you,” I said, hugging her, “and if you change your mind when he’s here, he’ll go. Deal?”
“Deal,” she said with a curt nod. There were a lot of times I wasn’t sure I was doing the whole single parenting thing right, especially when I was terrible at setting my own boundaries.
And I really hoped this was the best way to handle the situation, and I hadn’t started Cassidy down a long path of turning into me.
I wanted her to have the boundaries I’d always lacked, but I wanted her to be empathetic to others.
And sometimes figuring out the balance was hard, but I still hoped this was a chance to figure out how to heal our family.