35. Nalini
Chapter thirty-five
Nalini
Christmas came with a lot of baking, and for once my time in the kitchen wasn’t the result of stress.
The days moved at a rapid pace, especially as we started getting ready for our guests to arrive, and with it came six types of cookies, two pies, and three pans of giant cinnamon rolls.
If I wasn’t baking, Kam was trying to get ahead on cooking so he didn’t spend all of Christmas morning frantically trying to get it all done.
I was honestly surprised at how excited I was by it.
Mom hadn’t celebrated any holidays; anything that I participated in growing up had always been when others took pity on me.
She’d always said they were too frivolous, but I'd accidentally figured out the truth when she let it slip my Dad loved them. The one constant in my life was that anything my father loved, I wasn’t allowed to do.
She hated him when he left her to go back to his wife when she got pregnant; she hated being pressured into keeping me instead of giving me up for adoption, and I was the one punished for all the bad that happened to her with an emotional distance nobody could cross.
It was easy to watch movies and imagine what it might've been like if I had a Mom who cared, who passed on our traditions and encouraged me to have the kind of holiday magic I’d always dreamed of.
Who hadn’t told me Santa wasn’t real at the ripe old age of three years old, and wanted me to have an imagination.
It was obvious Kam didn’t like my Christmas movies, but he’d started making me feel like I was in one. And it turned my insides into a gooey mess that just made me want him more.
A new sprinkling of snow lined the yard as the smells of my latest batch of cinnamon rolls wafted from the kitchen.
Cassidy was in the middle of wrapping Christmas presents in her room, and insisted on doing it herself when Kam had offered to help.
I was in the middle of sticking a few festive window stickers on Sylvie’s tank, hoping the last-minute decorations would help make Kam and his brothers less afraid of her.
I’d just finished attaching a row of snowflakes when I felt a pair of arms slide around my waist, and Kam’s chin on my shoulders.
I melted into his embrace, enjoying the quiet moment while Cassidy was distracted.
“Enjoying the calm before the crazy?” Kam asked, and I burst out laughing at his description.
“No idea, this is my first big Christmas,” I admitted, “I don’t really count the ones growing up where you’d force me to come over and eat your leftovers. Are you ready to spend a holiday with your brothers?”
I wasn’t thrilled when Kam told me Jack had asked to come. I reluctantly agreed to it, even though I was going to do my best to avoid him. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of Kam or Cassidy and their family, but I also wasn’t going to cause a scene.
Not unless Jack started one first.
“It’ll be our first since the band broke up,” Kam quietly admitted, with an uneasiness in his voice that made me wonder if he was anxiety cooking in the vein of my anxiety baking.
“Most holidays were work-related, between concerts or televised holiday specials. It stopped feeling like a celebration pretty quick.”
“That’s worse than my Mom saying holidays were for everyone but us,” I chuckled, even though nobody'd actually find it funny. “I’d hate working all day. Now I just watch stupid movies and eat an entire pie by myself because I don’t know what else to do.”
“Is that why you made two pies?” Kam teased, “You’re planning on sneaking one into your room and eating it in one go?”
“If that were my plan, I wouldn’t admit to it, nor could you stop me,” I laughed, snuggling closer to him. “But maybe I’ll save you a slice. No promises for anyone else.” The two of us were laughing when a car pulled into the doorway and Noah stepped out.
He was stiffer than I’d expected from someone who’d just performed an entire Broadway show, but doing that and immediately jumping into a car didn’t sound comfortable either.
I decided not to think about it too much.
I couldn’t imagine what it took to have that kind of career, and it had to be taxing.
Kam pulled on his winter coat and helped his brother bring in entirely too many bags for a man who was only staying one night.
“Nalini, Hi!” Noah said as he walked in, giving me an awkward smile. Even though he was only a year-and-a-half younger than me, I’d never really known him growing up, and unlike everyone else in the room, he wasn’t a hugger.
“Looks like you ended up taller than me after all,” I smiled at him. “You were worried about it last time I saw you.”
“Wow, I forgot how short I was back then,” Noah chuckled. “Thanks for the reminder I didn’t want or need.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” I said with a fake bow, taking a few of his bags and unloading the presents under the tree.
“Uncle Noah!” Cassidy yelled as she ran across the house, crashing into her uncle and hugging him — though it was hard not to notice the wince of pain that filled Noah’s face as the girl tightly wrapped her arms around him.
“How’s my favorite niece?” Noah asked, only to be dutifully informed it didn’t count because she was his only niece. It was clearly a show the two of them did every single time they saw each other, and was the kind of inside joke that never got old between them.
“How’s fake depression?” Cassidy asked, and the question caught me so off guard, I tripped in surprise, and my mug of cocoa ended up all over Noah’s face.
If there was a prize for throwing drinks into every member of RaineFall’s faces, I’d not only just won, but done so in the span of five months. It was probably a record.
“I am so sorry,” I immediately apologized, grabbing some napkins and letting him attempt to wipe it off. Thankfully, Noah was nice enough not to hold it against me. Or at least, I hoped he was.
“It’s funnier when you do it to Dad,” Cassidy announced, and I rolled my eyes at her words.
“It was only one time,” I groaned, only for the girl to start cackling.
“No, she’s right,” Noah agreed, “I saw the video, that was hilarious.”
“Really?” I heard Kam say from behind me, “So when you called to tell me about it…?”
“It was after I’d laughed for like an hour,” Noah said, smiling at the memory, “I have it saved to my phone to watch when I’m having a bad day.” He slowly got off the couch, moving towards the bathroom. “Alright, I’m taking a shower; I’d rather not spend all night sticky.”
“Is Noah okay?” I whispered to Kam as he walked off, “He looks like he’s in pain.”
“I… don’t know?” Kam sadly sighed, “Noah’s always been one to keep everything to himself. And it could easily be Broadway being taxing on the body, and we’re all in our 30‘s. I don’t want to pry and have him mad over nothing.”
“Do you think Uncle Noah will do his show here?” Cassidy asked, interrupting our conversation.
“I don’t think so,” Kam said, putting a smile on for his daughter, “because there’s like fifty people in his show, and he only has one part. It wouldn’t make sense if he only did his parts here.”
“Can we go see it?” Cassidy asked, and I shrugged when she glanced my way.
“We’ll ask Uncle Noah,” Kam insisted, though he was looking at me as if I'd know if Great Comet was appropriate for an almost-eleven-year-old. I barely knew it was about War and Peace, and my gut told me she’d be bored out of her mind.
The night turned cozy as we put on a Christmas movie, but we mostly talked over it.
It was easy to laugh along, feel like I belonged here, and I kept meeting Kam’s eyes and blushing in a way it was a miracle Cassidy didn’t catch on.
I knew we’d have to tell her soon, but I wanted to wait for Kam to feel like the time was right.
It was like Thanksgiving all over again, where I could imagine this being my life, but this time, I believed there was a chance it could all be mine. But only a small one.