23. Chapter 23
I should’ve never followed my stupid, misguided heart. I just laid everything bare for Austin. I told him that I wanted him to kiss me, that I wanted this thing that’s been brewing between us.
I’m at war with myself, trying to decipher what happened. My head is reminding me that, immediately after the kiss, he asked if Bradley and Bianca saw. It was all for show. He was only doing his job to convince them we were dating—just like he did at the event the night we met.
But my heart…my heart is reminding me of what Austin said before the kiss.
How he asked me with such gentle tenderness what I wanted and then told me that he wanted me.
That admission from him was the glimmer of hope I needed that he might have feelings for me too.
Because those words weren’t meant for Bianca, Bradley, or anyone else to hear. They were for me. For us.
It doesn’t explain why his first question after that kiss was if the people we originally were putting on a ruse for saw, though.
His actions and words aren’t matching up, and it feels like there’s no going back to how things were before.
We’re stuck in this after-kiss limbo, and I don’t know which to believe: my head or my heart.
My chest aches wondering if we ruined the friendship we’ve spent years building with an impulsive kiss.
Even an hour later my body is still buzzing like the kiss was an electric shock to the system.
It’s a blessing and a curse, getting to remember every press of his mouth to mine and the feel of his hand on my legs, on my jaw, in my hair, but knowing I may never experience it again.
A part of me wants to analyze everything with my besties…
but what am I supposed to tell them? Oh, I’m not talking to Rhett anymore because I have feelings for Austin.
And by the way, Austin and I made out, but joke’s on me because it might’ve been all for show, and now my heart’s hurting even though I never admitted to y’all that I have feelings for my best guy friend. Surprise!
Right now, I’m just thankful my nephews have attached themselves to Austin like little monkeys, keeping him occupied while we wait for everyone to gather outside the resort to head out for the group hike.
I’m wishing on every palm tree that Crew and Rhys keep him distracted enough that I can figure out what I’m feeling, figure out if there’s anything left that needs to be said to Austin without losing the man who has become such an important part of my life.
The palm trees must work better than birthday candles and stars for wishes because I’m able to stick between my mom and sister for the hike up to Signal Peak, stopping a few times for Maddy to catch her breath. She’s my real-life hero hiking while seven months pregnant.
“I need to pee!” Crew shouts.
I turn, filled with dread as I watch Austin hand Crew over to Elliott.
My sister approaches Austin, and I shoot her a wide-eyed look, trying to let her know I want her to stay with me. She dips her head in acknowledgment. “Austin, do you mind keeping Rhys company until Elliott gets back?”
I feel Austin staring at me out of my peripheral vision, but thankfully he’s not one to deny a pregnant woman’s wishes. “Of course not.”
Rhys squeals in delight. “Oh-shuh.”
“Yeah, let’s go see the ocean, buddy.”
I feel Austin glance at me once more before walking closer to the edge. I move to the opposite side with Maddy, taking in the panoramic view of the island surrounded by the stunning Caribbean water. “Glad our sister-telepathy is still intact.”
“I think it was your crazy eyes more than telepathy.” She bumps my hip with hers. “What’s going on?”
“My head and my heart are in an intense battle.”
Maddy laughs. “Which one is coming out the victor?”
“Honestly, I have no clue.” I glance around, making sure no one is within earshot. “Don’t freak out, but we kissed,” I whisper.
She raises her eyebrows and holds a hand over her mouth, hiding her smile. “And?”
“It was amazing. Like a hotter-than-the-movies kind of kiss.”
“When?” My sister rocks on her feet. “Where?”
“This morning after the workout class we basically got kicked out of.” She starts to open her mouth in question, and I shake my head.
“It’s not worth explaining. But we ran down to the beach, and Austin sort of picked me up and ran into the ocean.
And then we were all close, and he asked me what I wanted. ”
She squeezes my arm. “What did you tell him?”
“I stared at his lips.” I pause. Maddy leans in closer. “And I told him I wanted this.”
She closes her eyes and shimmies her shoulders in a happy dance. “Ah, this is so much better than your first-date stories. What happened next?”
“He asked if I knew what he wanted. Then he said one simple word: you.” Goose bumps cover my arms again thinking about it.
Maddy gasps. “Then he kissed you senseless?”
“Yeah.” I close my eyes, remembering the way his lips felt on mine.
Our first kiss was epic, but this one was world-rocking.
Life-changing. The kind of kiss that ruins you of all other men because you know they’ll never live up to that connection.
“I’ve never experienced that level of passion. That intense desire.”
My sister fans her face. “Are you trying to make me go into preterm labor?”
“You’re the one who asked.”
“You’re right.” She takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready. Tell me more.”
“It was almost like an out-of-body experience.” I press my lips together as I recall the after. “Then he asked me if I thought Bianca and Bradley saw.”
Her brows furrow. “Why would he say that?”
I shrug. “That’s what has me confused. How can he say he wants me, but then go right back to making it seem like he only did it to keep up our ruse?”
She balls her hands into fists. “Do you need me to go knock some sense into him?”
I place my hands on hers and push them back to her side. “Put the weapons down, Rocky.”
Maddy’s eyes narrow into slits. “I like him, but you know I’d go to pound town for you.”
I laugh. “That’s not what you think it means.”
“Yeah, it is.” She takes her fist and hits it against her other hand. “I’ll pound him into dust for you.”
There’s no use arguing with her, so I just shrug. “No pounding necessary.”
“Okay. I’m sorry, sis.” She wraps her arm around my waist. “Did you ask him for an explanation?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk yet.”
Maddy rubs my back, then steps away, her gaze trailing over my shoulder. “I don’t think a man looks at a woman like he is right now if he only sees her as a friend.”
My heart skips a beat in my chest. “What do you mean?”
“He keeps looking over at you like a sad puppy.”
I cross my arms, scared to let myself hope. “You think so?”
Maddy nods. “He can’t keep his eyes off you. I know it takes time for you to build up the courage to have hard conversations, but I really think you need to ask him why he said that.” She nudges me. “The answer is probably different than whatever your brain is coming up with.”
Tomorrow. I can give myself one night to sit in my feelings, gather the courage to have this conversation, and prepare for whatever he might say.
“I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.” Maddy rocks on her feet. “Now that that’s settled, I need to use the ladies’ room. I think this little guy is preparing for a future soccer career and using my bladder as the ball.” She pats her stomach and starts speedwalking away with her legs clenched together. “Love you.”
“Love you,” I call after her.
Then I make the mistake of looking over at Austin. He raises a hand, and I offer him a weak smile. But once Rhys spots me and starts pointing dramatically at me, there’s no turning back. Austin walks toward me, and I meet him halfway.
“Hi, Rhysie.” He clambers into my arms, and I hug him close. He clutches the back of my neck with sticky fingers. I kiss the top of his head. “What do you say we go look for a snack?”
“Yeah,” he cheers.
I take a steadying breath and face Austin. “Do you want to come?”
Relief washes over his features. “I’d love to.”
I start heading back down the trail and nearly run into someone. I hold Rhys closer. “Sorry.” I look up, and the rest of my apology dies on my lips.
“Oh, so you do have manners?” Bianca snaps. She lets go of Bradley’s arm to place her hands on her hips. “I thought you’d lost them with how rudely you disturbed Felicity’s class this morning.” She closes her eyes and huffs. “I want to be zen for our wedding, and you made my morning so not zen.”
Rhys belly laughs in my arms. “Zen, zen, zen.” He repeats the word, probably thinking it sounds funny. I mean, it kind of does.
Her eyes narrow. “I see it runs in the family.”
Austin sidles up next to me, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist. “You mean the family you’re a part of?”
“Extended family. There’s a difference.” She wrinkles her nose like I’m no more than the dirt on the bottom of her designer shoe.
“Definitely, Baby Cakes.” Bradley leans down and rubs his nose against hers.
Rhys turns to me with excited eyes. “Cake?”
“We can ask your mama,” I say.
He pouts and his bottom lip trembles. “Cake,” he wails.
Austin claps Bradley on the shoulder. “Congrats, you made a toddler cry.”
“Our future children will never cry over something as trivial as cake.” Bianca narrows her gaze as Rhys hiccups in my arms. “Right, Shnookums?”
“They’ll be angels, lucky to be raised by the most perfect mother.”
Austin squeezes my waist and mutters, “Yeah, lucky.”
I cover my laugh with a cough.
“Like you in the ocean with Alyssa?” Bradley sneers. “Enjoy my sloppy seconds.”
Austin’s jaw tics. He moves to step forward, but I reach down and grab his hand. He turns to face me. I shake my head. “He’s not worth it.”
“Yeah, listen to your girlfriend.” Bradley laughs. “I’d hate to have to press assault charges on my ex-favorite player for the Mustangs.”
“Come on.” I tug on Austin’s hand, trying to move around them, but he stands firm.