Chapter 27
My wife…
The resounding yes echoing in my head called up an immediate defensive response. It felt a lot like fear, but I ignored the tight, hot ball in my gut and focused on all the reasons things could possibly go wrong. We were too young, he was too perfect, it was too fast. Over and over again circling in my head. Underneath it all lurked my dad’s request not to distract Cole when they had a real chance to win the Frozen Four.
I’d planned to talk to him about that tonight. After a couple of weeks forcing myself to stay away from him, I was miserable. Didn’t he understand I wanted to be with him, but the risk to him wasn’t worth coming clean? Not yet, anyway. Nothing was stopping us from waiting and dealing with a relationship after the season was over.
And nothing was stopping me from leaving before he forced my hand.
“I should go. You need to rest before your game tomorrow.”
His jaw ticked, clearly unhappy with my answer, and I got my first glimpse of Cole as his opponents must see him. Cold and hard. “So you do run.”
My response to his dismissal was instant and violent. “Get the hell off me.”
I’d spent too long dealing with people who claimed to care about me until my needs became inconvenient. He wanted an answer right now? Fuck him. I was taking my time whether he wanted it or not.
Cole immediately pushed himself up in a show of grace and strength. “This isn”t over.”
“Yes, it is,” I growled, shoving him to the side to crawl off the bed.
He was supposed to be the good one. He was supposed to be understanding and kind, not gaslight me because I wasn’t ready for a relationship at his convenience.
“Don’t leave like this.” Cole didn’t beg or plead. As a matter of fact, he sounded annoyed. Awesome. I should never have come over.
“I’m not interested in yet another guy telling me why my needs aren’t important. I had plenty of that with my last boyfriend.” I let the b-word slip out, but I was too incensed to correct myself.
“That’s not fair, Avery. I know you’re scared of history repeating itself, but I would never hurt you.”
This time he did plead.
I was done. At least for tonight. A large part of me wanted to give in, partly to make things smoother and partly because I didn’t really want to leave. I wanted to stay here, curled up with him, in an easy, painless relationship that didn’t challenge me to grow. But our relationship wasn’t that simple. We had grown, and we couldn’t go back.
Cole wouldn’t hurt me. I knew it with a certainty that lived deeper than instinct, but I couldn’t promise not to hurt myself. If I had this much trouble walking away from him now, how much harder would it be later when he realized how much of a distraction our relationship would be?
He reached for my arm, but I sidestepped him. “Avery, if you walk out like this, I’m just going to follow you.”
Unacceptable. If I didn’t get clear soon, he’d convince me to stay. Convince me to go public. Convince me he was all I needed when I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready.
With my emotions in a freefall of panic, I turned toward him. I wanted him to hear me clearly and see the sincerity on my face. “Platypus.”
Cole hissed in a breath. “Fine. The deal is gone, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you. One argument isn’t the end of us, city girl. I’m in this for the long haul, whatever it takes.”
I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder and squared up with a glare. Now he wanted to compromise?
“As long as we do things your way?” I countered.
“Avery…” He reached for me again, and I skittered back, shaking my head.
Maybe he was right and I was over-reacting, maybe he stuck his head up his ass and didn’t know how to extract it. Either way, my fight or flight instincts were kicking in, making me feel like I might throw up. I should have waited until after playoffs like I’d intended. Reckless decision on my part, but I knew how to handle it.
“You have to back off, Cole. I need some time. Don’t text me. Don’t call me. Focus on your game tomorrow.” I dug deep and added a final word I knew would get the reaction I wanted. “Please.”
A furrow dug between his brows, and he nodded slowly. “I’m not giving you up,” he repeated.
I didn’t respond, though my throat closed tight at his expression. The coldness was gone, replaced by burning determination. He was absolutely not cowed by my refusal. If anything, it fueled him to hold on harder.
Cole stayed on the bed as I backed out of his room. Henry sat in the hallway, and she cocked her head at me when I closed the door with a quiet click.
“Yeah, I’m confused too,” I said to her, drowning in the competing urges to run as fast as I could but also stay here forever.
She didn’t respond, only went back to staring at the opposite door as if she could open it with her thoughts. I got my ass in gear and hurried down the stairs before I changed my mind.
None of his roommates were around, a blessing because I wasn’t in any state to talk to other people. I made it all the way to my car before the tears started. Why did it have to be tonight? Why couldn’t Cole just let me be with him and keep things simple until the hockey stuff blew over?
I snorted out a wet laugh. What a joke. The hockey stuff will never blow over. Cole was right that there would never be a right time to admit to my dad I went behind his back—or a right time to admit to Cole I was pretty sure I was in love with him.
If I told him, it would change everything. It would give him the power to manipulate and control me. To hurt me.
What did it say about me that love scared me more than the serial killer I knew was hiding out in Addison somewhere? At least I knew what to do when faced with a serial killer.
Across the street, Mrs. Lipnicki’s door opened, and she leaned out with a frown. “Are you okay, honey?”
I sniffled and smiled at her. When she didn’t seem convinced, I added a wave and started the car. The last thing I needed was her calling Cole about the distraught girl crying in front of his house. Then again, with Reece living here, I couldn’t possibly be the first.
She stayed outside, watching me, until I turned the corner. I couldn’t decide if she was worried about me or if I’d been added to her hooligan list. Probably both.
It hit me on the short drive home I wasn’t truly mad at Cole. He was fighting for me. His steadfast belief in us made a pretty rock-solid foundation for a relationship. If only I could get to the same point. Yes, he sort of insulted me, but fuck, I was running, wasn’t I?
Who runs from a kind, smart, loyal, hot as hell hockey player who wants to build a future with them? Me. That’s who. Because I can’t imagine loving someone without being punished for it.
Anger started to build again, but this time aimed directly at Scott and my mom. They’d fucked me up enough for a lifetime of relationship issues, but Cole was willing to take me on anyway. And I’d told him I couldn’t trust him.
My phone buzzed with an incoming message as I pulled into my driveway, and when I saw the unknown number, I was pissed enough to read it.
Unknown number: I have some interesting information about your rebound. Meet me at the Kappa party tonight.
Well, I had some information too. I’d fallen in love with the one guy my dad asked me to stay away from. Nothing he could say would top the shock of discovering I was on the verge of having everything I wanted, and my reaction was to burn it all down.
Scott was probably making a big deal out of nothing to get my attention. What was he doing in Addison anyway? I’d tried ignoring him for months, but he wasn’t getting the message. Maybe I should try telling him to his face how much I’m done with his sorry ass.
The whispers of fear I’d felt before were long gone. Any influence Scott used to have over me had disappeared under the weight of a real relationship with someone who truly cared about me. Loved me?
Guys didn’t basically propose to someone they weren’t even dating without getting the L-word involved. Cole hadn’t said as much, but I’d basically cut him off at the knees and run away. I winced as I climbed out of the car.
Fuck. I was a mess.
Cole was one hundred percent right, and I was an asshole. I’d thrown his feelings back in his face, and I wouldn’t blame him if he ended up dropping me. When Dad found out I’d lied to him and started a relationship with Cole, he’d probably decide I wasn’t worth the trouble after all too. At this rate, Marco would de-friend me for stupidity alone.
As much as Cole’s revelation scared me, a fluttery, little ball of excitement grew in my belly. I’d approached him at the library all those months ago because I was hurting and wanted to prove good guys didn’t exist. Instead, Cole had slowly but surely gotten inside my defenses.
He was the real thing.
I couldn’t go back though. They were playing Easton again in, I checked my watch, less than eighteen hours. If tonight was any indication, I still had some shit to work through, and I didn’t want to subject Cole to the chaos. They’d barely won tonight’s game.
Cole had said he wouldn’t give up. I’d have to trust him—I did trust him—to wait, and I needed to finally get some closure. Against my better judgment, I responded to Scott for the first time since walking in on him with my mom.
Me: I’ll be there.
I wasn’t stupid though, so I texted Marco next to meet me as backup.