Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ELLIOT
If you need me, call me. No matter where you are. No matter how far. Don’t worry, baby.
Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell sing to one another in perfect harmony, and I am going through the motions.
Literally.
“And shoulder presses!” I demonstrate the exercise in front of my class, pushing the light dumbbells over my head. “Keep your core strong and your shoulders back. Whether you’re using dumbbells or body weight, good form is key!”
After another sleepless night it’s hard to put pep in my step, but I push through it. A forced smile is better than no smile at all, right? And exercise releases endorphins, so maybe if I move my body to Motown classics long enough, I won’t feel so miserable.
Ever since I left Arthur’s office yesterday, I’ve felt wounded and lost. Like I’m bleeding internally and no one can tell.
I dragged myself through work, treating players’ injuries while ignoring my own.
I moved my Sunday morning class to Saturday so I can spend my birthday morning with Sam.
But this morning at breakfast all Sam could talk about was my birthday dinner tomorrow.
I didn’t even have the courage to tell him that Arthur likely wouldn’t be there.
Not that I know that for certain. In order for that to be true, we would have needed to have an actual conversation. But he didn’t reach out. And I didn’t either.
Radio silence.
Unlike the speaker that pumps out “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.”
Remember the day I set you free. I told you you could always count on me, darlin’.
Oh shit. I think I’m going to start crying in front of a pool full of seniors. I’m so frustrated. Frustrated with Arthur for shutting me out. At myself for letting him.
Coward. I am a coward.
Well, that ends now. Or whenever this class is over. I’m going to track Arthur down and make him listen to what I have to say. God, I don’t even know what I’m going to say. But whatever it is, it will be honest and it will be real, and I might get hurt but at least I’ll do it on my terms.
“Elliot, I’m gonna say the same thing I said to my second husband before he keeled over in front of me.” Reggie pauses for dramatic effect. “You don’t look great.”
Inappropriate laughter bubbles out of me and I cover my mouth. “You’re awful, Reggie.”
“Yeah, but I’m honest. And I’d rather be an honest old biddy than a lying sweetheart any day.” She wraps her fluffy pink towel around her even pinker bathing suit. “Are you okay, sugar?”
I open my mouth to say what I always say when someone asks me that. Yes! Absolutely! Of course! Instead I look her in the eyes and tell her, “Not really. But I will be.”
“Good girl.” She nods her approval. Her gaze seems to snag on something just behind me. “I’d offer to help, but I get the feeling in this instance, three would be a crowd.”
I turn to follow her line of sight and freeze. Arthur stands six feet behind me. He’s dressed casually in jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I reply.
“Heyyyyyy,” Reggie adds, wiggling her fingers flirtatiously at him. It breaks the tension and we both laugh a little. “See you next week, darling,” she calls to me as she struts toward the locker room. “See you in my dreams, big fella,” she adds as she passes Arthur.
Arthur looks mortified, staring at the floor.
“You get used to her,” I say when she’s out of earshot.
“I sincerely doubt that.”
We stare at one another for one beat. Two beats. Three.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“Well, I figured as much. The mommy and me class starts in five and I didn’t think you were here for that.”
“Can we talk?”
He follows me to a small office off the pool deck. It smells like chlorine. Swimming report cards and colourful binders are stacked haphazardly across every flat surface.
He looks around the office, anywhere but me. My stomach sinks as I wonder if he’s going to end it.
When I can’t take the silence for one more moment I blurt, “You wanted to talk?”
He shifts his weight from one foot to the next. “Yes. I do, I just…I don’t know where to start, exactly.”
“Anywhere.”
His eyes look me over, like he’s committing my face to the deepest part of his memory and I’m terrified he’s walking away.
“My favourite song is ‘Cotton Eye Joe.’”
I stare at him, certain I imagined that. “I’m sorry?”
“I know. It’s awful. But they played it in warm ups every practice when I was a kid and it always brings me back to playing hockey with my friends.
Before it became so serious.” He leans against the door behind him.
“My favourite movie is The Martian. I watch it at least once a year. I don’t have a favourite ice cream because I don’t like ice cream.
I prefer sorbet, but really I’m not fond of any kind of frozen dessert.
I don’t have a favourite TV show…but I do follow a guy on YouTube that restores antiques. I’m not sure if that counts.”
He inhales and exhales before continuing. “I have been alone for a very long time. Most of my life, really. Even before my injury, even when I was a kid, even when I was surrounded by people, I’ve felt alone. If that makes sense.”
I nod quickly while trying to blink back tears. “It makes sense.”
“But I don’t feel alone when I’m with you. I feel the opposite of alone. I feel like I’m part of something. Something good. Something real.”
I don’t seem to be capable of words and I hope that my watery smile is encouragement enough.
“I’m not good at doing the work. If I can’t throw money at a problem, I usually ignore it or just walk away. I’m terrified to lose you, but I’m also scared that if I try to hold on to you, you’ll end up hurt or disappointed and it will be my fault.”
Finally, I find my voice. “If this is going to work, we’re going to need to take that chance together. We’re going to need to be honest with each other. About everything.”
“I created the training program for Sam.”
I bite back a smile. “I suspected as much.”
“You did?”
“Well, yes. One day I say that I worry about Sam spending so much time on his own, the next you just happen to launch a program that’s perfect for him?”
He looks sheepish. “I guess it wasn’t very subtle. To be fair, he’s been a great addition to the team. Everyone loves having him around.”
“I really appreciate you doing that for him.”
He clears his throat. “I, uh, also have been paying the rent on the other half of your duplex for the last few months.”
That I did not know. My shock and mortification must be evident, because Arthur pales at my reaction.
“I’m so sorry, Elliot. I knew you were already struggling. I saw a way to help and I took it. But I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. We weren’t even dating at that point. I knew you never would have let me help you. I didn’t want things to get harder for you than they already were.”
After a few deep breaths, I’ve almost got my head around it. “Okay.” Another deep breath. “Okay. You were trying to help me.”
His shoulders relax with relief.
“You will stop paying the rent immediately.”
He frowns. “I signed a lease.”
“Of course you did.” I roll my neck. “You will either find someone to rent it—”
“I don’t want some rando moving in next door to you.”
“Who taught you that word?”
“I heard Sam say it to Ben.”
I press my lips together. “Well, you’ll either find some rando or you’ll let me pay you back over time.”
“Absolutely not.” He looks aghast at the suggestion. “That would end up costing you way more than a rent increase.”
“Well then, I guess you need to find a tenant. Unless you want to move in.” I huff a laugh but Arthur just keeps looking at me, his face uncertain.
“Would you be okay with that?”
“Would I be okay with what?”
“Me moving next door.”
“Arthur, you live in a bougie penthouse. You want to give that up to live in a forty-year-old duplex?”
His mouth curves upward. “I’d like to be closer to you. It wouldn’t be like moving in together. Not really. You’d have your place, I’d have mine. But I’d get to see you more. And Sam.” He clears his throat again. “But it would be up to you.”
It’s like looking at him and seeing him for the first time. “I would like to talk to Sam about it.”
“Of course.”
“But I would like to see you more too.”
He smiles at me and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “Okay.”
“Okay. Now, anything else you want to tell me?”
He starts to shake his head then stops. “I bought you diamond earrings for your birthday.”
Wasn’t expecting that.
“But I returned them this morning. I realized you never would have worn them and would have been mad at how much money I spent on them. That’s it. No more secrets.”
Secrets. Dread creeps up my spine as I realize while Arthur has just bared his soul for me, I might be keeping the biggest secret of all.
“Elliot?” He steps toward me, concern in every line of his face. “What’s wrong?” He cups my chin and I lean into his touch, desperate for reassurance.
After a shaky breath, I tell him about Shawn.
The texts, the calls, the threats. I tell him every detail, leaving absolutely nothing out.
I don’t fight the tears as I speak. When one falls down my cheek, his thumb gently wipes it away.
He listens to me confess every last thing and when I’m finally done, he hauls me into his chest.
“Okay,” he says after a long moment. “What do you need?”
I sniff, wiping at my blurry eyes. “I don’t even know. What do you think I should do?”
“I think we have three solid options. One, you talk to Jess. Tell her everything you told me. The man is harassing you, Elliot. I think you have grounds for a restraining order.”
It makes sense. But I’m still scared that he’ll come after Sam.
“Option two,” he continues, all business. The man has a problem to solve and he’s going to try like hell to fix it. “You seek legal advice. I can get you a meeting with my lawyer.”
“I was thinking I could ask Nadine, Cal’s wife? If she’s not too busy.”
“That’s a great idea. Even if she is, I’m sure she’ll be able to advise you who you should talk to.”
I feel better already. It’s amazing what simply telling him has done for me. “And the third option?”
“You give me an airtight alibi and ten minutes alone with the bastard,” he growls. He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. “Please pick option three.”
I smile, breathing him in. “I’ll think about it.”
“Whatever you decide, I’ll support you one hundred percent.”
“Thank you. Anything else you need to get off your chest.”
“I love you,” he murmurs, holding me close against him. “I didn’t need to tell you that. I just wanted to. You don’t need to—”
“I love you too.”
His arms tighten around me and he exhales a shaky laugh. “In keeping with our honesty policy, I feel the need to tell you that you could do so much better.”
“Shut up and kiss me, Coach.”
“Yes, Boss.”