4
I know I”ve just played with fire. I know it... Her face was so close to mine that it would have only taken a small impulse on my part to kiss her. I had to pull myself together and remember where we were, in addition to who she is: the journalist who”s supposed to make me shine. Nothing more. And yet, I can”t ignore the fact that she”s on my mind more and more.
Her big eyes are the color of a lagoon, her blond hair frames her delicious face and her lips... Fuck... If I keep going, I”ll get a hard-on!
I turn away from her and head for the changing rooms. My whole body protests. Emily unleashes a desire in me that I”ve never felt before.
Maybe because she”s untouchable? At the same time, I”m the one stopping myself... Do I find pleasure in telling myself that she”s ‘forbidden’? Does holding back turn me on?
Shit, I”m getting kinky...
But I can”t ignore the fact that the coach wouldn”t like it at all. And he”s right: I have to concentrate on hockey. This girl isn”t a one-night stand, I keep telling myself, and I”m convinced of it. If I slip, I”ve got a feeling it won”t just be for one night. She”s the kind of girl you want to come back to. I”m convinced of it every time I get a little closer. But I can”t ignore the fact that I like the effect I seem to have on her. Because yes, I”m not blind, and even if she protests and seems to push me away, there”s a little something that makes me believe she”s not totally insensitive to my charm.
Does that make you feel better, you big moron?
Yeah, I have to admit, my manhood is happy about it. But my dick is still hungry. Charming, eh?
The next morning, I”m startled by a loud bang and immediately fall back onto my pillow. My head is buzzing. I”d had quite a few beers yesterday... In trying to forget the object of my fantasies, I”d celebrated our victory a little too much.
When there”s another knock at the door, I force myself out of bed. I hope it”s not important. No sooner have I opened the door than Chase bursts in.
“Hello to you too, Chase, come on in and make yourself at home,” I growl.
He laughs.
“Dude, it”s 9 o”clock. I was sure you”d slept through your alarm, so you can thank me! You”ve got to hurry, we”ve got to get to class. Besides, you look like shit.”
I frown.
“Fuck you,” I say, snarling again.
“Looks like someone”s got a hangover,” Chase jokes.
I roll my eyes.
“Let me take a quick shower and inject some caffeine into my bloodstream, then we can get going. Yes, I”m hurrying!” I exclaim, rushing into the bathroom.
Chase throws himself on the couch and taps on his phone while I get ready.
After a shower and a large glass of Coke, I feel a little better and we”re off.
A day at school should take my mind off things. My thoughts keep wandering to Emily and it”s annoying me. Although I”ve made a firm resolution to concentrate on ice hockey, I can”t stop thinking about her. It doesn”t help that our meetings don”t leave her indifferent either.
After class, I”m a bit depressed. My major is hard to understand, and I have trouble following the teacher”s explanations.
On the way back, I pass the café hoping Chase will be on duty to cheer me up. But he doesn”t seem to be there.
I order a coffee and a sandwich before sitting down in a corner. I don”t usually pay much attention to who”s there, but this time I can”t ignore my surroundings - Emily is sitting at a table nearby, engrossed in her notebook.
My feet seem to have a life of their own, as I head straight for her. When she notices me, she looks up and an expression of surprise, tinged with uncertainty, passes over her face before she hides it behind a neutral smile.
“Hi, Liam,” she says, closing her notebook.
Without asking permission, I sit down next to her. For a guy who promised to ignore her...
“How are you?” I ask, a little awkwardly, trying to get the conversation going.
“I”m fine,” she replies soberly, stirring her tea. “I”ve just written the draft of your article for the newspaper and I”m preparing my next subject.”
I should probably read between the lines and leave her alone; she obviously has a lot to do. But my body won”t obey me.
“Sounds great,” I reply, not really knowing what else to say.
At that moment, I just don”t want to go and leave her. I also have to admit that she comes alive when she talks about her work, and that makes her hotter. It”s really hard to avoid her when she attracts me like a walking magnet. I know I wanted to distance myself, but now that I”m face-to-face with her, I have no intention of doing so.
“In any case, it”s a pleasure to write about your team. You”re in excellent shape so far,” she continues. “Well, especially you, you”re really good.”
She dares a smile.
This unexpected compliment gives me a warm feeling. I force myself to suppress this emotion with difficulty.
“Thank you, Emily. You do a great job with your articles too. Readers love them, and we did notice a bigger crowd at our last game. It”s cool to have encouragement when you”re playing.”
She smiles gratefully, but I can sense that she”s still on the fence. Everything in me wants to break down the wall between us, but I”m afraid of what will happen if I get too close to her. It”s as if we”re both part of a masquerade not to show what really touches us.
It doesn”t make sense!
I stand up abruptly.
“Have a good day.”
She looks a little lost and just nods.
I return to my table and the waiter brings me my sandwich. As I take my first bite, I watch Emily, sitting with her back to me.
There”s definitely something between us that I can”t ignore, no matter how hard I try. But I have to be careful. My dream of joining the NHL is at stake. Coach Franklyn has told us often enough about former team members who were destined for great things but got distracted by ‘love’.
His words, not mine. Liam Scott has never been in love, and he”s not about to be!
How”s it going, man, talking about yourself in the third person?
Up until now, I”d always stuck to a little sex - well, sometimes a lot - with my conquests, but then our paths would separate. No selfiestogether, no romantic breakfasts, no trips together, no introductions to parents, or even friends. Nothing. Just well-rehearsed sex plans to make the evenings and days seem shorter. Besides, feelings are annoying. They make you weak, and if you let them into your life once, you”re done for! All the women I met agreed with that, as far as I could tell. If they weren”t, at least none of them ever complained about it out loud.
However, when I look at Emily, I wonder how long I”ll be able to ignore my attraction to her. Inwardly, I berate myself. I need to prioritize and control myself.
Suddenly, I feel like I can”t breathe. I abandon my half-eaten sandwich and practically run out of the café. I need some fresh air.
There are too many people on campus, and everything revolves around me. Unable to think clearly, I jog home and close the door. Once inside, I lean against it, breathing in and out deeply.
What the hell is happening to me?
Without thinking, I go into the bathroom and run cold water over my hands. It calms my nerves and, after a few minutes, my breathing becomes regular again.
Once I”ve calmed down, I notice I”m late for training. Franklyn won”t like me arriving when everyone”s already warmed up.
I grab my gym bag and rush out the door. But even on the double, I”m ten minutes late.
As expected, the coach gives me a stern look.
“Sorry, I forgot the time when I was studying,” I lie.
“Don”t let it become a habit! Off to the ice,” he says coldly.
I focus and it helps me forget my little panic attack. It”s like entering another world when I”m on my skates.
After training, Coach Franklyn invites me into his office.
“Are you ready for tomorrow”s exam?” he asks, slightly worried.
Holy shit! I completely forgot about this exam.
“Uh, yes...” I say uncertainly.
He breathes a sigh of relief. He obviously believes me.
“Good to hear! Good luck Liam,” he says, letting me go.
Once again, I rush home. I throw my bag in the corner and immediately sit down at my desk. I frantically rummage through my papers until I find the material I”ll be tested on tomorrow. And I can”t understand a word I”m reading. Yet I try to concentrate and learn it all by heart.
When my eyes start to burn, I throw the documents on the table, resigned, and go to bed. Why do I have such a hard time getting myself to study and get good grades outside of sports? I”m no dumber than anyone else, but it just won”t go in! With my thoughts racing, I go to bed, unsure of what”s going to happen tomorrow.
***
Nervous and tired at the same time, I sit in the examination room and struggle to keep my leg still. A student turns to me and glares. Some of the questions aren”t that difficult and I manage to answer them. But as for the rest, I can”t do a thing...
I leave my office early and, once I”ve handed in my copy, I walk into the campus park, frustrated. Business isn”t my thing. My future manager will take care of everything for me.
I sigh.
In spite of everything, I have to finish my studies with good grades. Hell, I can do it! I”ve got the motivation to do it, I”ve got to keep going.
In the days that follow, I try to reconcile my training program with my academic obligations. I stay up until midnight every night to study for tests and exams. But very quickly, my tiredness has a negative impact on my athletic performance.
Once again, Coach Franklyn summons me to his office. It”s almost becoming a habit these days.
“You look tired, Liam. Is everything all right?”
“Perfectly all right, Coach. I studied late last night, that”s all,” I reply sincerely.
“If you need time to study, you can also skip training for a few days,” he suggests.
“No way, coach! If I don”t train, I might not get drafted,” I protest.
“You have to find a better balance. You can”t go on like this. Please try to get organized. Something that will help, without burning you out. Maybe you need a tutor for your classes? Think about it.”
I sigh and leave his office. I feel like I”m sinking into an abyss, and I don”t know how I”m going to get out of it. The responsibility of being team captain and achieving my goals at university is weighing heavily on me.
When I get to my room, I sit down in front of my laptop and log on to the exam portal. The results are due to be announced today. I take a deep breath and close my eyes before reopening them and clicking on the result.
Failed the exam. Of course.”
It”s not surprising, but I”m still upset. It”s hard to breathe again and I”m desperate to move. I just want to slide on the ice and not think about anything.
“That”s enough stress for today,” I decide, gathering my things.
Fortunately, the rink is empty. Just what I need. I grab a few pucks and practice shooting at the goal. Absorbed in my frustration, I don”t even notice that Chase has entered the ice. When I turn around, he”s skating towards me.
“Hey, man!” he throws at me.
“Hi,” I reply briefly.
“Stressed?” he asks.
“What, do I look stressed?”
He just looks at me. Chase knows me too well. He knows when I don”t feel like talking. We line up a few more pucks and he steps into the net.
“Let”s see how many you can put in when there”s someone in goal,” he says jokingly.
I accept the challenge.
Puck after puck is flying towards the goal and I”m completely exhausted.
After successfully venting my frustration, we sit down, and my best friend puts his arm on my shoulder.
“You”ll be fine, brother.”
I inhale and exhale with difficulty.
“I flunked another exam, man,” I say dejectedly, shaking my head.
“It”s not that bad.” he tries to cheer me up.
“I just don”t understand this shit. If it goes on like this, I”m going to fail at everything.”
Chase looks at me seriously.
“Maybe a tutor could help you?”
“No one will take me seriously as captain anymore if I need a tutor. I can”t risk my reputation, Chase, you know that” I retort, annoyed.
“It”s a suggestion, bro. I”m trying to help...”
“I know, I”m sorry. It”s just that this whole thing is getting on my nerves.”
He rubs my shoulder to reassure me.
“It”s not a weakness to seek help, Liam. Just think about it.”
We sit in silence for a while, then the guys from the team arrive for training.
“You”re early,” exclaims a puzzled Tyler.
Coach Franklyn is also surprised that we”re already here, but he gives us a nod before clapping his hands.
“Let”s go, boys!”
We”re all skating on the ice and suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see Emily near the bench.
Once again, her aura captivates me.
Today, she has gathered her blonde mane into a braid, which makes her face stand out even more. I raise my hand in greeting and she smiles.
Before my body acts up again, I turn away and concentrate on my training. Might as well keep my distance!
Once showered, I quickly head home to avoid any distractions.
Fuck, this can”t go on much longer...
Before falling asleep, I think long and hard about my situation. Is Chase right? Do I need a damn tutor?
Frustrated, I run my hands over my face. No! Somehow, I”ll manage.