5
I wake up highly motivated before my alarm goes off. I”m determined to improve my grades and not miss any more exams.
So off I go to the library. It”s a well-known fact that you learn best there. At least, that”s what a lot of people say.
I look for a table in the corner and unpack my documents and books.
Maybe it would help if I approached the question strategically? But I”m a bit overwhelmed by all the information on the table in front of me. How do I take it all in?
Doubt begins to gnaw at me and my determination from earlier is already crumbling. I take a deep breath and simply reach for one of the books. How hard can it be? What the hell...
I open a chapter of the Business and Economics textbook and start taking notes.
Suddenly, someone taps me on the shoulder. I”m so absorbed in what I”m doing that I jump.
Emily?
My heart beats even faster.
“Hi,” I finally articulate.
“Are you studying for an exam?” she asks, after greeting me in turn.
“Something like that, yeah...” I answer, unable to take my eyes off her face.
Her eyes attract me like a magnet.
“I won”t bother you any longer...”
She gives me a wave and disappears down an alley. With her, my concentration of a few minutes ago is gone. I lean back in the chair and watch her choose a book before sitting down at one of the tables.
I try to look away and regain my attention. My pile of books seems to have suddenly grown. I stroke my three-day beard and go back to studying. This time, I stay focused and when I look up, Emily has already left. I let my gaze wander and the clock above the door tells me it”s now time to go to class.
I have to admit I”m a bit proud of myself. It wasn”t bad for a start. Motivated, I gather my things and set off.
If I can hang in there over the next few weeks, I”m sure my performance will improve!
Over the next few days, I try to assimilate the new routine: learning, studying, training, doing homework. Even on weekends, I don”t go out, trying to prepare for the upcoming exams.
The longer I hold out, the more confident I become. But I can”t shake the feeling that something is missing. All the learning and training leaves little room for friends and fun. Once again, I”m sitting in front of my homework when my cell phone rings.
“What”s up, bro?” I say, picking up the phone.
“Dude, you”re still alive? Except on the ice, we don”t see you anymore!” exclaims Chase.
“I try to be a model student, you should try.”
I”m afraid my point is lost.
“Come and have a beer with us,” he invites me.
“Chase, I really need to study for this stupid exam,” I retort.
At the same time, I hear a knock on my door. Phone in hand, I get up and open the door. Chase is standing in front of me, smiling.
“No discussion,” he says, hanging up.
I roll my eyes.
“You can”t study all the time, Liam, you need to have some fun too. Otherwise, your unaccustomed brain will overheat. Just a beer with your best mate...”
I sigh.
“Okay, okay, give me a minute, I”ll get dressed,” I finally relent.
A beer can”t hurt me, after all...
“With all your studying, now, did you get to see the famous reporter again?” asks Chase as we sit in the campus sports bar.
I raise an eyebrow.
“No... And why would I want to see her again?”
“Don”t tell me you”re not indifferent to her, because there”s more than one of us on the team who”ve noticed her hellish ass.”
Oddly enough, this remark ruffles my hair and I feel very upset. Where are they ogling Emily from?
“We get along well, that”s all, and when we see each other, it”s only for the articles she has to write. Do you really have nothing else to do but watch everything that goes by, my word!”
“Oh, fine! As if you hadn”t noticed!” exclaims Chase, laughing.
“Is that why you dragged me over here, to tell me about her?”
I don”t like the way this conversation is going; let alone how I feel when Chase tells me they”ve all got it in for her. These guys are dogs!
Because you”re not one? The guy starts studying after years of laziness, and suddenly he”s better than the others...
“Don”t take it like that, Liam. You know you can tell me anything, don”t you?” advances Chase in an uncertain voice.
Damn it! Why don”t I even confide in my best friend? But at the same time, I have such a hard time admitting to myself that I like this girl, so why should I tell my buddy?
“I find her a little interesting, yeah... But it doesn”t make any sense! I”ve got to concentrate on the season. The team”s counting on me. And I”ve got to get better grades too. Coach Franklyn has me in his sights, and he”s right, I need to be able to secure a future on all fronts, like a big guy. Hell, I can do it!”
Chase nods.
“I understand, but I don”t think anyone will hold it against you if you treat yourself to a little happiness...”
“Thanks, man. But can we change the subject, please? I can”t do this right now, anyway. I”ve got to get my life in order first. I”ve finally got a rhythm going, and I can”t let it go.”
Chase smiles and takes a sip of beer.
“No problem, Romeo. Anyway, I”ve already forgotten what we were talking about...”
I laugh and down the rest of my beer.
We keep joking for a while, which feels really good. Chase always knows how to take my mind off things. I even feel slightly drunk and all my worries seem forgotten.
I let my gaze wander around the bar and stop on a pair of eyes looking at me with interest. This attractive woman is sending me clear signals. I probably shouldn”t say no to this welcome distraction. Yet something is different from usual. My body simply doesn”t move; it sits as if glued together. Even my dick doesn”t give off any vibrations, and that”s very unusual! That”s when Emily”s laughter bursts into my mind. I shake my head to get rid of it and concentrate on my best friend.
He raises his beer to toast, imitating the coach. I can”t stop laughing. If it wasn”t for Chase, I couldn”t stand it.
When he takes his leave and stumbles on his way out, I laugh again. I feel free and relaxed. And for the first time in weeks, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
***
My stomach contracts as the teacher hands out a test without warning, and I sigh. Slightly hungover and tired, I”m not in the best of moods. But I do my best.
In the end, I think all this learning has served a purpose and I feel I”ve answered pretty well.
But the next day, when we get the test results, I can hardly believe it.
Another fucking failure.
Angrily, I leave the lecture hall and rush through the university corridors so fast that I hit someone.
Emily... What the hell kind of cosmic joke is this?
“Watch where you”re going,” I growl and get ready to leave again.
“Are you all right, Liam?” she asks behind my back.
The concern in her voice makes me stop.
“No. Nothing”s going right, if you ask me,” I let out in a breath.
“Ho... You want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
She seems to think for a moment, her cheeks turning pink, as if her future boldness is costing her.
“Let me take you out for coffee,” she offers gently, making me feel guilty for having spoken badly to her.
I run my hand through my curly hair. Fuck... If that isn”t raw temptation! I can”t help accepting her invitation. In her presence, my shoulders feel lighter.
We enter the café where Chase works and sit down at a corner table. Emily orders us a coffee. For a moment, we sit in silence. My eyes are fixed on my cup, and I know I have to say something.
“Thank you, Emily. I think that”s what I needed to keep from hitting a wall...”
I look up at her and smile to lighten the mood. Her body suddenly relaxes, and she in turn gives me a warm, sincere smile.
“What”s got you in such a state?” she asks bravely, given the contradictory signals I keep sending her.
“It”s complicated... I”ve failed several tests and exams this semester. If this keeps up, I”m not going to graduate. No matter how hard I study, I just don”t understand this shit.”
Her mouth opens slightly in surprise.
“Yeah, you can laugh. Liam Scott wants to graduate! Now that would be a big scoop for your paper!”
“I think it”s admirable that you put so much effort into combining sport, which already takes up so much of your time, with your studies. Many athletes are content with their results in the discipline they practice. Why do you want to get your diploma?” she says shyly.
I sigh and look at her frankly.
“Hockey is my life. It”s all I”ve ever had. It”s my world, and hopefully my future. But... do we really know what tomorrow will bring? I’m not a moron. The coach called me to order. I”ll have an even better record in the eyes of recruiters if I have a good hockey season, as well as good grades. Then, I might as well take advantage of my time at university to go out with something in my pocket. I mean something more than a professional league contract.”
I stretch out a smile.
I”m amazed at how easy it is to talk to her. Putting my current problems into words not only relieves me, but also helps me to see things more clearly, to regain my confidence and motivation. That, and the bright look she”s giving me right now.
Damn, she”s beautiful...
She”s not disappointed, not mocking. No, she”s attentive and seems concerned by what I”m telling her. My heart skips a beat when I realize that I like this girl. Yeah, I really like her, actually. Crazy...
“I... I can help you if you want,” she says. “We can study together, if you like. I think it”s easier for two people. Even if... If our subjects are different, eh...”
She blushes immediately after formulating her proposal. I”m standing there like an idiot, staring at her in astonishment. My first instinct is to refuse her offer and get out of there as fast as my feet will carry me, but her eyes hold me prisoner. I can”t move. And I don”t want to.
It”s time I swallow my pride too.
Then you”d spend more time with her, smart-ass!
I silence my subconscious and nod.
“It”s really nice of you to offer. Really... Your help would be invaluable, because right now I don”t know where to start with my lessons.”
My anger from earlier evaporates instantly and I feel a gentle warmth burning in the pit of my stomach.
Come on, man, it”s only for your studies! Cool it!