Chapter Twenty-Three
Ice
I CAN’T FUCKING believe Ruby and Keaton are the same damn person.
When Wren made the announcement in all of her excitement, I was just waking up and I listened to their entire conversation.
I’m not sure why Keaton has chosen to hide her identity from everyone in her life and I am upset she didn’t trust me enough to share this information.
We’ve been talking for weeks and I thought she felt the same way about me as I do her.
For fuck’s sake, I was worrying about liking two women at the same time and having identical responses to Ruby and Keaton.
Now it makes so much sense why I was reacting that way to both of them.
I’m shocked I didn’t notice more similarities in them until Wren said something.
It’s easy to see how much alike Keaton and Ruby are now as I think back on everything.
Especially that vanilla scent I can’t get enough of.
I was surprised when I first heard Keaton admit that she’s Ruby.
Then anger filled me because of her lack of trust in me.
I know rationally she’s trusted me with other things like Bridger and seeing her at her most vulnerable moments, but this is huge and she chose to keep it from me.
I’m not sure how I would have acted with the news that she's Ruby, but she didn’t give me a chance to even try to process the information until I overheard a conversation I wasn’t meant to hear.
Now, I’m hurt for the same reason. Though, hearing her say it’s hard for her to trust people is understandable.
I can’t imagine how many people have tried to use her because of the fame and money she’s made during the course of her career.
She’s not on the road or doing some media tour right now though.
Keaton has been on a break as she takes on her new role in Bridger’s life.
I’m really not trying to be an ass to Keaton, but part of me can’t help it because she has been lying to me and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
This is something she’s done since the beginning of her career if I heard her correctly so I’m sure part of her doesn’t even really think about separating the two sides of herself.
I know she said her parents and Nora were the only ones who knew the truth about her and now Wren knows.
I’m sure members of Wicked Angels also know the truth.
Especially Memphis because he seems to spend the most time with her.
They’re always together as I think back to the weekend of the festival and remember all the times I saw him going to her tour bus where he’d spend hours with her locked away from everyone else.
Thinking back to the day she picked up her car at Whittaker’s, I wonder if that was Memphis who drove her.
It makes sense since her mom let it slip that she had been on a business trip with Keaton’s dad for weeks now and were just wrapping things up so they could come home.
Now, they’ll be home sooner than anticipated because of her kidnapping and hospitalization.
That was one call I didn’t want to make, but I knew they deserved to know the truth before Keaton woke up since we didn’t truly know the extent of her injuries while she was still unconscious.
I found her mom’s number listed on something and called it.
Keaton’s mom was understandably upset when I gave her the news and had to tell her Keaton was still unconscious.
She wanted to fly home right then, but Keaton’s dad took the phone and talked to me.
I told him everything I knew, including the fact that the doctors couldn’t be sure if she had any brain trauma because of the hit to her head.
She could lose her memory, have massive headaches long-term, and several other things depending on what’s going on.
They did scan her head and there’s no bleeding on her brain which they believe is a good sign Keaton won’t have any lasting effects from the injury.
I’m sure the doctor will ask her what happened when he comes in at some point today.
Looking at Keaton, I watch her sleep. Last night she was completely still until she woke up for the first time in the middle of the night.
I was still awake because she hadn’t woken up yet and I was scared she wasn’t going to.
Once she fell back asleep, I kept waking up with her nightmares.
I couldn’t make out the words she was saying, but she screamed more than once and nurses rushed in the room as I tried to calm Keaton down.
At one point, it was so bad they were talking about giving her a sedative in an attempt to stop her from thrashing in the hospital bed and then screaming out as tears fell down her face.
I talked them out of it because I’m not sure how Keaton feels about that kind of thing.
If she doesn’t want to have sedatives given to her, then she shouldn’t have them.
So, the nurses let me help her through each nightmare.
That’s why I didn’t get a lot of sleep. It’s not helping my mood, but I’ll deal with it.
Keaton’s eyes start to twitch and her mouth opens and closes with no sound spilling out.
I know she’s about to have another nightmare so I take her hand in mine and run my fingers down her cheek.
Even in sleep Keaton leans into my touch and seeks comfort.
Pride fills me and wars with all the other emotions I’m battling right now because there’s a lot to sort through.
We need to have a serious conversation and figure out where we go from here.
If Keaton can’t trust me, then I don’t see a future between the two of us.
I don’t care if she needs time to get to know me better and work out certain things for herself, but there needs to be a base level of trust between two people.
That’s something my grandpa told me from a very young age and I believe him.
A breakfast tray is brought in and I leave it on the tray that goes over Keaton’s hospital bed.
I’m not going to wake her up so she can eat.
She clearly needs sleep. I know it’s been hard on her adjusting to life with Bridger.
Keaton has been getting maybe three or four hours of sleep a night.
Then she stays awake all day long and goes to bed late at night.
Especially if Bridger is having a bad day and she can’t get him to calm down.
She’s told me she has lost count of the number of times she’s fallen asleep in the rocking chair in his nursery with Bridger in her arms because that’s the only way he’d sleep.
If she tried to put him in his crib or the bassinet, he’d wake right back up and start crying all over again.
So, she just started holding him as he slept.
***
I t’s been a few hours and Keaton is just waking up again. I keep my eyes on her and know we need to have this conversation because I can’t keep wondering why she doesn’t trust me. I’ve been thinking about it the entire time she’s been asleep and I can’t wait for her to come to me about this shit.
“How long have I been asleep?” Keaton asks me as she looks around the room.
“A few hours. Wren took Bridger back to the compound so he could sleep and have some baby food. He’s had bottles here, but it’s difficult to feed a baby in just his car seat or somethin’.
I tried and Bridger wasn’t havin’ it. I made a mess of him and the car seat.
Wren is gonna clean it all up for ya,” I tell her as Keaton gives me one of her rare smiles.
A real smile that lights up her face, makes her eyes sparkle, and makes it so I can feel the happiness coming from her.
“I’m starving. How long until lunch or dinner comes? Do you know?” she asks me as I look in the hall to see an aide carrying trays of food from one of those large dining carts they send the food up in.
“It should be any minute,” I answer her, pointing out the aide.
“Have you eaten?” she questions me and I shrug my shoulders.
“Wren brought in some takeout from the diner. I ate enough,” I tell her because I haven’t really been hungry with so much on my mind.
“Tucker, you need to take care of yourself. I can see the bags under your eyes and the exhaustion written all over your body. If you’re not eating on top of that, maybe you should go home so you can sleep properly and get a real meal in your body.
Take a hot shower and relax. I know how you slept wasn’t comfortable,” Keaton says and I shake my head before she even finishes talking to me.
“Not happenin’, Songbird,” I say, using a nickname for the Ruby part of her.
Keaton has an amazing voice and should sing every single day of her life if that’s what she wants to do.
No one but Wren will understand why I call her that and it’s okay.
No one needs to know the meaning behind a nickname I’ve given her.
“Songbird?” she questions me as one of the aide’s walk in her room with a tray of food and moves the tray over her lap once the tray is out of her hands. “Thank you.”
I don’t respond as Keaton starts to lift the lid off of her plate and I take in what they’ve brought her for lunch.
She’s got a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, apple juice, milk, and a small cup of mixed fruit.
There’s also a slice of apple pie on her tray.
Keaton takes in everything and lifts half of the grilled cheese before dipping it in her soup and taking a bite of it.
She closes her eyes and savors the food before repeating the same thing over and over again.
Once her sandwich is gone, Keaton moves on to the fruit and finishes the soup.
She moves the apple pie and juice off of her tray before drinking the milk.
Once she’s done eating, I stand and move the tray from over her bed.
“I’ve got your phone. Lock brought it in while you were sleepin’,” I tell her, lifting the box from the stand by me. I’ve already opened it and started the setup. I can’t go any further because it needs her email address to continue the process.
“Thank you, Tucker,” she says, accepting the phone from my hand, but I know she won’t simply accept it.
She’ll want to pay me back. I have a feeling not owing others is part of who Keaton is as a person.
I’m not taking any money from her for the damn phone though.
It’s something I wanted to do for her so I did it.
“You’re welcome, Songbird. We’ll get into the nickname at some point.
Right now, deal with your phone so you can talk to your parents or anyone else you might have to,” I say as she presses the button to turn the screen on.
“Your SIM card is already in it and I tried to set it up but it needs your email so I couldn’t go any further. ”
“You’ve done more than enough, Tucker. With everything. I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you properly or repay you,” she says as tears form in her eyes and I immediately reach forward to brush them away as they start to fall.
“No cryin’, Songbird. None of what I do for you is to upset you or make you cry.
It’s to make your life easier and give you a hand when you need it.
When I told you that night would change things between the two of us, I wasn’t lyin’ or playin’ some kind of game.
I won’t sit here and lie to you that I don’t have casual sex because that’s really all I’ve ever had.
It meant somethin’ in the moment, but nothin’ long-term.
Not until you. With you, that night meant everythin’ to me.
You’re mine, Keaton. I just hope you can trust me as we move forward,” I say, laying myself open in front of her because it’s what she deserves and I hope it gives her the opening she needs to become vulnerable in front of me once again.
“I do trust you, Tucker. I wouldn’t have let you in as much as I have if I didn’t have the least amount of trust in you,” she says, but her eyes dart to the side and I know she’s not being completely honest with me.
We both know she’s not telling the truth.
That’s why she’s not looking me in the eyes.
“You don’t trust me that much, Keaton. Things would have been said or done if you trusted me as much as I trust you.
And I’m not sayin’ this as one of those stupid ass tit for tat things.
I’m sayin’ it because it’s true. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can admit that I’m hurt right now knowin’ there are things you’re hidin’ from me and holdin’ back for your own reasons.
I just want to understand what’s goin’ on and where we go from here,” I tell her as Keaton’s eyes dart back to me and I watch as it dawns on her what I’m talking about.
Keaton’s entire face goes pale and I hear the beeping on the heart monitor start to sound faster as her body starts to tremble.
Tears fill her eyes and I can see the worst case scenarios running through her mind.
Yeah, this conversation needs to happen right this second because we can’t move forward until this part of our life is sorted out and we can both understand one another.
Keaton needs to understand why I’m upset and angry while I try to understand her reasoning for doing what she’s done and not telling me about Ruby.