18. Ben
BEN
Light pierced my eyeballs with what felt like tiny needles. I hadn’t felt like this in years, and it wasn’t just the pounding in my head. My stomach churned, begging me to release the contents of my stomach, but when I tried to get up, it was like a bowling ball was rolling around on my shoulders.
I groaned just as a bucket was shoved under my face.
Ten minutes later, I felt slightly better, but that was only because the room was darker.
“Where the hell am I?”
“My house,” Krista said, not that I could see her, but I would recognize my own daughter’s voice anywhere.
“Why am I here?”
“Because JR called all your sons, and they all told him to leave you on the floor. Luckily, you have a daughter who’s fucked up enough in her life to know that sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can fix things.”
She plopped on the couch beside me, shoving a glass of tomato juice in my face. “Drink it.”
I groaned, but wasn’t given much of a choice when she pinched my nose and tried to force it down my throat.
“I’ve got it!” I snapped.
“Rob’s making breakfast right now. You’re going to eat everything he puts in front of you, and then you’re going to tell me why you would tell half the town that being married is a life sentence.”
“Say what?” My head snapped up at her words. My head hurt like hell, but I wasn’t so messed up that I didn’t understand the meaning behind her glare.
“You don’t remember? It’s a shame. I’m sure it’s already made its way to Mom by now. So, what’s your next step?”
Next step? What the fuck was she talking about?
Sighing, she took the glass from me and stalked away, shouting over her shoulder, which only hurt my head.
“Dad, you are never gonna win Mom back the way you’re going. Pretty soon, you won’t even have the ranch, because Mom will win it in the divorce.”
She was right about that. Fucking up was becoming my greatest skill, and while I didn’t remember saying the words marriage is a life sentence, I had no doubt it left my lips.
“Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I muttered.
“Then it’s a good thing you have me,” she smiled, sitting down next to me. “Your sons are absolutely useless. What you need is a woman’s perspective.”
I huffed out a laugh at that. “I don’t need you to turn me into a woman.”
“That’s not what I mean. Liam and Michael are pissed at you for the way you’re treating Mom, and Jeff doesn’t want to get on anyone’s bad side.”
“Which leaves you,” I muttered.
“Be happy you have me. I’m about the only one in the family who understands you.”
I shot her a sideways glance, not believing for one damn minute that this girl understood a thing about me. “Yeah? Tell me all about who I am and what I’m feeling.”
I meant for it to sound sarcastic, but in my pathetic state, it just came out tired and ragged.
“You didn’t fail the family or your dad.
You feel like you failed Mom. And without the ranch to tell you who you are, you don’t know how to fix anything.
So, you sit around every day, wondering how to make it better.
But the truth is, you can’t make it better.
The ranch, in the sense that it was, is gone, and it’s not coming back. The glory days are over.
“And if the life you built for the two of you is gone, what more can you offer the woman you love? You’re nothing but a failure because you’re too old to start over.
There’s no city close enough to find a job that’ll pay anything, and you don’t have any skills but ranching.
And if your own ranch failed, no other ranch would hire you to work on theirs. ”
“Why don’t you say it like you mean it,” I muttered.
“And on top of all that, your wife no longer worships the ground you walk on. She’s fed up with you, and you’re wondering how long until she walks out the door and leaves you in the dust. So, maybe it would be easier if you just opened the door and nudged her through.
At least then you could be in misery on your property without feeling like a complete and utter failure. ”
She cocked her head at me with a grin. “Have I got any of it right?”
Out of all my children, I should have known that Krista would be the one to not only put me in my place, but try to drag me out of the flames I’d started. We were more alike than I ever realized, and now I was never more grateful to have such a strong daughter by my side.
“So, if what you say is true, is there any hope for me?”
She shrugged, getting to her feet. “Honestly, I don’t see much hope.
It’s been five years and you haven’t done a damn thing to change your situation.
And if Mom has already kicked you out of the house, and it took you all of five seconds to bash her to the whole town, I’m not sure how you could possibly salvage this. ”
I ran a hand over my tired face, hating myself even more than before. I couldn’t believe I would be such an ass in front of everyone, and worse, hurt my wife so deeply.
Clara had always had a well of emotions, and while I was nothing but a stick in the mud, there was nothing greater than seeing how hard she loved.
And I’d gone and thrown that all away.
“I can’t lose your mother,” I finally admitted. “Without her, I’m not sure who I am.”
“Not good enough.”
My head snapped up, and anger boiled in my gut. “Not enough? What more do you want?”
“It’s not enough to want Mom back. That won’t fix the problems you two have.”
“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?” I snapped, getting to my feet.
“You need to do what Mom is doing. You need to find yourself again, and you have to really want it, because without that, you’re only going to hurt her again.” Her face softened as she looked into my eyes. “She can’t save you, Dad. You have to do that for yourself.”
I hated that she was right. “I don’t know how to.”
“Well, you can’t go to Mom. I’m pretty sure she’s sick of your shit and never wants to see you again. Not her words, just an observation,” she quickly added when I scowled at her.
“Then how the hell am I supposed to make things right?”
“Leave that to me,” she grinned.
“I thought I was supposed to do this for myself,” I grumbled.
“You are, but there are a few things you need to see for yourself. So, grab your hat and follow me. We have a lot of work to do and only so much time to get it done.”
I didn’t want to go anywhere at the moment, but it wasn’t like Krista was giving me much of a choice. And if I wanted to win Clara back, I’d take any advice given.
So, I shoveled down the entire plate of food Rob shoved in front of my face, and I followed Krista out to the truck for a bumpy ride into town. She was going to make this miserable for me, and I had every second of it coming.
By the time we pulled into Seafood & More, I was ready to puke up the contents of my breakfast, but I somehow swallowed it down and forced myself to breathe through the nausea.
“What are we doing here?”
“Well, this is my business with Jeff.”
I grunted, vaguely aware that they had talked about this before. “Not sure what you know about the restaurant business.”
“We didn’t know much of anything, but we learned. Technically, Jeff learned. I invested my money into it, and it’s finally starting to pay off.”
I narrowed my eyes at my daughter. “So, while the ranch was failing, you were putting your money somewhere else.”
Like the spitfire my daughter was, she squared off with me, thrusting her hands on her hips. “The ranch is about you, Dad. This was about me.”
“Finding your own way because we were on a sinking ship,” I snapped.
“No,” she gritted out through clenched teeth.
“This was about finding my own way. The ranch was always for you, but I didn’t want to live in your shadow.
I wanted to do something that was all mine.
And when Jeff said he was interested in owning a business in town, I saw my chance to make something of myself outside of the family. ”
Well, I could admire that, even if I didn’t agree with her methods.
“Dad, in case you haven’t noticed, your whole attitude problem is centered around your family.”
“I’m well aware,” I growled.
“No, what I mean is, you never carved out a life for yourself. This has always been about pleasing your father—pleasing Mom. But what did you do for you?”
I opened my mouth, but the words didn’t come, because she was right.
I only ever thought of the ranch and my family.
My parents, to be more precise. I was so focused on making sure their legacy succeeded that I didn’t stop to think about what I wanted.
And I wasn’t sure there was anything else I truly cared about, but I hadn’t exactly given myself a chance to find out.
“Now, this is one of many businesses in town we’ve started.”
“Say what?”
“Well, we didn’t want to put all our eggs in one basket. We also have several rental properties that we flipped. And recently, we invested in the General Store.”
“Callahan’s business?” I barked.
“Dad, he is not Austin, and no matter what the town thinks of that family, they own the only store in town that supplies us with food. If he went out of business, we’d all have to drive a half hour to get anything.
And with everyone abandoning his shop, we’ve invested in helping expand to make the store more enticing.
Soon, he’ll have a butcher shop attached, and we’ve already contracted with several ranches, including his own. ”
“If he has the cattle, why do you need to contract with anyone else?”
“Because John’s ranch is failing, too. There’s only so long he’ll be able to keep going, just like you.”
He had mentioned that, but I hadn’t realized it was really that bad.
“See, it’s not just our ranch, Dad. You’re not the only one who’s losing out.”
I was beginning to see that, but I still didn’t entirely like the idea of investing in the Callahan General Store. It just didn’t seem right after so many years of feuding. But my kids were making this work, and I couldn’t fault them for that.
“Well, you’d better show me what you’re doing.”