Chapter 14 Nyree
Every time I saw her, I wanted to see more.
Every time I spoke to her, I wanted to dig deeper.
I wanted to know what made her smile, what made her sad, what sound she made when a nigga went deep in those walls.
Asia had me wide open and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
I’d been with plenty of women in my short time on this earth but I never felt anything close for any of them to what I felt for her.
I wasn’t sure how to describe it, but I knew it was right.
A month into whatever this was, and I still felt that same electricity whenever she texted me or whenever we linked up.
We'd been seeing each other almost every day – dinner after she got off work, late night walks on the boardwalk, even just chilling at her spot watching movies.
Simple shit, but it hit different with her.
Today we were hanging out at Grady Park, taking advantage of the perfect weather.
I'd brought my camera, thinking I might snap a few shots of the cherry blossoms, maybe convince Asia to let me photograph her.
So far, she'd been camera shy, but I was working on it.
A face like hers deserved to be captured.
“I’m glad it’s not too cold out today,” I mentioned, and Asia nodded.
“Right because I would have surely made an about-face right back to your car.” She giggled.
We started walking, hands finding each other like they always did now. The park was alive with people enjoying the sunshine – families with kids running around, a few joggers weaving through the paths.
"How’s work been?" I asked as we strolled past the Japanese garden.
She groaned a little. "My boss sent back my designs for the third time with the most vague feedback possible. 'Make it pop more.' What does that even mean?"
I laughed. "Sounds like every client I've ever had. 'I don't know what I want, but I'll know it when I see it.'"
"Exactly!" She squeezed my hand. "Speaking of clients, how did that wedding consultation go yesterday?"
I hesitated, not wanting to get into it. I had met with a couple who wanted engagement photos and potentially wedding coverage, but when they started asking about my portfolio website and business registration, I fumbled through some half-assed answers.
"It was cool," I said. "They liked my sample shots but wanted to think about it."
Which was code for 'they're going with someone more established.' I knew the routine by now.
Asia glanced at me sideways. "Just 'cool'? You seemed excited about it when we talked the other day."
She was too perceptive. That was one of the things I loved—and sometimes feared—about her. She noticed everything.
We found an empty spot under a cherry blossom tree, and I spread out the small blanket I'd brought in my backpack. As we sat down, the conversation I'd been avoiding for the past two weeks suddenly felt unavoidable.
"They wanted someone more professional," I admitted, plucking at the grass beside the blanket. "Someone with a proper business setup, not just a dude with a camera."
Asia frowned. "But your work is amazing, Nyree. I've seen those shots you took at Julien's event. They're better than half the professional photos I see on Instagram."
"Talent ain't the issue." I leaned back against the tree trunk. "It's the business side I don't have locked down. No website, no LLC, nothing beyond my Instagram."
"So why don't you set all that up? Get your website popping? You already have clientele, so that will get you official."
I let out a dry laugh. "I don't know how to do all that stuff, Asia. I barely even graduated high school." The words came out before I could filter them. Another secret exposed. I'd never told her about my academic struggles.
She raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.
Fuck it. Might as well lay it all out there.
"And when I went to college, I failed out," I added, staring at the ground instead of at her. "First semester. I couldn't keep up with the work. Wasn't disciplined enough." I tried to keep my tone light, but the shame I still carried about it crept into my voice.
"You know what they say," I half-joked, "a man without a plan ain't a man at all.
" As soon as those words escaped my lips, my father’s voice echoed in my mind.
He had always been disappointed in me for one reason or another growing up and now…
I blinked to focus, glancing at Asia, expecting to see disappointment or judgment in her eyes.
Waiting for her to agree with me and cut the date short, saying she had somewhere else to be.
Instead, she was looking at me with that steady gaze that seemed to see right through my bullshit.
"School’s not for everybody," she said.
I faced the pond across from us. “Yeah that’s true but if you don’t have anything else to fall back on, sometimes it feels like the walls are closing in on you.”
Asia was silent for a moment, and I braced myself for what would come next. The gentle letdown. The "you're a good guy, but…" speech. I had just given her the perfect excuse to pull back.
"So what do you plan to do to elevate your career then?" she asked instead.
I knew she was trying to help but I felt myself shutting down. “I don’t know.” I shrugged, feeling like a little ass boy.
She nodded, considering my words. "Nyree, you know there are resources for small business owners, right? Programs to help entrepreneurs get started, especially Black creators."
"I guess." I shifted uncomfortably. "But I don't even know where to start with all that."
We fell silent for a moment. Then I changed the subject. Forcing a smile, I reached for my camera. "How about I take a few shots of you under these cherry blossoms? The lighting right now is perfect."
She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Fine, but no posting these anywhere without my approval."
"Gotchu."
As I adjusted my settings and directed her how to pose, I tried to push the conversation from my mind. But it lingered. Asia saw a piece of me I kept hidden and hadn't flinched. Hadn't judged.
It scared the shit out of me.
Because the more she saw of the real me, the more chances she had to realize I wasn't good enough. That I was still that same kid who couldn't cut it in college, who was fumbling his way through life without a real plan.
Through my viewfinder, I watched as Asia laughed, her face tilted toward the sunlight filtering through the cherry blossoms. She was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. So put together, so sure of herself and her path. What could she possibly see in me long-term?
"These are gonna be fire," I said, snapping another shot. "You're a natural."
"You're the artist," she replied, smiling that smile that made me wanna take her behind the trees.
We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the park, getting ice cream from a vendor, taking more photos, talking about everything and nothing.
I made sure to keep things light, telling her stories about wild clients I'd worked with, making her laugh with my impressions of her uptight boss based on her descriptions.
But beneath the easy conversation, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had said too much.