42. Chapter Thirty-Three #2
Without a second thought, Caleb practically throws himself out of the chair and into the one that’s placed on the other side of Eden. Julian still casts him a withering look as he takes the seat.
The others pick up a conversation, but I can barely focus on them because my boyfriend is looking at me like he’s uncertain if he’s allowed to touch me.
I push the plate between us. “I made us a plate,” I tell him.
When he looks at it, his brows furrow. “You did?”
I nod, moving the orange juice in front of him. “And this is for you. I know you don’t like caffeine when you’re not working.” He frowns at it and I lean over to ask him quietly, “Is everything okay?”
Swallowing, he lets his eyes connect with mine. “You were gone when I woke up,” he states slowly. His focus then goes to my neck and his eyes darken .
With a warm flush, I recall the memory of his mouth there. “I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed.” I glance at the obvious company. “But I failed miserably.”
“You did?”
Now it’s my turn to frown. I place my hand on his cheek. “Julian.” I let a small playful smile build on my face. “Where did you think I ran off to? We’re on a boat.”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head and then turns it to press his lips to my palm. “Just away from me maybe,” he tries to joke with a slight grin. The truth behind those words has me wanting to crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around him.
“Never,” I tell him, leaning closer to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Just so we’re clear, I’m running toward you, Julian.” I sit back in my seat, crossing a leg over the other as I chuckle at the look on his face.
“Ok,” he croaks, blinking away whatever mood my earlier disappearance did to him. My focus remains solely on him even as Eden steals his attention. He’s reluctant, but the man is anything but rude, so he shifts his eyes to her. “Sorry, what?”
She raises a brow. “I asked how you slept.”
My mouth tugs downward. She didn’t ask me how I slept.
“Great,” he responds and takes a couple of sips of his orange juice.
“Really?” she asks, confusion etching her brows together.
“Was he supposed to have slept terribly?” Kira asks, laughing.
Julian gives Eden a stern look, wrapping his hand around my ankle. The act warms both my heart and lower belly. It says, I may be looking at her, but all my attention is on you. “Yes, really.”
“Hm.”
She glances at me quickly, which clearly means something to Julian, because he dips his chin toward the double glass doors that lead to the outside deck.
Caleb’s eyes dart between them, obviously curious about this exchange whereas I can feel nothing but jealousy knowing that she seems to know something I don’t.
Picking up his meaning, she huffs before standing. Julian casts me an apologetic look before doing the same. I watch him follow her, feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
Dipping closer to my ear, out of the corner of her mouth, Kira whispers loudly, “That’s weird, right?”
“Christ, is that you trying to whisper?” Caleb asks.
Kira narrows her eyes. “It’s quiet in here,” she says, before looking back at me for a reaction.
All I can manage is a shrug.
She sighs, stabbing a strawberry with a fork. “You’re better than me. If I were you, I’d stick to his side like glue around that one.”
“Eden?” I ask. “She seems nice and. . .over him, I thought?” Kira snorts and Caleb lets out a full-blown laugh. I look between them, something unsettling in my stomach. “What?”
Kira sighs. “You’ve been Edened.”
“I’ve been what?” I ask at the same time Caleb says, “That’s not a thing.”
Kira nods enthusiastically. “It is. She can play people like a fiddle, that one.”
Seeing the worried expression on my face, Caleb adds, “He’s different with you than he was with her. I think it’s bothering her. She’ll get over it.”
“Oh dear, she’s gone pale,” Kira murmurs. “Eric! ”
At the sound of his name, the crew member steps into the room. “Yes?”
She looks at me. “Pick a cutlery.”
I shake my head in an attempt to rid myself of a strange numbness trying to take over my body. “Huh?”
“Well, if you won’t cut her, I will.”
I frown. “I thought you were friends.”
“We are, but she once borrowed shoes from me and I haven’t seen them since.”
“Oh,” I state, cracking a smile. “That’s reasonable of you.”
“ Thank you. ” Looking back at Eric, whose eyes have widened significantly, she says, “A carving knife should work.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Jack says as he enters the room. “You’re free to go, Eric. My fiancé was only joking.” He hurries away, relieved by the interruption.
“I don’t think she was, mate,” Caleb remarks.
Jack tosses him an unbelieving look.
“I wasn’t,” Kira clarifies for good measure. “I need a carving knife stat, Eric!” she calls out loudly.
“Good morning, Andrea,” Jack greets as he takes a seat at the table. “Any clue what’s going on out there?”
“What do you mean?”
“They look like they’re arguing about something. Thought you might know.”
Yeah, me too. I can feel myself distancing again and it puts a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Jack,” Kira warns.
He gives her a perplexed look. “What? ”
She not so subtly motions her head in my direction with wide eyes that convey a clear message as she mouths, “Shut the fuck up.”
Clearing my throat, I stand. “I think I’ll go get dressed.”
Kira flashes me a reassuring smile. “Come back down when you’re done?”
I force a smile and nod before leaving the room.
There’s a slight thud in my skull, the sensation only growing the closer I get to the stairs.
With my hand on the banister, I pause, and before I can think better of it, I head straight for the door at the end of the narrow hallway.
Even as I tell myself I need fresh air, really, I know that what I need to know is what the hell is going on between Eden and Julian.
The worst part is that I’m not sure if I’m allowed to feel this way.
Julian and I haven’t had a chance to talk about what happened between us and what that makes us now.
Together?
Real or not real?
Last night felt very real to me. His reaction to me not being there when he woke up also felt very real. If I’m going to let myself fall for him, I need us both to be sure about it. I can’t allow myself to be into someone who’s still hung up on their ex.
I can’t afford another heartbreak. My heart couldn’t handle it.
The moment the cold winter air hits my face, my lungs constrict, making it hard to take the deep breath I’m yearning for. Walking over to the rail, I look out over the water, taking in the breathtaking view of New York from a distance. From here, everything is less chaotic; less noise.
It reminds me of boat days with my dad during summers in Maine. I miss those days more than I’ll let myself say out loud. Since I left, I’ve been trying to tell myself that home doesn’t have to remain the place I grew up. It can change—it can be wherever I am now .
And slowly I’ve begun to find it. Not at his apartment. Not in New York. In him is where I’ve found it and it terrifies me to no end.
Muffled voices draw me out of my thoughts. My legs act before my mind and suddenly I’m tucking my robe tighter around me as I follow the sound.
Nearing the bow of the yacht, I spot Julian and Eden.
Her hands wave through the air furiously and his are tucked into his pockets as he stares out into the water instead of at her.
He shakes his head rapidly at whatever she’s saying, and I find myself inching closer, trying to catch the words coming from her mouth—the words that seem to be destroying something inside of him.
My chest aches and the protectiveness I feel toward him has me wanting to charge over to them and demand Eden to back the fuck off.
Whatever she’s saying is being spoken with a passion that can only be from someone who cares. It’s why I stay rooted to the floor as their words carry over to me.
“You can’t be careless about this, Julian,” she pleads.
His scowl is the deepest I’ve ever seen it. “You know, I really wish people would stop telling me what to think or do or feel. I’m perfectly capable of managing myself,” he spits out.
“Are you?” she asks in that same unbelieving tone from earlier. “Managing it?”
“Yes,” he seethes. “Now leave it alone, Eden. I mean it.”
She’s silent for a moment, watching him closely as he runs a hand down his face.
“She deserves to know.” Her words are softer this time and the way his shoulders slump as they both stare at each other has my heart dropping to my stomach.
It’s a look that’s shared only when two people know each other deeply .
Seeing it has bile rising in the back of my throat.
“It’s not important,” he says.
She shakes her head, looking at him now as if he’s disappointed her. “She deserves to know,” she repeats. “Before you—”
“Before I what, huh?” He laughs, but it sounds empty. “Before I do something I’ll regret like caring for someone only to be treated like an object?”
She shudders. “Julian—”
“No, you don’t get to waltz into my fucking business anymore. Let me be what I am without the constant reminder of everything I am not.”
“I only want you to be well.”
“ I am .”
“Believe it or not, I’m sorry for how I treated you aft—”
He dismisses her words with a wave of his hand. “It’s forgotten.”
“Is it? Because from what I can tell, you’re letting history repeat itself.”
“Not everyone is you.”
She huffs through her nose, annoyed. “Thank god for that, right?”
He remains silent, walking over to the rail to rest his forearm and hang his head. “Just go, please.”
Only hesitating for a moment, she walks away without a word. I give him a moment, not sure what to do. I try to piece together their conversation, but nothing fits. I’m missing something here—something important enough that Eden thinks Julian should tell me.
It wrecks me to know that she knows him better, but I push past that ache and go to him.
At the sound of my footsteps, his shoulders tense.