42. Chapter Thirty-Three #3
“Leave me alone, Eden. I said I don’t—” His angry words come to a halt as his head turns and his eyes find me instead.
“Andrea,” he states, his shoulders visibly relaxing.
Noticing that I’m wearing a robe in thirty-degree weather, his brows knit in concern as he steps toward me.
“What are you doing out here wearing that? It’s freezing. ”
I ignore his question and instead ask one of my own. “Are you okay?” It’s all that matters to me, I realize.
When I expect a lie, I’m pleasantly surprised when he responds, “Not really.”
In hopes of getting that sad look off his face, I suggest, “Want me to wrap my body around you like a koala?”
He blinks once, twice, and then the despair-filled look on his face turns to confusion laced with curiosity. “Do I want you to what?”
I step closer, my movements uncertain at first as I place my hands on his shoulders. Since he makes no move to stop me, I gain some confidence and jump up, wrapping my body around his, holding on tightly.
He remains frozen for a moment, his arms hanging loosely as I cling to him.
“What’s happening right now?” he asks, placing his hands delicately on my back.
“I’m making you feel better,” I tell him. “Is it working?”
A heartbeat of silence passes, and his arms fully circle my body and he squeezes me to his chest. He presses his face into my neck, breathing me in before saying, “Yeah, I think it is.” He holds me for so long that I’m surprised his arms don’t get tired—well, even if they do he doesn’t make any move to release me.
After some time passes, he sets me back on my feet and places a lingering kiss on the top of my head.
Worried I’ll freeze to death; he ushers me back to our room to shower and pack our things.
Every time he passes me, he kisses me somewhere on my head.
It’s so sweet that I’m thankful for the small area.
I consider asking him about his talk with Eden, but his mood is so much better now that I find myself hesitating. I don’t want to overstep or pry in places I’m not wanted.
That thought alone should tell me to stop letting myself fall deeper into this man, but instead, I find myself wanting to dig more and more until everything that he’s made of is shown to me.
I want him to hand me every unworthy thing he thinks of himself so I can show him that every bit of him is human—that every bit of him is worthy of receiving kindness and love in return.
But I can’t be the only one running. I deserve to have someone running toward me too.
“Julian,” I say gently from where I now sit on the edge of the bed watching him button his black shirt.
“Yeah?” he asks, looking over at me and I have to glance away before I lose my bravado.
I focus on my jeans, picking at invisible lint as I ask, “Is there anything I need to be worried about?”
His arms drop to his sides, his eyebrows squishing together as he frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Eden,” is all I say. I don’t dare mention hearing some of their conversation.
Slowly, he shakes his head. “No.”
“You’re sure?” I ask, looking at him and then quickly looking somewhere else, feeling silly.
“Sorry, never mind. I’m being stupid. I don’t even know what we are anymore.
I just—I don’t know what I’m doing or what we’re doing.
” I motion between us, still avoiding his eyes.
“ Like I said, stupid, but I told you that I was running toward you and then you went with her. She said something that clearly upset you and maybe if you told me, I can understand and I won’t feel.
. .” I trail off, trying to find a word for what’s causing the whirlwind inside of me.
“Feel what, ma cerise?” Julian murmurs, crouching in front of me, his hands flattening on my thighs before sliding to my hips.
Forcing myself to look into his eyes, I say, “Like I’m running in the wrong direction.” Again .
His hands tighten around my hips at my admittance. “I’m sorry,” he rasps.
I place my hands on either side of his neck. “What is this, Julian?”
He rubs a strand of my hair between his fingers with a pained expression. “What do you want us to be?”
“Don’t answer my question with a question,” I say, pleading him with my eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” I run my nails over the back of his head.
With a shudder, he closes his eyes as he leans further into my touch. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m going to need you to tell me.”
“I’m not sure how to do that, honey. I’m just as lost as you are.”
“Honey,” he repeats, amused as he rubs his hands over my thighs again. “I’ve never been anyone’s honey before,” he quips, eyes flashing up to mine. There’s an almost boyish smile playing on his lips that has my insides melting into nothing but goo.
I let out a soft laugh. “Are you saying you want to be my honey?” I ask and he groans, burying his face in my chest. “Is that a yes?” When he nods, I laugh again as I scratch his back soothingly. “We are just breaking all the rules, aren’t we?”
He groans again and those sneaky hands crawl underneath my sweatshirt. “Want to break them again?” he asks, voice muffled. I have to rein in a moan when he lifts his head to place quick desperate kisses on my neck. “And again, and again.” He pauses to press a thumb to my throat. “Does it hurt?”
I shake my head, completely breathless now and very aware that this tall and intimidating man is on his knees in front of me. “I like it.”
His gaze heats. “Yeah?”
I lick my lips, nodding. “Yeah.”
Uncertainty crosses his features. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Andrea.”
I place my hands on his cheeks, hoping he sees the look in my eyes for what it truly is— adoration . “Then kiss me and never stop.”