Chapter 3
Why is it so cold this morning? New York City is so pretty when indoors, but the moment I step foot outside, I’m freezing. I’m walking home from school and starting my winter break with the biggest smile on my face.
I am down to hours before I see my Bean. We haven’t seen each other since the summer when I went to Saddle Ridge to visit for a few weeks. Each time we have an extended break, I get to be with my best friend. As much as our lives look different, she being in our small town back home and I in this massive city, we still have so many commonalities that I never notice how different our lives really are.
I’m close to home when I see someone unloading things from a taxi. It’s not until I get much closer that I realize it’s Laney’s dad who’s getting luggage from the car. I take my strides faster until I reach him.
“Hi, Mr. James. I wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours. Let me help you.” I reach into the trunk and retrieve what looks to be the last bag.
“Thanks, son. And please call me Kirk. I changed your diapers. No need to be so formal. And yes, we caught an earlier flight in fear the storm would delay us if we waited. The girls are inside, fawning over Olive. She’s gotten so big.” Mr. James has always been so kind. He was very much a father figure for me growing up.
“Yeah, she’s alright. She likes to bother me when I’m playing video games.” Mr. James chuckles as I complain about my niece, even though I adore her to pieces.
We make our way to the elevator, the doorman helping us get everything in one trip. We get to my floor, and I already hear all my favorite people’s voices carry down the hall. In the last few years, so much has changed. Beau and Ellie have been married since the summer when I was six, and recently, my sister, Becca, met someone and the relationship seems to be pretty serious. His name is Hudson, and he’s just starting out as a lawyer at a firm in the city. He’s a bit too fancy for me, but my sister seems happy.
City life suits me and my family, so it hasn’t been too bad adjusting after our move from Saddle Ridge. That might be due to the fact we go back whenever possible, and I spend a good amount of my summer with the James family. Since Ellie moved out, I use her room to stay while I visit. My mom doesn’t stay with me anymore, and last summer was the first time I got to fly out on my own. It was a lot of fun to be a little more independent, although my mom cried as if I was never coming back. Something about her baby growing up. Ugh, moms, am I right?
We walk through the door, and I can smell the cookies my mom has baked wafting through the apartment. We’ve moved a few times while living here, and this is the biggest place we’ve been. My mom met someone last year named Rick, and he’s a cool guy. We moved in with him before the school year started for me, and it’s been nice.
I never knew my father because he passed away when I wasn’t even a year old, so I don’t hold resentment toward Rick. He has fit into this family from the moment my mom met him. They apparently met at the hospital in the elevator when my mom was meeting up with my sister for lunch in the cafeteria. My mom met up with her for lunch, and Rick was there visiting a friend. My mom is an ICU nurse, they began chatting, and the rest is history. That was last summer, and now Becca is on her way to being a full-fledged doctor. Well, she is technically a doctor, but she’s still in the beginning phases of her residency.
I find my mom and sister in the kitchen getting another batch of cookies out of the oven. I have always loved this time of year, and these cookies are part of the reason. This is a Stanley tradition, and I’m glad some things haven’t changed.
I go to grab a cookie, and my sister slaps my hand.
“What the hell, Becca?” I look at her like she cut my hand off. But seriously, what’s up with the violence?
“Wait until we get things set up for an afternoon coffee. Leave the cookies be for a second.” She turns around to grab something from the fridge, and I use that opportunity to steal a cookie.
My sister and I have always been close, but our age difference sort of makes her more of a maternal figure than a sisterly one. I’ve seen her go through a lot throughout the years, and knowing how hard life has been for her, raising a child on her own without the person I know she never stopped loving can’t be easy.
I make my way into the living room and find the rest of what I call my extended family. Ellie is the first to look up, and she’s making her way toward me. Her smile is always full of love and warmth, and I get pulled into a tight hug. I’m finally taller than her, my growth spurt happening a few months back.
“Wow, Grant, you’re so tall now! Look, Beau, he’s going to catch up to you,” Ellie says as she pulls away from me to inspect how much I”ve changed in a few short months.
I got my height from my father, apparently. My mom and sister are on the shorter side. Becca and I share the dark hair and blue-green eyes, along with an olive complexion. The difference is my eyes are a bit more vibrant than my sister”s, especially when my tan deepens with the summer sun. We both have dimples, but now I’m starting to realize the power I have with mine when it comes to the female population. Seeing a girl blush after I flash my dimples is addicting. I’m not mad about that.
Beau gets up, gives me a handshake, and pulls me into a side hug. Ellie found one of the good ones, and this guy has been a huge part of my life. I have already gone to him with questions about girls, and he’s been nice enough not to make fun of me when I ask a million questions.
It’s not until Laney, my Bean, gets up from the floor that I feel my chest constrict. It feels like all the air in the room has been sucked out, and I’m speechless as I see her walk toward me. We write letters and chat on the phone when time allows, but I haven’t seen her since this past summer. Obviously, time does change things because Laney looks grown up.
We’ve been friends for nearly the entirety of our lives, and each time we reunite, I notice little changes about her. It’s usually a haircut or something new with her style of clothing. But this time, she’s carrying herself differently.
I look her up and down, and that’s when I see it. Holy shit! Laney has boobs. And hips. And her hair is longer than it was this past summer. Is she wearing makeup too? When did this happen?
She comes up to me, her smile beaming like it usually is. That’s when I notice her braces are off, something that slipped my mind. Strange, I forgot about it even though she called me screaming about how happy she was to be rid of the wires that had taken over her mouth for two years.
My best friend has always been pretty, but this version of Laney is gorgeous. The moment she reaches me, I pull her in for an embrace. I am immediately engulfed in the vanilla scent from her shampoo, and just that alone is causing me to have feelings beyond friendship for her. I better pull away before I start to show how excited I am about her in my arms. Teenage hormones are like this, though. I think even a gust of wind gets me turned on. Now, apparently, my best friend has that effect on me too.
“How are you, Grantie?” Laney pulls away and looks up at my gaze. Last time I saw her, I wasn’t this tall, but now she has to crane her neck up to look into my eyes.
“I’m good, Bean. How was the flight?” I can’t help but pivot from looking into her eyes to her lips. She’s breathtaking. I try to recover by bringing my eyes back to hers, but I think she catches me as her cheeks pink up.
I’ve always loved Laney, but I would never classify that love as something beyond friendship. She’s been everything in my life for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s normal to think your best friend is attractive. I’m not blind, but man, am I fucking screwed. Because whatever this feeling is that’s swirling in my chest, it feels like more than just friendship. It”s an attraction I can’t ignore.
“It was good. I’m so happy to be here for Christmas.” She’s bouncing on her toes, and it’s taking every bit of power not to let my eyes drop lower to her chest. Fuck. This is going to be a long-ass break. At least one thing’s for certain: Laney has always loved the holidays, and I’m beyond thrilled they were able to make the trip.
We get called over to the table for some snacks and coffee, a tradition my mom picked up when I did a project on my ancestors. I am a descendant of Brazil, on my father’s side. My great-grandparents migrated to the United States, and throughout the generations, things have gotten lost. When researching my family’s past, I found out that having afternoon coffee is a common practice there, and although we have never been to visit, my mom thought it would be a nice thing to start doing when possible. She saves it for days like these when we’ve got a full house. My mom loves tradition when and where possible, so it’s not surprising she latched onto this piece of history from my ancestors.
We all sit down, and that’s when I notice Ellie and Beau have remained standing. I look over at my sister, and she’s got a sneaky smile across her face. What’s going on?
“So now that we are all gathered here, Ellie and I would like to say a few things. We are so happy we could celebrate Christmas with all of you, and we found that this is probably the best time to announce.” I take in everyone at the table and realize most seem as lost as me, aside from Becca. My mom looks over at Laney’s mom, Jana, and they exchange a look, which apparently has them smiling even bigger.
Beau continues, “Ellie and I are expecting!”
Oh, my eardrums. Every woman at this table is screaming, the excitement nearly causing permanent hearing loss. Everyone is standing, embracing, and here I am, taking it all in.
Once the shock wears off and I have a moment to congratulate them, I hug them and tell them how excited I am for this next step for them. Ellie has tears in her eyes, and Beau couldn’t look prouder.
“I knew it! Told you something was up, Mom,” Laney says to Jana. “Do you know what you’re having?”
“Not yet. We are only twelve weeks, but now that the first trimester is behind us, we feel comfortable telling everyone.” She gives Becca a look, and I can tell my sister was well aware this was happening before this little announcement.
The rest of our afternoon coffee continues; this time, the focus is on baby clothes, names, and baby shower plans. Apparently, she’s due in the summer, so a late spring or early summer shower is on the horizon. My sister looks like she might burst with excitement.
Once everyone finishes cleaning up in the kitchen, Laney and I decide to hang out a bit in my room. I show her a new Madden game, and she fills me in on everything going on in Saddle Ridge. Laney is the only person I have kept in touch with since I left, but she is still friends with all the kids we used to see at the playground, so I’m familiar with everyone she mentions in passing. I see most of the kids when I go visit in the summers, but apparently, a few months is a long time in teenage years.
“Yeah, so Davey is still the biggest nuisance. He keeps making fun of me.” That gets my attention. Davey is the bane of my existence. He makes Laney’s life hell. I think he has a crush on her, but I will never tell her my thoughts because a guy acting like a dick to a girl because he likes her is the dumbest thing ever. Plus, Laney is warmth on a cold day, so anything that hurts my friend hurts me.
“What’s that dick pickle doing now?” Laney giggles at my nickname for him, and I smile, feeling lighter just hearing her laughter.
“He said I’m weird because I’ve never been kissed.” Ugh. Davey Fucking Beckett. Such a dick, indeed.
“I doubt he has kissed anyone, Bean. I think he’s just being a jerk to get a rise out of you.” I turn away and put my controller back near the console. She’s quiet, and I worry I hurt her feelings or something. I am still trying to understand girls, so I could have been insensitive, even if I didn’t realize my words were interpreted as such. My sister always gets on my case that I am too easygoing and that girls like to analyze things from all angles.
When I look back, Laney is looking at the ground and not looking up at me.
“Laney, what is it? Did Davey do something to you beyond saying dumb crap?” I can feel my blood begin to boil. If he laid a hand on her, I swear I’m getting on a fucking plane. I might be pretty chill, but when it comes to Laney, I will stop at nothing to ensure she is safe and happy.
She shakes her head and finally looks up at me. She’s being shy all of a sudden, and I have no idea why. We’ve always been quite open with one another, so seeing this side of her makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.
“Then what’s going on? Why do you look embarrassed? Oh my gosh. Did you kiss him?” Why am I getting irritated? Am I jealous?
“No, absolutely not! Gross. It’s Davey Freakin’ Beckett, Grant!” She makes a show of it like she’s gagging. That makes me laugh, and I can’t help the relief that courses through my body.
“Then what are you being so shy about?” When I say this, she looks me straight in the eyes, determined to say whatever she’s thinking.
“I, um, wanted to, um…” What is going on with her? She’s acting so strange.
“What Bean?” I move the hair that has shifted into her eyes. I really love whatever she’s done with her long locks.
“Maybe you’d like to be my first kiss?” The moment she says it, I see her eyes go wide as if she’s surprised herself with her own question.
I can’t help the shock that must cross my face at that moment. I clear my throat.
“Uh, you want to kiss me?” I’m a bit taken with her request.
“Well, Grantie, I know you like the back of my hand. And if I have to have a first kiss, I’d rather it be with you. Have you kissed someone before?” I can see the hope that my answer is no move across her features.
I nod slightly. “I kissed Christy Tomlan at the start of school, but that was a dare at a party. I didn”t feel like a first kiss the way I had imagined it would. Plus, it was just a peck.”
I can see Laney’s shoulders sag, not sure if in relief or defeat. Okay, so what now?
“I wouldn’t mind sharing my real first kiss with you, Bean.” I smile, and I feel my dimples popping out. I know the power they have, but I doubt they’ll work on Laney. I’m Laney’s best friend. Her confidant. I’ll always be by her side.
“You wouldn’t?” She beams at me, and I feel like the luckiest guy around to share this moment with her.
I move across my room and check the hallway. I hear the adults chatting downstairs, and Olive is hanging out watching TV, so I think we’re safe from intruders for a little bit. I close my door in hopes no one questions it, as I’m usually always around Laney, and no one has made a fuss about our friendship before.
I turn around, and that’s when the nerves hit.
I’m going to kiss my best friend.
My heart rate has picked up, and I can feel it pumping loudly in my ears. I take a deep breath in and out, hoping to calm myself down.
Laney moves to sit on my bed, and I make my way to sit next to her. We’re sitting side by side, and this is the most awkward we’ve ever been together.
“Nothing will change between us after this kiss, Grant. You’ll always be my best friend.”
“Of course. We will just have something extra to add to our friendship as each other’s first kiss. That’s all.” I attempt to smile through the nerves that continue to take over my body.
We both look at each other. My eyes are always drawn to Laney’s eyes, but my gaze drops to her plump lips, this time excited about getting to feel them against my own.
We move toward one another, and then we connect. We kiss, and I feel a little zap of energy between us. The kiss is quick, like a peck on the lips, but nothing like kissing Christy Tomlan. Even that little connection felt like my world shifted. We pull away from one another, and we just stare at each other.
“Um, I’m not sure it’s a real kiss if we don’t use tongue. Should we try that too?” Laney asks, and I can see she’s not as nervous to ask for things between us right now. Like that little kiss gave her the courage to demand more.
“Yeah, we can do that.”
This time she moves toward me, and we connect again. Our lips fuse together, then I feel her open her mouth tentatively, her tongue swiping across my lips, almost like permission to open to her. I do the same, and soon we’re gliding our tongues into each other’s mouths, the kiss deepening. Instinctively, my hand moves up her neck, cupping her cheek. This feels incredible, and I never want it to end. Her lips feel soft against my skin, and I can already tell I’m addicted to this with her.
We finally pull away, and I can see her lips are a little swollen from what we just did together. I doubt mine look any different than hers do.
“That was sort of fun,” Laney says with a giggle following. I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face.
We lean into one another, letting our foreheads touch, and I keep my hand on her cheek, my thumb stroking her skin.
“Thanks, Grantie.” And just those two words from Laney pull me out of whatever trance I was in. This was something she checked off her list, but it didn’t mean something to her in that way.
Laney has always been the center of my world, and tonight, I feel like something changed for me. Like she took a piece of my heart with that kiss. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same, but I also can’t risk our friendship changing and possibly losing her in the process.
“I’m glad we could share that together.” I smile at her. Soon, we move from where we were just connected, and she sits on the ground while I stay on the bed. I try to fill in the silence because I have no clue how to move on from here.
Finally, I ask, “Want to see me kick your ass at Madden?” Laney laughs at my question, and all seems right between us. That kiss may have changed my life in some way, but I sure as hell won’t let it jeopardize my friendship with my favorite person. I doubt whatever that feeling was will stick, just as much as I doubt she felt anything beyond our friendship as our lips connected.