Chapter 4
Today is Grant’s last full day here in Saddle Ridge before we both venture off to our senior year of high school. To say I got heart palpitations when my best friend emerged at the arrivals area of the airport is an understatement.
Grant has definitely grown into a man in the last few months. Each time we see one another, it’s hard not to notice the changes occurring as we are both maturing into adults. But now, when I look at Grant, I see the hottest guy around.
He’s not built in a bulky way. He’s lean and muscular, much like he’s got the body of a surfer, if I’m being honest. He’s tall, although not as tall as my brother-in-law, and he’s got this ease about him as he moves through a crowd.
Things returned to normal after we shared our first kiss a few years ago. We’ve both dated since then, and I can’t help but admit that when he tells me of a new girlfriend in New York, my heart constricts, and jealousy courses through my body. I’m not sure if it’s from a friend’s point of view or the fact that he shared something with me. Since that kiss, I haven’t found anyone that replaces that feeling of completion he seemed to have planted that day. I felt sparks when I kissed Grant when I was just thirteen, while every other guy I’ve dated hasn’t even come close.
I’m downstairs making breakfast, my parents out working, while Grant is still sleeping. I didn’t realize how long boys sleep in. I’m a morning person, and I think my teenage years haven’t deviated from my normal early riser behavior.
I’m pouring orange juice when I hear Grant walking upstairs. I look up at the clock and realize it’s only nine-thirty in the morning. I take a seat at the table, and in walks Grant as if he hasn’t changed his day up by waking up at least two hours earlier than his usual.
“Morning, Bean.” He saunters into the kitchen wearing only some basketball shorts. Grant walks around as if he isn’t flaunting his muscles for me to ogle, and I can’t help but stare at his features. He’s beautiful.
I continue gawking, although I’ve seen him walk around like this quite a bit this summer, and let out a louder sigh than intended.
That gets Grant’s attention, and he gives me a full dimple smile. Damn him for being not only hot but cute with those dimples on his face.
“What is it, Laney? You like the view this morning?” His gruff voice pulls me out of my stupor while he’s moving his fingers through his hair. He knows he’s hot, and he’s messing with me.
“You wish.” I roll my eyes, but I know my blush is overtaking my face now.
“What’s on the agenda today? It’s my last full day, so I got up early to spend every moment with you. What should we do?” He grabs a few eggs and cracks them onto the pan. Next, he gets some bread into the toaster and returns to the eggs. Once done, he puts everything on a plate, and I already know from what he made, he’ll be hungry in an hour. That”s not enough food to keep Grant satisfied. I’ve learned a growing boy needs about four times that amount. I’ve never seen someone demolish so much food and still feel hungry. Where is all this food going, anyway?
“Um, I thought we could hit up that mini golf spot that opened earlier this season and maybe hang out at the pool. Nothing crazy. Was there something you wanted to do?” I’m looking down at my phone at my Facebook account, scrolling through pictures of my high school friends out and about on vacations with their families.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Can we hit up the mini golf once the sun sets? It’s so hot right now.” I nod, and we sit in comfortable silence as we eat our breakfasts.
Once done, we begin our day out in our town. When Grant comes to visit, it feels like everything is right in the world. He fits into my daily routine seamlessly, and it’s hard to ignore how much we mold into one another’s lives without much friction.
While Grant’s driving us into town to grab some lunch, I decide to finally come out with my question that I’ve avoided all summer.
“So, Grant, I know you live far away, and it might be a huge ask, but I got my calendar from school, and I wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure, Bean. Ask me anything.” With that answer, I let out a breath, my nerves taking over. This feels like asking for our first kiss years ago but on steroids. I just need to come out with it already. I’ve held onto my question this entire visit, and now I’m down to the last twenty-four hours before he leaves. I just need to put on my big girl panties and ask.
“I wanted to know if you’d go to prom with me in May.” I look over tentatively to gauge his reaction.
I see the smile take over his face, and I can tell he likes my question. He looks over at me, and that smile nearly floors me. Yep, I’m in love with my best friend, and I have no clue how to cross that line without ruining everything we’ve built together. Damn my heart for being in love with the one person I could never jeopardize that kind of relationship with.
“Of course, I’ll go to prom with you. But only under one condition.” Oh gosh. What is he going to put out there?
“Okay…” I answer, sort of concerned where this conversation is headed.
“Well, I need a prom date too. So I’d like you to be mine. I think mine is early May. When is yours?”
“The weekend before Memorial Day. And yes, I would love to be your date to prom. But what if you have a girlfriend by the time it rolls around?” I know Grant dates girls, and I doubt any of them would like him attending prom with his best friend, who happens to be a girl.
His past girlfriends always found it hard when he would talk to me on the phone. I even heard him, when he thought he put himself on mute, tell his past girlfriend that if she couldn’t handle our friendship, the relationship between them was over. He has always put us first, and I’m selfish enough not to argue that. I feel the same way.
“Bean, no matter what, I would much rather take you to prom. I’ll tell you what. If I have a girlfriend at that time, I’ll tell her that we had this prom thing set up already, and I can’t back out. That way, she already knows. Does that sound good?” He takes a quick glance my way before bringing his gaze forward to the road ahead.
“Yeah, Grant, that sounds good. I’ll do the same if I have a boyfriend.” I see him clench the steering wheel a bit tighter when I say that last part, but he quickly recovers. “Thanks for being the best of the best.”
He rewards me by putting his massive hand on my thigh and squeezing it, then returning both hands to the steering wheel. If he only knew that his little gesture shoots what feels like a bolt of lightning to that area right between my legs.
Damn teenage hormones are messing with my head. I feel like I can’t think straight this summer with Grant around me. I’m constantly going to bed with my mind wandering to the what-ifs between us.
”You still seem a bit nervous, Laney. Are you okay? Was that all you wanted to ask me?” he asks as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead.
“Um, yeah, I actually have one more question.” This is the part that has been making me the most nervous, but somehow, the words fly out of my mouth. “You know I’m still a virgin.” The car swerves a bit.
“Jesus, Laney. Maybe warn a guy before you start on this line of discussion.” I can see Grant gripping the steering wheel tighter, the whites of his knuckles completely evident now.
“Sorry. I just have no clue how to broach the subject with you, and I need to.” I need to rip this band-aid off! “Are you okay if I continue speaking, or should you pull over?” Grant motions to continue by waving his hand in a way to say out with it.
“As I was saying, I’m still a virgin. And now that you’re my prom date, I sort of wanted to lose my virginity that night. And even though I’ve dated and done stuff with guys, I don’t want that whole experience to be tainted with someone I don’t really love. Does that make sense?”
I can see the tension in Grant’s features, but he nods nonetheless. He seems to be absorbing my words, and I can see he’s having a hard time responding. Maybe I took it too far. Maybe I just ruined everything.
“So you want me to take your virginity?” He sounds like it’s taking everything in him to keep his voice controlled while we venture into this topic of conversation.
“Well, yeah, I do. I mean, I tried with Freddie when we were dating, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t love him, and I think I owe it to myself to love the person I do that with, don’t you think?” I’m playing with the ring on my right middle finger, a gift from Grant when I turned seventeen a few months back. It has a pink stone, and he said the moment he saw it, it reminded him of my favorite pink peonies, and he had to get it for me.
“You mean the douchesicle? Yeah, I’m glad you didn’t love him. He was an ass, Laney. I don’t know what you saw in him.” Grant always has something to say about the guys I date. He and my dad have a field day making fun of my previous boyfriends. No one passes the James/Stanley test, apparently.
“Okay, so he wasn’t my wisest decision. But that’s even more reason for you to hear me out on my request. I mean, imagine if I lost my virginity to him?” I see him grip the steering wheel again, this time the whites of his knuckles definitely cutting off too much of his blood supply to his fingertips.
“No thanks, Laney. I do not want to imagine that because then I’d have to go kick his ass. Such a dipshit, that one.” I roll my eyes. He’s so protective. I mean, I can easily say I’m head over heels in love with Grant, but I know what he feels for me is protective as a best friend and only that.
“So, what do you say? Can I punch my V-Card with you, Grantie?” I use his nickname, which he doesn’t seem to love the older we get, but it seems to soften him enough when I really want him to cave.
“Okay, fine, Laney. Just so you know, it will be both of us punching that card.” This causes my eyes to bug out.
“What? You’re still a virgin? I thought you and Darla may have done the deed after your spring formal.” He was dating this very high-maintenance girl named Darla until the start of summer. I was certain he had slept with her, but I guess not.
“No. Um…” He pulls his fingers through his hair, looking slightly uncomfortable. “We just weren’t the right fit.”
He can say that again. She was super high-strung, and Grant is nothing if not the most laid-back guy I know. They definitely didn’t fit together, but I also can’t act like a jealous girlfriend when I’m the furthest thing from that role in our dynamic.
Grant continues, “What if you have a boyfriend and want to have sex? I mean, it might make things weird. Going to prom isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but having sex with your date might not work so well.” He looks over at me, and I can see so many questions swirling around that brain of his. Grant is an over-thinker, much like his sister. They both have multiple scenarios going through their minds at all times. He might be laid back, but everything Grant does has a purpose and is thought out as much as possible in order to make sure it’s the best decision.
“Well, if either of us has a serious relationship by the time May rolls around, you and I will have to talk about it. Does that work?” He nods at my solution, but I can tell he’s still on the fence about how this will play out.
I think right now, we can only plan for what we have going on. We’ll tackle whatever comes when we have to. I am living in a small town, and I know everyone, so I doubt I’ll have many prospects for dating until prom rolls around.
“Okay, well then, I guess we’re doing this.” Grant sounds less than enthused about having sex with me. I hope he’s just nervous, and he’s not thinking I’m a terrible candidate.
The next morning, my heart feels like it’s going to plummet to the ground. I hate saying goodbye to Grant. I already miss him, and he’s still standing next to me at the departure gate at the airport. Luckily, my parents didn’t need to drive us this year, so I get to say my goodbyes and wallow in self-pity all the way home. It’s a bit of a drive, and I’m looking forward to listening to sad songs and sitting in my little pity party of one that entire time.
“Hey. It’s going to be okay. Time will pass super quickly. Plus, we can call and video chat when we need a dose of one another.” He tries to make me feel better, but I’m still sulking.
“I know, but I miss you more each time you leave. I hate this.” I jut my lower lip out like a toddler, and I have no shame in my behavior.
Grant moves in front of me and gives me a big bear hug. “You know I love you, Bean. Thank you for making my summer brighter.” He kisses my cheek, and I can’t help but wish I had moved my head so he accidentally kissed my lips.
Yes, I’m mentally crossing that line because that’s the only thing I can do at this point. Technically, we are crossing the ultimate line come May, but there’s so much time and water under the bridge until then to see that happen.
“Please text me when you land.” He nods and gives me another hug. I love Grant’s embraces. He gives me such a tight squeeze; it’s hard to imagine life without this type of love. That’s when it dawns on me just how much is on the line if I were to tell Grant my true feelings for him. I can’t risk losing this. He’s the one person I feel most connected to. Our relationship is based on absolute love, and I can’t walk away from that, ever. Ultimately, I’ll continue to hide my feelings because losing him just isn’t something I can face.