Chapter 22
I sit in the emergency room until the blood work comes back. She gave me the option to wait and see that portion of the results with Grant, but I couldn’t sit here and not know. Becca had already seen the results, and I just couldn’t handle the anticipation. It’s best I know what I’m dealing with here.
After she came in to talk to me, she left me to wait, knowing Grant was on his way. I tried reading my book, but I couldn’t stay focused.
I hear a commotion near the nurses’ station, and I already know it’s Grant. He must have flown here if he’s already back. There’s no way he drove here that quickly.
He rushes to the entryway of my room, and he’s panting, sweat on his forehead despite the weather outside.
“Grant, what the hell? Did you speed on the highway to get here?” Becca puts her hands on her hips, tapping her foot, scolding him like the mother figure she is to him. It’s hard to keep a straight face with their interaction.
Grant shakes his head, unable to form words when he’s still catching his breath.
“No–I,” he coughs, resting his hands on the top of his thighs, bending over, and trying to slow down his breathing. “I was actually driving into the city when you notified me. I was already more than halfway here. I was worried, so I may have asked for the driver to get here a little faster.”
I can’t help but smile. Even if he’s upset, he rushed here to make sure I was okay.
He looks up toward me, and the moment we lock eyes, my heart flutters.
I reach my hand out to him, hoping that he’ll come and grasp it. He walks into the room and immediately comes toward me, pulling me into his arms, completely disregarding my outstretched hand.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Bean. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, and I’m so incredibly sorry I went away for days without giving you the attention you deserve after everything you told me. I was stuck in my own head, in my own grief, forgetting that I did to you exactly what I was accusing you of. I love you.” He whispers this, at first in my ear, then moving to cup my cheeks, finishing off with a kiss to my lips.
The contact alone awakens something inside me, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. This man was put into my life before I understood anything about love and compassion. And through the years, my heart has become rooted within his soul. We are intertwined in a way that I assumed was part of friendship. He’s so much more, though. He’s a part of me that I feel deep in my bones.
I shake my head, having a hard time letting words come through as the lump in my throat is just sitting there. I take a few breaths, ready to spill everything, and let him know my heart is his.
“No, Grant, you needed space, and it’s the least I could do. I’m sorry it took me so long to let you in.”
A deep sigh pulls us out of our little bubble, only to realize we’ve had an audience of one this entire time. Becca has fresh tears streaming down her cheeks, her hand over her heart, looking at us like we’re actors in her favorite rom-com.
“Um, Becca, any chance you could give us a minute?” Grant says, and I can tell he’s annoyed his sister is still hovering over us while we have this moment together.
“No, not really.” She has a smile on her face, one which only looks like she’s got a secret that her brother isn’t privy to.
“Becca can’t go. She needs to do one more thing before she heads upstairs,” I tell Grant.
His head swivels toward me, and he has a look of confusion across his face.
“What do you mean?” His head swings back to his sister. “I thought you said she was okay in the last text message you sent?”
“I did. She will be.”
His voice rises with his next question. “What do you mean she will be?” He looks over at me. “What is it, Laney? Tell me, just tell me. Are you hurt? Oh my gosh, are you sick?”
I can see the fear etched in his features.
I smile because I don’t want him hurting.
“No, not at all. I’m going to be fine. We’re going to be fine.” I put my hand on my belly and let the moment register for him.
His eyes bounce from my face to my belly, back and forth, putting everything together.
“Oh my God! No way!”
Right when he realizes, his sister exclaims, “Fucking finally!”
Grant looks over at her, annoyed she’s still spectating this entire thing.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I can’t believe it took you this long to figure it out. I thought you would have known by now. I mean, she’s been sick, peeing constantly; come on!”
Grant isn’t amused. His gaze comes back to me.
“You knew you were pregnant?” I can see the hurt in his expression, probably feeling like I left this out of my confession the other day on purpose.
“Nope. Had no clue. Becca was playing her own version of Pregnancy Clue all alone. I just found out before you got to the hospital and wanted to wait until you got here to tell you. I wanted to see the look on your face in person.”
I wait, watching him, seeing him process the information he’s been given.
I see a tear fall from his eye, and then he crumbles. He pulls me into a hug, kissing me all over my face, telling me he loves me, giving me all the words to soothe my soul now that he’s back with me.
“Are you happy? Are we going to be okay?” I can’t help the insecurity that comes out of me just then. I’m so worried my actions, or omissions really, may have damaged what we had.
He grabs my face again. “Of course I’m happy. The one girl I love, I have loved my entire life, is bringing life into this world. Not only that, a piece of us together to walk beyond us is something I will never take for granted.” He kisses me again, this time not so PG in nature. I can’t help but fall deeper in love with him.
“Um, excuse me, you still have me in the room.” Becca’s words cause Grant’s lips to break our kiss, his gaze shifting back to his sister.
“Why are you still here?” he says, and I can tell he’s over her presence right now.
“You’re going to want me here, little bro. I have the ability to give you photos. Also, we need to chat about some risks.”
I can see the alarm on Grant’s face immediately. His shoulders tense, and I wish I could wash away his fears, but right now, I’m also nervous.
Before Grant can word vomit his questions that I know he’s tabulating in his head, Becca puts her hand up and continues, “The bloodwork showed really good HCG levels. That’s the pregnancy hormone we test for, and if Laney’s calculations are correct, then she’s probably close to the end of her first trimester.” Becca’s gaze passes between me and her brother. I give a small nod for her to continue.
“That being said, Laney had an IUD when she got pregnant, and that can complicate things a bit. Getting pregnant with that in place can increase the possibility of miscarriage. We will do an ultrasound and see how things are going and also remove the IUD if the placement allows. Do you have any questions for me?”
Becca is in full doctor mode again, and I can see why she’s so good at her job. She’s not condescending with her explanation and makes you feel seen. I’ve been around plenty of doctors to know some can really make one feel like they’re taking up too much time. I know we are family to her, but I have a feeling she is simply this good with everyone. She caters to her patient’s emotions and not just their physical necessities. That’s something I’ve always loved about her demeanor in her profession.
“No, I don’t have any questions. Lane?” Grant looks over to me, his excitement replaced with concern.
I grab his hand and squeeze it. “No matter what, we can do this together, Grant. I know we can.”
A soft smile appears on his face, and he leans in and softly kisses my lips.
Right then, the ultrasound machine is pushed into the room by the nurse from earlier. She gets everything set up, probably not used to the doctor staying for this part of the exam. Becca informs her that she can handle it from there and will let the nurse assist in removing the IUD when that time comes. The nurse leaves the room to grab supplies while Becca gets the ultrasound plugged in.
“The E.R. really doesn’t like pregnant patients, but as you’re early on, you can stay here while I do all this. Our triage is completely full, so the staff here have no option but to allow me to do my thing. This nurse of yours is probably ecstatic not to be fully caring for you. I don’t know what it is about emergency rooms and pregnant people, but the two just don’t mix. I always found it funny how allergic the staff is when a pregnant person walks through the door.” She chuckles to herself as she makes sure the machine has all the things she needs.
I lay back, ready to pull my yoga pants off, when Becca stops me with her hand over mine.
“I don’t think that will be necessary just yet. I have a feeling you’re further along and I can start with an abdominal ultrasound until the nurse returns.” She gives me her reassuring smile, and I lay back, exposing my belly. “I’ll use a transvaginal Doppler ultrasound shortly to check your cervix and see what’s going on with the IUD. But for now, let’s start with checking everything out from your belly.”
Becca drapes a small towel onto the front of my pants, tucking them into the fabric to keep them from getting the ultrasound jelly on them. Then she squirts the gelatinous fluid on me, the cold making me squeak.
“Sorry, these machines don’t have the bottle warmers like the ones in my office. Now, I’m going to use the Doppler to look around. Give me a second, then I’ll explain everything after I look at it. Grant, sit back down. Your pacing is making me nervous.”
I don’t even think he realized he was nervously moving around the room until his sister called him out.
He complies with her demands, and soon, I see the black and white image on the screen. At first, it’s just a lot of random blobs, most of which look nothing like anything I can make out. But then Becca swipes across a little lower on my abdomen, and I see a black space with something inside it. That’s when I see that little something move in there, like a jelly bean with a head and extremities bouncing around. I bring my hand to my mouth, a sob breaking through as I look at what I know is our baby.
“There you go. There’s your baby.” Becca smiles brightly when she points to the screen.
The baby is fully formed. I expected a little spec, but our baby has arms and legs, a fully formed head, and is moving around in there quite a bit.
“How far along am I? I mean, this looks like a fully formed human. Oh my gosh. I haven’t been taking vitamins, Becca!” I start to feel my heart race, and Grant is quick to grab my hand and kiss my knuckles.
“It’s okay. I’ve seen the vitamins you take. They’re for women of childbearing age. They have folic acid, but you’ll have to switch over to prenatal vitamins starting now. Just make sure that you take the vitamins with food in your stomach. You have obviously had a longer bout of morning sickness, so you’ll probably get a little stomach upset if you don’t have food in your system. And to answer your other question, you’re about fourteen weeks if these calculations are accurate.”
She’s clicking things on the screen, doing what looks like measurements with the buttons at her disposal. I watch in awe as she keeps taking photos, and I see the paper spitting out the images.
Becca tells me all this, but she can’t take her eyes off the screen either. I have to remember that she’s not just my doctor right now, she’s this baby’s aunt. I think she’s in awe of what is in front of her. When she looks over, her eyes are filled with emotion.
She moves the screen for us to have a better view and then points at the baby in front of us. “So that’s the head, the arms, the legs right there. You’ve got an active one in there. You might start feeling little flutters in the weeks to come, but don’t worry if it takes a while. Some people are super sensitive to the feeling, while others may not feel anything until well into their second trimester. It might feel like the tail of a fish swimming in your belly at first. At least that’s what it felt like for me.” Her smile is warm, and her excitement is palpable.
“Okay, now I need you to strip down, removing your yoga pants and underwear. I’ll leave the room so you can do that. Grant, just poke your head out when she’s ready.”
“Becca, stop.” She’s cleaning off the Doppler and looks up in confusion when I speak.
“You don’t need to leave the room. If you’re going to be delivering this baby, you’re going to have to get used to seeing me, all of me, at some point. May as well start now. I mean, you changed my diapers, for crying out loud.” I laugh, and Becca sits back down, in shock from whatever I just said.
“You want me to deliver your baby?” She looks between me and Grant, and I can’t help the confusion that crosses my face.
“Well, who the hell else will deliver the baby, Becca?” Grant speaks this time, apparently on the same page as me.
“I just assumed I was too close for comfort on this one. I am honored you’d have me deliver the baby. Thank you.” She tosses the ultrasound wand and gives me a huge hug, then pulls away and moves around the bed to give her brother an embrace. Becca is so short she gets lost in his hug, as he’s so much taller than her.
I notice her pinch his side, and he lets go. “Such a prick! I hate when you hug me that tight and then won’t let go. I can’t breathe, and then when I try, I smell your gross armpit stink.”
I roll my eyes. I guess they’ll always be siblings, even in a moment as special as this.
“Excuse me, but I smell amazing. I showered this morning.” Grant stands a little taller, smugness dripping off him as he defends himself.
Becca rolls her eyes and then straightens herself out, almost getting back into her doctor character before resuming the ultrasound.
Once I’m disrobed from the waist down, I lay back down and follow Becca’s instructions to bring my feet together, then let my knees fall to the side. The nurse comes in with a few items in her hand.
I see her grab the transvaginal wand, and memories of that day return to me. I try to keep my breathing calm, but I can’t help the tears that prick the edges of my eyes.
“Hey, I’m here. You’re not going through any of this alone, Bean. I’m here for you. I love you.” He kisses my temple, catching the tear before it escapes down my face.
I nod and smile at him. I squeeze his hand tighter as Becca guides the wand in, and I watch the screen.
She’s looking, clicking buttons much like before, inspecting everything. “I’m sorry for any discomfort. I just want to make sure I look everywhere and also get a good picture of your cervix to measure the length. That’s important too.”
She seems to be getting more pictures of the inside of my vagina than I thought possible. The baby is still bouncing around, and it’s surreal that there’s a living human inside me, living life while I had no idea of its existence until the last hour.
“Look at what we made, Laney. You’re amazing.” Grant threads his fingers through my hair, pure love in his gaze at the screen. He kisses my knuckles again, and I truly hope life will give us this child after all we’ve lost.
“There it is,” Becca says, pointing at the monitor. “See this little thing right there?”
I nod, still unsure what I’m completely looking at.
“That’s your IUD. It’s just floating in your cervix. How did you not feel it, Laney? Also, it would have made sex uncomfortable for you or even both of you if it was hanging this low.”
“I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary that was uncomfortable for me,” Grant says, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink, realizing he has to have this conversation with his sister.
“Yes, this is an awkward topic, so we will leave it at that.” She looks over her shoulder, and the nurse has the speculum ready for Becca to grab. Becca continues to explain, “If it’s just floating in there, it shouldn’t be an issue and will hopefully not interfere with the pregnancy in any way.”
Once the IUD is removed, which I didn”t even feel her doing, she inspects the area where the speculum is, removes it, and stands up. She’s got a smile on her face as she walks toward the trash to toss her gloves, then washes her hands before leaving the room.
Becca comes back in while the nurse leaves to finish charting.
“So that IUD failed, and I can’t really explain why aside from it simply fell out. That’s why a pregnancy resulted. Now, the IUD was sitting there, not at all implanted where it was supposed to be. I want you to take it easy for the rest of the week due to the fact that there was an IUD in there, coupled with the fact you did faint teaching that class.”
“You fainted?” Grant exclaims.
Shit. I forgot to explain what happened. I guess we got too caught up in the fact that I was pregnant to fill him in on the why of this entire situation.
“Um, yes?” It comes out more like a question from me because I’m embarrassed by the fact that I was out there, living life with no idea of this baby growing inside me.
“Oh my gosh, Laney. I told you something was off. You kept brushing it off. No more classes for you,” he says, immediately causing me to get on the defensive.
“Excuse me? What do you mean ‘no more classes?’” I say back.
“Yeah, Grant, what do you mean she can’t teach classes anymore?” His sister is shooting daggers at her little brother. Becca is not one for the whole alpha male type, and she is quick to stand up for me.
“Oh, come on. She fainted while teaching today. Am I the only one concerned here?” He stands up from the chair he was sitting in by my side.
“Listen, Grant, I am Laney’s doctor and one of her closest friends. I’m your sister. This is my niece or nephew in there. So, I will say this as nicely as I know how. Laney is pregnant. She’s not sick. She’s not unable to be herself. She can still do all the things she did before, after this week of rest,” she looks over at me to make her point, “then she can resume regular activity. I would maybe hold off the hot room if you weren’t acclimating well to begin with. Aside from that, you can do yoga.” I beam at her and she turns her attention to Grant. ”Do you understand me, little brother?”
She’s got her defensive mama-bear look going, hands on hips and all. I can’t help the chuckle that escapes as this little woman stands tall against her brother, who towers over her.
“Yes, ma’am,” Grant says, feeling defeated by his sister and me staring at him like he was in charge of my care.
“Good. Now, Laney, I will repeat what I said. This next week I want rest from you. You’re not on bed rest, but no heavy lifting, no excessive bending. Got it?”
I nod. “Yes, I understand. I will be a good patient.”
“At least there’s that. You’re a shit patient, Becca” Grant says, and I swear his sister looks like she could murder him with her glare.
“You better watch it,” Becca says with a fake smile that spreads across her face, her teeth clenched as she speaks, “or I’m telling mom that you are the reason there was a hole in the wall when your buddies came over in high school and not the vacuum cleaner handle!”
“You wouldn’t dare!” The look of horror on his face is priceless.
“You best believe it!” Becca is far too proud of herself right now.
Returning her gaze to me, Becca continues, “Also, you better come up with a plan to tell Ellie and eventually the parents. I will also warn you that our mom,” she looks at her brother then swings her gaze back at me, ”and yours, Laney, have been planning your wedding since you were two, so be prepared for a lot of screaming and excitement upon your announcement.” She returns to tidying the room after removing the ultrasound machine.
“Oh gosh. I didn’t even think of that whole aspect of our relationship.” I bury my face in my hands, knowing that my mother and Grace are going to drive me nuts with their questions and planning.
I hear Grant chuckle, apparently undisturbed by the prospect of the moms taking over and hounding us.
I decide to drop the next bomb, “Hey, don’t stand there all proud. You’re going to have to face my dad, and he’s going to be pissed you got his little girl pregnant.” I smile like I won this little game we’re playing. The moment my words are out, Grant’s face loses all color, and I laugh. Becca can’t help but enjoy this too.
Becca basks in this uncomfortable moment for her brother a minute longer, and then her expression changes, and I can tell the maternal side of her is about to say something.
“You’ve been through a lot, Lane. I hope you know how proud I am of you. You’ll be an incredible mother. You love with your whole heart, and I know this baby already feels it.”
She then moves her gaze over to her brother and begins to round the bed and stand right in front of him. “Grant, you have no idea the beauty your heart has within itself. I see so much of Dad in you, and I know you’re going to fill this baby’s life with so much love and joy, the child will lack nothing.”
At that, she picks up the printed images she had grabbed off the machine and hands them to us. We both stare, shocked that life has given us the chance to love again. Our baby, here to bring us an extra level of love that we are both going to embrace.
Becca moves toward the door. She turns back and blows us kisses, and I mouth a silent thank you to her on her way out. She gives me a little nod of acknowledgment, and then she’s off to work on her floor of the hospital.
We lay there, looking at this little being and simply starstruck that we created a life together. Our love carried over, beyond all the sadness, to this moment.
Grant looks up at me, tears falling freely, and says, “Now it looks like I have a new little bean to love.” His lips softly cover mine, and I try to remember this feeling of completion that wraps me like a warm blanket on a cold day.