Chapter Thirty-Four #2
I nodded before remembering they couldn’t hear me moving my head. My eyes were glued to Braden, my mouth parted in disbelief.
He’s here.
“I’ll call you later,” I promised.
“We love you,” Dad said.
“Love you.”
I hung up, but stayed on the floor, unsure what to do or what to say.
My heart warred with my brain. I longed to reach for him, to throw myself into his arms and accept his apology already.
But I was also still bruised from our last conversation, still hurt from him walking away from me, letting me go so easily.
No, not easily. That wasn’t fair. I knew it hurt him. I knew he felt like he was in an impossible situation.
But he’d still wrecked my heart.
And I didn’t want to play the part of the fool by rushing to him, only to let him break me again.
“What are you doing here?”
Braden swallowed, his hands stiff at his side like he wanted to reach for me but knew better than to try yet. “I went to your apartment. Darcy told me you were here.”
I nodded. “I thought you were in Baltimore.”
“I was. I took a late-night flight in. I would have been at your door at six in the morning but I know how much you like to sleep in.”
I smiled a bit. “I wasn’t up until ten.”
“See.”
I looked at my sneakers with my cheeks warming, and then back up at him. “What else do you know about me, Braden Lock?”
It was an opening, a peace offering, and Braden’s shoulders relaxed with relief before he took it.
“I know you like a hot shower and a joint after a long day,” he said, slowly closing the distance between us.
I felt my pulse quicken with every step he took.
“I know you start every morning with stretching in bed — which drives me mad, by the way — and that you hate Popsicles because they hurt your teeth. I know you love to get random tattoos that mean nothing at all, that piercings bring you joy even if you take them out after a few days, and that nothing makes you happier than having your nails done, but you hate the process of getting them done.”
“It’s the worst,” I agreed, my voice soft with laughter.
He smiled, and when he reached me, he slowly made his way down to the floor in front of me.
Being face to face with him after all the ache of being apart had my chest splitting in half. I searched his gaze, let my eyes wash over his body, took in the exhaustion and pain he wore like a t-shirt. He’d been through so much in the last week. We both had.
“I know the sounds you make when you’re about to come,” Braden whispered, his gaze heating. “And the way your hands feel when you’re eager to get me undressed.”
“Naughty,” I teased.
It was so hard not to climb him like a tree after that.
“I know you love me,” Braden continued, and he took my hands in his, holding them tight, his eyes fixed on mine.
“Even when I make it hard to do so. I know you flew out to be with me when I needed you. I know you care enough about me that you were willing to walk away from a team that brings you so much joy.” He paused, shaking his head.
“And I know I fucked up by letting you go, by pushing you away when all I wanted was to hold onto you like a life raft in a storm.”
I nodded, squeezing his hands.
“I was scared,” he admitted. “Fucking terrified, actually. And I have been my whole life. I just… I’ve always been good at making it look like I’m not.”
His thumb brushed over my knuckles, like he needed the contact to keep going.
“When everything happened with Ginny, it was like my world split in two. Before and after. Before, I thought if I worked hard enough, planned enough, controlled enough, I could build a life where nothing bad touched the people I love. And after…” He huffed a humorless breath.
“After I realized none of that shit matters. You don’t get to control life. You just… survive it.”
My chest tightened, but I didn’t interrupt.
“So, I adapted,” he went on. “I told myself the way to protect the people I love is to limit the risk. Keep things clean. Focused. No distractions. No mess. No… attachments that could complicate everything.”
His eyes flicked up to mine, full of regret.
“And then you happened.”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
“And I didn’t know what to do with that,” he said, shaking his head.
“Because you weren’t clean or simple or easy.
You were everything — messy and chaotic and tempting.
You woke me up. You made me want to live outside the lines for the first time.
You… you challenged me,” he said with a swallow.
“And instead of rising to meet that, I bailed at the first sign of trouble.”
He paused, looking down at our hands for a long moment before he continued.
“I told myself I was being responsible. That I was doing the right thing — for me, for my family, for you. But really, I was just doing what I’ve always done — choosing the path where I don’t have to risk losing more.”
His grip on my hands tightened.
“Ginny is awake, extubated, getting back to her normal, no-nonsense having self,” he said with a smile, his eyes finding mine. “And she saw right through my bullshit.”
I laughed. “Why does this not surprise me?”