Chapter Forty-Two
Kian
Iris isn’t waking up.
A week since she was shot twice. Since she took two bullets for me. Seven days since I’ve heard her angelic voice and looked into her hypnotic blue eyes.
The doctor’s words repeat in my head.
“She lost too much blood and was deprived of oxygen for too long. The gunshot to her chest was fatal. We took both the bullets out, but there were complications during surgery. We don’t know when she’ll wake up. We’re going to monitor her in the ICU.”
I’ve been dead inside ever since.
Thrust back into a world of gray.
Every single specialist I flew in from both in and out of the country has said the same—that it’s a waiting game.
She can’t leave me .
My little rainbow wouldn’t leave me.
I kept making promises about never letting her go. Little did I know, I should’ve made her promise me the same.
I stare at her comatose form lying on the bed in the ICU through the glass, hooked up to machines and IVs. Her chest steadily rises and falls like she’s taking a nap and will wake up at any moment. However, she never does.
What do I do?
How long is she going to punish me?
“She’s going to wake up.”
My head twists toward the voice. Guilt attacks me hard and fast at who it is. “Mr. Mannan.”
Iris’s father looks as withered as I do. The wrinkles around his red-rimmed eyes and mouth are more pronounced as he stares at me with matching sorrow and worry. “Come sit with me, son.”
I glance at Iris, not wanting her out of my sight. What if something happens while I’m gone again? Every time I leave her alone, she gets hurt.
A hand curls around my shoulder. “Sit with me, Kian. Iris is being looked after. She’s going to be fine.”
If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t listen. Reluctantly, I pull away. “Five minutes. Then I have to be back.”
“Okay.”
The two of us walk out of the ICU and into the family waiting area. We sit side by side on a bench. My entire body twitches with the need to run back to my girl.
“You haven’t been home, Kian,” Mr. Mannan murmurs.
“I’m not going back without her, sir.” Certainly not to that apartment or building. That place serves as a poignant reminder of our tragedy. It’s purgatory. No longer a home.
“I’m worried about you too, you know,” he says in a fatherly tone.
Being on the receiving end of it is so foreign to me that my throat closes up. Especially under the circumstances in which he should despise my presence.
“You’re not eating or sleeping. It’s starting to take a toll on your body. Is this how you want her to see you when she wakes up?”
My eyes sting, moisture gathering in the corners. Closing them tight, I press my fists against them to hold back the tears. “I-I just miss her. So much. I need her to wake up and be okay.”
“I know, I know,” he sighs, his voice shaky, “I miss her too. But I trust the doctors when they say she will recover and get stronger, and then come back to us. Our prayers are going to work.”
I exhale roughly and lick my lips, tasting saltiness on my tongue.
Mr. Mannan rubs my back, consoling me. “Please take care of yourself, son. She hates it when you don’t. Once she’s awake, she’s going to need all of us, especially you, while she recovers. It’s going to be hard.”
It feels wrong, a crime, to care about my well-being. While the reason I’m alive is lying on a bed, slipping away from me. I can’t stomach the thought of food, much less swallow it down. The hospital has become my home.
Her family and friends visit daily and spend the entire day with us. Rosalie and Bianca also carry guilt for not being able to protect her. I’ve told them it wasn’t their fault because they were drugged by Yukta, who faked her kidnapping after being brainwashed by both Vicky and Arjun.
It’s my slipup that cost us this. I thought Iris was out of danger with the perpetrators behind bars and gave Seth the day off. I should’ve known better.
I knew I was going to be Iris’s downfall.
Wiping my tears that keep falling without my permission, I voice out my worst fear.
“How am I going to tell her? Will she ever forgive me after I tell her that she can never have kids? What if she looks at me and all she sees is the reason she can’t be a mother?
The one thing she… we wanted the most in the world. ”
The second bullet that hit her lower abdomen caused damage to her ovaries. During the surgeries, the doctor had to remove one of them, while the second was severely impacted, reducing her chances of becoming pregnant to almost nonexistent.
I felt my dreams of having beautiful children who looked like my Iris crush before my eyes. Two bullets are all it took to annihilate our world, turning it into shambles and bear scars that’ll never heal.
Iris, with the purest heart and soul in the world, didn’t deserve this fate. Devastation has taken permanent residence inside my chest, my gut, and my heart.
“Look at me, Kian.”
I turn my head, meeting his eyes.
“Iris is maddeningly in love with you and will never blame you for what happened at the hands of an unstable person. You cannot let your mind think otherwise. It’s hard, but you have to try.
The only thing you can count on is that she’s going to need you very, very much while both of you grieve this loss. ”
“I’m truly sorry for everything. I vowed to guard her, and I failed. Please forgive me.”
He shakes his head, gripping my hand in his. “I am upset Iris risked her life and it breaks my heart to see her lying on that bed, but I’m not mad at you because I know you would take a bullet for her too. Don’t lose hope. My daughter is a fighter.”
My shoulders shake as I sob silently. When her father pulls me into his arms, I lean on him. Every hard obstacle I’ve endured in my life has been nothing compared to the agony and sadness of the past week. Closing my eyes takes me back to the moment Iris collapsed in my arms.
Lifting my head, I wipe my cheeks with the backs of my hand.
“You also need a support system,” Iris’s dad quietly says. “Let me be that for you. If you’re overwhelmed, I’m just a phone call away.”
“Why, Mr. Mannan?”
“Because you’re family, Kian. I consider you my son, not future son-in-law.”
“Mr. Singhania!”
Both of us turn at the nurse’s voice.
I shoot to my feet as she stops before us. “What? Is Iris okay?”
“She’s awake.”
“Oh, thank you, God!” cries her dad.
My heart hammers so fast and hard, it’s close to beating out of my chest. Overwhelming relief blinds me. Pushing past them, I run toward the ICU.
My little rainbow came back to me.
I almost fall to my knees, my lungs working double time, as I watch doctors and nurses check her over through the glass. This is torture. I need to be inside there. With her. Holding her hand so she isn’t scared. I need to touch her so I know I’m not dreaming.
Her ocean blue eyes blink and frown in confusion at the staff fussing around her.
My chest expands as her lips part and form my name.
“I’m here, Rainbow,” I hoarsely say, even though she can’t hear me. “I’m here.”
Slowly, her head turns.
Our eyes meet.
I smile, splaying my palm against the glass. “ Iris. ”
“I told you she’ll wake up,” her father says.
“She’s going to be okay.” One of her doctors steps outside and joins us. “How is she?”
“She passed her neuro exam and her vitals are stable,” he answers with a polite smile. “We’re going to shift her out of the ICU, so you can see her soon. It’s going to be a long recovery, but she’ll be fine.”
“Thank you so much,” answers her father.
I pace for the next hour as they move her into a room, desperate to be with her. While her father and I wait, her mother and all of her friends show up.
“Kian!” gasps Bianca with a sheen in her eyes. “Is she really awake?”
“She is─” I’m not expecting it when she throws her arms around me for a hug. I stand motionless before my brain starts functioning and I hug her back awkwardly.
Iris is the only woman I’ve hugged.
Rubbing her tears away, Bianca steps back. Only for Rosalie to take her place. I’m not slow this time and curl an arm around her slender shoulder.
“I’m so relieved. Our Iris is going to be healthy, Kian.”
“Thanks,” I utter low.
Nova and Dash, with Bianca tucked into his side, stand a foot away and nod once.
A throat clears.
It’s a nurse.
“She’s settled in her room and ready for visitors,” she informs us. “Two at a time, please.”
I take a step, but stop to glance at her parents. They see the yearning and desperation on my face. Her father urges, “Go. We’ll go right after.”
Grateful, I race after the nurse, all the way to the private room. She doesn’t come inside as I throw open the door and stumble in.
“Rainbow,” I croak, not even hearing the door slam shut behind me. The sight of her bandaged, her skin pale, and small body looking so frail and fragile on the large bed with the machines beeping around her falters my gait.
I watch her arm stretch in my direction, reaching for me with her palm open.
In two long strides, I cross the room to her side and capture it, afraid to squeeze too tight like I’m aching. The first contact of my skin against hers in what feels like forever undoes me. “Oh god, baby. I missed you so, so much.”
“Kian.” Her voice is low and scratchy.
I cradle her face, caressing every soft curve and kissing every inch of it. “I thought I lost you. You left me terrified, Rainbow.”
Our tears mix as I press my forehead to hers.
“Have… have I really been asleep for a week?”
“Yeah.” I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it. “You can’t do it again, Iris. You can’t scare me like this ever again. Or put yourself in harm's way to save me. You come first.”
“You weren’t hurt?” she asks, fearful. “Yukta didn’t shoot you?”
“No, baby. You saved me.” The scene haunts me again. I still can’t believe she jumped in front of me. “I wish you hadn’t because holding you bleeding in my arms, I felt like I was dying along with you.”
Her gaze softens, cupping my scruffy cheek. “I’m not sorry. I would do it again.”
“No. I’m never letting you out of my sight or anywhere near danger.”
“You’ll be insufferable, huh?”
“Yes. I will be.” I chuckle, fighting the damn tears. They’re of happiness and gratitude that she’s better and joking. Leaning up, I scan the rest of her, careful not to press on her wounds.
The next few months as she recovers will be grueling, but I’m going to be with her every step of the way. Until she’s perfectly healthy and healed.
Hope ignites.
We will get through this.
Pushing her hair away from her face, I stare at her to my heart’s content. “How are you feeling? Do I need to call the doctor to check in again? How bad is the pain?”
“I feel exhausted, like my muscles haven’t moved in ages. I don’t feel any pain, though.” Licking her lips, she asks, “How badly am I hurt, Kian?”
I sit down on the chair, still holding her small hand. “How much do you remember?”
Her brows pinch in concentration as she tries to recall the night.
“I remember being petrified and diving in front of you, then both of us crashing to the floor. Nothing but pain. You hovering over my face, saying something, but I couldn’t hear.
I also couldn’t tell if I protected you or not.
I wanted to… wanted to say I love you, but everything went dark. ”
Listening to her shatters my soul all over again. “You were shot twice, Iris. In the chest and abdomen. There were some complications during the surgery. But─”
“What complications?” She visibly tenses.
Iris won’t be able to handle it yet. I just got her back. I don’t want to risk her having a panic attack, or something worse. I’m not ready to destroy her world again. So, I lie, “Nothing to worry about. The surgeons handled it.”
Except even in her weak state, she reads me like a book. “You’re hiding something. Tell me, Kian.”
I hesitate, my tongue feeling thick and swollen.
“Kian?”
“One of the bullets hit your ovaries. The doctors had to remove one because of the severity.”
“What does that mean?” She gasps, puzzled. “I still have one ovary, right. Don’t I?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Then what? Why are you looking at me like that?”
I peer at her sadly. “The ovary is too weak to be able to reproduce. There’s a very low chance of you getting pregnant. I’m sorry.”
“No!” She thrashes. “It—it can’t be possible. We… we want kids, Kian.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Oh my god! I can’t be a mother.” Loud and ugly wails escape her parched throat. In the monitor, I see her blood pressure rising and her oxygen level starts to drop.
I lurch to my feet and press the button for the nurse.
Afraid of her accidentally opening her stitches, I hold her down, calmly murmuring, “Iris, please, baby.”
“No, it can’t be true. Kian! Oh no.”
“I’m sorry,” I keep chanting helplessly, torn at the sadness rocking her limbs. “We’ll get through this, Rainbow. We will.”
The nurses rush inside, forcing me aside. One of them gives her something that instantly calms her down and puts her to sleep.
I panic at her closed eyes. “She’s… Is she going to wake up? Tell me!”
“Yes, sir. We’ve sedated her. That’s all.”
Hunching over, I gulp in air, willing myself to breathe steadily. Behind me, the door springs open, footsteps hurrying inside.
“What happened?” Mr. Mannan demands anxiously.
Straightening, I stagger over to Iris’s side. “I told her about the complication. She panicked.”
Her parents round over to her other side. Mrs. Mannan leans over, caressing her temple while her eyes shimmer in distraught. “I… I can’t take her like this. Make her okay.”
Iris’s dad wraps an arm around her. “She will be. Look, she woke up today.”
After them, her friends enter the room one by one to check on her and offer me consoling words. I don’t reply in return and keep watching Iris. Once visiting hours are over, they go home until it's just us two. The nurses come by to check once and leave.
She shivers, a furrow appearing on her forehead. I smooth it out with my thumb and lay another blanket over her. When she still continues to tremble, I climb into the bed, which is big enough for the two of us.
Careful of her dressings, I curl my arm around her waist and kiss the top of her head. She doesn’t stir again.
“I got you, Rainbow,” I whisper. “Always.”
Then I finally close my eyes.