Chapter Forty-Five
Kian
Watching my little rainbow be sad and depressed over the past month, battling mental and physical scars, has been a tough journey.
The days she doesn’t want to get out of bed are the hardest. She is quiet, staring at the ocean for hours. I have to force her to eat because I can’t give her, her medication on an empty stomach. But these days are becoming fewer and far between.
The next morning, after she had stumbled into the nursery room, I had convinced her to start talking to a therapist. She showed all the signs of PTSD. I couldn’t stand by and watch her suffer in silence. I wanted her to have all the help she needed.
All of it is working because today, after over two months, she cooked in the kitchen and had breakfast with me at the dining table. It was just like in the past, making me overwhelmed.
I didn’t push her for more and we spent a lazy day together.
Every night, I’ve been bringing her for a walk on the beach. A serene smile always plays on her lips as she gazes at the vast starry sky or as she dips her toes in the water. I don’t coax her to talk unless she initiates the conversation.
I’m desperate for more of her voice, her sweet laughter, and her teasing. I remind myself to be patient. The way she was with me in the beginning.
She hasn’t talked to her family or friends, but I keep them posted. I know they are dying to meet her, but she isn’t ready yet. All of us need to move at her pace.
“Can we sit, Kian?” Iris murmurs, staring at the tides, mesmerized.
“Yeah, Rainbow.” I find us a spot and tug us down onto the sand. She leans her head against my chest, sitting close with her back flush against my torso.
The sky is clear, highlighting the thousands of stars like diamonds. The low breeze ruffles her long hair, raising goosebumps along her arms. I rub my palm along her flesh to warm her up, wishing I had brought a jacket. She’s in one of my T-shirts and shorts.
“I’ve never been to a more heavenly place than this.” She sighs. “We can’t stay here forever, though.”
“Why not?”
“Our whole life is back in the city. You’d eventually have to go back to work. I have to finish my degree.”
“We can do it remotely from here.” Playing with her silky strands, I murmur, “We never have to go back if you don’t want to.”
“And you’ll be happy?”
“I’m the happiest when I’m with you. So yeah, I will be.”
She turns quiet, absently stroking my knuckles. After a few minutes, she asks, “What did you mean when you said we can still have our dreams? You meant that about having kids, didn’t you?”
I take it as a good sign she’s discussing this, rather than avoiding and pretending something tragic didn’t happen to her.
“I did,” I answer. “We can be parents, Iris. We can adopt a beautiful child who needs two people who will love him or her unconditionally. I know it isn’t how we imagined it happening.
I wish I could turn back time so you didn’t have to lose an important part of you.
But if this is the hand we’re dealt, we can make something special come out of it.
It’s all up to you, whatever you decide. ”
“Maybe,” she whispers.
“You are meant to be a mother, Rainbow.”
“I stopped taking the birth control pills.”
My muscles pull taut at her admission.
“A few days before… the incident happened,” she continues sadly. “I wish I had done it sooner. Or never taken them in the first place. Maybe we’d be…”
“Yeah, I know.”
Our attention is stolen by the ocean as the waves become larger and faster. The sounds like a peaceful lullaby as the water crashes against the shore.
Iris rubs against me as a shiver passes through her.
“Let’s go in,” I softly command. “We’ll bring a blanket and a jacket for you tomorrow so we can stay longer.”
“Okay.”
Bending, I haul her up with an arm around her waist. She wraps her legs and hands around me, hiding her face against my neck.
“I never said it, but I love our home, Kian. It’s perfect and everything I’ve ever desired. Thank you for giving it to me.”
“I meant it when I said we can stay here forever.”
“I know you did.”
Once we make it back inside and into the bedroom, I lay her on her side and climb in after her. She shifts closer, snuggling into me. It’s the best feeling in the world. One I will never take for granted.
“I love you, my little Rainbow.”
“I love you more.”
Iris
The sudden coldness in my body stirs me awake.
Shifting, I blink my eyes open to darkness. Reaching out, I find the other side of the mattress empty and panic.
Where did Kian go?
Tossing the blanket tangled around my thighs, I climb out of the bed. I step out into the hallway barefoot and go in search of Kian. Worry and fear make my mind spin, kicking away the sleep fog.
Moonlight trickles in through the glass walls, guiding me to the grand living room. On the wide L-shaped couch, my frantic gaze lands on Kian.
I suck in a relieved breath at the sight of his broad back.
When I trudge closer and round the couch, coming face to face with his front, a pang coils inside my stomach, spreading out everywhere.
He’s a heartbreaking picture of sadness and apprehension.
My knees go weak seeing my brute of a man like this.
His head jerks up, noticing my silhouette. Shaking off the stupor he was in, an anxious frown darkens his face. “Rainbow? Why are you out of bed? Did you have a nightmare? Shit. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”
“Hey,” I gently say, eating the distance between us. “I didn’t have a bad dream.”
“So, you’re okay?” he mumbles hoarsely, pulling me closer by my wrists and running his palms all over me.
I cover his hands with mine and climb onto his lap with my knees on either side of him. His fingers go to my hips, while I rub my palms up his chest. “Yes, love. I’m okay. Why are you out here?”
He swallows, not answering.
I study his handsome face underneath the moonlight. The stress lines crinkle the corners of his eyes, dark circles forming below.
Shame burns my cheeks as understanding dawns.
He’s been spending every day and night caring for me and neglecting himself. I was too wrapped up in my own grief to pay attention to his silent suffering.
He watched me almost die in his arms, and lived through a week without me while not knowing if or when I’ll wake up. Through all of it, he never had a chance to take care of himself.
It stops tonight.
“Have you been sneaking out here every night?” I ask. “Are you not able to sleep? You can tell me, Kian. I’m not in the same place I was a month ago. I’m so much better because of you. Talk to me.”
His fingers flex, breaths turning shallow as he silently watches me.
I wait, willing to stay up till morning if I have to.
“I can’t lose you, Iris,” he utters in a thick and scared tone. “I’ll die alongside you if you aren’t in this world anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see you bleeding in my arms. I had never felt so helpless. Why would you take that bullet for me? Why?”
“You were about to take one for me. How could you think I would’ve stood by and not tried to save you?”
“Because that’s not how it should be,” he heaves. “When it comes to choosing between my death and your life, you choose to live. Always put yourself first. That’s how it goes.”
“There’s no choice. I will always choose you. It’s all I’ve ever known.”
“Baby…”
“This is what love is, Kian. It’s putting the other person before you.
It’s willing to die for them, knowing they would do the same.
” Trailing my hands up to his face, I cup him and rasp, “Do you know what I’ve learned through all of this?
We only have right here and now. There’s no escaping death when it comes for either of us.
Until the day it does, I want to live every day with you like it’s the last.”
“I’m not living a day without you, Iris.” Caressing my lips, his loving gaze roams over every contour of my face, becoming softer and passionate. “You’re my world. My entire universe. If you don’t exist, how can I?”
“Show me.” He stills. He hasn’t touched me in months. I need it more than ever. So does he. “Fuck me, Kian. Kiss me. Take me as many times as you want until the fear of losing me is the last thing on your mind. I’m alive. I’m with you. And I’m not going anywhere.”
The craving to become one with me ignites in his steely eyes. Desire and naked love replace the sadness lurking on his face.
His grip sliding to my ass, he yanks me down and crushes his mouth against mine. My moan is instant, full of desperation and satisfaction. Twisting my hand in his shirt and grabbing the back of his neck with the other, I press even closer and let his tongue slip inside and kiss him deeply.
Contentment flares and flutters behind my ribs as I become drunk on his taste. The stroke of his wet tongue. The soft sucks and bites of his lips. The stubble on his chiseled jaw teasing my senses. The reverence in his passionate kiss.
It’s nothing short of him bringing me back to life.
Reigniting my heart and soul with hope.
Lightning up all the dead nerve endings inside me.
As the kiss grows wild and not nearly enough against the insurmountable need rising inside us, I drag my hands lower and slip under the hem of his shirt. My fingers graze his lower abs, making them tighten and flex.
Breaking apart for a second, he grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it off in one swift move. My name on his pecs comes into view, skyrocketing my heartbeat.
Bending my head, I run my tongue over the letters and kiss each one.
Above me, Kian groans.
Threading his fingers through my hair, he tugs my head up and captures my swollen lips with his hungry mouth. Opening wide, he tangles his tongue with mine and sucks hard. The suction goes straight to my clit.
Driving me senseless with his harsh kiss, his hands grasp the hem of my T-shirt and drag it upward and off my body after ripping his lips away.
Turning us sideways, we tumble onto the couch.