Chapter 12 Maya
Maya
Ethan added another helping of food before I could finish my first plate. I was already full, but now I am stuffed. I suppose that’s the point if they are trying to put weight on me.
Nick and Ethan are outside talking. I insisted on cleaning up the kitchen by myself.
I have a whirlwind of emotions right now and I need a task to focus on while I think.
I was scared to death when Nick showed up this morning.
He intimidates me so bad, but it hasn’t been as bad as I expected.
Everyone else seems nice and his mom is really funny.
I laughed again today. That might not seem much to many people but to me it’s an accomplishment. I’ve had more laughs in the last few days than I’ve had since Mama died.
Breakfast with Nick was interesting to say the least. No man has ever encouraged me to speak up and stand my ground with them and mean it.
My dad and his friends would dare me to do it but didn’t mean it in the way they said it. It was a means to manipulate me into falling for their trap so they could punish me for it.
“Whatcha got to say for yourself little girl?”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking too?”
“Talk to me like that again, I dare you.”
They humiliated and made a mockery of me.
As much as I want to believe that’s not the case here, my life has a track record of proving things too good to be true.
He called me a good girl for speaking my mind. I don’t even have the words to describe what that did to my insides. A shock to the core for sure. My insides felt like they were on fire, and not in a bad way.
And the prolonged skin to skin contact with him—I plan to revisit those thoughts at a later time.
Whatever he wants me to do undercover has got to be dangerous if I need self-defense training, right? I was too afraid to ask what my new role is going to be. It makes me wonder if he would offer me self-defense if he planned on hurting me. God only knows.
I’m optimistic, but also extremely cautious that things are starting to look up for me. I made a vow to myself to get out of the mess I made. If this is my opportunity to start a new life and have my freedom, I want to take it.
The butterfly that came to my room, I believe, was Mama’s way of saying she’s still here and looking after me. I just want to make her proud. I know she couldn’t stay, and I desperately wish there was a way I had a part of her to keep with me. My dad threw all her things away after she died.
I miss her so damn much some days it feels like my soul is screaming. Like literally trying to claw its way from my body to escape the pain. It’s utterly debilitating.
No kid should have to go through life without at least one parent who loves them wholly and unconditionally. I am thankful for the few short years I had Mama, even if I desperately wish I could’ve had more.
We can’t help situations that happen to us as children, but as adults, we can either let those circumstances make us or break us. I’m tired of being broken. I’m tired of being the victim. For far too long my situations have been out of my control.
The night I finally decided enough was enough was pivotal for me—a crucial turning point. I should’ve died, but Nick Ryker was there to intervene. Fate has weird ways of playing things out sometimes.
I’m a prisoner, but to what extent? I have an opportunity to get an education like I’ve always wanted. I’m not sure what I want to go for because I honestly never thought I’d make it this far. He said he would let me go when I’m done with the job he wants me to do.
Freedom is one of the few things I ever wanted for myself. If it takes as long as he says, maybe he would let me get a second job so I can save enough money to get an apartment when I leave.
I don’t think I want to be a nurse like Mama was. I could study marine biology or something similar. I’ve always liked animals more than humans. You expect them to act like animals. Humans on the other hand, well…most of them don’t have the sense God gave them.
“Hey, Rivers! Come out here!” Ethan shouts as I’m finishing up the dishes, breaking me from the endless train of circling thoughts. I pray one day to live life with enough confidence that I don’t have to constantly calculate, rationalize, and recalculate every decision I make.
Behind the house is a truck and trailer where a man is unloading the most beautiful black horse I’ve ever seen in my life. Not that I’ve seen many up close, but still, it’s gorgeous.
“Get your ass over here, girl.” Ethan grabs me by the hand and drags me towards the extra-large animal.
For the second time today I don’t flinch at a man’s contact.
“It’s beautiful.” I note the white blaze on the horse’s face. A beautiful contrast to his shiny black coat, mane, and tail. His tail is so long, it almost touches the ground.
“His name is Jester. It’s Prick’s, I mean Nick’s, new racehorse.” He gives me a devilish grin, but his eyes cut to Nick to see if he’s paying attention to his comments.
I eye Ethan cautiously, unsure if it’s wise to laugh at his comment even though it’s fitting.
He loves to make cracks at Nick about his personality and seems to get away with it.
I’d like to think Nick might be more bark than bite, but I’m still not going to let my guard down with him.
It’s very possible he lets him get away with it because of their family dynamics.
That and Ethan is a likeable person—unlike me.
“Here, put this in your hand and hold it flat so he can take it from you. Horses love peppermints.” He drops the candy into my shaky hand.
“Unless you want to spend the rest of your time here cleaning sheaths, I suggest you watch your mouth,” Nick chimes in.
Ahh, there he is. He was paying attention. His delayed reaction leaves me thankful that I didn’t laugh.
“What’s sheath cleaning?” I murmur out loud. Surely whatever it is can’t be that bad, right?
“Trust me, Rivers, you don’t want to know.” Ethan makes a face like he’s gagging.
The horse, having heard the rustle of the wrapper, already has his head turned towards me, eagerly waiting. I hold my hand flat. His lips tickle my hand as he gently takes the candy.
“Can I pet him?” I ask, my hand midair but I refrain from petting him just yet. I don’t have any experience with horses. I don’t know if they like that or not.
Ethan laughs. “Of course you can.” I reach out and stroke his soft mane. The horse looks me in the eye, and I swear he looks straight into my soul.
How can something so large and powerful look inside you and see you for who you truly are inside? I’ve heard that about horses and now I believe it. I slowly inhale, enjoying his scent. Who knew horses smelled so good?
“Come here, Maya.” Nick orders, now standing at the horse’s head, holding its lead rope in his hand.
I do as I am told.
“You’re going to lead Jester to the barn.” His eyebrows raise as he holds the rope closer to me, urging me to take it.
“Me? I don’t know how to lead a horse,” my voice stammers.
“There’s nothing to it. Take the rope and I’ll walk beside you.” My fingers tremble as I reach out to grasp the red braided line, causing my hand to brush against his. He looks up at me and his dark eyes meet mine. They’re not as black as they looked the first time I met him.
Geezus this man is so good looking, I think I’ve forgotten how to breathe. I’m not sure how much more contact my poor heart can take with him today before it beats out of my chest. With the way he is standing, he’s blocking the sun from my view, even though the rays radiate around him.
Look away, Maya. You’re playing with fire, and you’re going to get burned. I try, but I can’t bring myself to break his gaze. I’m Icarus, and he is the sun. Why does he have to be so hot and why is he still staring at me? My brain is short circuiting.
Because he’s waiting for you to lead the damn horse. I blink a few times, snapping out of my alternate reality where he’s the cat and I’m the prey he can’t wait to pounce on.
Metaphorically speaking, of course. I don’t want him to disembowel me or rip my head off. But I wouldn’t mind letting him dig his claws into my backside or sink his teeth into my neck.
Nick steps intimidatingly close to me, leans in, and whispers in my ear, “If you’re challenging me to a staring contest, cupcake, you should know that I will always win.
” His hot breath skates across my neck, sending goosebumps rippling over my skin.
That seductive voice emphasized way too hard on “always,” and I almost melted on the spot.
My breathing has become voluntary and I’ve just about forgotten how to do it.
I let out a long breath and slowly inhale, replenishing my oxygen-deprived brain before I pass out.
Now would be a great time for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
Heat flares in my cheeks and somewhere else.
I think I just might die of embarrassment.
“I’m…uh…I’m…sorry, I uh,” I stammer “I wasn’t trying to stare, I was just lost in my own thoughts.” Shit. Kill me now.
“Are we going to stand here all day or are we going to the barn?” Ethan’s impatient intervention couldn’t have come soon enough. I take the lead rope and start walking, trying not to show my level of discomfort.
In the barn, Nick hooks the horse to the crossties in the middle of the aisle. The guys teach me how to groom the horse. I brush his soft coat, mane and tail, and use a hoof pick to clean his hooves.
Nick comes to my side, with one arm tucked under the horse’s neck, stroking it.
“Winston Churchill once said there’s something about the outside of the horse that’s good for the inside of a man, and he was right.
If the things that you’ve been through were serious enough for you to want to take your own life, you could benefit from horse therapy. ”
I stop dead in my tracks, unsure of what to do or say. I’d be stupid to think this conversation wouldn’t happen eventually even though I hoped it wouldn’t.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you’re going to have do some healing on the inside before you come to work for me. That’s not negotiable.” He towers over me like the intimidating dominant male I first met.
Why does he want to corner me like this? I feel like a petulant child who is being scolded for their bad behavior, even though he told me there is nothing to be ashamed of.
“I’ve arranged for a private therapist to come here twice a week to speak with you.
You will also work with the horses every day as their personal caretaker.
You will feed them, bathe them, clean their stalls, and make sure they get their exercise.
Whether it be taking them to the walker, the pool, or to the track to be breezed.
Ethan will show you how to do everything. ” His tone is clipped and to the point.
His offer doesn’t sound bad. In fact, it’s more than reasonable and more than anyone has ever offered me, but I am not backing down from him. He told me not too.
“I appreciate the offer but there’s no need in ordering me around like a child. You can simply ask or discuss it with me.” Why are the hot ones always such assholes?
“Is that so, Maya? Don’t forget why you’re here.” Any trace of the mellow person he’s been all day is gone. My own temper flares in response.
“You won’t let me forget, will you? You seem to mention it quite often.” Why is it every time someone does something nice for me, they have to throw it in my face? I briefly consider stabbing him in the chest with the sharp end of the hoof pick then making a run for it.
“In order for you to heal, you’re going to have to face consequences and take responsibilities for your actions.” He stands tall and threatening.
Does he honestly think I haven’t struggled with that every single day? He can’t be fucking serious. I’m not cowering to him.
“I jumped off a fucking bridge to get away from assholes like you! Is that admission enough for you or should I say it again and again until it sinks in? I don’t owe you for saving my life, Nick, no matter how hard you try to spin it that way.
” I fight back the angry tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
“Jumping off the bridge wasn’t the only thing you did, Maya. What happened with your father? Why are the police looking for you? You were running from something.” His eyes darken, burning with rage.
“What happened with my father is none of your business.” It’s not anyone’s business but mine. I live with the scars nobody can see from what he did and allowed his friends to do to me.
“It’s not? Who took you in, gave you a new identity, opportunity, and is staging your death to cover up YOUR discrepancies? You should thank me.” His stare is so cold he could freeze fire.
Thank him? Fucking thank him? He’s delusional. I don’t owe anyone thanks for something I didn’t want.
“Again, I didn’t ask for ANY of it.” I throw my hands up, expressing my point even harder so maybe he will get it through his thick skull.
“You did all that without consulting with me. This is my life, I want a say. Why are you doing this to me?” I stand there dumbfounded, full of rage, anger, and sadness.
It was just a few short hours ago I was standing at the kitchen sink, hopeful for my future for the first time in my life and now it is all crashing down on me. Big fucking surprise.
“My apologies, ma’am.” He takes a stupid bow and I’d really like to kick him in the face. “Did you, or did you not, agree to work for me this morning as long as you could use your identity to enroll in classes after?”
“I did.” My voice trembles, oozing with regret. The atmosphere was so much different this morning. I don’t do well in hostile environments.
“I require the best from my employees. You’re going to have to manipulate people and pretend to be someone else to get information from dangerous people.
You’ll need to be you operating as the best version of yourself before you pretend to be someone you’re not.
Make no mistake about it, I’m not a nice person, cupcake, and if you’re going to do a job for me, I expect nothing less than your best as well.
That’s not negotiable.” His voice raises a few levels, affirming his seriousness.
“And if I refuse?” I tremble, more with anger than fear.
He stares at me for a few long seconds, no doubt choosing his next words wisely. “You won’t.”
He’s trying to call my bluff. Fuck him.
“Wanna bet? Take your stupid job and shove it up your ass. I’m out of here.” I storm off towards the house to get the few personal items I have. “Oh, and I’m not you’re fucking cupcake!” The tears finally fall.
“Rivers! Wait up!” Ethan calls from behind me.
I don’t look back as I pick up my pace and sprint towards the house. I’m leaving here and not looking back. To hell with them.