Eighteen
Lily
Iwake up to voices. My eyelids flutter open, and I look up and see Ethan looking disheveled, his face gray with bags underneath his eyes like he hasn’t slept in days.
He looks utterly broken.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Ethan falls to his knees, his shoulders shaking like a leaf in the storm. “I’m so sorry, Lily. I’m so sorry.”
“What for?” I ask.
When he lifts his teary gaze to me, he says, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Ethan—”
He leaps from the floor and rushes to my side. His strong arms pull me against his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he cries and buries his face in the crook of my neck. “Oh, God, Lily, I am so sorry.”
“Shh.” I hold him with whatever strength I have left and try to soothe him.
Ethan
I hold Lily so close that I know she can feel my heart breaking into a million pieces.
Lily pulls away and cups my face in her hands. My eyes roam over her face, and my lips tremble.
“I’m okay.” She tries to comfort me when I should be the one doing that for her. She wipes my tears away with the pad of her thumb.
“I promise, I’m okay,” she reassures me.
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I—I’m so fucking so-sorry,” I cry. My words tumble out with anguish. I wasn’t there for her when I should’ve been.
I pull her against me once again, wanting to hold her for a little bit longer.
“Lily.” I pull back and stare at her. “Could it be a mistake? A misdiagnosis?”
She forces a smile and shakes her head, giving me confirmation.
I suck in a breath. “No.”
She cups my face again with her cold hands, and tears fill her eyes. “I’m sorry you found out this way. I tried to tell you.”
“No.” I shake my head against her hands, not wanting to believe it. I look down at her and start to cry harder. I enclose her body with my arms as I cry into her stomach. I’m in pieces. “Please, don’t let this be true,” I whisper.
Lily
I do the one thing that always calms him down—running my fingers through his hair. “Hey. It’s going to be okay,” I manage, and my own tears start coming before I even finish the thought.
Clinging to one another, the only sounds that are heard are our heartbroken cries and the incessant beeping of the machines I’m hooked up to.
Every shuddering breath, sniffle, every little shake, brings back how foolish we were.
We’ve lost so much time because we refused to meet each other halfway.
Because we wouldn’t speak. Because we wouldn’t listen.
We are such stupid, fragile humans, learning the devastating cost of pride only after the damage is done, and letting raw emotion blind us.
He raises his head, and the sorrow on his face shatters me. An ugly sob erupts from my chest, and I jerk my head away.
With a tenderness that makes my heart ache, he takes my face in his hands. His thumbs brush the damp trails of tears sliding down my cheek.
“Hey,” he murmurs, his voice cracking. “Please. Look at me.”
I muster the strength to lift my eyes to meet his. “I am never leaving your side again,” he chokes out, the promise sounding like a vow torn from his very soul. “I know… I know I let you down before. But I swear to you, Lily, I will be whatever you need me to be.”
“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” I admit.
“Yes, we do. We’re going to fight this, and we are going to beat it.” He swallows hard and adds, “Together.”
And for the first time in a long while, I believe him.