Nineteen
Ethan
The relief washing over her beautiful face is a sight that sears itself into my soul. As long as there is air in my lungs, as long as my heart continues to beat, I will be whatever Lily needs me to be. A shield. A rock. A goddamn punching bag.
There has been this hollow ache, this gaping wound in my chest, ever since she asked for the divorce. Every single day since, my world has been a desolate wasteland. Lonely, dark, utterly devoid of the love and vibrant life she brought. God, I failed her.
Failed her in so many ways, in so many moments, months before and after the divorce. But now isn’t the time for what ifs or regrets. Now, I have to be present. I will be her present.
“I’m going to take care of you, Lily,” I promise, twirling strands of her hair through my fingers down to her cheek and chin.
A watery smile graces her lips. Before she can reply, the door opens. My head snaps back to see the rest of the family enter the room. Sam stands beside them, clutching Ollie, with Jack and Maddy trailing behind.
I then turn back to Lily. Her gaze flickers up to their faces in the doorway. Worry flashes across her eyes, a fresh wave of fear, before they snap back to mine, a silent, terrible understanding dawning.
Ollie witnessed her passed out and unconscious.
Olli’s tears have faded. Instead, the little man’s face breaks into a smile, and his entire body sags with relief at seeing Lily awake. “Mama!”
“Hi, sweet boy. Come here,” Lily’s voice breaks as she reaches out her hands toward Sam.
Ollie goes willingly into Lily’s arms. Lily hugs him tight, burying her face in his hair, rocking him gently. “I’m so sorry I scared you,” she whispers.
“It’s okay, Mama,” he whispers as he continues to cling to Lily as if she might disappear. He then looks up at me with earnest eyes and says, “Ethan saved you.”
A sudden tightness grips my heart. His words, so innocent and sincere, strike a deep chord within me. I struggle to find the right response, but all I can offer is a bittersweet smile, hoping it conveys how much his words mean to me.
Lily looks up at me, her gaze filled with gratitude, and silently mouths, “Thank you.”
I smile. “Always.”
Lily relaxes against the pillows with Ollie in her arms.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Coral asks, taking a step closer to the bed.
Lily takes a moment, her eyes meeting her mother’s, before she answers. “I’m slowly feeling better. The doctors say I can go home later today or tomorrow.”
“That’s a good sign,” Richard says, standing by her bedside. “You had us worried, Lilypad.”
“I know,” Lily replies. She manages a shaky breath. “But I’m going to be okay.” She then seeks out Maddy and Jake, her expression softening slightly. “I’m here. We’ll get through this.”
Maddy and Jake, their own faces pale and drawn, step forward and quietly sit on the other side of the bed, their presence a silent anchor.
I step away, needing a moment to process everything. The emotions are overwhelming, and I need a minute to pull myself together before I can face the reality of what this means for all of us.
Ethan
The emotions in that room felt like a vacuum, sucking the very breath from me, the searing heat of my own crushing regrets. It was all too much.
“Ethan?”
I snap my head up, my neck stiff, eyes gritty. Ebony stands a few paces away with a worried expression in her dark brown eyes, with Marcus beside her. His eyes, usually filled with easy humor, are wide with concern.
Before I can register the movement, he’s there. My legs, already betraying me, buckle, collapsing into the rock-solid embrace of his arms.
“I got you, man. I got you,” he rumbles against my ear.
Ebony gasps. “Is Lily okay?”
I try to speak, but my throat is dry like the desert. All I can manage is a shake of my head. Though I realized that the gesture might have unintentionally sparked concern. Seconds later, I hear the frantic scrabble of her shoes on the polished floor as she rushes down the hall toward Lily’s room.
Marcus eases me up, his grip firm on my bicep. “Let’s get some coffee, man.”
I nod like a puppet with broken strings. The journey to the cafeteria is a blur.
After placing our order, he leads me to a table tucked away in a corner.
I lower myself onto the hard plastic chair and look out the window.
It’s raining. A steady, insistent drumming falls against the glass, a gray veil descending over the city.
We’ve had days of relentless sunshine. The weather, at least, has the decency to align with the raw, throbbing ache in my soul.
I watch a single raindrop trace a winding path down the pane.
My fingers twitch to reach out and wipe it away, just like I used to wipe away Lily’s tears so easily.
My chest tightens. “She has cancer,” I rasp. The words have a dry, bitter taste on my tongue.
I feel it: the stiffening in Marcus’s broad shoulders, the way his jaw clenches, a muscle ticking beneath his skin. Marcus stares, his brown eyes clouded with a pain that mirrors my own.
My hands wrap around the warm ceramic mug. “Did you know? Did Ebony know?” I demand, my eyes boring into him.
If he knew about this, about Lily having cancer, and never told me… I wouldn’t forgive it.
His immediate, firm “No. Absolutely not,” is a sudden release, a gasp of air I hadn’t realized I was holding. The tension in my chest begins to unwind.
“Even if Ebony had known,” he adds, his voice softer, “she wouldn’t have said anything to me. She values her friendship with Lily above all else.”
I lean back, the plastic chair digging into my spine, allowing the pain to burn through every aching fiber of my heart. My hand, trembling, rises to my chest, pressing against the burning ache. “How can I fix this for her, Marcus? How can I make it better for her?” I plead.
He leans forward, his gaze unwavering, a fierce determination hardening his features. “You be present, Ethan. For her. For your kids. You love her fiercely. And you fucking stay.”
I nod, letting his words sink in, each one hitting me with the force of truth. A heavy silence hangs in the air, pressing down on my chest. Finally, I force myself to speak, knowing the next revelation will be even harder to face.
“It’s stage three cancer.”
Marcus squeezes his eyes shut. He shakes his head slowly.
His eyes finally open, full of despair. “I’m so sorry, man.
Wave your white flag,” he says, his voice barely a whisper but filled with an undeniable force.
“Surrender yourself to her. To your children. It’s time to be strong.
It’s time to be the man you were before. ”
I know exactly what he’s telling me.
It is time to give my queen, my Lily, the entire world.
A promise. One I will never, ever regret. And one I will fulfill until my last breath.