Chapter 21
Hallie
“So, you’re telling me you and James made out in our room while I was outside getting hammered and just when things were about to get fun, you panicked?” Roxie stared at me in disbelief as I packed sandwiches, chips, and fruit for all of us into a cooler.
I glanced out the French doors, motioning for Roxie to lower her voice. Sebastian and James were down by the docks, far enough from the house, but the mere thought of James overhearing this conversation made sweat break out across my forehead.
“And we are never talking about this again,” I stressed, glancing back at her. “You and I both know I can’t keep anything from you. So, I’d rather tell you and we can both pretend it never happened.”
Roxie stared at me like I’d lost my mind, and maybe I had.
I’d tiptoed down to the kitchen this morning, hoping to avoid any attention, especially from James. But when I saw James and Sebastian by the pool, I thought I could stretch out avoiding him a little longer. Instead, Roxie had walked into the kitchen and insisted we join them outside.
The forced smile plastered on my face and Roxie’s sudden silence made it clear we were both hiding something.
“Hallie, if you think I’m going to pretend that you sabotaging your chance at happiness never happened, you are sorely mistaken.” Roxie packed towels and sunscreen in a separate bag as she stared down from across the kitchen counter.
“Fine.” I tilted my head, studying her. The woman standing before me now, packing for a day by the water, wasn’t my best friend. She was acting strange, and I wasn’t going to let it slide. “Then tell me why you’re acting different since we arrived here? Since James first asked us to come?”
Roxie narrowed her eyes. But she didn’t immediately deny her strange behavior.
“If you spill yours, I’ll spill mine,” I tried.
“It’s Sebastian.”
“Did something happen between the two of you last night?” I asked.
Before this weekend, the two had only ever hung out once before.
I had been sitting next to her the entire time at the bar when they had met.
Nothing had happened then. So that couldn’t explain why Roxie had been acting weird before we even arrived.
“Nothing happened between us last night.” There was a finality to Roxie’s words, leaving no room for me to question her.
“So, what is it?”
Roxie looked like she wanted to fire my own words back at me. But instead, with a sharp intake of breath, she dropped a bombshell, the words hanging heavy in the air. “I’ve known Sebastian for some time.”
My mouth nearly unhinged. “What do you mean, you’ve known him for some time? The two of you introduced yourselves to each other at the bar.”
“Well, because I didn’t actually know his name.
” Roxie looked down at the contents of the bag she was packing.
“We had a one-night stand a few years back. I’d met him out at a club.
I think you were stuck at the office that night because you hadn’t come out with me.
It had meant nothing. Just scratching an itch.
I’d never expected to see his face again until he walked up to us that day in the bar with James. That’s it. That’s all.”
“Why didn’t you tell me after we left the bar? Why didn’t you tell me after James invited us here, and you knew you’d have to spend the entire weekend with him?”
Roxie laughed. “And give up the chance to spend Memorial Day weekend in the Hamptons? Not a chance.”
“You spent a while with him last night,” I continued. We always shared everything.
“We did. We had a conversation, Hallie. Just talked. About that night we met and about our lives. That was it.” Roxie raised an eyebrow. “It sure gave you plenty of time to get busy.”
“We’re not talking about me.”
“Well, we’re done talking about me because there’s nothing left to say,” Roxie replied. “So, all that’s left is you.”
The moment that Roxie crossed her arms over her chest, I knew I would not get out of this one.
“I don’t know what else there is to say.” I sighed. “I’m not even sure what’s happening. I can’t make sense of it.”
“Make sense of what?” Roxie walked around the counter, reaching out for me once she was close enough. “Not everything has to make perfect sense, Hallie.”
“We had a plan. A deal . Five dates. That was it.”
It was the same excuse I’d given James last night. It rang false then, and it rang false now.
Understanding dawned on Roxie’s face. “And growing feelings for each other was not part of that deal?”
“It wasn’t part of the deal,” I agreed.
“But that didn’t stop them from happening.”
“No, it did not.”
James and Sebastian were making their way back toward the house from the dock. Their laughter carrying through the open window above the kitchen sink.
Roxie stepped closer and lowered her voice. “But you don’t really care about any of that, do you? You don’t care that you had a deal. Because you like him. You like him and that scares you, so you’re using that as an excuse.”
Before I could fire back at her, James and Sebastian walked through the back door.
“Are you ready? The boat’s in the water.” If I had thought that I could ignore my feelings for James, it died the second that he flashed me that stupid, gorgeous smile.
“Let’s sail.”
If I thought James was attractive in a suit or dressed down in linen pants, shirtless while sailing was another level of hot .
For a man that worked in an office, he had a surprising amount of back muscles, the kind that rippled as he turned the sailboat in the correct direction to catch the wind.
A golden expanse of skin bunched and stretched with every movement, making my breath hitch in my throat.
But it wasn’t just about him. It was how free I felt, with my hair whipping around me and the salty scent of the ocean in the air.
In that moment, I couldn’t help but wonder why I had pushed James away the night before.
Why couldn’t I have it all? Why couldn’t I pursue my dream position and enjoy a relationship with a guy I wanted to be with?
“Do you want to try?” James shouted over the wind, pulling me from my thoughts.
I blinked, momentarily distracted by the sun sparkling off his skin. For a second, I worried I might have said my thoughts out loud. “Try what?”
“The boat, Hal. Do you want to sail the boat?”
“Oh, no,” I hedged. “I couldn’t possibly. I don’t know how to.”
James turned, a hand outstretched. “Come on. I’ll show you. Sebastian’s on the sails. You don’t have to worry about anything but catching the wind.”
“Come on, Hal ,” Roxie said from next to me. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
“I crash us?” I exclaimed incredulously. Roxie merely waved me off before she leaned in close.
“Catch the wind, Hallie.”
Then she shoved me. Straight into James’s arms.
“Woah, careful.” James’s arms tightened around me, and I couldn’t help but remember how it felt to be held by him last night. “No need to throw yourself overboard just so you can be in my arms again. All you had to do was ask.”
I wanted to roll my eyes and shove him off me. I wanted to feign annoyance at James’s overconfidence.
Instead, I let him hold me for a few seconds longer than necessary.
“Alright, I’ll give it a try. But if we crash and we all die, we can blame you for thinking this was a good idea.”
James only laughed as he positioned me in front of the wheel. His thumbs swiped back and forth on my upper arms.
Once.
Twice.
Just the simple swipe of his thumbs against my skin distracted me enough that I nearly missed his directions as he explained what side of the sails I would want the wind to catch and how much I needed to turn the wheel to steer the boat.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked one more time for good measure.
James paused, his gaze steady on mine. His voice was low, a quiet question in the wind. “Is it okay if I touch your arms to help you steady the wheel?”
I swallowed, a warmth spreading through me at his gentle request. The fact that he’d asked—especially after last night—meant more to me than I expected. Nodding, I breathed out a quiet, “Yeah, it’s fine.”
James then picked up my hands and placed them on the wheel of the boat.
“I believe in you, Hal.” I half expected him to step away, taking his warmth and his signature scent of spices with him.
But he didn’t. His hands moved from mine to my forearms, his chest pressing into my back.
It took everything in me to focus on the task at hand.
“This is my favorite part of sailing.” James leaned in tight. His lips brushed against my head, just above my ear. “Trying to be so in tune with the wind that you know exactly how to steer. Listening to the world around you, letting it be your guide.”
“I’m not sure how to do that,” I told him.
His grip on my forearms tightened. “Just close your eyes and focus on the direction of the wind. Where’s it coming from? You want the wind set up to go from right to left across the ship so it catches the sail. Close your eyes, Hal, and feel.”
With a shaky breath, I let my eyelids drift shut and did what James said.
I focused on the wind as it danced across my skin, blowing my hair back from my face, until I knew exactly the direction it was coming from.
For a moment, the world fell away as my senses focused in on the crash of the surrounding waves.
The sound of the front of the boat crashing in and out of the water and the roar of the wind in my ears.
I’d spent the last seven years in the city and had forgotten what it felt like to feel this free .
To not be chasing the next best thing. The next big story.
The next big promotion. Everything that I had once thought was so important felt menial now, with such beauty and freedom stretching out in front of me.
It made me wonder why I ever felt like I had to do something I didn’t want to, just to achieve a dream. Why I had to sacrifice so much to come up with so little? Suddenly, everything felt simple.
All I needed to do was steer myself in the right direction to catch the wind—to do the things I enjoyed.
To be with the people that I cared about and that brought me happiness.
If Anthea decided I wasn’t the right fit for the job after this series was done, then so be it.
I would figure out another way to achieve my dreams.
Sophisticate had always been my dream magazine to write for. But I loved showcasing great restaurants and people more. Reviewing food was the wind in my sails. I couldn’t lose sight of that and steer myself in the wrong direction.
I gently turned the boat in the direction I thought was best for the ship to catch the wind.
Sebastian let out a whoop from the bow of the boat as the sails fully extended with the wind.
Roxie cheered from behind us. James’s laugh, a rich, deep rumble, echoed through the air as he let out a whoop that mirrored Sebastian’s boisterous call.
The boat leaned with the wind as we picked up speed and I nearly fell over with the sudden change.
“Easy. Keep your feet wide and your core tight.” James pushed my feet apart to help give me a wider base as his hands dropped from my forearms to my waist to help steady me. “You’re sailing, Hal!”
A startled laugh bubbled up from inside of me. “I’m sailing,” I breathed as the boat tilted even further. “This is incredible!” I exclaimed.
Without thinking, I turned and threw my arms around James’s neck.
I felt him reach out to grab the wheel with one hand before he wrapped his free arm around my waist. I knew I was sending mixed signals after last night.
I thought putting some distance between us would make things easier.
But nothing about this situation was easy.
Truth was, I didn’t even know what I truly wanted.
The food critic position?
James?
The thing was, I’d just realized it might be possible to have both as I stood in James’s arms on his family’s sailboat. Although our backgrounds were worlds apart, and I’d initially judged him by his profession, his character consistently defied my expectations.
“Thank you,” I whispered into his ear as I squeezed him a little tighter. He only hesitated for a moment before whispering back, “Always.”