Chapter 12
Cat
“You’re awake.”
I sit up against the pillows and try to rub the sleep out of my eyes. “Sorry I fell asleep on y’all. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Were you arguing with someone? I heard Ava’s voice, she sounded pissed off.”
“Jay was outside. Your family wants to see you.”
“Oh.” I bite my lips, fidgeting with my sheets. I’m not sure I want to see them. I’m sure I’m not ready to see Kate. “What did you say?”
“I said no, but if you want to see them, I’m not going to fight you.”
“You’re not?”
“No.”
“After all this, why not? I would think you would be more adamant about me cutting all contact with them.”
“I don’t want you to feel so intimidated that you can’t tell me you want to see them. That’s one of the reasons you’re here—you not being able to talk to me about your family. The only thing I ask is that I’m there with you and they are not allowed near Jace.”
“That’s reasonable and understandable. So not like you.”
“I’ve learned a few things in the last month.” He brushes his thumb across my face.
“I’ll let you know if and when I’m ready to see them.”
“Let me know if or when you’re ready.”
“Where’s Jace? I woke up and he was gone, and so were you, I was a little scared. Then I heard your voice in the hall.”
“The nurses took him for tests.”
“Is he all right? What’s wrong with him? You should have gone with him.” I sit forward, nervous that something might be wrong with him.
“Nothing’s wrong, he’s fine. I went with him.”
I sink back on the pillows and close my eyes. I feel his hand brush against the side of my face.
“You okay?”
“I’m tired. I don’t know why, I’ve been in and out of sleep all day.”
“Your body went through a lot. It needs to heal. Sleep is good.”
I open my eyes and see him watching me intently, like he’s tracing every inch of my face with his eyes. I wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. I put my hand on his face and search his eyes for a clue to his sudden somberness.
“What’s wrong?” I say softly.
His Adam’s apple moves up and down, and in a raw, hoarse whisper, he says, “I was scared you wouldn’t wake up.”
His eyes turn to watery-gray pools. I put both my hands on the sides of his face and brush away the moisture under his eyes with the pads of my thumbs. This is new. I’m usually on the receiving end of this.
“Is my man crying?” I say with a smile and a hitch in my voice. I can feel a change in the room. The air around us is unmoving and quiet, waiting for us to take its cue. “My man doesn’t cry.”
“Yes he does; when he thinks he’s never going to see the only woman he has ever truly loved ever again.
” Tears run down the side of his face. I wipe them away with my fingers, seeing a vulnerability in his eyes that tugs at my heart.
“I’m crying for you. Everything I wanted, was so close to getting… and almost lost.”
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise. Promise me you won’t leave me.
Don’t ever leave us. This life is not a life without you, a life without you is where I will cease to exist.” Eyes locked on each other, my throat painfully constricting to stop my tears, his pleading with me with his forehead pressed against mine he implores, “Promise me—”
“I promise.” A sacred promise that won’t be broken.
I press my lips against the tears of his distress, and with the tears he cried for me on my lips, I kiss each of his eyes and each corner of his mouth.
I tell him with all the overflowing love I have in my heart and with a deep emotional conviction I have only begun to feel that threads through the fibers of my soul, “I love you.”
“I love you more than you will ever know.” He says it broken and weary. I can only imagine what he has gone through in loving me through this time of doubt and uncertainty.
Our lips come together in a soft, undemanding touch of a kiss, and I swear, in this moment, time stands still, with a promise spoken and sealed with a kiss.
The door opens, the air moves, and time is no longer still. Ava comes in. Seeing us, she quickly says, “I’m sorry I’m interrupting. I’ll come back later.”
“I was just going to check on Jace. Stay.” He pulls away from me with his head bent, he clears his throat and walks past Ava.
“Is he okay?”
I look at her sitting next to me and quietly compose myself from the inside out. “Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yep. What’s up with you?”
“Nothing. You don’t want to listen to my trivial drama. What you have going on makes me feel a little guilty about the things I call problems.”
I wrap my hands around her wrist and pull her to me. “Tell me your problems. I need to take my mind off mine for a while. You’ll be helping me.” She lets out an overly exaggerated sigh and tells me what Chris said in the hall.
“Did something happen between you?”
“When you were out of it, we hung out in the hospital a lot. Once, out of nowhere, I broke down, I thought I was going to lose my best friend. I’m lying, I was crying all over the place from the moment Gage told me you were in the hospital.
I was over the moon ecstatic when you woke up.
Every time I saw Jace I was crying, thinking what if he never gets to know how great his mother is.
I was full-on Tammy Faye scaring the kid.
Thank goodness Chris was there to lead me away and tell me you were going to wake up, because there was no way you were going to leave him alone with your dumbass family.
” She takes a deep breath, looks up, and fans her hands in front of her face.
Ava hardly ever cries. “I’m here. It feels good to know I’d be missed.”
“You would be more than missed.”
She surprises me and throws her arms around me, crushing my body to hers. I smile and pat her back. “Tell me, did you kiss?”
“Yes, but it was different this time.”
“How?”
“We were sitting in his car, looking up at the sky. He leaned in and kissed me, and I just let it happen. No buildup, no me manipulating the situation. It was me and him, and it was…it was, different. It was good.”
“Nothing else happened?”
“No. I said goodnight, gave him a very polite kiss on the cheek, and went inside.”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah, it was. I think I blew it in the hallway. It’s all shot to hell now.”
“No, it’s not. Watch and see. Let it play out, let him see the side of you I see all the time, the side you’ve been showing him. Not just the balls to the wall, take no shit side. He won’t be able to help but to fall for you. All Spice who?” She throws her head back and laughs, high-fiving me.
“No, it’s Old Spice. All spice is her little sister and Sazon is her cousin, okaaay?”
I’m laughing so hard I feel lightheaded. Ava, Ava, Ava. How can you not love her?
A week later the doctors have run all the tests on me they need to.
I’m released from the hospital, but Jace has to stay another week.
I was not happy about that, neither was Nick.
I tried not to lose it and scream at everyone in there.
Knowing I was on the edge, Nick tried to calm me down by not making a big deal out of it, reassuring me he was in good hands.
We put my stuff in the car and sat in silence for thirty minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“This doesn’t feel right.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“Nick, I’m not leaving him alone in here.”
“What do you want to do?”
“We are going to go back in there, and you’re going to make them let us stay by any means necessary. Use your connections, do what you do. We are not leaving this hospital without one of us being with him. Whatever it takes.”
“You are more like me than you know,” he says, sounding amused.
“Then we’re a perfect match. Let’s go see our son.”
“Let’s go.”
It didn’t take much convincing on Nick’s part for them to let one of us stay with Jace till he was released a few days later.
They were glad to get rid of us, and we were more than overjoyed to leave.
Jace’s homecoming was actually mine, too.
Even though I was released days before him, I only came home to shower and change my clothes.
I was exhausted when we came home. I was grateful Nick was home to help me adjust to our new life with a newborn baby.
We didn’t have visitors for the first two weeks.
We needed the time to bond as a family. I didn’t want to share Jace.
I missed his birth and a lot of time being with him when he was born. I just wanted it…this time to be us.
Every day I fall in love with him more and more.
God help the little girls out there; he has his father’s eyes and me wrapped around his little finger.
I’m enamored by everything about him, and so is Nick.
He’s more interesting than any television show.
Late in the night, Nick will get up, feed him, and end up playing with him. He calls it Daddy-and-me time.
My family has tried to contact me through Chris, but the only two people I’ve talked to are Chris and Vanessa. I’m still recovering mentally, and not ready to deal with my family.
Chris gave me a letter Kate wrote to me. It took me a while to work up the nerve to open it. Nick wanted me to throw it in the trash. He wasn’t happy with Chris for giving it to me. When I decided to open it, it wasn’t a long letter—less than half a page.
Cat,
You will never know how deeply sorry I am for everything. I never meant to put your life or Jace’s life at risk. I saw a picture of him, he’s a cute baby, and hopefully one day soon I can get to meet him. I understand if you don’t want that.
I’m getting help for my issues, seeing a therapist twice a week.
I’m learning to take responsibility for the things I’ve done.
The things in my life that I’m unhappy with, not you or anyone else caused them.
My hope is one day we can be the way we used to be—no, better than that.
Not only sisters but friends. I will be truly and forever sorry for the things I did and said to you.
Mom hasn’t been the same since you were in the hospital.
The day of your accident, she really wanted to start over and be a part of your life and her grandson’s.
She didn’t have anything to do with the terrible, unforgivable things I caused.
I know, out of anyone, I don’t have the right to ask anything of you, but could you please consider letting her reach out to you in any way you see fit?
Your sister, and hopefully one day, friend.
Kate
After reading her letter, I cried for ten minutes straight. I was an emotional mess. I didn’t expect it to affect me in this way. But I had no time to dwell on it, because Jace started wailing for his bottle.
I’ve been considering her request for weeks, and nothing has come to me yet.
It’s October, Nick has gone back to the office part-time, and the rest of the time he works from home, helping me with Jace.
He’s a hands-on Dad. We are together and happily committed to each other.
Even on my worst days, the days I break down for no reason at all, I’m thankful to be able to share this life with my men, the two people that mean more to me than anything else in this world.
We have fought a long, hard road to get to where we are.
I’m not saying it’s perfect—it’s not; but it’s our perfect.
Like when we came home from the hospital, he drove me crazy.
He’s never taken time off from work, and I thought it was going to be great, my new baby, my loving man home with me all day.
What could be better? I wanted to push him out the door after the first two weeks.
I’m telling you, Jace even rolled his eyes at him.
But I’m grateful to him for not once giving up on me.
He took care of me—of us—like he’s always done—with single-minded determination.
He watched over us and protected us. He’s the love of my life.