Chapter 13
Cat
October
One day after putting Jace down for his afternoon nap, the bell rings as I’m getting ready to make lunch. I’m taken aback when I hear my dad’s voice. I buzz him up and meet him at the door.
“Hi, Dad.”
“I wasn’t sure you would see me. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.” He smiles at me, uncertain, standing in the doorway.
I move back and smile. “Come in.”
He steps in and looks around, turning to me. “Is Nick here?”
“No, he went to work, he’ll be home later. What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced. I know you’re probably busy being a new mom. I just wanted to see you.” He looks around, clearly ill at ease. “How are you doing?”
“Good. How are you?”
“I’m not doing badly myself. How’s Jace?”
“He’s doing great. Healthy appetite, sleeping through some nights.” I smile and fold my arms around my waist. He’s never seen Jace, but he says his name like he has, with familiarity.
“You don’t look like you just had a baby, you look good.”
“Thanks. A month of uninterrupted sleep and a steady diet of liquid sustenance. I can’t take too much credit for that, it wasn’t voluntary.” He makes a face and looks away from me. “Sorry, bad joke. I wanted to lighten the mood.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I do. I’m sorry I didn’t step up and be a better father to you when you needed me to be.
I was unfair and stubborn. I should have given you a chance and listened to you before making up my mind.
The situation now is different from what it was back then.
I was wrong for treating you the way I did.
You’re my daughter, and I love you. I could have lost you.
You were in the hospital, and I couldn’t even blame Nick for keeping you away from us.
He loves you a lot, I understand that. Give me another chance, and I promise I will be a better father than this past year. ”
“Dad…” I’m choked up by his words. “I can’t remember when you haven’t been a good father to me. We’re not perfect, we’re all allowed to make mistakes. As long as we recognize them and try to do better it’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.”
“I recognize them. I’ll do better.” Taking a breath and exhaling he says, “I better get going, I’m sure Nick doesn’t want to come home and see me in his living room again.”
“Do you want to see your grandson?”
“Yes, I would.”
I take him into Jace’s room where he’s sleeping.
“I saw pictures of him from Chris. They don’t do him justice.”
“I don’t think so either, but I’m biased.”
“You have a right to be.”
“Do you want to hold him?”
“Are you sure? He’s sleeping. I know how hard it is to put a little baby to sleep.”
“Don’t worry about it. Chances are he won’t wake up.”
“If you’re sure?”
“Go ahead, I know you remember how to do it, Sasha’s not that old.” He scoops Jace up like an expert, holding him to his chest. It’s a good feeling to see my father in my home holding my son.
“He looks like you.”
“I think he looks like Nick.”
“He looks like him, too, but he has a bit of you in him.”
He kisses Jace on the forehead and places him back in the crib, still asleep, and I walk him to the door. “I’m going back to the office.”
“All right.” We stand there in awkward silence. I know he wants to say more.
“Can I come see you and my grandson again?”
“That would be nice.”
“I’ll make sure I call first.”
“Okay.”
“Can I ask for something else?”
“What?”
“Can I have a hug, if you don’t mind?”
“You don’t have to ask. I would love that.” Without hesitation he wraps me in his arms in a hug so tight I can hardly breathe. It’s like I remember, and it’s good.
“Are you happy, baby girl?”
“Very.”
“You deserve it,” he says, his voice sounding hoarse.
“Thanks, Daddy.” Kissing my temple, he lets me go and steps back. I make a decision in that second, getting emotional. “Tell Mom I said hi. Maybe I’ll call her sometime.”
He nods his head with a ghost of a smile. “I will. She would be elated to hear from you.”
When Nick gets home, I tell him about my day and my dad.
“I had a visitor today,” I say, sitting down, folding Jace’s blanket at the kitchen table where Nick’s reading some papers. “My dad came by.” He looks at me and puts the papers down.
“He just showed up?”
He doesn’t sound angry, which is good. “He said he was sorry to drop in on me without calling but he wasn’t sure I would want to see him.”
“Then he should have called. What did he want?”
“Are you upset he came over? If you are, there is no reason for me to tell you the rest.”
“Angry? That depends on what he said.”
“He wanted to know how I was doing and the baby. He apologized for the things that happened. He said he was sorry for not giving me a chance. For not being a better father and failing me when I needed him.”
“He said that?”
“Yep. Like you are now, I wasn’t expecting him to say any of those things.”
“He needed to say that—and more.”
“I let him see Jace.” I wait to see his reaction to this. He doesn’t show any, so it’s safe to continue. He said he would support me if I wanted to see my family, but sometimes he can be like a rattlesnake when it comes to me and Jace. You can’t be too certain what he’s going to do.
“I was emotionally overwhelmed to see my father holding his grandchild. He told me he loved me, and he asked if he could come by again to see me and Jace.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yes. If you’re not okay with it I won’t let him see Jace.”
“I’m okay with your father coming here, preferably when I’m not. I’m fine with it.”
Meaning my mother and Kate are not welcomed.
I understand that completely. “It was weird; he wanted to hug me, but it was like he needed my permission. It was never like that with us. He would give me the biggest hugs, no hesitations, and call me his baby girl. I missed him a lot, I didn’t realize how much until he showed up at the door. ”
“Understandable, you were close.”
“He asked me if I was happy. I said yes. He said I deserved it.”
“You do.” He reaches across the table, taking my hand and pulling me on his lap.
“You can see your family if you want to. I can’t stop you.
I don’t want Jace near your mother or sister.
I don’t want you alone with them, but I can’t stop you.
If you choose to see them, be careful, and don’t do it alone.
I almost lost you once, and I don’t think I can survive another situation like that. ”
I kiss him and agree. This is good; I wasn’t sure what he was going to say when I told him my father was here. “Jace has an appointment tomorrow, do you think you’ll be able to come?”
“I’m going to be in court. Call me if anything comes up. I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s gained a lot of weight. You wouldn’t know looking at him he was premature.”
“I know. He eats so much I worry I’m overfeeding him. I’m not on the schedule I should be on.”
“Let him eat if he wants to. Don’t starve my child.”
“That will not happen. He’s like his daddy—by the time he lets out the first shout you better have the bottle ready. He’s the sweetest baby but you don’t want to get on his bad side.” I smile and he chuckles.
“Don’t forget it. That’s my son.”