Chapter 18
Cat
After yesterday, I know what I have to do. I can’t go see my family with Nick. Someone’s going to get hurt. I promised him I wouldn’t be alone when I told them. There is only one thing to do that doesn’t break my promise—give them a call.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, Catherine.”
She’s still so formal.
“This is an unexpected call.”
“Yeah. How are you doing?” I’m nervous I can feel the pulse beating in my ear.
“I’m well.”
“And Dad?” I miss my dad. I miss his hugs, the way he’d scoop me up in his arms and call me “baby girl.” The look in his eyes in the hospital when I couldn’t deny being with Nick told me I’m not his baby girl anymore.
“He’s doing well.”
I want to know about Kate, but I can’t bring myself to ask. Now wouldn’t be the right time, considering the news I’m about to drop on them. After what Nick told me last night, I know this is going to be harder on her than I previously thought.
“Why haven’t you called till now, Catherine?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. A lot of things were said the last time we saw each other. You and Dad were really upset. I figured if you wanted to speak to me you would call, and you never did.”
“You’re calling now. Is there a reason for this call? Did you realize we are your family and you did and said things that were hurtful to others? Are you ready to apologize to those of us who you have hurt the most?”
Uh, really? “I am sorry. I am truly sorry, Mother, for those of you I have hurt. It was never my intention, I’m sorry.” What about her apology for the hurtful things she said to me? I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for one that won’t come.
“That’s a start in moving past the hurt and betrayal you’ve visited on this family.”
Unbelievable. I made the right decision by not going over there with Nick. He would have wheeled me right back out the door as soon as she said the word apology. Let me get this over with.
“Is Dad there?”
“He won’t be home till much later. There’s a big real estate deal he’s been working on.”
“There is something I wanted to tell both of you together but I guess you can tell him and the rest of the family.”
“What is it? I hope it’s something good; this family can use good news. We’ve been hit hard by…well, you know.”
You’re going to be disappointed. There is no good way to say this to her. “I’m pregnant. I’m living with Nick. It’s his baby.”
She gasps, glass drops in the background, and in my head I can see her hand covering her mouth. She was probably drinking something, Sophie is going to have to clean that mess up. Too bad she can’t clean my mess of a life up.
Her voice is panicked and high-pitched when she finds her voice to speak.
“Good God, girl! Does all he has to do is touch you and your legs fall wide open with a welcome sign? Are you even thinking about Kate? This is going to crush her again. Like this family doesn’t have enough to deal with because of you and him—dredging up old wounds and digging even deeper new ones.
You’re single-handedly tearing this family apart.
What the hell is wrong with you, are you stupid?
You didn’t hear a word I said when I told you my tragic story.
You’re going to get exactly what you’re looking for with that one.
Good luck! You’re on your own.” And then there’s a dial tone.
I burst into tears, clutching the phone against my ear. She hates me.
After an hour of crying and the ringing in my ears stops from her screaming at me, I call Nick. I couldn’t let him hear me in the state I was in. When he answers I try to sound cheery.
“Hey, you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“How do you know?”
“I can hear it in your voice. I know when something’s wrong with my girl.”
I sit back in the garden while a warm breeze blows around me and clear blue skies with big fluffy white clouds float by.
Being up here makes me feel good. It’s the place Nick and I first made love…
second, if you count the back of the car.
I like to think of it as the first. It’s our place, all good memories.
I close my eyes and open them, nothing like spring in the city.
People laughing and yelling, cabs honking, kids playing, different smells wafting through the air.
It’s enough to drown out my mother’s shrill voice in my head.
I’m glad it’s not hot enough for the smell of hot garbage to waft past my nose.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
“I called my mother and told her.”
“She didn’t take it well.”
“I felt like I was standing in the middle of a beach in a tsunami. It was brutal. I should have expected it. Silly me for having the tiniest hope things might change.”
“Why didn’t you wait for me to come home?”
“It was better this way. It’s over with, and I don’t have to hide anymore. Chris doesn’t have to pretend he doesn’t know.”
“You should have waited for me. I wanted to be there with you.”
“I’m fine. Well, that’s a lie. I’m not.”
“They’re your family, but if they can’t be supportive, I don’t think it’s good for you to be around them. You should be happy you’re having a baby.”
“I am.”
“You don’t sound happy. You sound like you’ve been crying. You’re not happy when your family is mentioned or you’re thinking about them. If they can’t accept you being pregnant and being with me, it’s best for you and the baby to stay away from them.”
“You’re probably right. I don’t want to have to defend myself and my decision being with you until I have this baby. If they can’t accept it, then I’m going to have to let it go.”
“I’m sorry. I know you wanted it to go differently.”
“We can’t get everything we want. I’ll see you when you get home.”
“Love you.”
“I know. Bye.”
A week later, on my way home from work, I’m stunned when I see the name on my phone.
It’s my mother. I thought about not answering it and sending it to voice mail.
I didn’t need to hear any more of what she said to me.
I’m still trying to forget it. I don’t know why, but something made me answer—call me a glutton for punishment.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Catherine.”
“I’m surprised to hear from you. Last week you told me I was on my own.”
“Your father and the rest of the family have talked about the unique situation this family is now posed with. We would like to see you and talk about this.”
“Talk about what exactly?”
“See if we can come together and work things out as a family.”
“Well, this is unexpected.”
“Can you come over this evening?”
Nick wouldn’t like that. “I think it would be better if you came to my place.”
“I don’t know if that is a good idea.”
“It’s not possible for me to come to the house.”
“We’ll come to see you, then. What time would be best?”
“Around seven o’clock.”
“Okay. Fine.”
“Mom, is Kate coming too?”
“No.”
“You can get the address from Chris. Bye.” I didn’t think Kate would come.
I’m relieved; I’m not looking forward to that confrontation.
All I have to do now is call Nick and convince him to let them come into the house.
He’s not going to be happy. I try to sound as upbeat as possible when he answers.
“Hey, babe,” I half yell into the phone.
“Why are you so perky? Did you win the lotto?”
I overdid it. Dial back on the perky next time, Cat. “I didn’t win the lotto. Something close to winning the lotto, though—a-one-in-a-million-type thing happened.”
“What is that?”
“My mom called; her, my dad, Jay, and Chris want to come over to talk.”
“No.”
“Nick—”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want you alone with them. I don’t want them in my house.”
“Your house? I thought it was our house?”
“It is our house. You know what I mean.”
“I won’t be alone. Chris will be there too.”
“I’m not worried about Chris. I’m worried about your mother and Jay. Your mother doesn’t like me, and I’m not over the way Jay disrespected and manhandled you. What is he going to do now that you’re carrying my child?”
“Nick, please, they’re my family, and if there is a chance for us to work out our differences, I want it to happen.
I would like for my child to have both sets of grandparents in his life, a whole family.
My family is having a hard time right now.
They’re not bad people, you know this. You know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or the baby. They just want to talk. Please?”
“I don’t like it. Is Kate going to be there?”
“No.”
“I’m going to call Chris. I want to be there. What time are they coming?”
“Seven o’clock.”
“I’ll try to be there by then. I have a late meeting with a client, but I’ll try to speed it up. This is the last chance they’re getting from you, do you hear me?” His voice is gruff and firm.
“Yes. Thank you for understanding.”
“I don’t like it, but if it will make you happy, I’ll give them one more chance to get their shit together for you.”
“Don’t worry, this will be good for all of us.” Please, Lord, let it be true.
Forty-five minutes after my family arrives, we exchange awkward hellos but no hugs.
I’m sitting in the bathroom of our bedroom, holding toilet tissue over my eyes, willing myself to stop crying before Nick comes home.
Too fucking late. The doorknob turns and I throw the tissue on the floor, my heart racing.
I pop up off the toilet seat like an overdone pop tart with my head down.
“Hey, babe, I was on my way out.” I try to walk past him as I talk. He blocks the door with his body and holds my chin up. I keep my eyes down afraid to look at him.
“What’s going on?” His voice is firm and steady like his hand on my face.
I don’t look up. I answer and try to move my face out of his hand. “Nothing’s wrong. Something was in my eye and I splashed some water on my face to get it out.”
“Do I look like a fool, Cat?”
He’s going to hit the roof if I tell him. I couldn’t believe it myself when she said it.
“You were crying. Did they do something to you?” The crease lines form in his forehead, and he lowers his eyes to mine. “Was it Jay?”