Chapter 9
I never fully understood the feeling of terror. How deep it could go, how fast it could change us, how crippling it felt. Terror can protect or destroy us with equal fervor.
I sat on the bed, not daring to tear my eyes from the door. I kept listening for any movement outside, but there wasn’t any. Ilion wasn’t a crime hub. Burglaries and murders weren’t common around here. Students like to shoplift booze for fun, but that’s about it.
Not too long ago, mom sent me the news about one of the private universities in Rayville.
An armored minivan stopped at the main entrance of the university and whoever was in the car shot up the first floors.
Over a hundred people were killed, and around three hundred were injured. The minivan was never found.
Some said the chancellor owed money to the wrong people and the attack was a warning. That’s because the attackers didn’t shoot at the windows to his office overlooking the main street, right above the main entrance sign.
Some said it was a payback from the enemies of rich kids’ families for their misdeeds.
Theories and gossip came out in droves, overlapping and mixing up, so I just stopped reading about it and decided to wait for a formal statement.
I put the ring on my left index finger, but it was too large. So I moved it to my middle finger and rolled it with my thumb like Justin often did .
I looked down and noticed the blue planner on the floor. I picked it up and put it on the desk. I sat on the bed, playing with the ring and looking at the planner intently.
My curiosity got the best of me, so I picked it up and opened the planner to a random page.
His handwriting was hard to read. Every word he wrote looked more like a signature. Some words were crossed out and new ones were written over them.
So precious, vivid, so profound,
Your eyes are glowing, darkness-bound.
They call, they beckon, tantalize,
Two wild storms spelling my demise.
Like flowing sprays of silky willow-trees,
Your locks cascade in lovestruck breeze.
Those gentle, supple lips
Would bring a peach to shame.
Your dainty, loving hands
In mine I wish to claim.
I could feel anxiety drawing near like an ominous stranger. I closed the planner and ran my hand across it, stroking it like the pages could feel something. The gears in my head were grinding feverishly, looking for the right choice I’d already made.
I left the planner on the bed and went to the door. Resting my hand on the handle, I unlocked the door but couldn’t bring myself to open it. My heart was pounding in my chest at the uncertainty waiting on the other side. I opened the door and stepped into the hall.
The hall was quiet and empty. Silence felt tense, suffocating. I wondered if I really heard it wrong. Maybe nothing bad’s really happening and I was overreacting .
I turned left and kept walking down the hallway.
I looked back before turning right and still saw no one there.
I headed to the exit and suddenly noticed a guy in checkered shirt and jeans sprawled on the floor.
He was lying face down. An opened glass bottle lied next to him.
Some of the yellow liquid spilled out and soaked the dirty carpet.
He looked like he’d got drunk and passed out before he got to his room. That wasn’t uncommon in the dorms. Many could already be drunk by lunchtime. The reason for it? Weekend was a good enough reason to have a few drinks with friends.
As I came closer, I began to worry he’d suffocate or choke on his own vomit.
I crouched down beside him and pulled at his right shoulder, trying to help him sit up.
He was so heavy I couldn’t even stir him at first. I had to get on my knees and brace myself.
Gripping him tightly, I lifted the guy a little in one swift motion and turned him on his back.
He fell face-on, and I was met by his eyes frozen in sheer horror. Wide-open. Empty. Lifeless.
His face was pale, twisted in fear.
I staggered back, hitting the wall behind me.
My gaze fell on the knife stuck deep in his chest. I covered my mouth, too afraid to let out a scream.
I lost my voice. It was stolen by the eyes that witnessed death itself as fear was spreading through my body like poison, leaving me voiceless.
My heart was racing, screaming for me to “run away, run as fast as you can.” My body was shaking helplessly, my brain was felt scrambled.
I thought I could hear footsteps, as if someone was approaching. I quickly turned my head and saw Lea.
Pressing a finger to her lips, she held out her left hand to me. She didn’t look scared, more like tense and alert.
She waved for me to follow her. I got to my feet carefully, still looking at the body when Lea gripped my arm and dragged me with her .
Lea was walking slowly and quietly. She’d turn to me whenever I stepped on a creaky floorboard, gesturing for me to keep it down.
She came to a stop at a wall by the spiral staircase leading outside.
My brain screamed for me to run and I was about to do just that when we heard men’s voices and someone’s quiet sobs downstairs.
I couldn’t decide if they were coming from a man or a woman.
The pulse ringing in my ears was distracting me, muffling all other sounds.
Lea got on her knees and began crawling quietly. Trying to keep calm and avoid looking at what was going on downstairs, I did the same.
Passing the stairs, we crept softly down the hall. I saw another guy’s body, but Lea only shook her head grimly.
We caught sight of many more bodies on our way. Some of them looked familiar, others I’d never seen before. Every right turn, every hallway felt like torture. My anxiety would reach its peak every time we stumbled upon a body, dissipating each time I realized it wasn’t Justin.
Whenever I saw a girl’s body, I’d pray it wasn’t Bell. I felt guilty whenever relief washed over me. How could I feel relieved at a sight of a human being humiliated, robbed and turned into nothing. All of them used to be somebody.
I kept telling myself they were alive. Justin was alive. Bell was alive. Lea could make it, I could make it, and they could, too.
We were about to take the fire escape staircase when we heard men’s voices bouncing off the concrete walls. We froze, listening closely. The clatter of boots going up the steps echoed off the hollow walls.
They’re going up.
Lea slowly opened the door to an auditorium next to the stairs, peeking inside. She went in and I quickly followed her .
The auditorium was small. Nothing but a few desks and chairs inside. We were on the fourth floor. There’s no way we could jump and make a run for the forest.
There was nowhere to hide!
Panic overtook my mind, I couldn’t think straight any more. I wanted to scream. To run. Bawl my eyes out. Do anything to avoid them.
“Pull the chairs right up and curl up on them. The front of the desk will hide you.”
Lea’s whisper pulled me out of a trance.
I watched Lea make her way to the back and squeeze herself under one of the desks while lying on the chairs. I did the same, ignoring the buzzing in my ears. We curled up in the fetal position and looked up at each other.
The voices were close enough for us to hear what they were saying clearly. They were standing outside the door.
I tried listening in on their conversation, but then the door flew open with a crash, startling me. I barely held back from knocking my elbow on the desk, dooming both myself and Lea.
I gave her a fearful look. Her face was expressionless. She held her index finger at her lips.
It was shaking.
A chair flew over my head, hitting the wall and landing next to me.
“Well, where the fuck are they? I’m tired of chasing them. The chickenshit pussies scattered all around the place.”
“If you keep yelling and making noise, we’ll never find them. So shut your mouth and make yourself useful.”
I heard one man shove the other.
“You shut your mouth. I don’t give a shit that he changed his mind last minute. That wasn’t part of the deal.”
The other man sighed heavily.
“What? Am I wrong? Say it to my fucking face. Say it! ”
“Shut the fuck up already. If we don’t do as he says, we’ll not just lose the money, we’ll lose our lives.”
“What’s he gonna do to us? What can he do to me? He can come over here and chase these pigs himself.”
He took a few steps towards us.
Nothing could calm my quivering body. It wouldn’t stop. It’s like it wasn’t even mine anymore.
“What’s he gonna do? Wanna know what he did to Liam’s team? He killed them. Every single one. His snipers offed both Liam and all his guys the same day he crossed him. We had a choice before we made a deal with him. And now we fucking don’t. Now, quit whining like a bitch and do your job.”
The first guy loudly spat on the floor. I heard them leave the auditorium. Their steps and voices were moving away.
Lea quietly got out, moving the chairs carefully. My body grew stiff. I didn’t want to leave, but I forced myself to keep going. Lea came to the door, opened it soundlessly, waited for a few moments and took a peek outside.
It’s clear.
We went to the stairs. It was hard to keep walking slowly. I wanted to bolt out of there, but Lea stopped me, whispering for me to keep it as quiet as possible. We could hear them any time, but they couldn’t find out we’re here.
We got to the second floor and Lea headed into the hall.
“We can escape.”
“No.”
She shook her head.
“Why?”
“They surrounded the building. We won’t make it to the forest. We have to hide with the others and wait until help gets here.”
Are they still alive?
We went down the hallway until we reached the library .
She carefully opened the door and we got in. A smell of books and mildew greeted us.
Lea closed the door quietly and came up to me.
“Whisper if you need to say something, but it’ll be better if we stay quiet.”
I saw eyes peeking from the shelf stands. They were watching us.
“They’ve searched the place once already, but it doesn’t mean they’re not coming back. If they return, get on the floor and don’t move. We moved a couple of stands to the windows, but you’d better stay away from them. There were three of us here when they came. Now there are seven.”
I turned my head to the bookcases. I felt like I’d be trapped in the back, blocking my escape, so I headed to the front shelf stands, the ones by the exit. Lea grabbed my arm to stop me.
“You won’t make it. That’s how they got my friend. They don’t check everything, but they always check the first rows. Better pick a place in the back.”
I looked at her, trying to say something, but no words would come out. A heavy lump of harrowing emotions smothered me, stealing my voice. I was on the verge of tears and she gave me a tight hug.
“It’s okay. You’re in shock. I know you’re thankful.”
I kept wiping away the tears as I walked to the back shelf stands.
Passing the shelves, I saw a few of my classmates, who gave me a quick nod. In the back I came across a girl sitting in a corner. She sat on the floor, leaning on her knees, face hidden in her arms. I sat beside her quietly, leaned on a cold wall and closed my eyes.
I could still see the dead bodies, their empty eyes and pools of blood. My mind kept jumping to grim thoughts about Bell being the one weeping at the bottom of that staircase. That they still might be abusing and torturing her out there. That she needed my help, and I walked away. I left her .
I opened my eyes and wasn’t going to close them anytime soon. I looked down at my hands and saw them shaking like leaves in the wind. I no longer noticed my racing heart. I got used to my feverish pulse and the heart jumping out of my chest.
I no longer allowed myself to think, analyze or dwell on anything.
I was alive, but for how long more?