Chapter 18
I woke to an unfamiliar weight anchoring me in place as soft golden light trickled through the window.
For a disorienting second, I couldn’t place the sensation, but then the previous night came rushing back.
I turned my head to the side, and there was JJ, face buried in his pillow as if he didn’t need to breathe, arm draped over my stomach.
He was a bed hog—legs splayed wide, stealing more than his fair share of the mattress—but I didn’t mind. Not when he was here with me.
“Checking out my hot bod?” he mumbled, still half-asleep.
I startled, then let out a laugh. “Got a problem with that?”
One side of his mouth twitched up. “You know me—I’m here to please. Ogle as long as you like.”
My gaze trailed from his face to his broad shoulders, then traced the lines of muscle down his back. “What do the numbers stand for?” I asked, letting my finger skim over the tattoo on his ribs. They looked like a list of dates.
“My siblings’ birthdays,” he said, eyes finally fluttering open as he stretched.
“Tell me about them.”
JJ shifted, rolling onto his back so he could tuck me against his side. I settled against him, resting my head on his chest, and listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing. The position felt natural, like this was where I belonged.
“Well, you already know a bit about Soph,” he said.
“The two of you seem really close.” Out of all his brothers and sisters, she was the only one who came up naturally in conversation.
“That’s because we’re the closest in age,” he replied. “She and Jordan are only a year younger than me. They’re twins, freshmen in college. She’s at Oregon State and he’s at Stanford.”
I hummed softly. “Impressive.”
“Jordan’s a genius,” JJ said, affection and mild exasperation woven together. “Like, next-level smart. Half the time he talks, I have no clue what he’s saying. I think he feels the same way about music, so we mostly just…coexist.”
“What about your other siblings?” I asked.
“Amy’s next after the twins. She’s obsessed with soccer, plays goalie for her varsity team, and earned an athletic scholarship to U of O next year.”
“I’m sure your parents appreciate that.” I said it as a joke, though the thought tugged at something deeper in me.
Putting so many kids through school had to be a financial nightmare for the Morrises.
I’d had a college fund at one point, something my parents started when the three of us were born, but my medical bills burned through all the money, leaving nothing but guilt in their wake.
“Ah,” JJ said, scratching the back of his neck. “About that…”
When I tilted my head to look at him, there was a visible flush coloring his cheeks.
“I’m actually covering their schooling,” he admitted. “My parents can’t afford it, so it’s the only thing I’m allowed to pay for. My mom wouldn’t even let me buy her a new car when hers died last year. And don’t get me started on the house.”
“What’s wrong with the house?”
“Technically? Nothing, but it’s way too small for our family. Remember when you apologized for how tiny Stella’s bedroom is?”
“Yeah,” I said as our next-door neighbor’s lawn mower rumbled to life. Mr. Cox loved cutting his grass early Saturday morning when everyone was still asleep. “What about it?”
“That’s a penthouse compared to my room,” he said. “Mine’s basically a broom closet. I don’t mind, but things would be easier for my parents if they had more space. They just won’t let me help.”
I studied him quietly. The tattoos. The money. The fame. None of it had changed the fact that JJ was, at his core, someone who showed up for the people he loved.
We spent the next thirty minutes lying in bed talking.
JJ shared anecdotes about his childhood that even a superfan like myself had never heard.
They were the kind of details that could only be uncovered by spending hours with another person.
In return, I told him about my life before cancer and what it was like growing up as a triplet.
“…and then there’s Audrella,” he said, finally arriving at his last sibling. “She’s the baby of the family. There’s such a big age gap between us and I’m gone so often, sometimes I worry we’ll never really know each other. At least not until she grows up.”
“I’m sure she adores you,” I replied as he trailed a knuckle up and down my arm.
From everything JJ had told me, it was clear he was a doting older brother.
“I’m curious though. What’s with the whole J and A naming thing?
Did your parents swear off the rest of the alphabet?
” Even though I’d known JJ’s siblings’ names—Annasophia, Jordan, Amy, Jenny, Aiden, Joanne, Audrella—I had never thought about the pattern until now.
The question made JJ laugh. “That’s a bit of a family joke, actually. My dad is super OCD, and he insisted on the alternating sequence. It was almost a problem with Audrella because they couldn’t agree on a boy’s name that started with A.”
“So what would it have been?”
“Peter.”
I snorted. “Yeah, that definitely would’ve ruined the pattern.”
“I’d take Peter over Jeremiah James any day,” he muttered. There was an adorable scowl on his face. “What the hell were my parents thinking?”
“Hey,” I said, brushing my thumb along his jaw. “I like your name.”
“I don’t buy that for a second.”
“It’s cute,” I insisted.
He rolled his eyes. “Ringing endorsement.”
“Coming from me, it’s the only one that should matter,” I teased. “Here—hand me my phone.”
Confusion flickered across his face, but he grabbed my cell off the bedside table and passed it over.
“See?” I said, holding it up. “That’s what I have you saved as.”
“Cara,” he groaned in protest. “Please tell me you didn’t.”
“Oh, come on. You didn’t think I’d keep you in there as Devilish Rogue, did you?”
“No, but I figured you’d change it to something more accurate like Stud Muffin or—”
My laughter drowned him out. “Absolutely not.”
JJ responded by whacking me with a pillow. “That’s enough out of you. I’m done, and I need to take a leak.” He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead, then climbed out of bed. “When I get back, I expect my contact name to be significantly less cute.”
“How about Peter?” I suggested as he stomped across my room. His answer was to flash a middle finger over his shoulder before disappearing into the hall.
While JJ was in the bathroom, I stretched and took stock of my body.
He’d been extremely gentle the previous night—almost painstakingly so.
He’d moved slowly, giving me time to adjust and checking in more times than I could count.
There was a moment I’d nearly snapped at him to stop asking and just trust me, but I’d bitten it back, reminding myself that he was being careful because he cared, not because he thought I’d break.
Eventually, the tension left his body, and he stopped holding himself so carefully.
I felt a little sore this morning, but it was nothing compared to chemo treatments, surgeries, and a bone marrow transplant.
Thank God for the conversation I’d had with Trixy.
Without it, I probably would have overthought everything, talked myself in circles, and rationalized backing out of something that made the noise inside me go quiet in a good way.
I felt content. Happy, even, and the realization startled me.
Happiness had become something I approached cautiously, like a skittish animal that might bolt if I moved too fast. But here it was, warm and real and settled in my chest.
A buzzing pulled me from my thoughts. JJ’s phone was vibrating against the bedside table. I crawled across the mattress to see who was calling and froze when I saw the caller ID.
“Um, JJ?” I called.
“Yeah?” he answered, appearing in my doorway a moment later.
I gestured at his phone. His brows drew together as Layla’s name lit up the screen.
When he reached over and silenced it without hesitation, my heart swelled in relief.
I knew it was irrational. He was actively avoiding her and had never given me a reason to doubt him.
Still, after what happened between us last night, it would have hurt if he’d answered her call while I was lying right here.
“Sorry about that,” he muttered. Then he paused, his expression shifting. “God, I feel like a complete jackass. I forgot to ask—how are you feeling this morning? I found ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet, and I can make you coffee if you tell me where everything is.”
“I’m okay,” I said softly. “Really.”
He looked doubtful, so I smiled and patted the mattress. “Come back to bed.”
One great thing about JJ? Unless it involved canoeing in alligator-infested water, he never had to be asked twice. After setting the pills aside, he flopped down beside me and pulled me back into his arms.
“So,” I said, splaying my hand against his chest, “is the fake relationship not working anymore?” He hadn’t mentioned Layla since Easter, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t bothering him.
Before JJ could answer, it dawned on me—I’d promised him a public date, something tangible to sell the illusion, but had never followed through!
We were supposed to plan one for July. Instead, JJ had spent my birthday with me.
And that night on the raft, when I’d invited him to the Renaissance fair, JJ still hadn’t asked.
He’d focused on helping me, and I’d been so swept up in the excitement of it all, I’d completely forgotten about my promise.
“It was,” he said with a scowl. “This is the first time she’s tried to contact me since Miami.”
There was so much venom in his voice that my guilt gave way to curiosity. “Can I ask you something about her?”
JJ stared at me in surprise. “You want to talk about my ex?”
“Not her specifically,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “But every time you hear her name, you get angry. It makes me wonder if I’m missing part of the story.”