Chapter 25
Triana~
I was scared, and I wasn’t even going to pretend that I wasn’t.
It was sometime past three in the morning, and I had no idea where I was.
Ever since leaving the camping site, I’d been following the creek, trying to save my phone’s charge in case of an emergency.
Yeah, I had a charger in my bag, but there weren’t many electrical outlets lining the forest, and there was no way that I was going to show my face on any of the main roads.
At least, not until I was back on Rancher Hills land, which I wasn’t even sure how close or far I was from the border, having let Kairo lead the way the entire ride over, and didn’t I feel like a fucking fool now.
I also couldn’t lie and say that my heart wasn’t broken, but not because he hadn’t wanted to come with me.
When I had first come up with the idea, I’d known that there’d be a chance that he wouldn’t want to leave his family behind, and I’d been prepared for his decision, either way.
However, what I hadn’t been prepared for had been the lies.
It hadn’t ever occurred to me that he’d be stringing me along, playing the part in hopes that I’d change my mind, letting him off the hook, leaving him looking like a hero.
Kairo had indulged me like a father trying to keep his spoiled daughter from throwing a tantrum in public, and I’d had no clue. I had gotten in his car with the firm belief that he’d been all in and that we’d been in this together, and I couldn’t believe how wrong I’d been about him.
I was also aware that I had nothing with me.
Apart from my bag, I had only two bottles of water, and three granola bars to get me through the night and whatever happened tomorrow.
Yeah, the smart thing would have been to let him take me back home, and then drive back down on my own, but I was too mad and hurt to endure a two-day car ride back home with him.
In fact, right now, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him, despite that my feelings for him hadn’t vanished overnight.
Still, I was fully aware that I needed to make it back to Rancher Hills, and there was only one way to do that, no matter how much I didn’t want to have to do it.
If Sonia knew that I was out here on my own, she’d lose her shit, alerting the calvary, not caring about the repercussions; I knew this.
Nevertheless, while I could turn my phone on for a few seconds to check my navigation app, I was just so scared of killing the battery.
If I could call Sonia, then I could tell her what was happening, and she’d be able to direct me to where I needed to go without me wasting my battery on a running app.
It was also cold as fuck, and my stubbornness hadn’t accounted for any of the elements.
Yeah, I had a jacket, but nothing that a real camper needed to weather the late-night frigidness.
With my luck, I was probably going to freeze to death before I even got close to Mexico, and that would just be the cherry on the top of this shitastic ice cream sundae.
Deciding against calling Sonia, I pulled my phone out, ignored all the text messages and voice mails from Kairo, then turned on my navigation app, and prayed that I could get what I needed without draining the battery dry.
If I wasn’t able to make it into Mexico, then I needed enough juice to call Sonia to come get me, which she would in a heartbeat. Unlike Kairo, Sonia was actually solid.
When I was finally able to pull up the directions that would get me back to Rancher Hills, I quickly searched how to stay on path and not get turned around.
The search gave me four suggestions, but with it being dark, the only one helpful at this point was using the Big Dipper to keep me aware of where north was.
I was also lucky as hell that the stars were out tonight, or else I’d really be screwed.
So, after a quick scan of the four suggestions, I turned off all the running apps, then shut my phone off before sticking it back in my pocket.
A part of me wanted to put it in my bag, but with my luck, some asshole raccoon would probably snatch it away.
So, with nothing left to lose, I continued to follow the creek downward until I came to a shallow enough ripple that I could cross into what I hoped was Rancher Hills.
Granted, I knew that I probably had a longer way to go before being firmly on the region’s land, but I couldn’t give up now.
I still planned on making it into Mexico, but doing it on this side would definitely work better in my favor.
I also needed to get my head in the game and quit thinking of Kairo, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to accomplish that.
I had spent two days and nights experiencing what it’d be like to really date him and spend time with him, and all it’d done was make me fall even more in love with him, making his betrayal sting so much worse than I could have imagined.
The entire time that I’d been just giving myself over to him, no reservations whatsoever, he’d been stringing me along, treating me like some idiot who didn’t know what the sun was.
In the past two days, every word out of his mouth had been a lie, and it was hard not to wonder just how far back those lies extended.
I felt like a fleeting adventure to him, and that hurt like a sonofabitch.
It was another three hours when the sun finally started to show itself, my feet hurting in a way that I couldn’t ever remember before.
My plan had been to drive to the border, not walk it, so I hadn’t exactly dressed for the occasion, and now I was tired, cold, hungry, and all I wanted to do was sit down and give up.
I wanted to cry for all that I had lost, but I also wanted to just put the world on pause for a few moments, even knowing that it was an impossible dream.
The world stopped for no one, and it didn’t matter what state of chaos your life was in.
The. World. Did. Not. Care.
Nevertheless, I knew that I needed to get some rest. I’d been walking all night, and I just couldn’t do it any longer, though I knew better than to just drop here.
I needed to find somewhere secluded to get some rest, not wanting to imagine what would happen if I came upon some strangers.
While not everyone was the boogeyman, it only took one man to have evil in his heart, and then your life would be changed forever.
That was the thing about misfortune; it only took one little moment in time to ruin everything.
So, after walking for a few more minutes, I found a cluster of trees that looked like a complicated labyrinth of roots, branches, and beauty, and thankfully, I was small enough to be able to crawl through the mess and out of the way.
Once I was safely nestled inside, I couldn’t help myself. I pulled my phone out, then shot Sonia a text, not sure if she was up, but just needing to connect with her in some way.
Me: I’m good n close 2 paradise.
While I had my burner phone in my bag, I hadn’t charged it, thinking that I’d have plenty of time once I got into Mexico, so I was using my regular phone, praying that I had enough international spy in me to send the messages in ‘code’.
Luckily for me, Sonia immediately replied, and I could feel tears immediately streaming down my face, but that was okay. I was owed a mini-meltdown.
Sonia: Wish I could b with u
Me: Me 2
Sonia: How’s everything else?
I wanted so badly to tell her the truth, but I just couldn’t right now.
She’d insist on calling, and I just couldn’t run my battery down for a conversation that wouldn’t make a difference once it was all said and done.
Kairo and I were over, and telling Sonia that I was alone on foot would do no one any good.
Besides, I wasn’t ready to hear her tell me that she told me so.
I wasn’t ready to hear how I’d been so wrong, even though I was already fully aware.
Me: Everything else is as it should b (heart emoji)
Sonia: I miss u, but enjoy paradise as much as u can
Me: I plan 2...miss u 2
I turned off my phone, and then just let the tears come, but that wasn’t all.
I let the exhaustion from these last couple of weeks just wreck me, and I didn’t care anymore about being strong.
Yes, I still cared about finding happiness, but I didn’t care that I needed to just stop for a moment.
I didn’t care that I wasn’t strong enough to keep going in the name of feminism.
I needed a fucking break.
I needed to just let my heart break fully, so that I could move on. It needed to break for my parents, my brother, Sonia, and Kairo. I needed it to just be done breaking, so that I could begin to heal from it all, and I didn’t care if that made me seem weak.
Right now, I was weak.
However, as I got comfortable in my little nook of nature, I knew that tomorrow would be different.
It had to be.