31. Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-One
Addie
T he great news about being the maid of honor for a destination wedding is there is pretty much nothing for me to do. I threw the bachelorette, and she skipped the bridal shower, since they already have stuff. Cal hates clutter and Isla attracts clutter and random shit like it’s her job. What a fun combo they are.
However, I have been failing majorly in the regular friend department, and I’m fixing to rectify that today.
Driving over to Isla’s feels a little different now. Isla will always feel like home to me. She’s been my safe space and constant for so long that I almost don’t remember what life was like before her. She’s known and loved all versions of me-the bratty immature, the heartbroken and lost, and the figuring my shit out. Having a friend to love me through all my seasons of life is something I will never take for granted.
However, I can’t say I miss sharing a space with her and Cal. Probably because it’s easier to hide I’ve been sneaking around with her brother-in-law. Actually, it’s more than that. We’re officially dating, and even if we weren’t, I don’t think it even started off purely physical. It’s been everything that is him that drew me in. I was attracted to Sam as a person before I even realized how attracted I was to him as a whole. Now that I’ve seen his tatted arms that perfectly cage in my head, well, it would be hard to not admit that adds a bit to the luster that is Sam.
Seriously, I really need to talk to her today about him. Genuinely, I have no clue why I am being so weird about this. He and I have been officially dating for a month, and have seen each other for even longer. It’s safe to assume we are serious.
I just keep replaying our conversation in the car on the way to dress shopping, with her comments about my bad taste in men and how he fit into that category. Little does she know, this whole cat and mouse game has been going on almost since I arrived, and that I’ve been happily seeing him since he helped me move in. Has it really been that long? The whole thing almost feels like a blur. One minute, I wanted to punch him in his damn throat, and now, I look forward to when he’s down mine. Just kidding. But seriously.
This whole dynamic changed so fast, I didn’t even have time to process. I knew he was attractive when I first met him. The way he challenged me just fed the fire. And now, he’s been my best-kept secret. And I hate that. He deserves to be loved out loud and in the open. And for me to actually admit that I love him. But that is still really scary for me. I did finally bite the bullet and tell my mom and sisters. My mom scolded me for keeping it a secret from Isla, and my sisters reminded me that Isla is my best friend and would be happy for me either way. Deep down, I know they’re right.
I’ve almost been avoiding Isla, blaming work or being tired. She’s busy with her own life and work, so she hasn’t cared or probably even noticed. But I have. I miss her, and I want to talk to her about this so damn bad. Spill the beans, let her know I accidentally fell head over heels for her now not-so-grumpy brother-in-law. Seriously. I have to grow some lady balls today. I literally did a mental pros and cons list on telling her today.
Pros: I can quit feeling so freaking guilty all the time. For an abundance of reasons.
Cons: She might be pissed. And talk shit about Sam.
As I pull into her driveway with my windows down and music blaring, a breeze pushes in the smell of sweet, freshly bloomed flowers. This time of year is my favorite. Spring has come and gone, and the beginning of summer has the flowers blooming in the front, painting her front walk with vibrant colors. I love this for her—her cozy, little life.
I realize now that I’ve been building my own cozy, little life recently. I’ve found someone I can trust and grow with, I love my job—even when it makes me want to pull out my hair—and I’m finally living all on my own. Got to say, that alone makes me feel like more of an actual adult.
Those thoughts mull in my head as I knock three times before entering her house, the fresh scent of her lavender candle filling my nose.
“Honey, I’m home!” I shout as I set my purse down on the chair in the front of the living room.
She comes barreling out of the laundry area and into my arms. Has it been weeks since we’ve seen each other? It almost feels like we’re living states apart again. We’ve talked on the phone plenty, but only for brief snippets in time, or random texts, with plenty of videos sent back and forth on social media. But there is nothing quite like a best friend hug.
“I’ve missed you!” She releases me from the hug and grips my forearms. “How have things been?” Her bright smile sets off a trigger.
Now's your chance, Addie. Grow some balls and tell her. Only, I don’t. But I will. Let’s maybe warm up with fluffy talk before I jump into the goods.
“Things have been really good. I’m fully settled in the new apartment. You will need to come by. It’s changed so much since you saw it last month.” I mean, it’s a studio apartment. So, how much can it really change? But it does look more put together now, so there’s that, and I finally have a couch.
She throws her head back in excitement. “Yes, a good, old-fashioned girls night. Like we used to have.”
“That sounds perfect. Do you have any wedding stuff I can help you with?” Since she’s doing a destination wedding, there’s not much to do from here. But when we get there? It’s go time for maid of honor duties. And I’m going to crush it.
“Nope. Most of it is being handled by the hotel. We got the rest of the RSVPs in, and you will never guess who marked yes.” Her eyes bug out of her head.
I decide that if I don’t move us now, we will stand here yapping for lord knows how long. Grabbing Isla’s hand, I pull us to her couch. A much comfier place to catch up.
“You are right. I will literally never guess, because I have no clue who you invited.” Mostly, I’ve got a pretty good idea who was on her guest list, as we have talked about it before I moved out. However, that was a couple months ago, and I have learned just how quickly things can change. “We should go over the guest list and all your final stuff! I want to see what you’ve cooked up.” This thought makes me realize how absent I have been.
We’ve chatted here and there about the guest list and her vision for this, but there is so much that is still unknown to me. Though, she did end up being a bit of a control freak when it came to the big day.
“Oh, duh.” She jokingly smacks the side of her head and pretends to bobble it. “Sam. He didn’t text Cal until the last day they were due, but he said he will be there. Now, let’s see if he actually shows up.”
Oh, shit. A trickle of nerves causes me to fidget in my seat.
“Oh, really?” This shouldn’t be news to me. Sam and I talk all day, every day. How did I not think to ask him about this? Seriously, has he banged my brains out at this point? Sheesh.
“Yeah. He has been texting Cal here and there more. I guess he got a really big promotion at work a week ago.” I throw on my best fake smile and wait for the news to drop. Surely, if he’s talking to Cal, the fact that we’re together will come up at some point.
“That’s great. I’m sure it’ll mean a lot to Cal to have everyone together.” My smile feels like stiff leather.
My brain starts to roll, and I can’t stop the train of thoughts. I can see how easily this could work. Me and my best friend, with brothers. But another little fear creeps up. If they fix things, and Sam and I crumble apart, like all of my past relationships have, how will this work? Will I be on the outs, or will Sam—who finally got back in his groove—be shoved out? Could we coexist?
I have to mentally force myself to stop these thoughts. No one will have to go anywhere. And honestly? This shit with Sam is different. I can feel it in my bones.
She nods and a guarded look flashes over her face. She’s protective over Cal, and rightfully so. “He’s been happy about it. I try not to ask too much about it and just let them work their shit out. I’ve never understood what the hell happened in the first place.”
Okay. Seriously, Addie, just say it now and rip off the Band-Aid.
Taking a deep breath, I settle myself and decide now’s as good as time as any. “On that note, I have something to tel—”
A flash crosses her eyes and she practically jumps off the couch. “OMG, did you know that Liv is pregnant?”
Blinking slowly a couple times, I let her words sink in. Okay, we can circle back to my big news because, WHAT?
Turning my head in confusion, I ask, “What, did she get knocked up as soon as we got back from the bachelorette weekend?”
Isla’s head bobs with excitement. “According to her due date, the signs are pointing to yes. I’m going to be an aunt! I am so excited.”
A dull flicker of jealousy pines through me. Another person doing the damn thing. Which is dumb, because I have no desire to get pregnant. And I am really happy with Sam. And my job. Actually, I feel like I have my shit more together than I thought. Why is it still bugging me that people are doing things I’m not? And why am I comparing myself to them at all? My mom has told me a million times that comparison is the thief of joy. It never really made sense until now.
The thought makes me think of my own sister, who is due at the end of this summer. I’m a little sad that I am going to be an aunt who only knows her nieces and nephews through the phone.
Isla’s voice becomes a dull sound in the background of my thoughts, and I think I’m having an out-of-body experience. My brain feels fuzzy and it’s like I’m looking down at myself, hearing how I sound. Like I have nothing to be grateful for?
Shaking my head, I blink a few times. I think I’m having an epiphany.
Sam’s words from when I first moved here echo in my brain. Life isn’t a freaking race. I’m not failing or behind simply by not being CEO, married, and having kids. You know what, I am going to be the fun aunt that flies down and comes from somewhere exotic and does cool things.
This is really freaking stupid to be jealous of people just living their life. It’s not like I’m freaking dead. This isn’t like me at all. I have a lot to be grateful for and it’s about time I remember that.
“Yoo-hoo. Did you hear anything I just said?” Isla asks, waving her hand in front of my face.
Plastering on a very cheesy smile, I say, “I’m going to be completely honest with you, I just zoned out. Thinking about my sister. She’s due in about a month. But that is so exciting! I didn’t know they were trying. Is Liv going to be pissed you spilled her beans?”
“Oh, no. She told me I could tell you if I saw you first.” She nods her head as she keeps talking. “Yeah, from the sounds of it, I think this was more of a happy whoops. She said they were planning to start in Hawaii, and that she was going to try to get pregnant at my actual wedding out of spite, since she caught me banging her brother in the cleaning closet at hers.”
My head rears back as I let out a shriek of laughter. I’m pretty sure Liv thrives on sarcasm and spite alone. Godspeed to her future young. Putting out an arm, I rest my hand on Isla’s leg as I gather myself.
“You will literally never live that down. I’m so sad I missed that.” But if I wouldn’t have missed that flight, Isla might not have Cal. Then, I wouldn’t have Sam, and that’s a bit depressing.
“Oh, let me show you all the stuff for the wedding.” This girl’s brain has to be part squirrel from the way she changes directions so fast. Hopefully she makes better critical decisions in life-threatening situations.
Her feet thump as she races up the stairs. Faintly, I hear drawers opening and her feet padding against the floor above me. Jumping off the last stair and making her way into the living room, she whips a whole-ass binder out. Wow. Who knew a wedding was the thing to get her organized? I’ve tried my whole life and have failed. Miserably.
The sound of plastic rubbing and papers moving fill the air as she pulls out pictures from their plastic coverings. Pointing to the pictures, she says, “The flowers are going to be plumerias and hibiscus. I think I sent you pictures of these already?” She looks to me and I nod. We’ve texted about the wedding plenty, but seeing this book adds a whole new level. “There will be some greenery woven in with the little pops of color. I think it’ll be really nice.”
She points to the color chart and the seating arrangement. “I think we are only going to have, like, a total of twenty people at the wedding, including our bridal party and parents.”
Good. So, I wasn’t missing much on the guest list. This helps ease my guilt of being a shit friend the last month.
Whipping my head up to look at her, I say, “Your parents better be coming.” Isla’s parents are a bit of free spirits, which is great, but they’ve missed a few big things in the past year. As her unofficial sister by choice, sometimes that makes me a little salty. Isla being the cool cucumber she is, couldn’t care less.
She shoos her hand at me, as if the statement was asinine. “Oh, they are! They’ve never been to Hawaii. So, they are excited.”
“That’s good!” Reaching forward, I squeeze Isla’s arm. “I am excited to finally get our Hawaii trip. Even if I have to share it with your husband now. Just remember, I’m your number one bitch. Cal can be a close second.” Unless they get a dog. Then, he will probably be third. Such is the life of a man with a wife with a best friend like me.
“I think he has come to terms with this.” She mocks sympathy as she shakes her head in solace. “Poor guy never really stood a chance.”
Pretending to pinch my fingers together, I reply, “It helps that he is a little afraid of me.”
“It does, and I feel like that will keep him in line.”
We laugh and I reach over and hug her. I’ve missed this and I’ve missed her so freaking much the last few weeks.
Honestly, I think I’ve missed myself a little, too. I think I let myself get so wrapped up in everything I wasn’t that I forgot who I was and everything that I am. As for Isla, I moved to be closer, and then met a boy and, oops. But I guess that’s how it goes. In my defense, she moved across the country for hers. The friendships that last are the ones that don’t need the constant reassurance to know they are stronger than freaking gorilla glue. This bitch is my best friend, and I dare anyone to try to take that away from us.
We settle into conversation, and I remember I really need to tell her today. We leave in a week for her wedding. So, if I wait any longer, it’ll be too close to her day. The chance of her actually being mad is slim, but just in case, I need time to make it right and have her come to terms.
If this was the other way around, I’d be more upset that she hid it from me. I’m so mad that I’ve been stuck in such a haze the last few months that I couldn’t see clearly. Like, my best friend wouldn’t be happy for me genuinely falling for someone? With no itch to run. Just peace. That is what I feel when I am with Sam. Maybe that’s what has made me open my eyes, seeing I can be happy without all the other things. I don’t know.
My fingers fidget in my lap as I regain the courage to tell her. “Isla, I need to tell you something.”
Her shoulders slump. “Don’t tell me you’re knocked up, too.” I’m guessing she wants at least one friend to have wedding drinks with, so her concern is justified.
My eyes roll, but fair. I have asked her the same question.
Cautiously, I approach the conversation. “I’ve been seeing someone. And I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
She sits up ramrod straight and her face lights up like the sky on the Fourth of July. “Oh, that’s exciting! For how long? Why would I be mad at you for getting out there? I’ve been trying to force you into it the entire time you’ve been here. Could have saved me some scouting efforts at work and at the gym.”
I let this woman play matchmaker ONE time, and she turns it into a pet project.
My head bobs back and forth. “Eh, like a little while.” I avoid the second part of her question because, once she knows more, she will probably pick up why I thought she would be upset.
“Define a little while?” she asks, cocking her head, and her brow raises. She’s catching on to my half-truths.
Clearing my throat, I throw in, “A couple of months. It only got serious in the last month.”
Her eyebrows about shoot to her forehead. “Holy shit. That’s a long-term relationship for you.”
“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you!” I’m partially joking, but it’s mostly the truth. I haven’t even gotten to the doozy part of this update.
She swats at my leg. “I’m only joking. Who is it?” Just as she asks, her phone rings. “Shit. It’s Cal. Let me get this real quick.”
She hops off the couch and I hear half the conversion, which isn’t enough to understand what is going on.
“I’m so sorry, but I have to go.” She moves to the door, and I follow her lead. “Cal’s car is having some sort of meltdown. Something with the transmajigger? I don’t fucking know. He talks about cars like I know anything about them. If he didn’t check my oil, my car would have none.”
She grabs her purse off the back of the chair, then turns, waving her index finger at me. “Don’t think we are done with this conversation. We will pick this back up. I’ll call you when I get my shit figured out.”
Grabbing my purse off the chair next to the door, I follow close behind her, out the doorway, and on to the small concrete pad front porch.
She locks up behind her, blows me a kiss, and heads to unlock her car in the driveway. “Love you! Thanks for coming by! I missed you.” Not waiting for my reply, she hops in the car and is well on her way.
I stand there for a second because that was a rather quick departure. I didn’t even know she could move that fast. I close my eyes and take a deep breath of summer air. Damn, I was this close to finally getting all this off my chest.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I look down at the time. Shit, if I don’t make like Isla and haul ass, I’m going to be late for my plans for Sam.
Tonight is his first night of being the top dog, and I wanted a little surprise for him when he got home. Pride surges through me at the thought of him and all he has accomplished.