Chapter 37 #2
Matt’s eyes glistened, and the iron band around Owen’s chest tightened a notch.
“That was when I understood.” He shook his head. “The thing I thought I wanted was not the thing that mattered. The garden was simply how you found your way into my life.”
Matt wiped at his face. “I thought you were letting me go because you didn’t want this.”
An ache bloomed in Owen’s chest.
“I thought I’d got it wrong.” Matt swallowed hard. “I thought I’d taken everything you gave me and made it into something it wasn’t.”
Owen couldn’t bear the distance between them a moment longer.
He crossed the floor and knelt beside Matt’s couch.
“No, you didn’t imagine it. I should’ve said something.
I should have trusted you enough to tell you the truth instead of making the choice for both of us.
Our time together on the island… It meant everything to me.
” Owen reached for his hand. “That’s part of what frightened me. ”
Matt’s fingers curled around his.
“I kept thinking I needed to stop this before you got too deeply involved. I thought if I stepped back far enough, you would eventually realise being with me wasn’t what you wanted.”
Matt bit his lip. “But I already knew what I wanted.”
“I know that now.”
“You should have asked.”
“Yes.” Owen squeezed his hand. “I should have.”
Matt tilted his head. “You really thought you were doing the right thing?”
“I did.”
“Even when I looked miserable?”
Owen closed his eyes. “That was the part I hated most.”
“Then why didn’t you stop?”
“Because I thought hurting you now would hurt less than hurting you later.”
Matt gave a disbelieving little laugh. “That’s a terrible theory.” He cupped Owen’s cheek and looked him in the eye. “You don’t get to do that again.”
Owen managed a nod, his head trying to work around the words Matt hadn’t said but had somehow implied.
“You don’t get to decide what I can handle.”
Owen had tried to find a way around the truth. He’d called it caution, responsibility, kindness. He’d told himself loving Matt meant knowing when to let him go.
But there was nowhere left to hide.
Owen took a deep breath. “I love you.”
Matt went utterly still.
Owen felt as though the words had been waiting for him to stop being afraid enough to say them.
“I love you,” he said again, quieter this time. “I think I’ve loved you for longer than I knew what to call it.”
Matt’s eyes glistened again. “You really mean that?”
Owen gave him an almost disbelieving smile.
“I’m kneeling in a hotel room in Edinburgh after travelling for over seven hours across the country because I couldn’t bear another night without telling you.
” A tear slid down Matt’s cheek, and Owen brushed it away with his thumb. “So, yes. I really mean it.”
Matt let out a shaky breath, then laughed through the tears, and the sound broke something open inside Owen that had been clenched for two weeks.
“I love you too.”
Owen closed his eyes. Hearing those words didn’t feel frightening at all.
They felt like the simplest thing in the world.
He held his arms wide, and Matt leaned into them. Owen pulled Matt tight against him.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered.
“You nearly did.” Matt pulled back enough to look at him. “I meant it. Don’t do this again.”
“I won’t.”
“And if you start thinking you know what’s best for me?”
Owen smiled. “I’ll ask you.”
“Good.”
“And if you tell me I’m being an idiot?”
Matt grinned. “I probably will.”
Owen stroked Matt’s hair. “I’ve missed you.”
Then he closed the gap and kissed him. Not the careful little kiss Owen had allowed himself to give him during those awful two weeks. This one held everything he’d been denying, everything he’d been afraid to say, and filled with the certainty he should have trusted from the beginning.
When they finally parted, Matt rested his forehead against Owen’s. “So what happens now?”
Owen smiled. “Now I stop deciding for you.”
“And?”
“And you tell me what you want.”
Matt pulled back and studied him for a moment.
“You.”
Owen closed his eyes. “That’s a good start.”
Then Matt made it perfect by kissing him again.
“Are you hungry? Have you eaten?” he murmured between kisses.
Matt chuckled. “The only thing I need is to be in your bed.”
He laughed. “You’re not wasting any time.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m going to wear you out, but not right now.” Matt’s hand was gentle on his face. “I need you to hold me, kiss me, and tell me you love me, for long enough that I forget every second of the past few weeks.”
Owen stilled. “But I don’t want you to forget. Ever.”
Matt smiled. “Okay, then I won’t. But I still need to be naked in your arms.”
Which was exactly where Owen wanted him.
They lay curled up together beneath the sheets, Matt’s head resting against Owen’s chest, one hand spread over his stomach. Owen had an arm around him, his fingers moving occasionally along Matt’s back in a slow, absent rhythm.
Matt could have stayed quiet all night, except for two things. They needed to eat, and more importantly, Matt needed to talk.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
Owen’s hand stilled. “That sounds ominous.”
“It isn’t. Well, not exactly. My dad knows about you. He knows I love you.”
He’d expected some sign of shock. There was nothing.
“How?”
Matt lifted his head. “I told him.”
“When was this?”
“Yesterday. I called him from the station while I was waiting for Eric.”
“What did he say?”
“I think he knew before I said it.” Matt settled back against him. “I was trying to explain how I felt without actually saying who it was. But he knew it was you.”
Owen closed his eyes. “And then?”
“I told him the truth. That I love you.” Matt propped himself up on his elbow, peering at Owen’s face. “You’re taking this way calmer than I thought you would.”
He cleared his throat. “Your dad came to see me after we got back from the island.” He took a breath. “He asked me if I was sleeping with you.”
Matt blinked. “That’s one hell of an opening question. And did you tell him?”
“He’d already seen enough that I didn’t have to.”
He sat up. “Did this conversation have anything to do with you making decisions I knew nothing about?” Because it was beginning to sound as if Dad knew a lot more than he’d let on.
Owen hesitated. “I don’t want to make excuses for him.”
Matt’s heart sank. “I’m not asking you to.”
He stared at the ceiling. “He was frightened. About you, me, what might happen to you if this became serious.”
Matt gave a quiet sigh. “I see. He mentioned the age difference, didn’t he?” When Owen didn’t reply, Matt took his hand. “Look, I need to know what’s waiting for us when we get home.”
“He said things about the future, it’s true. He wanted me to think about whether I could give you the life you deserved.”
Oh Dad.
“I did exactly what he was afraid I’d do,” Owen said quietly. “I started thinking about every possible way I could fail you.”
“That wasn’t his decision to make.”
“No, it wasn’t.” Owen laced their fingers. “He was wrong to interfere. I told him so. Eventually.”
Matt arched his eyebrows. “‘Eventually’?”
Owen gave him a rueful smile. “I wasn’t exactly at my most rational.”
He huffed. “You broke up with me without actually breaking up with me.”
“I know.”
“You made me think I’d imagined the whole thing.”
“I know.”
“You were very rational about that.”
Owen winced. “Fair point.”
“What else? Is there more?”
He was quiet for a moment. “He said he was protecting the version of your life he’d already decided was right for you.”
Matt swallowed. “That sounds like Dad.”
Owen squeezed his hand. “He loves you, but he was scared. Not to mention wrong.” He looked Matt in the eye. “Like I said, I don’t want you to think I’m trying to excuse him because I’m not. He had no right to tell me what I should do with your life. He had no right to make that decision for you.”
Matt was quiet.
“But I understand why he was frightened.” Owen pulled Matt down into a tender kiss. “Your dad loves you enough to be afraid of you getting hurt. He just forgot that loving you also means trusting you to decide what you’re willing to risk.”
Matt gazed at him for a long moment. “And you forgot the same thing.”
Owen nodded.
He shifted closer until his head rested against Owen’s shoulder. “Okay. So Dad knows everything.” He sighed. “Which means I still have to talk to Mum.”
Owen coughed. “Yeah, about that…”
He was upright in a heartbeat. “What?”
“She overheard me talking to your dad. So did Cyn.” He paused. “And Callum knows too, but only because he came around the back of the house when we were… kind of, occupied.”
Heat flooded his face. “Oh God.” Then it hit him. “So everybody knows?” Matt groaned and buried his face against Owen’s chest.
Owen was shaking as though he was trying not to laugh. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Not particularly.”
Matt gave up and started laughing too.
Then he settled back into Owen’s arms. “They’re going to have questions.”
“Probably.”
“Especially Mum.”
“I can handle questions.”
Matt snickered. “You say that now.”
After a moment, Owen kissed the top of his head. “We’ll deal with it.”
Matt was quiet. “‘We’?”
Owen tightened his arm around him. “Yes—we.”
He closed his eyes. “Okay.”
We sounded pretty wonderful.